Editor’s note: Lovefraud honors all religious and spiritual beliefs. However, we’ve heard of many sociopaths who twist the teachings of the Bible in order to keep victims from escaping exploitation.
A reader sent the following letter in order to encourage those who are in this situation—knowing they are being abused, but being told that Scripture says they should put up with it. The reader has no affiliation with the organizations posting the material; she just thought the links were helpful.
For those individuals who are of the Christian faith (and / or of any faith) and who have, also unfortunately found themselves ”¨exposed to either sociopaths / the supporters-of-sociopaths ”¨(within their very own family or spiritual setting or, as is very ”¨often the case, both) the following links may be of some ”¨help in discovering and receiving Biblical “support” in ”¨being able to acknowledge the God-given FACT that ”¨”tolerating a sociopath’s abuse” is very simply ”¦
1) NOT part of a Christians’ “bearing one’s cross”;
2) NOT something that a Christian MUST simply ”¨”just forgive and forget” in order to have God ”¨also “forgive and forget” their own wrongs;
3) NOT merely a part of a Christians’ spiritual ”¨OBLIGATION to “turn their other cheek” (70 x 7)
4) NOT a part of “loving or ‘blessing’ one’s enemies”;
5) NOT something that in anyway “glorifies” or “honors” God, ”¨nor is it in anyway a type of “obedience” to the commandments ”¨left by God to all of mankind, nor does it follow along the ”¨lines of the “will” that God has planned for one’s life.
God has a GOOD will and plan for everyone’s life and God both can and will help people to escape, overcome, heal and even, somehow, also ”¨be able to learn from the abusive experiences that you have survived.
GOD HAS THE POWER AND THE WILL to, somehow or another, use ”¨these past experiences to “transform” a person (despite all the abuse) ”¨into becoming the very best person that they can become (to themselves”¨ and to others) and can actually somehow miraculously also use these ”¨experiences to work out all together for the GOOD within their own ”¨life (Romans 8:28; Jeremiah29:11; 3 John 1:2) and in the lives of others.
Should I offer forgiveness without repentance?
Should forgiveness be unconditional?
No forgiveness for the unrepentant
Selective Amnesia: “I have no idea what I did wrong!”
Forgiveness—does it matter if the abuser is a born-again Christian?
The Christian abuser—twisting God’s word to justify abuse
What about “Love your enemies?”
hurtnomore010
Thats right! Just cause you in church don’t make you a Christian! So true. Its so sad because one of our family friends is trying to get back on track with God. He’s telling her all the wrong things and supporting her on sayings that contradict scripture. ” like if your friends aren’t helping with money, chug them” Friends are there for everything money or no money
ErinBrock
HURT:
I want to be VERY CLEAR ON SOMETHING….listen up darlen….
NEVER, eVER EVER refer to him to his face as a sociopath…..or reveal how you gained this insight (friend or ex gf)…..
Treat it as a surprise gift given to yu that your father can’t know about….especially when your living under his roof….
HE WILL USE IT AGAINST YOU….he will go around telling peeps YOU are the Socioapth….and portraying YOU as the bad person (like he does now…only worse)….so whoever you go to for help, or if someone asks you anything……make sure you trust them explicitely!!!
I suggest you keep your activities under complete wraps, the least he knows about you the better…..
and bite your tongue for 2 months and get out!!! Quick!
Set yourself up…financially and find a town to move to…..figure out how your gonna support yourself and do as Nike says….JUST DO IT!!!
You are miles ahead of the game (although it may not feel like it now)….but you are…YOU have the benefit of awareness to Sociopaths…..to recognize them down the roasd in you future.
Another think….if they have anything to do with daddy-o…steer clear….his bud sounds like a cling on….and will switch teams for whatever he views as a gain….you need loyalty on your side….don’t fall for the ‘you can trust me bait’…..
XXOO
EB
ErinBrock
And just because you are a christian doesn’t make you good!
Trust each person as they EARN it…..individually!!!
hurtnomore010
I definitely won’t tell him or anybody else. The only people who know from experience with him is my mom, my sisters, his x gf, me, and that’s it. They all knew but wanted me to find out for myself. It hurt to find out.
sabrina
hurt- I am so sorry that you are going thru this, bless your heart- you are wise beyond your years and I hate that you are having to deal with all of this. Please stay in touch here, everyone will help you any time, day or night. Never think you are alone. You will make it thru the rough times. You are here for a reason. xoxo
one/joy_step_at_a_time
hurtno – these folks want something. always. and those of us that can have whatever it is, taken from us, are known as supply. it sounds like his mom and gf are supply.
the one piece of good news is – if he focuses on them, he may give you more space.
use that ‘difficult teenager’ mask. let them think that of you. it is never about integrity with these folks. what i mean by that is, integrity doesn’t protect us from them (i am thinking about my own dad here), STRATEGY does. integrity gets us some place with GOOD people – with these folks we need to figure out what works and use it. sounds like avoidance has been helping a lot – know that many people here can offer lots of ideas for how to deal with specific situations – so ask, okay?!
hurtnomore010
Avoidance only works for certain situations. Somerimes he comes to wake me up when he comes home from work at odd hours to complain. he can’t see that I’m tired and I’m sleeping? Evidently its my responsibility to pick up after him like he’s a little child. or he will complain about the house. he never cleans nor anything just makes messes. he expects me to clean up after him.
ErinBrock
They gave you a ‘gift’ really….most of the time when we are told…we deny it and defend the spaths…..
YOU are a prime example WHY a child needs to see this for themselves…..and NOT pushed into a belief!!!!
Mommy’s ……LISTEN UP….HURTNOMORE IS TEACHING US SOMETHING……
You saw his behaviors for a long time, you questioned the why’s of his behaviors, you went the length you unfortunatly needed to to see it for yourself!!!
I don’t think it would have helped you had the world screamed it at you……
It never does…..
I so feel for you, you are my baby’s age……I will keep you in my heart darlen!!!
one/joy_step_at_a_time
hurtno – how do you think he would respond to a lock on your door?
the housecleaning thing – how many more months do you have?
sabrina
Hurt- during those crazy odd hours he is keeping you awake -you may be tempted to call him a s-path, but don’t. I was always warned against calling or confronting, it makes it worse,gets you nowhere, and can cause them to get violent. You havent mentioned any abuse I dont believe (?) If this is ever the case- someone outside of LF needs to be an advocate for you, please dont hesitate to ask for help.