Editor’s note: Lovefraud honors all religious and spiritual beliefs. However, we’ve heard of many sociopaths who twist the teachings of the Bible in order to keep victims from escaping exploitation.
A reader sent the following letter in order to encourage those who are in this situation—knowing they are being abused, but being told that Scripture says they should put up with it. The reader has no affiliation with the organizations posting the material; she just thought the links were helpful.
For those individuals who are of the Christian faith (and / or of any faith) and who have, also unfortunately found themselves ”¨exposed to either sociopaths / the supporters-of-sociopaths ”¨(within their very own family or spiritual setting or, as is very ”¨often the case, both) the following links may be of some ”¨help in discovering and receiving Biblical “support” in ”¨being able to acknowledge the God-given FACT that ”¨”tolerating a sociopath’s abuse” is very simply ”¦
1) NOT part of a Christians’ “bearing one’s cross”;
2) NOT something that a Christian MUST simply ”¨”just forgive and forget” in order to have God ”¨also “forgive and forget” their own wrongs;
3) NOT merely a part of a Christians’ spiritual ”¨OBLIGATION to “turn their other cheek” (70 x 7)
4) NOT a part of “loving or ‘blessing’ one’s enemies”;
5) NOT something that in anyway “glorifies” or “honors” God, ”¨nor is it in anyway a type of “obedience” to the commandments ”¨left by God to all of mankind, nor does it follow along the ”¨lines of the “will” that God has planned for one’s life.
God has a GOOD will and plan for everyone’s life and God both can and will help people to escape, overcome, heal and even, somehow, also ”¨be able to learn from the abusive experiences that you have survived.
GOD HAS THE POWER AND THE WILL to, somehow or another, use ”¨these past experiences to “transform” a person (despite all the abuse) ”¨into becoming the very best person that they can become (to themselves”¨ and to others) and can actually somehow miraculously also use these ”¨experiences to work out all together for the GOOD within their own ”¨life (Romans 8:28; Jeremiah29:11; 3 John 1:2) and in the lives of others.
Should I offer forgiveness without repentance?
Should forgiveness be unconditional?
No forgiveness for the unrepentant
Selective Amnesia: “I have no idea what I did wrong!”
Forgiveness—does it matter if the abuser is a born-again Christian?
The Christian abuser—twisting God’s word to justify abuse
What about “Love your enemies?”
geminigirl
Dear Caroline,Oh dear! you did what I did, and it cam e back to bite me on the bum!PLEASE PLEASE plEASE dont be tempted to look in Facebook for info re your spath daughter. Trust me, it will only serve to open up a whole extra can of worms, she will know youve looked in it, she will gloat all the more.Its still contact, we have to stay TOTALLY NO Contact for our very mentall survival! Dont go there! I did.My daughter banned me from her FB,a year ago, so called,”Un-friended” me.
I found one of her so-called”friends” on FB, the one who helped my daughter to trash my home, back in the early 80s. On this girls page she said”I am now a born again Christian, and havent had a drink in 7 years,” I decided,{wrongly as it turned out!,} to send her a FB mesage, saying could we meet up for coffee, and see if she had any ideas a s to how she and my daughter could come together in a loving way, they could say,”Sorry”, and I could truly forgive from my heart?” I said,”Please say nothing to D as yet”. Of course, she IMMEDIATELY contacted D, whos immediate reaction was to remove herself of of all the FB sites
of any or all of her family members, including her 3 kids, her ex, her Aunt,her Dad,other girlfriends, etc.Then my Son in law,{who up to that point I thought was on my side,sent m e a furious email, saying “Why would you do such astupid thing as contact G?”{the former alcoholic friend on FB.”, whom he hates.} It turns out he is trying to soft soap my daughter so as to get her to look after the kids on weekends, so he can drive off to his new GFs place.So any hopes I had of seeing them at Easter with him, or for Marys 9th Birthday, now look unlikely. I last saw them on her 8th Birthday, one year ago, with him,and they only stayed barely 2 hours, ate their meal, pocketed the gifts, and left.
Would you like to ask Donna if we can exchange personal emails, that way it will be easier for me to write you, and maybe exchnge pics? Anyway, let me know. I promise not to give your email to anyone else. Much Love, and HANG TOUGH!!
Gem.XXPs, This is now a very long thread, and Ive no idea how to reach the latest blog from you except by scrolling down all the former blogs!.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
oxy – or put it in a little butter!
witsend
mama gem,
what would your son in law say if you offered to take the grand kids on the weekend so he might go and see his gf?
Is this a possibility? He would know that you would be dependable. And it would serve him well and also be a bonus for both you and the kids?
ErinBrock
Good idea wits!!!
geminigirl
Thanks, witty , for the suggestion, but I dont think its very likely hed agree to that. The main problem is that I live roughly 1hr 40 minutes from his home, and his girlfriend has now moved about 3anda halfhours from him in the opposite direction to my place. So, to do this, it would then take him around 4 anda half to 5 hours to get to her place{including the 1 hr 40 mins to my place to drop them off!},do it all again to get home to my place,on the return trip, and 1hr.40 mins to his home again, then get up early the next morning to take the kids to school, then drive himself to work.
If he leaves them with my spath daughter, she only lives a round 20 mins from his place.{Shes currently flat sitting fora friend.}But thanks for the suggestion!love, MamaGem.XX
Sydney is such a huge sprawling city, David and I live on the central coast, Nth of Sydney. Nicole, the girlfriend, lives in he cityof Wollongong, 3 and half hours SOUTH of Sydney.
ErinBrock
Mama Gem:
Would it be possible for you and David to go to their home…..and spend the weekend with the kids….might even be a nice ‘break’ holiday for you both too???
Just a thought.
geminigirl
Hi, darlin EB! Thanks for your concern. and love to ALL of you too!
In the 5 years plus that my ex has been in this rented place,and in the 4 years hes had sole custodyof the 3 kids,, we have never ONCE been invited over for as much as a coffee.Also, David doesnt like driving long distances now, and Ive not driven for years. I had a cataract op in 1998 which went wrong, and I lost practically all the sight in my right eye.It wasnt the surgeons fault, just a very old and brittle cataract. A few years later, he did the other eye, thank God this op went fine! So, I have 20-20 vision in left eye, tiny amount in right eye, but Im too scared to drive. Otherwise Im fine! Ive always been determined it wont limit me, Im off to Scotland on 8th May for 3 weeks, catching up with old school “girl” friends, mainly. I went 2 years ago as well. Davids not coming this time.So, Mama gem will be “off the air from 7th May till the 1st of June!!Of course well be seeing our new kids before I leave! Roya gave me a super perm, cut, and set 2 days ago,{free!} She is almost at the end of her 2 year hairdressing apprenticeship.She said,”I am so happy to be able to do something for my dear mama,you do so much for me!”I had the perm at her TAFE college.{TECH}.Its lovely to have kids who give some love BACK, fora change, -a new experience for me, not all take take take!Another reason I cant go to the SILs place is that my spath daughter usually has the kids at weekends now, and I dont want to run in to her.This June will be 1 year NC. Not easy, but getting easier!
Love and HUGS, Mamagem.XXX
Caroline
Hi Geminigirl!
I would love to converse w/you through emails…not sure how to do that though.
MY SP daughter doesn’t know I read her page…I use her brother’s password to access it.
I know..NO CONTACT…but I try to see photos of my GD. That is my main purpose. I do get a sad laugh outta what she does post from time to time. Projection at work on her end!
Thanks for the warning however!
one/joy_step_at_a_time
I’ve saved this list from one of Oxy’s posts. parts of it often go through my mind when i find myself being indiscriminately compassionate –
The truth is:
There is NO tooth fairy.
There is No Easter Bunny.
It does NOT take two to fight.
There are NOT two sides to every story that are both valid.
There is NOT good in everyone.
Some people ARE EVIL personified.
NOT everyone can be “helped”/reformed/fixed/understood.
Everyone is NOT equal.
I AM BETTER than a psychopath.
Ox Drover
Dear One-step,
Gosh,, I am so profound! LOL There;s not one original thought in there from me, but I did put them together into a list. LOL, now all we have to do is to remember them! CRS!!! LOL