Editor’s note: Lovefraud honors all religious and spiritual beliefs. However, we’ve heard of many sociopaths who twist the teachings of the Bible in order to keep victims from escaping exploitation.
A reader sent the following letter in order to encourage those who are in this situation—knowing they are being abused, but being told that Scripture says they should put up with it. The reader has no affiliation with the organizations posting the material; she just thought the links were helpful.
For those individuals who are of the Christian faith (and / or of any faith) and who have, also unfortunately found themselves ”¨exposed to either sociopaths / the supporters-of-sociopaths ”¨(within their very own family or spiritual setting or, as is very ”¨often the case, both) the following links may be of some ”¨help in discovering and receiving Biblical “support” in ”¨being able to acknowledge the God-given FACT that ”¨”tolerating a sociopath’s abuse” is very simply ”¦
1) NOT part of a Christians’ “bearing one’s cross”;
2) NOT something that a Christian MUST simply ”¨”just forgive and forget” in order to have God ”¨also “forgive and forget” their own wrongs;
3) NOT merely a part of a Christians’ spiritual ”¨OBLIGATION to “turn their other cheek” (70 x 7)
4) NOT a part of “loving or ‘blessing’ one’s enemies”;
5) NOT something that in anyway “glorifies” or “honors” God, ”¨nor is it in anyway a type of “obedience” to the commandments ”¨left by God to all of mankind, nor does it follow along the ”¨lines of the “will” that God has planned for one’s life.
God has a GOOD will and plan for everyone’s life and God both can and will help people to escape, overcome, heal and even, somehow, also ”¨be able to learn from the abusive experiences that you have survived.
GOD HAS THE POWER AND THE WILL to, somehow or another, use ”¨these past experiences to “transform” a person (despite all the abuse) ”¨into becoming the very best person that they can become (to themselves”¨ and to others) and can actually somehow miraculously also use these ”¨experiences to work out all together for the GOOD within their own ”¨life (Romans 8:28; Jeremiah29:11; 3 John 1:2) and in the lives of others.
Should I offer forgiveness without repentance?
Should forgiveness be unconditional?
No forgiveness for the unrepentant
Selective Amnesia: “I have no idea what I did wrong!”
Forgiveness—does it matter if the abuser is a born-again Christian?
southernm.- I am happy for your breakthru. Some people may find it hard to understand or believe that divine intervention does happen, and as the bible says God is the same today, yesterday, and forever. His ability to intervene in our lives in real and obvious ways is more evident the closer that we allow ourselves to be to him.
What you saw -her breaking out with the hives and you seeing her like that reminds me of something that happened to me several yrs. ago.
To begin with, I never have dined alone at nice restaurants, -but this particular day, I felt compelled to . I sat at a bar table, and 3 people happened to walk in after me, and sat at the table behind me. As they were very loud, I could hear everything they said but couldnt see any of them due to the position of my table, and theirs. I immediately got nervous as the 3 were discussing details about one of the women with them whom had just gotten out of prison.
The filthy, violent language was disturbing to say the least. I had never heard a female talk as she did. As the conversations progressed, I could tell the woman seemed suicidal, even homicidal as her anger escalated as she told the other 2 at the table all about her incarceration, how she hated life, despised people, and on and on. I began praying that the Lord help this woman. My spirit was so attuned to this womans suffering and anger, I couldnt eat, drink, or focus on anything else. I obviously was burdened deeply for her,but was also frightened by what I had heard her say.
I could not see the woman, but could only imagine what this brutally violent talking woman must look like. After a time, the Lord said to me ‘GET UP. I was stunned. Get UP??? You gotta be kiddin, I thought. Again, a voice inside me said GET UP.
I knew without a doubt, this was the Lord and I HAD prayed for Him to help her in some way.Was this it?
I, terrified, got up, bearly feeling my feet, not having a clue what would happen next. I began taking steps away from my table, Amazingly, I recognized the bosterous voice of the former prisoner woman from the table,she was walking my way, headed toward the restroom. When I saw her actual face, I was stunned.
She was a rather small woman, average looking, even attractive. Not the heinous person I imagined from her words. Immediately, God showed me what He sees- the spirit, not the outward appearance. Her spirit was ugly, cruel, irreverant, and destructive. Her appearance was pleasant and even appealing. What God sees IS the inside of man- not what we “dress up” and take out for the world to see.
HOW UGLY the heart of man can look! How we choose to live is what the Lord looks upon, not our physical beauty but our inward beauty.
THe Lord allowed me that day to share a short testimony with this former inmate. To my amazement, she shared a few things about her life with me. Many times since that day, I have prayed for her soul.
Ive always felt that the Lord gave me alot more than I was able to give this woman, with my awkward few words I mustered up the courage to say to her.
I for once in my life understood that we- His children are seen by Him thru different eyes, as He sees the beauty of our heart.
If only we could learn to choose our mates this way, seeing the real spirit, not seeking only the outward beauty. A pretty face is only worth it, if the inward beauty matches it!! 😉
wishing u the best.xoxo
Oh Sabrina…..I so learned that lesson and take it to heart…..since the time of my socio… I have actually been somewhat repulsed by greater then normal physical beauty…funny isn’t it?…..
Your lesson was mine as well…
“Love is the beauty in the heart… not in the face.”
But… one has to remember that she was a sociopath…so along with the beauty, there was the charm.. the malnipulation, and so forth…. the perfect package for heartbreak and pain….
Thank you and thank you all for your comments about my breakthrough and for the gift that God gave to me.
Gotta get the quote right….smiles
Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran
Southernman429,
Wow, what an amazing story! Freedom at last for you. Your story brought Ephesiand 6:10-19 (about the armor of God) to mind – it was like you saw the power behind the mask, what is making her tick. In God’s presence, the entity (that might control her) cowers before Him, having sensed Him in you. Cool!
Yes bluejay… as I have shared my story with my christian friends, Ephesians 6:10 has been mentioned many times…Some has expressed the thought that what ever evil demon that is inside of her was so uncomfortable being that close to the Holy Spirit in me, it was actually trying to get out of her and away from me. Funny… because I did make a physical touch to her, elbowing her as she first walked by me. (I still marvel that I could even do that) and when I actually approched her only 2-3 minutes later, she was already in full blown hives…..
This all happened 10 days ago now… and I still shake as I mentally recount not only what happened, but the images of her being so tormented… so small. As one might think, since I do have a heart, that vision of her brings compassion to me for her…..I know that for the rest of my days… yes, memories and visuals of her will skip across my mind, and perhaps even acroos my heart.. but it will always be that image of the tormented abuser… the woman with the dead eyes that the slide show will always stop on.
I pray that the Lord will touch her and give to her the strength to jump over to the side of love and light.
We know the medical answer is that there is no cure for sociopathy… but those of us who believe in Jesus Christ, know that He is the great healer… and after witnessing a miricle that he gave for me… I believe that if it is His will and pleasure to heal her, it will be done.
I have prayed for her everyday since that fateful day three and a half years ago when I told her that I had become a Christian because of what she did to me… and she laughed in my face…. Everyday…..and now.. since I have been given freedom from the bondage…I cannot pray for her anymore.
It’s time for me to move on… to live my life. I’ve done my duty, and I have done so in a Christ-like manner….
I lay her at the foot of the cross…. She is in God’s hands.
Southernman
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=105302917&blogId=527620413
Southernman429,
It has occurred to me that sociopaths not only inherit the disorder, but may be demonically influenced (we can inherit the sins of the fathers). Since I believe in an afterlife (heaven and/or hell), I have recently started praying for both sociopaths and their victims, having a concern about all human beings final destination. To me, I am now wondering if the sociopaths are programmed to act in certain ways, that the pull to do what is wrong is too strong internally for them, that they have an almost impossible time resisiting the impulses. These are just my thoughts, nothing definite. I probably shouldn’t try to figure this stuff out (but it keeps going round-and-round in my head). It seems hopeless when you have to deal with a sociopath, thinking what an awful condition for someone to inherit, pass on to their kids. I realize that God (Father, Son, and Holy Soirit) is the only One who can heal a person, breaking a curse that might exist in a family line. Posts that I read last week got me thinking about spiritual warfare.
For what it is worth, I believe that there is FREE WILL in every soul who is mentally intact enough to have a choice. In other words if someone is retarded mentally or so mentally ill that they cannot make a judgment of right or wrong and in that sense “have no choice” about what they do good or bad, Just as our legal system here would not hold them “accountable” I do not believe a loving God would hold them accountable either.
However, for those who have a FREE WILL and a FREE CHOICE to do good or evil I do believe that they have the choice to pick which to do. Even though my psychopathic son has a genetic tendency to “lean toward” the evil, he none-the-less HAS A CHOICE OF EVIL OR GOOD acts. Just as a person with the genetic tendency to alcolisim has a CHOICE to drink or not to drink, or to continue to drink. It is a genetic TENDENCY but does not MAKE THEM DO EVIL. It is a TEMPTATION for them that may be more “tempting” to them than it would be to me, but still, it is a CHOICE.
My “drug of choice” was/is nicotine, theirs might be alcohol or something else. I CHOSE to smoke and yes, after a while I CRAVED it because my brain had become accustomed to this drug and felt good when I absorbed it and Bad when I didn’t. But every cigarette I lit was MY CHOICE….now, I choose to NOT LET THIS DESIRE RULE ME. I finally made up my mind and QUIT. I had quit before and it didn’t stick because I didn’t really WANT to quit, I was quitting bnecause I “knew I should” but truthfully, I didn’t WANT to quit.
Knowing right from wrong, and getting a “high” from doing wrong and not getting a “high” (chemical jolts inside the brain) the psychopath CHOOSES to do wrong, knowing it is wrong, because he ENJOYS that feeling. Just like I enjoyed the feeling of the chemical jolts from nicotine or an alcoholic enjoys the jolt from their drug of choice.
At some point the alcoholic’s brain is damaged by the continual bath of ETOH and cells don’t work right any more, and they come to a point they can’t think well any more, may not even know what town they are in, become less than whole, and become like an animal seeking food where alcohol is concerned and CANNOT restrain themselves from seeing booze.
The Bible talks about people whose hearts are “hardened” and I would think that might be referring to psychopoaths or others who have become so JADED by long exposure to “sinful” (I’m using that word to refer to any behavior that hurts others, whatever it is) behavior that they no longer even find it very stimulating to watch someone else suffer from their emotional or physical torture. Even their own pleasure in making and watching others suffer or kow-tow to them decreases.
Maybe that is what Hare was talking about when he said they sort of “slow down” some in later ages. Though I’m not sure of that being true in a population outside of the convict group he was first dealing with.
Just as I believe there is a GOOD God who if we open up our hearts to His presence can give us peace and pleasure in good things, I also believe there is an EVIL Satanic counter force that can if a person allows it, give a person pleasure in the evil things, to the point the person does NOT want to change or to renounce evil behavior. They enjoy evil behavior, the same way a person who loves the Good God loves doing good things.
So maybe that is what people call “demon possessed” because as person has turned their heart and mind toward evil and no longer wants to change, the way other people have turned their faces toward God and don’t want to change it for evil. So Maybe after a time, it is impossible to change from one to the other, because we don’t want to follow evil, we can’t change to do it, and they don’t want to follow good, because they don’t want to do it.
I believe in FREE WILL in those with the intellect to know right from wrong, and I believe that we have a choice, that everyone does, and though they may be TEMPTED more in this direction than most, they still have a choice. I think some of them make that choice pretty young.
However, as far as ultimately judging that, that is up to God, as I believe He will judge fairly. While I think that God may use an evil person for his purposes, I think the person who embraces evil still has a CHOICE whether to embrace evil or good. But, only God knows for sure, but I think even Satan had the CHOICE to embrace evil or good, and COULD if he chose repent today, but has passed the point of no-return because he has no desire to repent. I think it is the same with the psychopaths, they’ve passed that desire to change, and embraced that the way they think and live is “where it’s at” for them.
Your comments about actually “seeing the true face of” your X Southern man and BlueJay I think the “beauty” of any face can “disappear” in our eyes when we see the expression on their faces and in their eyes of the contempt and other devaluations they put on ourselves. I saw it in my egg donor’s face when I caught her in a lie (almost like looking Satan himself in the face) and in my P-son’s face when he was frustrated at me not buying his con-job. Many people on this blog have talked about THAT LOOK, like looking into their souls, or seeiing Satan’s eyes, it sure takes any physical good looks and puts them away. It pierces your mind, makes your skin prickle along your spine, and fills you with a dread and a fear of that person.
It was only when I saw THAT LOOK in my P son’s eyes that I could “defect” from him, and the same with my egg donor. When I saw that RAGE/WRATH in her eyes at her being un masked it made me able to see beyond this “kindly little old lady” that everyone else sees when they look at her.
Dealing with psychopaths hurts us on a SPIRITUAL and EMOTIONAL level whatever our belief system is. But we can heal from it, separate ourselves (NC) from the EVIL presence in them.
Complete agreement Oxdrover…and the unmasking is the key. They can masquerade so well. Even as “angels of light”.
On being tempted and the results of a bad choice:
James 1:14-“Temptation comes from our OWN desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to GROW, it gives birth to DEATH.”
This is death of conscience and the knowledge of good from evil. Death of the soul. Which is what southerman saw and I have seen in the faces of evil.
This is a veil; a hardened heart. This heart HAS to be hard to be capable of such evil.
I believe the veil can be lifted and the heart made soft only by spiritual healing. Paul (Saul) is one biblical example. A former ZEALOUS Christian persecutor who nodded his approval while Stephen was stoned, Saul was miraculously transformed- lost his vision during his conversion- to become one of the most influential Chrisitan martyrs.
If we do not believe in transformation, we negate the hope of Jesus’s death and God’s plan for salvation. We can and should pray for the lost ones and for their souls. But take this wisdom and flee from evil when we see it… for our own protection.
OxyDrover,
I need to take a break from my thoughts at times, too much analyzing! Your post was right on, about free will. I have noticed a look (kind of a blank, emtpy, vague look) come over my husband’s face in the past, like the personality is missing. I literally have to stop thinking about this disorder, taking a break from it because my thoughts become fixated on the subject. It’s unlikely that I can figure it out. It’s definitely interesting to read others’ comments, having learned so much already from what I have read here on this web site. The key is to learn, but not become overwhelmed by what is taught, putting the lessons to good use.
OXDROVER; I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said!
Spaths are EVIL….plain and simple. They chose to be that way.
Both of my children were brought up knowing the 10 commandments and what each one meant. They were instilled….or so I thought…with a spiritual basis. They understood what was right and what was wrong. My other child is very spiritual and understands his sister’s choices.
At least one of my children has chosen the path of GOD/JESUS.