Editor’s note: Lovefraud honors all religious and spiritual beliefs. However, we’ve heard of many sociopaths who twist the teachings of the Bible in order to keep victims from escaping exploitation.
A reader sent the following letter in order to encourage those who are in this situation—knowing they are being abused, but being told that Scripture says they should put up with it. The reader has no affiliation with the organizations posting the material; she just thought the links were helpful.
For those individuals who are of the Christian faith (and / or of any faith) and who have, also unfortunately found themselves ”¨exposed to either sociopaths / the supporters-of-sociopaths ”¨(within their very own family or spiritual setting or, as is very ”¨often the case, both) the following links may be of some ”¨help in discovering and receiving Biblical “support” in ”¨being able to acknowledge the God-given FACT that ”¨”tolerating a sociopath’s abuse” is very simply ”¦
1) NOT part of a Christians’ “bearing one’s cross”;
2) NOT something that a Christian MUST simply ”¨”just forgive and forget” in order to have God ”¨also “forgive and forget” their own wrongs;
3) NOT merely a part of a Christians’ spiritual ”¨OBLIGATION to “turn their other cheek” (70 x 7)
4) NOT a part of “loving or ‘blessing’ one’s enemies”;
5) NOT something that in anyway “glorifies” or “honors” God, ”¨nor is it in anyway a type of “obedience” to the commandments ”¨left by God to all of mankind, nor does it follow along the ”¨lines of the “will” that God has planned for one’s life.
God has a GOOD will and plan for everyone’s life and God both can and will help people to escape, overcome, heal and even, somehow, also ”¨be able to learn from the abusive experiences that you have survived.
GOD HAS THE POWER AND THE WILL to, somehow or another, use ”¨these past experiences to “transform” a person (despite all the abuse) ”¨into becoming the very best person that they can become (to themselves”¨ and to others) and can actually somehow miraculously also use these ”¨experiences to work out all together for the GOOD within their own ”¨life (Romans 8:28; Jeremiah29:11; 3 John 1:2) and in the lives of others.
Should I offer forgiveness without repentance?
Should forgiveness be unconditional?
No forgiveness for the unrepentant
Selective Amnesia: “I have no idea what I did wrong!”
Forgiveness—does it matter if the abuser is a born-again Christian?
The Christian abuser—twisting God’s word to justify abuse
What about “Love your enemies?”
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Oxy – I was able to get to the URL regardless of the bad link.
it’s here, right? Thank-you.
http://www.drjoecarver.com
This is a small city, and the base is a big part of the city. they have just opened a new ‘health centre’ to deal with PTSD, etc. The cognitive therapist i have been seeing – i didn’t chose this guy, and i am going to dump him. HE stresses me. I have a request in for a full anxiety profile done at the hospital, and will work toward getting someone aboard who understands MCS. Much to do…at the blinding speed of bureaucratic snails…
And you have misunderstood, I have am not against medication for me. really WANT someone to give me a benzodiazepine or something similar, but cannot take SSRI or SSNI meds. they don’t work and make me sick as hell. I caution people who approach them also – because of my personal experience, and my experience of suicides and homicides directly connected with SSRI meds. I believe that many different things cause depression – and serotonin re uptake inhibition will not do the trick for everyone.
I will have to check and see what I can find about self EMDR – used it years ago, with a therapist and it was very effective.
everything i do – from breathing to thinking to seeing is so affected by the chemical sensitivity i have developed in spades in the last year. i get so tired. but i can’t focus on it – it will take me down if i do. so, i don’t.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
flowerpower –
“Just like a ship at see, you will right yourself. You will not sink. And you will set sail on a new journey”.and on calmer waters.”
I really liked this; thank-you. Not sure that I can believe the last sentence yet, but I sure like the progression in the analogy.
Ox Drover
Dear One-step, sorry didn’t realize you were not in US. Also, as a medical professional (retired) please be cautious with Benzos, they can cause problems as well if taken more than a few days in series.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Oxy –
I know benzos are very addictive, there is a difficult withdrawal and can tax heart and liver. but believe me, it’s better than one step on an SSRI! 😉
Ox Drover
Dear One-step,
There may be alternatives to either SSRI or Benzos, for fortunately there are some older medications and some newer ones that are neither benzos nor SSRIs.
I would prefer that just about any drug, including “meth” be legal and benzos be ILLEGAL for any use except accute immediate seizure! (not really, that is hyperbole, but you get the tongue in cheek meaning of my statements!)
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Oxy – I have been talking to the docs, the older meds are a no go with me (the anti depressants).
haven’t been offered anything new yet. have to wait for the full anxiety work up. i have a lot of tools for dealing with anxiety – but i am having a hard time implementing them as the anxiety is too high. (benzos have the added benefit of helping with my muscle ataxia, which is quite heavenly.)
i know that the anxiety can get worse and worse and then i will be in real trouble – i have been trying to head this off. got forbid i be proactive!
what’s your experience of benzos?
Ox Drover
Dear One-step,
Unless someone was in a grandmal seizure, in which case I would push Valium, or in an ICU with a heart attack and high anxiety, NO BENZOS. I have, however, worked with multiple peoplel who had gone to “Dr. Feel Good” complaining of anxiety and so on and gotten Rxs for Benzos for years and it took an act of congress to get them off of the Benzos….nah, forget them.
As far as I am concerned they are bad news 99.9% of the time. though they DO have some short term benefits for a FEW select people.
I am in FAVOR of all the benzos in the world to those that are in terminal pain with cancer, or other llife-ending illnesses, or conditions and/or anxiety. However, benzos cause problems with them even, with the slowing down of gut motility and so on. (Terminal constipation!~) Outside a hospital/hospice though or for long term use, I don’t like them. I know there are others who Rx them, but I didn’t and haven’t changed my mind about it since.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
thanks oxy – i have used them in the past for two short runs. back seized up and i couldn’t move. had an added benefit of relaxing ALL my muscles. I have muscle ataxia – it goes up and down – and the benzos were just heavenly.
Ox Drover
Dear One-step,
Yea, they are “heavenly” and that’s the problem. I’ve seen too many patients that would choke their mother or their baby for a refill, and seem to come up with lots of “reasons” they have to have some form of benzo.
So, rather than go that route, maybe you might find some middle ground of a medication that will help your anxiety but not cause other problems—like addiction.
At the risk of you thinking I am being “critical” (cause I am not intending to be) but sometimes if you go to a physician or other health care provider and go in with the preceived attitude (that is, THEY perceive your attitude to be) that you are just there to get them to Rx whatever drug it is YOU have determined you want sometimes they get TESTY and assume you are engaging in “drug seeking behavior.” So they jump to a conclusion that is not true, but because they have seen so many other people “behave that way” that they put you in that class of patient.
One of the more frequently seen problems by health care providers are patients that come in and DICTATE to you what treatment or medication THEY want you to Rx and actually, they have NO idea what is wrong with them or what they need. Too many times patients get upset if you don’t give them an antibiotic for a “bad cold” or whateever and too many providers “give in” rather than try to educate the patient. The ONE time I had a complaint lodged officially against me was a patient’s mother—the kid wasn’t sick, but he had insurance and she didn’t. She brought him in and DEMANDED an antibiotic for HIS (non)sickness and also an Rx for herself. I refused to write the Rx for him as I did not think he needed it, and refused to write her one because she was NOT a patient. She complained that he didn’t get his money’s worth of treatment, and because I wouldn’t treat her without her being a patient, I was “just after money.” (I was on salary so it didn’t make me a penny’s difference) Thank goodness her complaint was not upheld.
Anyway, next time go in to the doc and ask him/her what their suggestion is (get more flies with honey than vinegar) LOL THEN tell them that the SSRIs give you problems and explain what, and ask for an alternate suggestion from them.
TACT. That is the ability to tell someone to go to hell and make them HAPPY to be on their way. (((hugs)))) LOL
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Oxy – i never told them i wanted benzos, i knew exactly what that would look like 😉 just asked for something for anxiety.
have had the no ssri discussion. they know. i have to wait for the anxiety evaluation – the cognitive dude is not into meds. except ssri meds. he doesn’t know enough, and is quite candid about that. thing is, i can’t wait for the evaluation – don’t even have a date yet. could be months. i am trying to GET AWAY FROM self medicating with food.
anxiety/pain/stomach problems/ untreated ADD are the things that send people into food. I have at least 3 of 4. I have to manage all these things or i will go to food. i havne’t been this big ever. it’s all stress, and stress eating. so, I need to handle those areas to not self medicate with food. I am trying to put together a treatment regime to NOT GO THERE.
now unfortunately, some of the things i deal with health wise are not on my docs radar, nor on the radar of a lot of physicians. and it will take a while to find providers here who can help. and some of it will always have to be complimentary and ‘alternative’ medicine and true ‘health’ care like exercise, meditation, fun, laughter, etc.