Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from the reader who posts as “Hehadme39.”
Okay, I became involved with my psychopath in Dec. 2008. I ended our relationship in July 2010. During the course of this relationship he took advantage of me in several ways. The first time he took advantage of me I came to find out he was committing a mass amount of fraud. Not only with me and my financial information but with several others’ financial information.
I kicked him out took the evidence I had to the police. The Secret Service and the FBI got involved as well as the Department of Education. There was a mountain of evidence I delivered to them but in the end, I was told by a TX secret service agent that because he and I were in a romantic relationship the evidence I delivered to them would NOT be admissible in court. They told me they were sorry they couldn’t help me, but they had turned the evidence over to the Department of Education because they had GOOD evidence that he was committing student loan fraud. I got one visit from the DOE and nothing ever came of it all.
All of this occurred only after 5 months of knowing him and 2 months of him living with me. EVERYTHING he told me about me turning him in was true. Nobody did anything to him. Even when he had been in prison twice for violating probation and parole from a prison sentence for committing ”¦ DRUM ROLL PLEASE ”¦ Yes, you guessed it FRAUD!
Seeing him again
Well, he manipulated me again to at least seeing him again as I REFUSED to allow him to live with me. He promised he had changed and wanted to be a better man because of me. (LOL what a joke right) I chose to ignore what my intuition was telling me and I continued to see him in secret, as if my friends knew I was seeing him after what he did they would not be happy with me and it would cost me those friendships.
I now know, He KNEW this would isolate me further and make it easier to deepen his tentacles that sucked my life force and soul out. I even got the psychopath a cell phone and paid for it the majority of the time. A week later he added another line to my account in an attempt to commit yet another fraudulent act. But to his disappointment I caught this quickly and put security guards in place and removed all access to ANY account I had and refused to give him the information to get into ANY of my accounts. I would not allow him in my home without me there and only left him in my home alone on two separate occasions that were beyond my control. Well, or so I thought.
I knew and realized what he was doing to me. I kept wondering what is wrong with me that I am letting someone manipulate me the way he did. The few friends that did know about him would tell me he is just a liar and a manipulator. It was all true; I couldn’t argue with them. My excuse was always well it’s just for sex anyway. When in reality I truly loved the psychopath as he reinforced all of my own self-loathing. He reminded me daily how much I hated myself and shamefully at the time it’s what I wanted.
Waking up
Well I really started to wake up in December 2009 when he cancelled yet another vacation that was supposed to be spent with me over the Christmas Holiday to be with his live-in girlfriend, which he had me convinced was his “roommate.” Well I came across an article one evening on that vacation I ended up alone entitled, “How to tell if you are dating a married man.” Well I read the article and my psychopath met every criteria of the “married man” and I met every criteria of “the other woman”! I KNEW that day that I had to escape him.
I tried to break it off with him on several occasions and every time he would manipulate me into taking him back. I would be lonely and couldn’t bear the thought of no more sex like that for the rest of my life. The time before our final “show down,” I had broken it off and he threw a very heavy bag like it was nothing destroyed some things in my apartment and chased me to the balcony. When I wouldn’t come in, he wouldn’t risk people seeing him in his rage so he just left. In hindsight, I should have realized then what he was truly capable of.
Assault
For our final showdown he showed up uninvited to my apt to collect his things after I finally had enough. There was NO way he was talking me out of it this time. I stepped outside and refused to allow him into my home. He assaulted me, pushed me into my apt, locked the door behind him and proceeded to terrorize me. He shoved me so hard I fell to the floor. He yanked me around yelling and screaming that he would be heard.
I grabbed him by his throat and shoved him away from me in self-defense and told him to leave. This made him extremely angry and he hit me so hard I came off my feet and was hurled across the room. He asked me if I wanted to die? Then he stated WE are going to DIE! and proceeded to the kitchen to get what I assumed would be a knife or something to kill me with. I raced past him and out my front door as he only locked the privacy lock. I escaped him and started pounding on neighbors’ doors for help as he has stolen my phone in the process of holding me in my apt against my will. I got scared and ran of course.
Citation
A neighbor came out and allowed me to use his cell phone to call 911. The police came made a report etc ”¦ I spoke with a detective and the detective assured me he believed my story and even took pictures of all the bruises he left me with. He then proceeded to tell me they had spoken with the psychopath and that he was scheduled to come down and talk to police the following day. His visit to the police station to my AMAZEMENT and SURPRISE yielded not only them letting him go and only issuing him a misdemeanor citation but issuing ME a citation for assault by contact.
I am the one who is abused and essentially kidnapped and held against her will but I am getting a citation for assault by contact! I had to obtain an attorney to defend the criminal charge. It is still pending and my attorney is having NO luck getting the psychopath to sign a waiver of prosecution. I anticipate that this is going to be going to trial eventually because I refuse to plea anything but self-defense!
I have over 100 emails with threats, virtual admissions of guilt to various crimes and other things, his crazy rantings, phone msgs etc ”¦ I also have the previous time I turned him in. What do you think my chances are proving that he is the one who assaulted me? It’s all about winning to him and I get it. It’s not about winning for me. It’s about proving that I was the VICTIM here not HIM. What are my chances?
OMG! Hehadme, Your email has definitely shown me that they can and will become violent after not showing violence previously . I certainly hope and pray that justice is served in your case.
Dear HeHadMe,
Welcome to Lovefraud! I’m sorry you had to come here, but glad that since you did, you found this wonderful place. It sounds like you have met a fraud artiste delux! It does not make any SENSE to me that because you had some kind of “romantic relationship” with him that his FRAUD is OK.
Frustrating isn’t it? I guess if the next bank robber kisses or fondles the teller, that means he had a “romantic relationship” with her and the charges for robbery won’t stick! SICK!!!!!
HeHadMe,
Sorry to hear about the upcoming court proceedings. I had many instances with my ex within the court system and they were by far some of the most frustrating, outrageous experiences I had. I too had false allegations made against me . He would take an actual event where he was abusive toward me and then turn around and claim I did it to him or I provoked it. I was naive enough at the time to believe that I would just go to court and simply tell the truth and everything would be okay- I was in for a very rude awakening. Not only did my ex walk in there proud as a peacock but he lied his way through with a smerk on his face the whole time. I was in absolute disbelief. He was awarded “cooling off” periods for stalking, simple assault, terroristic threats, and harassment. Guess what happened recently? He was arrested for 1st degree murder as he stalked his victim with a GPS and then killed the man in broad daylight in a shopping center. So much for that “cooling off” period.
I guess the best suggestion is after this is over- keep away from him. They will do whatever it takes to win, no matter what. Its sad that our court system supports charm,fraud and dishonesty over logic and reasoning – but thats a whole other issue I guess. In the meantime, keep yourself safe and educate yourself, this a fantastic site with so much to offer. Best of luck to you 🙂
Dear Hehadme,
First you should change your username to Hehateme. This guy is a psychopath who cares nothing for you, and yes is just out to win at all costs even if it means destroying you, your reputation, and nearly tried to take your life. Love? I think not. But you seem to get all that now. Stick to your guns; hopefully someone in the justice system will see the truth. Don’t they see his what seems to be a long criminal history as an indicator of who they are dealing with? I would make sure that gets brought up. Good luck to you. I hope you find peace and healing. And I can’t take credit for Hehateme as it was the name a football player named Rod Smart used on his jersey.
hehadme, I don’t know what your chances are but I am glad you have documented everything. It all sounds so horrible, I was not assaulted but I can really relate to what you wrote about, I am sorry you had to go through all that.
Hehadme:
I’m not sure what/why you were charged. I can only assume, because the police didn’t come in the ‘heat’ of the abuse……they couldn’t prove he was ‘there’.
So many officers go with the ‘toss’ up….if you both have marks, your both being charged…..we’ll let the courts deal with this.
I’m NOT surprised that your attorney can’t get him to sign anything releasing you from this charge. NOT surprised in the least…….HE thinks he’s got you by the balls.
I don’t know all the facts….drugs/alcohol involved yadayada….but the fact they made an apt. with the spath for THE NEXT DAY….shows they didn’t feel you were in any danger.
YIKES!
DV issues are NOT handled this way if they are taken seriously.
The time he had between the attack and his dance apt with the keystone cops……was probably the time he spent banging his head, punching his face and bruising up himself……to present his ‘story’ to the coppers.
Without knowing all details, it’s hard to say…..the justice system is never a ‘slam dunk’….
BUT…..from what you say….and all the documentation you have…..I would believe your going to come out fine….
Self defense is easy to show…..and if you had injuries and documented….
I wouldn’t worry.
PREPARE with your attorney…..but don’t worry.
IF your case is dismissed at trial……and i’m assuming your attoney has filed a motion to dismiss….based on self defense and maybe even home invasion….etec…..
I would SUE his ass for emotional distress and any injuries and attornies fees…..and attach wages or garnish assets.
We all have a right to defend ourselves…..and your life was threatened….you could have SHOT him and not been charged…….
Did you go to the hospital/Dr’s to document any injuries.
I’m hoping you took your own photos too.
And I am ASSUMING you filed a restraining order immediatly!!!!!!
Good luck……
BTW….what exactly was he charged with?
@....... ErinBrock
I did not take my own pictures but the police took tons and my attorney obtained them.
I did NOT seek Medical treatment out of shame. I know, I know I should have and I do regret not doing so. But I can’t change that so no use in beating myself up over it. LOL NO pun intended!
I filed (in TX) what is known as an ERO (Emergency Restraining Order) However, since he was never technically arrested. Only interviewed cited and released the ERO did NOT go into effect. Leaving him free to stalk me and he has/did. I received over 54 harassing, threatening, blackmailing, etc over the course of about a week and a half. I had to call the police AGAIN and file another harassment charge. After being contacted by that detective he finally left me along for the most part. Well… at least he wasn’t contacting me.
My Charge was Assault By Contact. I am not sure what his charge is. I never would speak with him so I never asked him. I assume I could go get a copy of the police report of the incident but I am not sure how to do that. I don’t know if it would be under my police report number or if they opened another report number when he decided to file against me.
It’s funny you say that I could have shot him and gotten away with it because my attorney told me the same thing.
I HATE violence and further hate that I had to even be aggressive to save my own rear end. But I will do whatever I HAVE to when it comes to my son and daughter keeping their mother around. Not to mention I can’t let them think it’s okay to let people treat you like that.
I did look into filing a regular restraining order with my attorney’s office but since it’s a different attorney that would file the order, it would require more money. More money I DON’T have. I am a single mom and the money I put down for retainer was ALL I had. So I can’t afford to even legally protect myself from this MONDO@.......#$%**%(!
Thank You so much for your response.
Hehadme:
Check out…. http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state.php?state_code=TX
Pop around that site and find some answers or clarification.
First off….an abuser doesn’t need to be arrested in order to obtain a TPO.
HE WAS CITED! That’s good enough….and even if he WASN”T CITED…..that’s good enough.
You had injuries, you FEAR him…..that’s grounds enough.
Did you go to the hearing? Did he show up?
Your attorney should have gotten a copy of his police report and charges. If not….why not?
Typically, the police won’t release police reports unless to an attorney, PRIOR to a case being heard.
Your charges ABC…..imply you ‘provoked’ him.
No bodily injury exists (on him) or the charge would have been more severe. ** SEE BELOW Tx. Definitions of assault.
Types of assault
Assault includes various crimes against persons, ranging from making offensive contact to causing serious injury, and including the threat of injury. All of these actions are crimes.
Assault by Contact, a Class C misdemeanor, is committed when a person intentionally or knowingly physically touches another knowing the victim will regard the contact as offensive or provocative.
Assault by Threat, a Class C misdemeanor, is committed when a person intentionally or knowingly threatens another with imminent bodily injury.
In the hall between classes a ninth-grader punches a seventh-grader in the face. The seventh-grader complains of pain. The older student has committed assault with bodily injury. Suppose the same ninth-grader looks at the kid standing next to the student he just punched and says, “Do you want some too?” This is assault by threat.
Assault with Bodily Injury, a Class A misdemeanor, occurs when a person intentionally, knowingly or recklessly causes bodily injury to another person. Bodily injury means physical pain, illness or any impairment of one’s physical condition.
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You do NOT need an attorney to file a harrasment or DV order!
The paperwork is EASY…..and self explanitory.
Most states have DV advocates to also hold your hand and attend court with you.
DV TPO’s do NOT cost money in most states btw….
I’m gonna tell you…..you NEED to investigate your own case, do YOUR OWN due diligence and KNOW YOUR OWN STATE LAWS…..for your own empowerment and clarity.
DO NOT RELY ON AN ATTORNEY…..like your mother.
If your attorney screws up….it’s your life….NOT HIS!
DO NOT place yourself in Victim mode….BE THE SURVIVOR YOU ARE! Stand up, put on your granny panties and go balls to the wall with researching “WHY” you were charged.
Take the personal out……concentrate on the legal.
NO ONE likes a victim……NO ONE! You will get more respect from the judges and your own attorney if you are self aware and educated on your rights……
It goes without saying, your a single mom……it goes without saying there is not an unlimited bank balance…..
But the victim in you is showing in your last statement….
“So I can’t afford to even legally protect myself from this MONDO@.......#$%**%(!”
DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT??????
I DON”T!
I know different.
Ask yourself……WHAT CAN I do? Research is a biggie.
Get on it girl!
WORK WITH your attorney. Stand up for yourself and FIGHT for your rights and protection……don’t lay down and be told ANYTHING.
Repeat after me……….
I AM A SURVIVOR…..NOT a victim!
@....... ErinBrock
You are absolutely right! Thank you for the swift kick in the A$$. I needed it. I really let this psycho turn me inside out. I am gaining my strength and tenancity back and I am heading forward with full force. He chose the WRONG mark in me and I am going to prove it to him! I don’t allow my children to play the victim and I should lead by example. Thank you SO much for pointing that out to me. You ROCK!!!
THAT”S RIGHT BABY!!
We must lead by example…..actions vs words.
My driving force was my kids…..they can be quite empowering…..if we just wipe our tears and take a deep breath and STAND UP….we can clear our own path.
Good luck darlen……