Editor’s note: Lovefraud honors all religious and spiritual beliefs. However, we’ve heard of many sociopaths who twist the teachings of the Bible in order to keep victims from escaping exploitation.
A reader sent the following letter in order to encourage those who are in this situation—knowing they are being abused, but being told that Scripture says they should put up with it. The reader has no affiliation with the organizations posting the material; she just thought the links were helpful.
For those individuals who are of the Christian faith (and / or of any faith) and who have, also unfortunately found themselves ”¨exposed to either sociopaths / the supporters-of-sociopaths ”¨(within their very own family or spiritual setting or, as is very ”¨often the case, both) the following links may be of some ”¨help in discovering and receiving Biblical “support” in ”¨being able to acknowledge the God-given FACT that ”¨”tolerating a sociopath’s abuse” is very simply ”¦
1) NOT part of a Christians’ “bearing one’s cross”;
2) NOT something that a Christian MUST simply ”¨”just forgive and forget” in order to have God ”¨also “forgive and forget” their own wrongs;
3) NOT merely a part of a Christians’ spiritual ”¨OBLIGATION to “turn their other cheek” (70 x 7)
4) NOT a part of “loving or ‘blessing’ one’s enemies”;
5) NOT something that in anyway “glorifies” or “honors” God, ”¨nor is it in anyway a type of “obedience” to the commandments ”¨left by God to all of mankind, nor does it follow along the ”¨lines of the “will” that God has planned for one’s life.
God has a GOOD will and plan for everyone’s life and God both can and will help people to escape, overcome, heal and even, somehow, also ”¨be able to learn from the abusive experiences that you have survived.
GOD HAS THE POWER AND THE WILL to, somehow or another, use ”¨these past experiences to “transform” a person (despite all the abuse) ”¨into becoming the very best person that they can become (to themselves”¨ and to others) and can actually somehow miraculously also use these ”¨experiences to work out all together for the GOOD within their own ”¨life (Romans 8:28; Jeremiah29:11; 3 John 1:2) and in the lives of others.
Should I offer forgiveness without repentance?
Should forgiveness be unconditional?
No forgiveness for the unrepentant
Selective Amnesia: “I have no idea what I did wrong!”
Forgiveness—does it matter if the abuser is a born-again Christian?
The Christian abuser—twisting God’s word to justify abuse
What about “Love your enemies?”
ErinBrock
Yes darling….it’s called crazy making…
Circular behaviors YOU can’t win….(in his presence).
Take the next few months, to recognize the behaviors and see them in the world outside of your father….use him as your spath model ….the model of WHAT you don’t want to attract as a boyfriend or anyone else into your life….toxic.
My kids have learned to recognize the ‘game’ of splitting in their friends and others…and know to step away because they can’t win….it’s pretty cool to see a teenager learn and recognize what it’s taken me 42 years to learn…..
Just fine tune your ‘game’ recognition skills….there really are lessons to every step you take in this world…..
I’m glad your reaching out…
You need the serenity prayer……
hurtnomore010
Yeah my mom wants me to visit her in June and stay until mid July. Then I’ll come back and have until the second to lats week in August to deal with him with my siblings. But I’m not sure about leaving America yet. but yep. He gives me a hassle when I want to hang out with my friends. like its a crime to hang out with nice girls n go to a movie. I have to stay cooped up in this house all day nad night? I can’t even stay after school without it being a hassle
ErinBrock
Hurt~ UH….SEE YA…
Remember, your young…..if you gotta out….take it….go spend some time with mamma…..
THE WORLD IS AT YOUR FINGERTIPS!!!!
Seize it!!!
hurtnomore010
I will consider it and pray over it. But I’m scared. I wanted to get a job this summer to help out with college.
silvermoon
Hurt,
Its not worth being scared.
I;d tell you to go to mom and if you can’t get a paying job, find a worthwile way to spend your time so you can compete for a better paying job part time when you get to school, a scholarship or a work study emplyment while you are in school at college.
your dad is a problem you can’t solve by working harder to please him. The longer you stay, the more damage he is going to do to the way you relate to other men and its not worth it in the long run.
the amount of money you can make probrably isn’t so much that you can’t make it up another way if you talk to the people at the college you are going to go to about your financial options.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
hutno – I moved across the country at 19. Don’t regret it for a minute (and i did it to get away from my family) – and i had no one where i went.
i didn’t start to really travel a lot until about a decade ago – it is the singularly most awesome thing i have EVER done.
pray – and pray to the God who knows how great you are.
hurtnomore010
The funny thing is I filed FAFSA and it looks like my dad is can pay for college. But he’s not gonna pay a dime for it. And unfortunately I have to find a way to gather up 12,000 dollars by August or 35,000 dollars all by myself. My mom barely makes enough and she doesn’t live here in the US. But its so difficult being that he claims hes gonna pay for my education when he isn’t at all. People say take out a loan but I’m not sure
silvermoon
Go talk to the people at the college who deal with finacial aid and college financing and then do what they tell you.
I think all you have to do is take your dad off your fafsa and things change!
one/joy_step_at_a_time
hurtno – i know you are pursuing scolarships,etc. keep going with that.
given my experience with my dad, i would say it is best not to count on your dad coming through.
find a way – education is so important.
hurtnomore010
there’s a way? I thought if he filed me as independent then I put independent on my FAFSA. But I have no idea how I am gonna get the funds to go to college in another state? I’m praying so hard for a lot of financial aid and grants from a particular school. Most of the scholarships require teacher recommendation and counselor recomendation and my school takes forever to get that through! Lord. But i will keep looking for scholarships, grants and financial aid. Thanksfor the support