Lovefraud received the following story from a woman who wanted to be referred to as “PI’s ex-wife.”
I am a well-educated, professional, hard-working person. I moved to Utah, a divorcee with four children twenty years ago. All four of my children are college graduates, two of them are masters level, and are productive members of society. At a church function, I met an investigator with the police department and we became friends. He had all the props: his parents were active members of our church, salt of the earth, well-educated and community contributors. A few weeks after we met, HE told me that the police department was giving him a choice to resign or be fired because HE had been “framed”—everyone in the PD was jealous of HIM. Of course, the story was not that direct but was designed in a solemn, gentle, believable-over-dinner kind of way. There were small, sensitive acts of kindness and thoughtfulness, detail-oriented plans to make me feel genuinely loved and appreciated.
Fast-forward 18 years: After finding out HE had been “let go” from a total of four PDs, three of them before we were married, affairs that started within the first year of marriage, endless lies, pornography (online and what he filmed himself), paying one woman almost $40,000 in blackmail money, draining my accounts of $20,000, bilking friends and neighbors out of $$$, setting up a PI business as a front, destroying many families (involving children), being registered in almost every online dating site, funneling $$$ to his sister, exploding in rage with every discovery of deceit (my fault, of course), reminding me that I was to “forgive 70 times 7,” telling me that he was talking with the bishop on a regular basis (when, in fact, it had been only once and just general small talk), leaving for 1-2 weeks at a time when enraged ”¦ blah, blah, blah, I said, “no more”.
We had been “married” for 17 years. He had done the minimal amount of work at home, never once contributed financially to house or utilities because “it was all going back into his business” so that I could retire at a reasonable age. He would, however, bring home dinner on the days that I worked (12 hour shifts) and that was because he has a voracious appetite. He would also take me to work and pick me up which looked really good—the attentive husband, who could then go online to plan his next adventure without fear of the wife walking in, because she had no way home unless she called him.
Because of dishonest practices and unethical behavior, HE has lost his PI license, jobs and has been virtually in hiding for over a year. Several cars have been repossessed and I hear he has filed for bankruptcy (which will be the second time). The $10,000 I paid HIM to go away didn’t go far to impress the woman (and her five children) that he was seeing—while we were still married, of course—and convinced to leave her husband. To date, I understand she has moved three times and two of her children are in foster care. The price to society is staggering and ”¦ this woman has no way of knowing that he can never be monogamous. But she will.
This Blog is living proof that knowledge is power! heck if it weren’t for me finding out what a sociopath was I may still be in clutches of my exS woman! They call all the shots UNTIL you find out about them..then it’s up to you.
Renewed,
thank you for the advice! I posted the following in the Tort section:
~~~~~Hello, I am in need of advice.
My (now Ex) husband was named in a libel tort lawsuit in another state 6 years ago: he allegedly posted libelous statements on a financial message board. I am not named in the lawsuit. I was not aware of the postings until the lawsuit came down, nor would my husband disclose any information to me during our marriage, except that he was being sued.
During our 2 plus years horrific divorce proceedings, he continually tried to “award” me half the liability of this lawsuit, to no avail. This remains in our settlement as a reserved issue.
I have two questions:
If a judgment is served on him after the trial, are my separate property assets at risk from the prosecuting party? the Appeal of 11601 Wilshire Associates v. Helen Grebow seems to support they are not, but I do need clarification if this supports my case.
If No to the first question (i.e. the only attachable assets are my ex-husband’s separate property), does he, the Ex, have legal recourse to sue me for my assets to satisfy a judgment served against him?
Due to the overly litigious nature of our divorce, I have little doubt this will be his next move. I must mention here that his divorce attorney is and has been his girlfriend for over 2 1/2 years.
We live in California. Thank you in advance for your time and insight.~~~~~
And I totally agree with your previous comment! It sounds like you benefited from the LF Knowledge is Power before you took action to “un-clutch” …… I kick myself everyday that I did not find LF until after….with the knowledge gained here I would have done everything differently!
However, I must stress that LF is a lifeline for me…Now I Have Power….no small feat, thanks to LF and all who write and post here….Love you all!!!!!!!!
Dear Heart;WE LOVE YOU TOO and understand where you are at right now! Come here often to vent and to rest your weary head on our shoulders! I pray that things turn out in your favor exclusively and do keep us updated! YOU ARE an Interesting Read!
Heart:
Were you married when he posted?
I’m thinking you should protect all assets via either a LLC or a trust.
Keep in mind….I’m NOT an attorney.
You may not be able to do this legally since this issue is reserved in your decree and I assume there is a mutual restraining order on all assets?
I learned that these things have to be litigated at a great expense to prove anything, and if I had to do things over…..I would have drained more accounts……and let him fight me…..IF he could afford it.
Although…..I never needed to…..but thought about it seriously and the mutual financial restraining order stopped me.
I’d check into ‘sheltering’ your assets….or transfering titles to famiy or children/ LLC or trust in a name NOT like….the Smith family trust….
I know someone who named their trust…..
YOU CAN”T FIND THIS TRUST dated yadayada….2009.
It doesn’t show up under any specific name. Pretty snazzy.
Posession is 9/10th…..so I suggest you gather ideas…then consult….and keep in mind your attorney will NEVER tell you to go against court orders…..yet…..we hire attornies for guidance, not final word.
I think your going about it the right way…..your being proactive and thinking ahead….of what COULD happen…..
Because your right…..with a CB…if it could….it will!!!
I read these comments with a little bit of jealousy and envy – yes, I shamefully admit that. Getting rid of the P would be the culmination of my life’s dream. Mine doesn’t go away. He’s figured out a way to stretch things to the limit: doesn’t pay bills, does pornography in front of the children, uses the legal system as a weapon of choice, then, doesn’t pay the lawyers, hurts the children but the guy is teflon coated. Nothing and I mean nothing, sticks to him! What rotten SOB luck! At times, I feel like I’m in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight and nothing to hold on to. Will this ever end?
EB,
Yes, we were married at the time. My assets are real property, an IRA, a Keogh, and another brokerage account held in my name.
There is no restraining order on my assets. Our family law judge denied bifurcation of the lawsuit when the N filed a motion with a stipulation that I agree to be liable for half of any forthcoming Judgment.
The N of course knows the real property, so changing title will not help, as the tax records will reveal how title is held. I have not really explored the benefits of an LLC to hold title….I am thinking it will not help atm, as he would claim I was trying to hide my assets.
I am 99 percent sure my assets are protected from a Judgement against him. Remember, I am not and have never been named in this suit. Refer to the case below:
Here is the case I sited in my first question:
http://74.125.155.132/search?q=cache:GFmRygdqNvMJ:caselaw.findlaw.com/data2/californiastatecases/b107999.doc+11601+Wilshire+Associates+v.+Helen+Grebow&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us&client=firefox-a
The spouses assets, both separate and community, were protected from the judgment, especially note the fact that the marriages were still active and valid.
In my situation, we are divorced and my assets are in my name and not community property.
My MAIN concern, because of the evil nature of the N backed by his P gf/atty, is he will try to sue me for my assets to satisfy a judgment against him, even though he has no legal recourse to do so. I am a target and will continue to be so. He would do the aforementioned not because he has a valid leg to stand on, but for the sheer evil of draining my resources by forcing me to to incur ongoing legal fees.
This is how he gets his pleasure….by punishing me for leaving him and forcing him to divide our assets.
As he so aptly stated “You have destroyed my Empire!” I kid you not, this is what he said to me and he will continue to hunt me down and force me to spend legal fees. What he believes was his “Empire” was NOT half mine, and he will do everything in his power to take it away from me, depleting the value by bleeding it from me.
QS – I dont know about you particular story, and I can relate to the feeling where you cant see things getting any better, but they do bit by bit, and I have faith, although sometimes I get tired and angry, that it will one day end… because I am working through it. I hope for you that just coming here and doing the same will be the beginning of a journey for you that will help you start moving away emotionally and physically from whatever is hurting you and taking control of your own life, the direction its going in and who you choose to share it with. Its a long one and tough one though sometimes:( I would give you the same advice I have been given: to read the as many articles as you can here, and start thinking about practical strategies to start making changes, or going NC (No contact)
blueskies:
Thank you for the advice and for taking the time to reply to my comment. I just recently found out that the guy is a Narcissist/Psycho/Sociopath (not more than a month ago), although it was like shinning a light on me because it all now makes sense and fits into place, I think that I’m going thru it all over again, mostly, because he’s just dragged me into court for the third time in 11 years. I’ve been dealing with this monster 25 years and he managed to cheat me out of custody so my heart and my wounds never heal. Wherever I go, he finds me and I really can’t ever stray too far because of my children, something he knows. Finding this site and a similar one have only made it worse (for now) as I read the never-ending stories that mirror image mine to the most minute details. I think I feel more hopeless today than on day one.
I think a lot of us have experienced what you are describing. The realization of what you are dealing with is so overwhelming…and reading here can be at that stage too even though it’s also extremely validating. Like I said, once you stop reeling, try and think of practical steps to safely break the cycle he’s got you in: there are many people on here who have had experience of co-parenting with someone evil who will give you more helpful insight than I could, and also articles about it. Give yourself some time:) x
Quantum,
I agree with blueskies, as I was completely overwhelmed when I found a name for what I always thought was just a mega A**hole. You need to give yourself time to get over the shock of realization that the mask is now off your monster, and you see him with eyes wide open.
OMG finding “Narcissist/P/S” online and realizing THAT was “him” put me into my first major panic attack! But NOW he was named for what he was, and I was validated that it was not me that was the crazy, it was HIM!
As time passes and you gather more and more information about N/P/S’s, you are empowered with the knowledge, and even though you cannot stop what he does and will continue to do, at least you will be well prepared for the battles.
May I ask what why you were just dragged back to court, and the age of your youngest child? My son is 17 (in 11th grade), he was 14 when things blew up, and I am counting the days until he gets out of high school and I can go NC with the N father.
Just hang in here at LF and empower yourself with the people here who KNOW what you are going through!