By | February 28, 2013 33 Comments

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The king, the charade, the wardrobe change

Editor’s note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “LadyinRed.”

I call myself Lady in Red.
Surreal, this journey has been, ongoing it is.
I live in hiding.

A facade, a delusion much of my life has been.
I finally awoke.
I became aware.

This last year has shown me.
A sense of entitlement I see in so many.
They take from others, wanting more.
A mask they wear.

Welcome to my theatre, a comic tragedy.

I was half past my fourth decade, separated for years, two daughters I raised.
One day my eldest said, I did something for you, come see!
She showed me an account on a date site in my name.
Time to get out there she said, play the dating game.
A computer I had never used; I felt like a fool.
She taught me the basics, a few lessons it took.
A profile I wrote: Just fell from the moon into a sea of stars looking for that special shine.

Not a message did I receive, honestly, I was relieved.
A picture is needed my daughter did decide, my thoughts on this she did override.
Posts began to appear, words written, I would like to meet you dear.

In this time, a message caught my eye.
A word in my mother’s tongue I did spy,
Intrigued, I returned that note with a reply.
Online we chatted, then on the phone.
After a week we did meet.

Attractive he was, over 6ft, 200 lbs.
Salt and peppered hair, brown eyes, a beautiful smile.
A keeper of our people, country, blue skies.
One of many he claimed to be, a special breed that fills the need, policing third world countries.

A friend he needed he explained; separated, she got the friends, lonely I am.
A friend I told him I would be.
I enjoyed his humor, wit, humility.
He shared a life of trauma, pain.
No luck in love did he see.
His wife took the children, left the country.
Mental collapse, suicidal, recovery.

A survivor of this life he claimed to be
No baggage from those traumas, he assured me.
Sad what this world has come to I did reply.
A sense of entitlement is what I see.
Tired too I have become of this humanity.
This is not the world in which my parents raised me.
My philosophy has not served me.

Two of a kind we are he replied with that beautiful smile.
He shared with me wanting to retire, never to be more than a Corporal, he had long lost the desire.
Negative, cancerous, were his words on his twenty years here.

As the summer passed, in love we did fall.
I had found my prince, Cinderella no more.
Distant dreams.

As the leaves changed color, turned red.
Many hours we spent in bed, sharing much, making love.
A special night in that time I will recall.
Dancing and drinking until early dawn.
He swept me to his castle, drew me a bath, candles he lit.

Close to the tub he did sit.
There I lay, my mind in a haze.
My love for him, I wore on my face.
His next words brought me from my daze.

I want to take you with me when I go; together we will start a new life.
I have to tell you a secret I have carried many years.
He leaned in close, looked into my eyes, I saw his fear.
How bad could it be I thought, he stood with honor, pride of self.
We all have a skeleton in a closet somewhere.

He shared childhood memories, dressed as a girl he would be.
Loved he was in female form, as a male he was so much more than scorned.
Occasionally he had an urge, to feel pretty were his words.
We sat in silence, I looked into his eyes, smiled.
Compassion, empathy I do own.
Values my parents had sown, in the years that I had grown.
I told him this compulsion was not an issue for me; I understood.
I shared my mine.
I loved him, he trusted me.
Do unto others.

Words of wisdom from this life’s experiences I had learned.
Being happy does not mean everything perfect.
Deciding to see beyond the imperfections is the best we can do.
For many years, I did not know nor understand.
The unreal fears that ran my mind.
An obsessive, compulsive I am.

Through my life, experiences have taught me.
The mind and soul is a fragile substance.
Handle with care, especially in those formative years.
I had good parents.
Live/ learn.

An idiot, alcoholic, nor drug addict, was he.
The lesser of so many issues I thought this inclination to be.
I shared with him my beliefs in God, spirituality.
We are two of a kind he replied with a smile.

Now the leaves were falling, winter was coming soon said the wind.
Move in said my hero, a huge log home I own.
So cold it gets for months on end, the lakes freeze, trees do not bend.
Wood he had delivered for heat, water became an issue.
Necessities he could barely afford.
His insurance cancelled, NSF.
I put him on mine, appreciated he said.

The Christmas season comes.
Humanity shines in a bright light.
Kindness for others, a moment in time.
My hero spoilt me, you deserve it he said.
I was enchanted

Spring came, snow went.
The house sold.
Financially sound now he told.
We moved into barracks.
Looked for a new home.
Closer to his creators, desired zone.

One day to my work he came.
On bended knee, he did proclaim.
Marry me, together we will always be.
My dreams had finally become.

A divorce from the first was required.
Visit him we did.
My hero shook his hand, said, please sign the papers I will pay.
I sent to the government my request, his credit card.

Registration of that marriage not found, weeks running around.
How could this be?  I asked the church secretary.
Lost in the mail, an oversight maybe was the explanation given.

We went back to the ex, asked; do you have any certificates of that blessed event.
He denied any knowledge of, no certificates he said.
Back to the church we went, hand in hand.
The secretary stamped a piece of paper, written information it had.
Back to city hall, paper in hand.
The paper was of no value, we were told.
Filed it I did, trash can.

We returned to the church for the last time.
We can do no more the secretary said, go get married, not in the church is my advice.
No worries my hero said, the date was set.
An online justice he did get.
He rented a space in the place we first met.

He bought a Victorian house in a hamlet south.
A castle for my princess were the words out of his mouth.
A new chariot came next, a retirement gift, well deserved he said.
Then his insurance cancelled, NSF.
I put him on mine, appreciated he said.

That summer we married.
Two days later we left.
A new life we did get.
An amazing journey I quoted on that social book.

A five-month honeymoon.
Broke, two weeks later he informed me.
He used half the down payment for the house to secure the truck.
Now the bank wanted the cash for the castle he bought.
$500 in wedding wishes was all he had left.
He borrowed from a finance company.
Work hard for the next ten years he said, security you will have, a pension I get.
One box.

Within weeks of moving in I began to see his anger directed at me.
Little things like biting my nails, a few crumbs on the counter, not making the bed.
Angry in a split second he would start screaming; I am trying to make this good for us, why can’t you see.
One of my O.C.D. symptoms, I clean, tidy, constantly.
He spit on me, I never bit my nails again.
His answer for his actions he later explained, his upbringing and the military he blamed.
I cried

A few weeks later he did say; let’s go shopping, fun for a day.
Wedding wishes, enjoy.
When we arrived, mine all mine he told.
Not a cent did I see, spent it on his frivolities.
Selfish was my comment.

Now financial problems were on the rise.
Employment quickly I did find.
He sat like a king in his castle.
Watching the neighbors, criticizing.

How much money did you make I was asked every day.
He was waiting for the perfect job; his credit was shot.
Fake it until you make it was his philosophy, far from debt free.
High maintenance he was.

We spent time with his creators, much I did see.
Highly dysfunctional, bickering constantly.
Mentally wearing, painful.
Excuses the bruised apple made for those diseased trees.

One night I came home, upstairs he called to me.
I have someone I want you to meet.
Dressed in a black velvet mini, a matching blouse, a cheap wig, hooker boots, that beautiful smile.
Shocked I was, that outfit spoke; lady of the night.
His makeup he stated; not right.
I applied it.
Found an old bra from heavier days, bags of rice.
She pranced around the room shining, a pretty girl.

We made love later that night.
He whispered in my ear; I love you princess, playing dress up was fun but a man I will always be.
You he said; are enough woman for me, beautiful inside and out.

As time passed I began to see behaviors unfamiliar to me.
One night I came home to find a strange man, my hero on his knees.
The man then spoke to me; party for three.
Part of that I had no interest in being.
Upstairs I did fly.
He left in a flurry of hurry.

Are you gay I asked the King.
No he replied, not that, it’s just a penis I need.
No interest in a relationship with a male he said.
It happened once more, ended like before.
Then I did see, bait I was for his proclivities.
He had not touched me since that dress up night.

Now arguments he would start.
I could not make him see, controlled I would not be.
Stresses, I started to carry.
He went along merrily.

Autumn was upon us, my employer shut the doors.
I fell ill, cramps, stomach ache that went on for days.
Within a week I began to bleed, a hospital was my need.
His words of comfort; good thing you are not working eh.

Winter came, I froze again.
The castle, heated by propane expensive.
No worries bothered him.
My O.C.D. had again begun in my head.
Conflict, I do not deal well with.

That spring financial problems had come to a head.
We are married he said; my debts are now yours.
I had no debts other than my car.
My credit was good.

He applied to a war zone.
He ran, hid, my hero did
Left me to deal with  the creditors.

I went back home where I was known, rented a room from my best friend.
I worked my ass off, thousands and thousands came and went.
I cleaned up most of his debts.
He called me daily, whining; I was promised an easy job.
Manual labour was not his thing, shafted he said.

Fired, sent home, thirty days.
His only concern, the shiny medal he said he earned.
He got a job, minimum wage, covered his gas, food, cigarettes.
I kept us afloat.

Now it was turning cold, almost winter again.
Come home he said; I miss my best friend, please can we start again?
Christmas day, family came.
Just like his father his mother said.

That following spring I worked at an Inn that hosted a cross dresser, transgender fling.
Friends I made.
The king was invited, his answer was no.
Angry he was that I had shared his secret, I did not understand.
When I asked him why, he did reply; We are known.
I am a man, will always be.

Over the next year more he inflicted on me, mind games, manipulation.
He sulked like a child not getting his way.
A slow learner I tend to be, he had me believing the fault lay with me.
This is the nature of men was his reply.

Christmas time came again, a day with his family spent.
He did give me a special gift that night, a punch in the head on the ride home.
I did not understand, I thought a good day we had.

Everywhere together we went, buddy I was.
Like blinders on a horse, his hands on my face, we walked through stores.
Needs not wants he drilled into me.

The following year I painted the house, worked the gardens, carried two jobs.
Tired he was he complained, he worked eight hours a day.
TV was all he was interested in.
Cops, Judge Judy, Jail, was his viewing.
Hired by corrections he had been.

In the last year, he began to tell me; life insurance you need.
Your health is not good, I can’t afford to bury you.
His cat died the year before, I buried him.
Insurance I did not get.

I saved all I could in the year that had passed.
More than $1,000 I had.
On a vacation we did go.
My daughter came, excited I was.

His nose was out of joint, too much time he said talking to her.
Less than 24 hours had passed, control he lost.
A child he was, a temper tantrum he threw.

My daughter did see that show
An hour later again he did blow.
Scared she was, run she did.
I was not afraid.
Many times I had endured this.

The only vacation I ever had, ruined.
My daughter went home.
Her words woke me up.
Now I have to worry about you.
Not cool.

The king did not feel bad.
Too sensitive you are, he always said.
Suck it up buttercup his words again.
I moved, the blue room.

I researched his symptoms, all that he shared.
This is the age of information, everything is there.
Stupid I felt, a fool he made of me.
Ignorant, no longer could I be.

Red flags he had waved, I did not see.
Terrified I should have been.
A dark triad I had loved, married.

I told the king no more.
Your games I am done playing.
I am leaving as soon as possible I said; a psychopath you are, #$%&@# in the head.
That’s too bad, I still like you he said, another man you will not get.
I replied I have not had one yet; you don’t miss what you don’t get.
You’re right it’s over he continued; if you don’t get out of my house, I will show you what a psycho can do.
In the next days his mask was gone, his true self through.

You owe me $1,500 for the month, a renter you are.
$400 he settled for, I had no more.
In the following week he demanded I sign off on our bank account.
I did as he asked, kept the peace.

That week I did see.
A look of pure rage, evil took over, psycho face.
I called the police.

A domestic dispute he cried when they came.
Sorry you were bothered he said, women eh!
He went to sleep at his creators that night.
The king was back the next day, mad as a hatter.

That night I did pray, father help me, show me a way.
In the next days, an angel in blue, a badge he wore, knocked on the door.
Do the right thing, make a statement, tell the truth.
Do your part, we will charge, take care of the rest.

Arrested he was in two days.
The County’s finest leading the parade they drove away.
Intelligent, smarter than me he thought himself to be.
The mentality of a child is what I had come to see.
Overthrown he now be.
Natural consequence.

In the following week through that castle I did go, much I found hidden.
A story it told.
I was the fifth victim, records did show.
A box I found, three-quarters gone, the symptoms I read.
That week I was so ill, memories came back instantly.
Now I did know.
Dry run.

I called the police.
Told them what I had found, come see.
No good he said, we need to find our own evidence.
My angel in blue then told me; tell no one of this case.
Cover up.

A thought on that went through my head.
Not neither long before nor far away, another of that mind.
Incarcerated, locked away, never again to be free.

Creeping around the king had been, trying to break in.
Wanting all he had hidden.
My angel came, took pictures, collected evidence, I gave him everything.
Copies I had made.

A few days later, my phone did ring.
A cop speaking, on behalf of the king.
His words set the stage. The wedding certificate the fallen wanted me to send, waving it victoriously he was.
I knew it all then.
Would I like to change my statement now the officer asked.
No was my answer, threatened I felt.
Married to another he told.
He did not know, his cover.

In the weeks ahead, I did see.
A club I was not a member of became apparent o me.
The Good Old Boys showed me where their alliances lay.
A game they did play.
A psychiatrist may be needed a cop did say.

What to do?
I had no clue, help there was none.
Moving sale, I sold what I could.
Paid a debt to a neighbor, tools.
The fallen had a cop call; my things you cannot sell.
My reply; he should have thought of that before he cleaned me out.
All is fair in love and war, a hero you are no more.

I called my friend, a haven I need.
She found me an apartment.
One less worry.
I rented a truck, packed what was left.
Sayonara I said as I left.
I drove that “Highway of heroes,” miles upon miles.

I arrived, weeks later the police came looking.
In the slums I was living, social assistance.
Arrested you will soon be, turn yourself in, make this easy.
I did.

In the months that followed, more shit did I see.
A church certificate, was shown to me.
Amazingly it had appeared, backdated more than four years.

The first husband, living with a cop.
Swore under oath he signed a divorce paper my hero had brought.
She backed him up, claimed she knew.
We had never met.

Never before have I had issues with the law.
A bigamist I am called.
The first Canadian, to be convicted in sixty years.
No intent was found.
A small fine, a hundred hours spent with the mentally ill, probation for a year.
A deterrent to others, my lawyer explained to me.

I contacted the officer that arrested me, why I asked, there are three.
I told him; the judge did not believe.
His reply: I don’t give a shit what the judge had to say, you pled guilty, we are good with that.
Go away.

Three weeks before his trial is to start, I get a call.
My VWAP, liaison to the crown speaks; he will plead guilty to the one count witnessed.
She continued; he will be signing in female form.

A slap was his punishment.
No record did he get.
She walked away, a lady would not behave in that way.

Now a woman, he claims publicly.
He states; I said, an ugly wife he made.
He states he was on hormones when we married
I made him stop, sent him into the basement.
Now, coming out.

Forced out he states; verbal abuse.
He tells a story on the  news, printed as well.
A grain of truth, wrapped loose in lies.

I wrote those papers stating; research they did not do.
The reply I received; we feel for you, we understand her transgendering has been hard on you.
We stand behind him, our writer.

In this last year, more shit has gone on.
Online, hacked, dumped email accounts.
My car insurance he cancelled, more.

Words of wisdom.
Be careful what you wish for, look for.
You may get so much more.

I hope I give some understanding.
Awake, aware, angry I am.
Justice has not served me.
I no longer have much hope for humanity.

Mind and soul intact


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Ox Drover

Ladyinred, GREAT story/poem, I couldn’t stop reading! Welcome to our club, sorry you have the “credentials” to qualify for membership. Again, welcome, and glad you found your way here.



Lady in red, you must be a very strong person! Once again here’s another spath who started out so gentle & kind, pouring on the charm & declaring they were made for each other. Then comes the contrast when the mask slides off. Mine too had sexual fetishes & identity issues because he said indignantly that he wasn’t gay, but he had a fixation on gay porn. Then they start putting the bite on us financially. Mine wanted me to open a Home Depot account for work on our house “because your credit’s better than mine. We’ll work it out later.” Right, the way it worked out was I got to pay for everything. Our stories vary but the more I read, the more earmarks I see. Thank you for sharing & I pray your life becomes sunny again.


I second skylar and ox! I could not stop reading and wow! Im sorry for what u have experienced.

WOW!Your story and the way you told it is just so amazing-and the fact that you were strong enough to survive it and tell about it!


Oh My ~!


Dear LadyinRed, so sorry to here about another woman, deceived from yet another vampire. Yes, vampires they are! Vampire is the only word I can use to describe who and what they are. I pray that you are well on your healing journey. People that have never come up against this type of evil, cannot even begin to imagine what we have been through. It has been over a year since I found out, the evil that was lurking in my life. He is no longer in my home, but his residue is still in my head. You have come to the best cyber place anywhere, for understanding, camraderie, learning, and healing. Heartfelt wishes to you on your healing journey! Very sincerely, Radar


Thx Ladyinred,

Great story, so beautifully told. I truly appreciate the poem form you have given your experience. I love to write and see a fluidity to what you wrote that is a gift…despite the topic and pain in all of our tales with a spath.

It is like beautiful art…painted in our own blood.

I wanted to comment on the bi-sexuality-transgender thread that I have seen noted from several LF bloggers. My Monster – spath told me of a bi-sexual relationship he had in his youth. I asked him if he was bi-sexual after his “tell.” He said no! (note to flag, when someone says I am wolf n I am not wolf…RUN) RUN HARD AND FAST!!!!

In the opposite direction…not towards wolf, whose jaws are open,like I DID!!!!

I am not judgemental about sexual persuasion…so I did not judge and chalked it up to youthful experimentation.
I do not think I will respond that way in future…I am hetero…I am not bi, therefore…a bi man is not for me. No judgement. I have gay freinds. I just know what I am and I now see this kind of “tell” as a super HUGE RED FLAG!!! That flag was one of many I did not admit to seeing. I have paid dearly. Still so angry today.





Bluemosaic, i concur with your post! When the vamp was here, his internet delites first started out as hetero porn, but then he degenerated into some really vile web-surfing. Im not judgemental, and ppl do what they do…but not with me. Dude never hinted that he liked twinks, she-males, trannys, and so on? Nary a word. Ughhhhhh! WTF!!! I feel sooooooo sorry for the next female he victimizes and violates. As for me? GOOD F**KING RIDDENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Like the rest of us, you were used and abused. I am sorry that you learned the Hard Way about these black holes of humanity. They suck the life out of us and destroy that which is good. You are in my prayers.


Bluejay, good one! …blach hole of humanity….adding this description to my list!



Welcome. I hope you are doing ok. I don’t know if I would be.


Funny…spath I was with uses the name badwolf as an id on a social site. He knows what he is.

Mincheff Joyce

What you have artfully described is a clear case of CADding. Lying about biographical information in seduction is the use of Carnal Abusive Deceit.

It is also known as rape-by-fraud. I have written about my brush with a CAD and am soon to release it to the public. I’ve also created a blog in order to identify such predators and make continued fabrication difficult for them. You can Google “CAD Alert blog” or log onto http://[email protected].

The blog is in its embyonic stage. You would be one of the first to identify the correct biographical information of the person who harmed you. You will NOT be expected to identify yourself.

One of the most constructive ways to empower yourself after a blow from a predator is to speak out….. as you did. I hope it has propelled you forward on the road to healing.

As you, I often find expression in poetry. Although I’ve included some of the poems I’ve written, my book’s objective is to iidentify how predators behave and why we find our way into their traps. I’ve also focused on the steps toward healing for the victims as well as their families and friends. Laslty, I’ve covered the problems with our penal system and why it fails to protect victims of this heinous behavior.

I hope you enjoy this poem from my book.

Joyce Mincheff

Free Yourself

The pain that festers, kept inside
Devours you, destroys your pride.
Takes all the joy of life away,
Torments you each and every day.

Injustice lay beneath the glance
You stumbled on, just happenstance.
The predator entered in your space-
You welcomed him with love and grace.

And when he did his worst to you
You wondered how you never knew.
He looked the same as other men
What’s shown is not always within.

You need not ask “what did I do?”
This man who stole the best of you.
You loved, that’s all, the way you should
But not all men are up to good.

So if you find that one who tries,
To steal your love with countless lies-
With sword he spoke to run you through,
Invisible, kept from your view.

You learned what your life taught to you,
You gave your heart and loved him true
That he’s a lie is all on him,
Don’t beat yourself, “how did I sin?”

Speak out, let go, and get beyond,
There is a light with each new dawn.
Though justice might not come your way,
Your “speaking out” frees you today.

For those who can’t validate your past,
Lived differently, their die was cast,
Without the pain that you now know,
Ignorance is bliss, just pass and go.

You can’t go back, it’s part of you,
Experience comes from all you knew.
You’re stronger now, so thank him well,
You’ve wrested your strength from the man from hell.

Grieve your loss, release your pain,
No, innocence can’t return again.
What doesn’t kill you makes you strong,
Go live that strength your new life long.


Mincheff Joyce, awesome post! Looking foward to your book! Best to you! 🙂




Thank you Mincheff Joyce…your poem is Absolutely Beautiful!

Your choice to not remain quiet and wounded… empowering!!!



Hello; Thank you all so much for your warm welcome, I am so glad to have found you. A special club this is, a hell of a ride it has been. Finding others that understand those of that mind has been a challenge. Sad that their are so many of us, many still suffering these monsters. Strength of spirit we all have, we made it here . I see my life as a work in progress. Your poem is beautiful Joyce, a work of art.


I agree, LadyinRed. JoyceMincheff’s Poem touched my heart in manifold ways… The poem she wrote is a literary masterpiece, A bittersweet sonnet, of a wounded warriors heart…just beautiful indeed.


LadyInRed, thank you for posting your experiences in such an eloquent medium. I’m grateful that you were able to survive them and my belief is that Life IS a work-in-progress for those who are willing to do the hard work of accepting and recovering. It’s no easy task, and it’s very painful, very cruel, but can result in some incredible epiphanies.

Brightest blessings to you


Hello Love; You carry an awesome user name. So very right you are, a long road recovery is, fourteen yearsI have walked this path, misdirected here and there. As time passes, much becomes clear. Understanding, accepting, loving the self, monumental in healing.
Blessed I am, positive energy, strength,I have again found hope for humanity in all of you.
Kindred spirit we are.
So very proud of this garden I am.


Good Morning. Thank you all so much for your warm welcome, home I am commerades. I was so excited yesterday to meet you all, overwhelmed. A couple of friends and I had coffee last night, they two have lived these minds of monsters, used and abused, surviviours. I showed them us, not interested I did see. Victims, crying, they choose to remain. Let it go now, it’s been almost a year. How I asked her. You will cause harm to yourself she replied drunkenly, I’m not having fun, no ones paying attention to me. Manipulation on one level or another I now see. Mistake my kindness for weakness they continousely do. Suck it up; my daughter said. Excuses for her father she continued to make. That hurt the most, for my girls I had always been there, now we do not speak. Consumed by my traumas, I am not. Quit crying, life goes on, my mother last words. I work, try to live. Through this existance much I have gained. Insight, knowledge, understanding, a little wisdom. With honors I plan to graduate this year,”the school of hard knocks’. Most of my life it has taken to achieve, I no longer see them to be wasted years? When I return to my fathers house, an interesting journey I will have to share. So self involved this world has become. In this centuary I have said many times I do not belong. From the daily stories I have gleaned, levels of sociopathy, annihilating humanity. We be the collective surviviors.



Thank you for sharing your story. You will be blessing many with your gift of writing. I love the words that finally let me breathe while reading your poem “Mind and soul intack”.

I now understand why he was always talking about dressing as a Vegas show girl with a big headdress, glitter and heels wanting to show his massive muscles with no shirt as he danced in the Canary Islands parade or a Vegas show..And I, not wanting to judge, feeling special once again because he could trust his feelings to me and knowing how much I loved him, offered to do his makeup.

I would like to know what to tell my “friends” when they think they have had a relationship with a psychopath and they have no idea the truth of this hell. Your comment helped me to release trying to explain something they’ll never understand unless they truly experience it. Your enemies dont deserve such a punishment. … ..

Goodnight commerade:)


Sweetheart:So sorry it has taken me this long to reply.
My take: Truth works best.
Embarrassed, ashamed you need not be.
Compassion, empathy ,a big heart I see.
A beautiful spirit, innocent, naive.
Take pride, love yourself, first priority.
You are what this humanity was supposed to be.
Wounderouse gifts you hold.
A secret garden you do own, beautiful flowers grow.
Heavy of head, sorrows untold.
Share your story, knowledge, understanding attained, wisdom you own.
Good characture, strong of spirit, a heroine within.
Shine bright, hold tight, priceless you are.
What they choose to take from your journey, unknown.
You can lead a horse to the proverbial stream.
Beating it to death, wasted time, negative emotions crowd the spirit.
They will chose what they want to hear, take.
As my archangel in blue said to me in the begining of this; Many will never get it, issues they own.
On that note;
Those that see themselves to be my enimies have brought that on to themselves.
Called on it, facade broken, action/reaction may take awhile.
Karma unfolds.
Natural consequences,irony, comes to pass.
Be proud, honor you have, a lost quality in an ever evolving world.
Blessed you are.
Thank you so much.
Kindred spirit.


Welcome LadyinRed,
Your words are brillant. Thank you for sharing this journey with us. I too have been on this journey and have received only more injustice from the court system. I am angry at this system. I chose to marry the spath, but I did not choose the abuse at the hands of the legal system. I accept my poor choice of a mate. I have become more wise. I have learned. I don’t know if I will ever accept the spaths who run the legal system. We did not have a choice, and were told we would be protected. This is spath behavior of fraud and deception. Keep writing, the world needs to read your work!!


What a boat load of courage for you to share this and stand up to wrong.
I also heard things like:
You’re oversensitive.
Not everyone is happy, suck it up. Bite your tongue.
I also experienced the temper tantrums, sulking to get his way, but would then say tersely, “You always have to have your way.”

I also noticed the velocity of escalation: I saw anger go to rage. On a scale of 0-10 at 100mph. I was left dumbfounded how anyone could be so mad because ( insert minimal problem)….. like – the car needs gas.
I also researched his symptoms and came up with stuff like narcissism, anti-social personality disorder, sociopath, psychopath, all the different personality disorders (seemed like he had traits of ALL of them) – LOL. However, in regard to counseling, he once told me on the drive there (one of the times that HE went along) that we were “going to shake my problem loose.”

He often talked like he was so friggin’ smart and everyone in the world was so dumb. He was an avid reader, so he could throw his knowledge around and try to impress people but mostly try to make me look stupid as much as possible.

He also was on my email remotely to 2 years prior to divorce but I only learned this 9 months into the divorce process. Luckily I had been using a different email – as I had suspicions but no proof.

Lady in Red, remember red is a bold color. Stay bold, stay brave, keep the faith and courage. Don’t loose hope for humanity. Us good people are out there.


I hope the writing down of your experience has helped relieve some of the dreadful pain you have suffered. As one who has suffered this pain through a different story, reading your story has helped by letting me know I am not the only one. My story is several years in the past. I have worked hard to ‘move on’ and, in large part, I have. Nevertheless, when the shadows creep in and my mind goes backwards it really helps to read posts such as yours. From the bottom of my heart I thank you for this. The road to recovery is not easy but it is doable. You can, like the rest of us, recover your strength and find better times. Much love to you.

Ox Drover

Joyce, love your poem, very powerful.


Another victim of ignoramuses at large here to confirm the validity of your experience as significant, traumatic, unnecessary& and indicative of the fact that a bunch of idiots are out there trying to dupe otherwise decent honest people!! Oh well!!

While we’re being poetic, I wanted to contribute my latest prosaic: >>”Better lonely than low-brow!!”<<

I've got a berth of a very welcome TRO working to keep the latest spath goofball away from me, Ahh, but the horrible memory will be kept vivid as a reminder to avoid these phony POS's!!

Live well, Ladies. Our knowledge is our strength!!

I have also experienced the worst and was experiencing similar stunned amazement that a thing appearing as a man was really the devil incarnate!!

I agree with the majority commenting that as soon as identified, run fast and far from these energy-suckers/emotional vampires. They are a scourge unto the earth.

Ox Drover

Welcome to the club, hinahina.

Welcome Hinahina,
YES, knowledge is strength! Our emotions also give us strength, if we are wise enough to listen to them. When the instincts tell us to run from the emotional vampires, we should LISTEN TO THEM AND RUN.

So glad to see you here, healing and helping others heal.


GM All,

Welcome Hinahina, you are so right, they are the devil incarnate. One of my “spiritual guru” freinds called mine a vampire… after I went to her greiving-hysterical, post spath, and told her what had happened and how devastated I was …she said, “OMG…you fell in love with a vampire and he bled you of your energy!” This was first time I had considered that the relationship had not been a normal one. I found LF several months later.
“Knowledge is power”…I second that one.



Great work, Joyce and Lady in red!!! Thanks!


issues posting yesterday, checking

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