LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Winning a court battle with a sociopath

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who we’ll call “Juliet.” Juliet negotiated a settlement with her ex, the father of her daughter. Names and locations have been changed.

In the final papers, I am moving to Delaware and he gets supervised visits in Delaware (until age eight) for much longer than I would have if I were forced to fight in court and let the judge decide. Plus I am not paying for him to visit in Delaware. He agreed to pay child support of $450 once he gets a job. My daughter won’t leave Delaware with him until age 10, and she won’t fly alone to California until age 12.  And she only can leave for California over spring break and summer vacation.

How did I accomplish this?

For all of you in court battles over children with a Sociopath, I think there are two main reasons he and his lawyer agreed eventually:

1) I had a very accurate timeline of events that I submitted to the court along with emails from HIM to prove the important details (I did not deluge the court with all of back and forth stuff — I stuck to the main points of fraud)

a. Lied about being single when we met
b. Lied about having cancer
c. Lied about being sterile — which resulted in my pregnancy
d. Planned a wedding with me while married to someone else — attempting bigamy
e. Tried to commit suicide 3 days before wedding to get out of trouble of not being able to marry me
f. Continued lying to employers, employment fraud, theft records (i.e. not getting better)

And the MOST important piece of evidence I submitted to the court, in my opinion

2) The DSM IV Diagnosis of Anti Social Disorder — where it lists what is classified as being a Sociopath (I got this off the Out of the Fog website). I filled it out with examples of how his behavior fits this diagnosis (See below). This is important because — if he were to fight me in court about it. He could no longer have his psychologist say he is just depressed. His psychologist would have been forced to answer why he is NOT a Sociopath, which is much harder to do once the evidence is presented.

DSM-IV-TR Criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder (Sociopathy) -with names changed of course

Antisocial Personality Disorder (AsPD) is listed in the DSM-IV-TR as a Cluster B (dramatic, emotional, or erratic) Personality Disorder:

A pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15, as indicated by THREE (or more) of the following:

1.Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest.

Examples of this in Bill: Theft (in college, in 2007, in 2009 — these are the ones I know about for certain). 8 tickets, 3 warrants out for arrest for Driving w/Suspended Licenses in 2011. Convicted of this before in 2007 as well.

2.Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure

Examples of this in Bill: Pathological Liar about having cancer, being sterile, being single, jobs, resumes, unemployment fraud, gambling history, and so on. Alias — Taylor Kendrick

3.Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead

Examples of this in Bill: Asked me to marry him while still married to Laura. The normal person would’ve at minimum gotten a divorce at that point. He didn’t. He just ignored it until 3 days before our wedding and then tried to kill himself to get out of the doghouse for not planning ahead. Impulsive shopper — always spends money at the stores daily if not watched.

4.Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults

Examples of this in Bill: Anger always when caught in one of his lies — then blames you for it. Was a bouncer in college (physical). Intimidation. Manipulation. Fight with Joe Smith as a kid. Fight with his dad throwing him across the room.

5.Reckless disregard for safety of self or others

Examples of this in Bill: constant tickets (unsafe driving). As a child big daredevil — broke 37 bones. Motorcycle crash. Skiing accident. Suicide attempt. (Sometimes wonder if he doesn’t have a form of Munchausen syndrome as he always either hurt himself when I was sick — broken toes, or he mimicked my symptoms (during pregnancy and he never had a panic attack until he SAW me actually have one)).

6.Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain steady work or honor financial obligations

Examples of this in Bill: in serious debt — over $50K to parents, another $15-20K from divorce, another $5-10K in new medical bills. Took out 3 payday loans and didn’t pay them. Most of these are in collections. Closed his checking account because he is too irresponsible with money to balance it. Plus — hasn’t paid his own child support/alimony most of the time making his parents pay it. In the 3 years I’ve known him, hasn’t held a job for longer than 6 months — if he bothered working at all. Resume is full of lies. Linked in says he is the OWNER of a restaurant which isn’t true.

7.Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another

Examples of this in Bill: after destroying my life, discarded me and was on phone to another woman for 282 minutes by day 4. Vacationed 2 out of 5 weeks since leaving my house which clearly shows lack of regard to our daughter and no remorse over the loss of a relationship that was to end in marriage. Moved onto dating sites within a day after breaking up with Sandra. Left ex wife via letter and left the state. Watched me get sicker throughout my pregnancy and still refused to get a job. Watched me plan a wedding and get excited about marrying him when he knew that it wasn’t going to happen — got excited watching me get my hair done, buy rings, get my hopes up. No remorse over what it cost me, my kids, or his parents to support him financially while he faked cancer.

The manual lists the following additional necessary criteria:

1.The individual is at least 18 years of age.

Bill is 40 years old

2.There is evidence of conduct disorder with onset before age 15 years.

Examples of this in Bill: He had trouble with lying and stealing at a young age according to his sister & mothers stories about taking money out of purses and so forth. He also had a violent fight with Joe Smith where he battered him without remorse for suggesting his parents had sex. Big daredevil as a kid showing no regard for personal safety — broken 37 bones. The Uncle Arthur molestation story. Also told me a story of throwing his dad across the room as a teenager when in an argument. And so on . . .

3.The occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of schizophrenia or a manic episode.

Bill is not schizophrenic — does not have delusions or hear voices. Bill is not manic — too lazy to be, harder to get him to do anything than to keep up with him.

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58 Comments on "LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Winning a court battle with a sociopath"

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@ coping let’s say I am going though it right now with a woman that I feel meets all the criteria from a diagnoses. We were together for 3 years and she had me from the moment she states that she wanted a family.

She has lied about being raped,criminal activity and has made false allegations of abuse.
She is currently on probation for theft in two different states and the judge gave her mercy bc she had a loving husband by her side at every court date. She embellezed more then 96k from three different companies. We have two children together one I claim as my own b. she stated that she didn’t believe in abortions and one is biological mine. She has had at least 4 abortions, so she would have had a total of 8 children. Most by different fathers.

She left me while I was going to school full time and she was the bread winner. I put her through beauty school, so she can make a living while being a convicted felon. I requested a psyc. Eval which made me look stupid. She forced an eviction of the place and found her a new one left me without a job or a place to live. Luckly I have skills and I’m looking for job now so hopefully I had a couple interviews last week on the front runner for this one job so hopefully and then I can afford to continue to fight for custody of our children. I have Been applying for credit cards and any other things that I can use to my benefits so I can get the things that are the most important and those are the children on pretty much that’s my story and it sure sweet to the point cause I don’t want to give out too much information because who knows that she’s folding around trying to see if I’m talking bad about her I believe her to be part of the cluster B and is just hard proving it because she has a well together on exterior so that’s what I’m doing I just need assistance on how can I get the court to recognize her for who she is who she really is not who she portrays to be but who she really is.

Von….if your the same person as Mcnackney…..I’ve already given you everything I’ve got to offer.
I’ll repeat……your barking up the wrong tree with your aproach. It’s clear by the outcome. If your not willing to step back….and renegotiate….then….WELL….Keep attempting to hammer the screw in.

BTW….if the one child is not yours legally…..there is not a chance in hell the courts will transfer custody.

You must look at the reality…..from a non emotional standpoint…..but from a legal standpoint. AND ONLY THEN…..take it from there!
There is a difference between our fears and the Law. The family courts will only address legal issues.

Good luck.

Okay, so I need to finding another tree. I need help on figuring that out. I think the judge did all that bc I was pro se and did not have an attorney except for the op hearing. I hired one now, ap I was just trying to find the best approach that can work, So if I want a relationship with my son whom i have been caring for as my own I need not bring that information up. I have to asks my attorney what he thinks. He knows but didn’t say anything bc we have bigger issues.

What is your criminal or legal history?

I was just gonna ask him his sign. lol Shalom

Joking aside.. 4 abortions, 2 kids… What happened to the other 2 (8 were stated)
Were you married in those 3 years? If she was the bread winner how did she leave you out in the cold…?
Just missing a few things.. Could add light on your situation.

Dear Phoenix,

I am not sure about the social security if a father (mother) is in prison. I will check on this…it might be that the father (in jail or not) is DISABLED in which case the kids under 18 would get SS payments.

It is unfortunate but in my state the medical care available through medicaid is SADLY LACKING for the 23 yr old….and for the other kids there is a program called ARKids but it is very limited…this mom is in a hell of a bind and so is her son….I may not agree with their current decision, but it is NOT MY DECISION, but theirs to make. All I can do is offer information and support, but the decision is ultimately theirs.

Sometimes we have to accept injustice as the “better part of valor” when fighting for JUSTICE might ultimately be more costly in terms of limited resources…..been there and done that.

When I was under the age of 17 did get in trouble, but I have not been in troubthe with the law ever since that age. I am now 34. This is the most police contact I have ever had dealing with her.

The two othe children are the ones we have in common. I guess unless she gets violated from her probation there is not much I can do knowing she has APD. The more I think about it the more it becomes clear. No one will ever believe me bc she is so put together on the exterior.

Oh she was not the breadwinner the whole relationship, I was for the two 1/2 years. She just became the breadwinner in March of this year. I help her go to beauty school bc she was serving a 6 month sentence last years work release. She made 951 dollars last year, 600 the year before and I made 40k in 2009 and 2010, lost my job and she states that I should follow my dre and go back to school and she will hold down the finances until I got out of school.

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