Editor’s note: Lovefraud honors all religious and spiritual beliefs. However, we’ve heard of many sociopaths who twist the teachings of the Bible in order to keep victims from escaping exploitation.
A reader sent the following letter in order to encourage those who are in this situation—knowing they are being abused, but being told that Scripture says they should put up with it. The reader has no affiliation with the organizations posting the material; she just thought the links were helpful.
For those individuals who are of the Christian faith (and / or of any faith) and who have, also unfortunately found themselves ”¨exposed to either sociopaths / the supporters-of-sociopaths ”¨(within their very own family or spiritual setting or, as is very ”¨often the case, both) the following links may be of some ”¨help in discovering and receiving Biblical “support” in ”¨being able to acknowledge the God-given FACT that ”¨”tolerating a sociopath’s abuse” is very simply ”¦
1) NOT part of a Christians’ “bearing one’s cross”;
2) NOT something that a Christian MUST simply ”¨”just forgive and forget” in order to have God ”¨also “forgive and forget” their own wrongs;
3) NOT merely a part of a Christians’ spiritual ”¨OBLIGATION to “turn their other cheek” (70 x 7)
4) NOT a part of “loving or ‘blessing’ one’s enemies”;
5) NOT something that in anyway “glorifies” or “honors” God, ”¨nor is it in anyway a type of “obedience” to the commandments ”¨left by God to all of mankind, nor does it follow along the ”¨lines of the “will” that God has planned for one’s life.
God has a GOOD will and plan for everyone’s life and God both can and will help people to escape, overcome, heal and even, somehow, also ”¨be able to learn from the abusive experiences that you have survived.
GOD HAS THE POWER AND THE WILL to, somehow or another, use ”¨these past experiences to “transform” a person (despite all the abuse) ”¨into becoming the very best person that they can become (to themselves”¨ and to others) and can actually somehow miraculously also use these ”¨experiences to work out all together for the GOOD within their own ”¨life (Romans 8:28; Jeremiah29:11; 3 John 1:2) and in the lives of others.
Should I offer forgiveness without repentance?
Should forgiveness be unconditional?
No forgiveness for the unrepentant
Selective Amnesia: “I have no idea what I did wrong!”
Forgiveness—does it matter if the abuser is a born-again Christian?
Dear Kim,
KNOCK’EM DEAD IN THE INTERVIEW!!! TOWANDA!!!! Hey, it’s a job! Doesn’t mean you are marrying it! LOL (((hugs))))
witty witty witty!
When I try and “think” about these kinds of things (in my head) that overwhelm me and create stress and anxiety, I also tend to mix all my emotional feelings with them as well. And spend entirely to much time in my head with these thoughts whirling around”..And I get nowhere. Except more stress, more anxiety, more fears, and usually a crying spree follows from the emotions.
i feel all this just about the job.
i have been focused on getting a job, to the exclusion of the housing issues. but the last two days i am overwhelmed by exposures and i am going, ughh, how am i ever going to function if i live here?
but the job is #1.
there is no part time work here that pays well enough – barely any full time work that does – this is a huge problem. i have to consider another short term contract (there isn’t much full time work here either) when it is the last thing i want.
but mostly i want to be safe. physically and emotionally. i need to work, but if getting a job drags on, then i will have to move first- however that is ’cause it’s getting to the point that i can’t function.
the housing that would be available through aid has a 2 year waiting list, and could possibly be worse. I have checked into all the aid agencies. other things might come up. i have actually joined the local dowsing group as i want to find water, if it exists, on my land outside the city. i keep in my mind that maybe i could figure out something for out there – if there is water. but this is months down the road at the earliest.
i have asthma meds. and am well equipped for that and up to date with everything that the doctors have to offer – under good supervision. but, my face goes numb and i lose cognitive function and my skin burns when i am exposed to things now. it’s quite severe. there are no alopathics for any of this. i am doing the homoepathic and vitamin/ supplements that i can afford.
witty – lots of good and useful stuff in your post. thank you.
xxx and thanks for the bday wishes! i am going to go out to a beach (yes, it’s cold here still) in a conservation area that i love. and there is a little potluck being throw in my honour on saturday. it’s my 50th. i hope there are 50 candles. i’d like that.
sabrina and bluejay – ty for bday wishes! i will spend part of the day in a beautiful conservation area, where the air is clean and i can breath DEEP.
anxiety and worry – no wonder i don’t feel a lone- i have these freaking constant companions. the word PEACE comes shining out in your posts and i look at it with my head cocked, going, ‘right, i remember something like that.’ i get here for momens these days, and i wish for all of us that those moments are longer and deeper every day.
Guys, NEED your prayers. My son just came by and was all angry about an argument that he had with the kid that he is living with.
And how he had to move back home immediately. And how it was IMPOSSIBLE for him to go back to the family that he lives with tonight or they (him & his friend) would most certainly end up in a fist fight and blah, blah blah.
I was taken off guard, first of all because he just showed up here, but recovered quickly enough.
And of course STUPID me decided I could calmly and logically defuse this situation because it involved him and someone else and had NOTHING to do with him and me. This was no “hot topic” between us so certainly I could shed some light onto this, as any reasonable adult could do.
WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.
The fight that him and his friend had was not the end of the world. However I went along with him and tried to validate his feelings as well as trying to have him “walk” in his friends shoes and tell me how he thought his friend might have felt as well.
Pretty soon it was apperant that him “stopping by” might have nothing to DO with this argument at all.
He has an agenda to come back home, not sure what that agenda is. But it is there.
Before you know it this was all about me. And how awful it is that he can’t come back home. And how awful of a parent I have been and continue to be. Circular conversation. Around and around and around it went. I kept trying to navigate the conversation back to the problem at hand. More circular conversation.
And how right NOW we had to solve all of our problems, RIGHT NOW, or he was going to be sleeping on a bench tonight. He needed to come back home right now.
I told him no. He wasn’t going to move back home, right now.
If he was the “adult” he claims to be and could make the adult decision to leave home then he had to be an adult and LEARN to face some of the problems he encounters.
But of course HE doesn’t have the problem. I have a problem and the other kid has the problem and the whole damn world has problems. He doesn’t because he says so.
There is alot more going on than the fight with this kid. IF he even HAD a fight with this kid.
This is his second “excuse” in a little over a week, why he needs to come back here.
WHY does this kid want to come back home when he could NOT wait to get out?
Wit, You have my prayers.
To your last question, he wants to come back now, even though he couldn’t wait to get out before, because, possibly his mask has slipped they are asking him to leave, or maybe he just had it better with you. It’s clear, he’s wearing out his welcome. I would bet he isn’t being honest with you about any of it, either.
Is it possible to talk to the mom where he’s been living? To find out what is really going on?
I’m sooo sorry that his going to live with this other kid wasn’t a solution, but it did get you a little closer to 18.
Go back and re’read Matts advise. Breathe deep and say your prayers. Stay on-line all night if you have to.
Wits, You ask WHY does he want to come back home when he cldn’t wait to get out? As hard as it is to hear, I have concluded that “we” the moms are part of their “supply” and they can always get something viable from us- whether it be an arguement, tears, money, etc. Same as when my son (20 at the time) screamed that living with me was like living with Hitler, but always finds ways to come back around -most cases needing money. Never a visit from him unless there’s something in it for him.
Im sorry you had another confrontation with him, but you did great – you told him he couldnt come back!! You are very strong, and have grown in leaps and bounds with wisdom and are making good decisions.
I do know however, that any type of conflict with them leaves you emotionally drained and alittle empty.Do your best to not focus or dwell on it. Get into a good movie or book to take your mind off of it all. Wishing you the Best…xoxo
one step at a time:
Here’s a little rhyme I’m using to look for work:
I have wonderful work
for wonderful pay
wonderful people
for a wonderful day.
Also, here is something that helps me:
Peace in front of me,
Peace behind me,
Peace to my right,
Peace to my left,
Peace above me,
Peace below me,
Peace inside me,
Peace all around me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
hAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR (WONDERFUL, SWEET, CARING, COMPASSIONATE, BEAUTIFUL, TENDER, LOVING, GORGEOUS, SEXY MAMA)
ONE STEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!
AND MAY ALL YOUR BIRTHDAY WISHES COME TRUE!
(Wishing you a hottie that pops out of a huge cake dressed as a fireman and stripped to the waist with pecs of steel 😛
Have a wonderful day of celebration – we’re all lighting candles for you in our respective corners of the world!
Many happy returns and many more wondrous years to come!
midlife!
one step takes off her hat, bows deeply with a big smile on her face. THANK YOU!!
could i have a pony instead?
🙂
pearl – thank you for these. 🙂
peace peace peace everywhere
like the snowdrops and crocuses pushing through the cool earth…peace