Editor’s note: Lovefraud honors all religious and spiritual beliefs. However, we’ve heard of many sociopaths who twist the teachings of the Bible in order to keep victims from escaping exploitation.
A reader sent the following letter in order to encourage those who are in this situation—knowing they are being abused, but being told that Scripture says they should put up with it. The reader has no affiliation with the organizations posting the material; she just thought the links were helpful.
For those individuals who are of the Christian faith (and / or of any faith) and who have, also unfortunately found themselves ”¨exposed to either sociopaths / the supporters-of-sociopaths ”¨(within their very own family or spiritual setting or, as is very ”¨often the case, both) the following links may be of some ”¨help in discovering and receiving Biblical “support” in ”¨being able to acknowledge the God-given FACT that ”¨”tolerating a sociopath’s abuse” is very simply ”¦
1) NOT part of a Christians’ “bearing one’s cross”;
2) NOT something that a Christian MUST simply ”¨”just forgive and forget” in order to have God ”¨also “forgive and forget” their own wrongs;
3) NOT merely a part of a Christians’ spiritual ”¨OBLIGATION to “turn their other cheek” (70 x 7)
4) NOT a part of “loving or ‘blessing’ one’s enemies”;
5) NOT something that in anyway “glorifies” or “honors” God, ”¨nor is it in anyway a type of “obedience” to the commandments ”¨left by God to all of mankind, nor does it follow along the ”¨lines of the “will” that God has planned for one’s life.
God has a GOOD will and plan for everyone’s life and God both can and will help people to escape, overcome, heal and even, somehow, also ”¨be able to learn from the abusive experiences that you have survived.
GOD HAS THE POWER AND THE WILL to, somehow or another, use ”¨these past experiences to “transform” a person (despite all the abuse) ”¨into becoming the very best person that they can become (to themselves”¨ and to others) and can actually somehow miraculously also use these ”¨experiences to work out all together for the GOOD within their own ”¨life (Romans 8:28; Jeremiah29:11; 3 John 1:2) and in the lives of others.
Should I offer forgiveness without repentance?
Should forgiveness be unconditional?
No forgiveness for the unrepentant
Selective Amnesia: “I have no idea what I did wrong!”
Forgiveness—does it matter if the abuser is a born-again Christian?
True….but just ‘go through the motions’….Don’t get a rise out of him….or you’ll get punished….
OH, he knows your sleeping….don’t get that wrong…..it’s a control tactic….
We are only property to a sociopath….
MY spath thought my kids owed him everything…..we are chattel to them….
Let him complain…..does whatever you do ever make a difference or does he ever come home when house is clean and say HURT….I’m so lucky to have such a great daughter as you…..thank you for keeping our home so beautiful….
Or just a simple thanks???
No….so don’t worry about his complaining….if it’s not one thing it’s another….turn his words into the peanuts teacher character of wha-wha-whaoooooooo.
Just carry on about doing what you do…..and try to NOT take him personally!!
ErinBrock: yea it was painful. My mom tried to keep me a way but I thought I knew what is best for myself.
Yeah that’s what my mom says to block out what he says. But then he will twist up what I did and call the people who he knows I’m close to like his other x gf in another state or our family friend. Then they call me and tell me that I’m being disrespectful and that Dad said I was being rude. I’m like he’s such a liar. I didn’t even do anything.
Hurt:
You know…. unfortunalty teens don’t get much creedance against a parents word or audlts word….so smile and say…OKAY.
Don’t react……and who cares what these peeps think of you???
WHO ARE THEY TO YOU…..they’ll be gone once you leave…..
They are HIS puppets….and he is the puppet master….
so don’t worry about others words or thoughts to you….
YOU KNOW THE TRUTH….
Step up in your world today and start taking the offensive and not allow others to keep you on defensive….
I assure you, these toxics try to keep us defending ourselfs….
just placate them…..tha’ts all you need to do.
ErinBrock: alright. Its like an ongoing cycle. He makes up stuff then tells other people, they come to me then they say ohhhh dad says you are this or that. It gets so frustrating cause I barely speak to him. I know what I have to do then go to school. Try to get good grades. only to have a dad to make up lies about me. Then start arguements over nothing. That’s crazy.
yup, it is crazy. hold on to that knowledge. dad/crazy, hurtno/not crazy.
i know you are angry. and you have reason to be. to get through this you need to go through the motions as EB says, and try not to take it personally….i know that is not the easiest thing to do. first it is happening to you and second, i am sure you would like him to be a loving supportive father – and THAT feels really personal.
But what is happening isn’t personal – it has NOTHING to do with your worth. your worth is intrinsic and he can’t take that from you. and cleaning up after him won’t take your worth from you either. it is just a strategy to bide time until you leave.
one_step_at_a_time: I will try not to take it so personally. But its a little ridiculous to pick up after a almost 45 year old man.
hurtno-TRUE THAT! He is my age, I am 44. Wish I HAD someone to pick up after me. Stay strong… nite nite.. Us old folks gotta sleep…;)
ohhh hurtno – there are millions of ‘wives’ thinking that same ting this very moment.
just a few more months right? then he can kiss having a maid goodbye!
then he will find someone else to do it. guarantee that.
it’s a control thing, and if you can view it as abnormal, know that it will end, and try not to let it get to you, you will be okay.
it is a stupid petty game and if he can’t get to you, then YOU win.
good nite Sabrina!