Editor’s note: Lovefraud honors all religious and spiritual beliefs. However, we’ve heard of many sociopaths who twist the teachings of the Bible in order to keep victims from escaping exploitation.
A reader sent the following letter in order to encourage those who are in this situation—knowing they are being abused, but being told that Scripture says they should put up with it. The reader has no affiliation with the organizations posting the material; she just thought the links were helpful.
For those individuals who are of the Christian faith (and / or of any faith) and who have, also unfortunately found themselves ”¨exposed to either sociopaths / the supporters-of-sociopaths ”¨(within their very own family or spiritual setting or, as is very ”¨often the case, both) the following links may be of some ”¨help in discovering and receiving Biblical “support” in ”¨being able to acknowledge the God-given FACT that ”¨”tolerating a sociopath’s abuse” is very simply ”¦
1) NOT part of a Christians’ “bearing one’s cross”;
2) NOT something that a Christian MUST simply ”¨”just forgive and forget” in order to have God ”¨also “forgive and forget” their own wrongs;
3) NOT merely a part of a Christians’ spiritual ”¨OBLIGATION to “turn their other cheek” (70 x 7)
4) NOT a part of “loving or ‘blessing’ one’s enemies”;
5) NOT something that in anyway “glorifies” or “honors” God, ”¨nor is it in anyway a type of “obedience” to the commandments ”¨left by God to all of mankind, nor does it follow along the ”¨lines of the “will” that God has planned for one’s life.
God has a GOOD will and plan for everyone’s life and God both can and will help people to escape, overcome, heal and even, somehow, also ”¨be able to learn from the abusive experiences that you have survived.
GOD HAS THE POWER AND THE WILL to, somehow or another, use ”¨these past experiences to “transform” a person (despite all the abuse) ”¨into becoming the very best person that they can become (to themselves”¨ and to others) and can actually somehow miraculously also use these ”¨experiences to work out all together for the GOOD within their own ”¨life (Romans 8:28; Jeremiah29:11; 3 John 1:2) and in the lives of others.
Should I offer forgiveness without repentance?
Should forgiveness be unconditional?
No forgiveness for the unrepentant
Selective Amnesia: “I have no idea what I did wrong!”
Forgiveness—does it matter if the abuser is a born-again Christian?
hurtno – do yo have one teacher who could advocate for you and move things along? do you have one teacher who you admire who might be of some help? a little adult intervention might go a long way.
Uh my crazy Spanish teacher and My math teacher. But the only part is my counselor. we had a little episode and now shes giving me the silent treatment. which I think she shouldn’t do cause thats not her job as a counselor. If they say counselor but not current counselor then I’m going to go with my counselor at my former school. But if it says current counselor then I dont know what to do.
hurtno – ask the spanish teacher and the math teacher if they will meet with you. tell them what you are trying to accomplish, why is is so important to you and that you need their help.
if it says ‘current counselor’ can you get a new one?
can the ‘episode’ be fixed. or is it best not to go there?
Dear Hurtnomore,
Unfortunately for a student who is just leaving home, parents are SUPPOSED to contribute to your education, and when they refuse it leaves you in a bind. They won’t help, AND the scholarship and grants and loans expect them to and so you are not counted TRULY “independent” —so, that being the case, go as quickly as possible to your school’s counselor for acadameics and tell this person that you are in this situation.
Going to see your mother may be a good idea if you have the money to do so (with her in another country it may cost a lot that could be used for your college funds)
Yes, your father is unreasonable to expect you to be his maid. Is he born and/or raised in a culture outside of the US? How long have your parents been apart?
I also know that it is common for other people to get “Involved” in other people’s business and for people to recurit family to help them push someone into towing the line in behavior that they want.
I think one-step is very wise to tell you to not speak back to your father because he will only become more angry which will make it worse for you.
Focus on your goals of getting out of the rule of his thumb in a way that will be wise and successful. Talk to the counselor at school about how to get your education if he will not help. There are ways to do so but you must seek them out, they will not come to you like a fairy Godmother to save you.
There are people who will mentor for you. Help you. Listen to you, and I would start with your school counselor first. God bless.
My mom is paying for the ticket for me to go to out of the country. But my parents have been divorced for four years now. He’s from another country and my school counselor thinks I’m exaggerating my case here. But my therapist suggests all that she knows and can do. I have to wait until I’m 18 to sign the form which is 2 weeks away. I guess you have to really get out there and look more for it. But I think I will ask my former counselor at my old school. But the funny thing is his brothers pick uo after themselves except him. because his mother still picks up after him. She says that he has some disorder of some sort like ADHD or mental issue. I dont know but he is capable of picking up socks off the floor.
Dear Hurt no more,
If he is ADHD or whateveer “mental disorder” HE HAS, OR THINKS HE HAS, it may also make him more cranky and irritable. Also some cultures the men are not expected to p;ick up after them selves and if his mother thinks he should be picked up after he probably feels “entitled” to.
I am hearing here a mixture of problems for you, including family problems (besides your father) and maybe some cultural ones too. I agree he SHOULD pick up his socks and not wake you up to do so when you are very tired.
Does he work at a job? How many people live in your household and what is your relationship to them? I’m just trying to get an over view here of what all besides your father treating you like a maid you are dealing with. It sounds like many different problems. I am going to bed now but will speak with you more tomorrow if you are here. Sleep well and God bless you, Hurt, I do see that you have a weighty burden to work with. (((Hugs))))
Basically she likes making up excusus for my dad’s behavior. He doesn’t have any of these things. He’s a psychopath and my immediate family knows except my little brother. He’s a little kid. He’s an accountant and right now its just my dad and I. My younger siblings used to live with my dad with me also however there was too much going on. It was so stressful. He would just leave us with our little brother and we could only do so much we are just teenagers. He dumped his responsibilities on us again! We would be home with little to no food for a week and little to no money. It was sad and we walked around like destitute children asking for money from our friends. We have a lot of family issues coming from both sides. The culture thing is actually no excuse because not all people from his country are being pushed to clean up after men. Its just him because his mother uses any excuse to explain his behavior which is pathetic. He knows I wasn’t raised that way. My mother taught us that men and women work together whether it be chores, taking care of the kids, paying the bills, fixing the garage, and cooking. My dad and I used to do house work together. It used to be 50/50 but he thinks that I’m better off by myself. It gets frustrating picking up after an almost 45 year old that acts like a three year old.
Dear Hurtnomore,
It sounds like your grandmother is “enabling” her son, your father, by making excuses why it is “okay” for him to treat you this way. Where are your younger sibs living? If you are not yet 18 then someone else must be taking care of them.
When you turn 18 in 2 weeks, would it be possible for you to go and live with someone else besides your father? If he is not going to support you in college, what have you got to lose by making him angry for momving out? Do you have a friend whose parents would let you stay there while you finish out your school year and for the summer while you worked and saved money for college or an apartment? Look at all of your options. ((((hugs))))
I had a friend who I stayed with initially. But her mother is abusive and has a lot of issues to. But when I stayed there my dad would constantly call me and say that I can’t live there. I have a family and he needs me here. So then he will call the parent and make up an activity that I have to attend. He’s like I have to stay at home because I’m not an adult yet. My siblings live with my mom in another country. Right now I have to work on getting my license and saving money for college. I’m trying to find a job but its taking so long and most hire at 18. So I have to wait.
I wish I did have friend who would be willing to take me in. But unfortunately I don’t right now. They are either far from my school or parents think they could get in serious trouble.