By October 18, 2011 46 Comments Read More →

Thinking Like A Jedi!

My last post seems to have prompted lots of comments — and I’m glad, thank you. Corporate sociopathy is a major subject and one that I intend to continue exploring in my professional career. I shall let you know how I progress!

In the meantime, this week I am encouraged to write about something else. Well, on the surface it may appear to be a different subject”¦ then again, it’s to do with choice and action. It’s also to do with responsibility — making a stand, whatever that may mean.

I’ve titled this post “Thinking Like A Jedi” because I’d like to share with you something I call The Starwars Theory. Most people I talk to about this have at some point come across the film — even if they haven’t watched it, they’ll certainly have heard about it and usually have some knowledge of the characters. Any exceptions to the rule quickly seem to get the point in any case, so I thought it would be safe to talk about it here!

Yoda says”¦

There is a particular scene that centres around Yoda and Luke Skywalker. Yoda is a master Jedi, and he is intent on passing on his skills to the young Luke. In the swamp, Yoda teaches his student how to move rocks and stones with the power of his mind. Luke struggles as first but then manages to do it. Yoda tells him to use the same powers to free his spacecraft, which had crashed and sunk in to the swamp.

“Moving stones around is one thing, master, but moving a spaceship? That’s something completely different!” he protests.

“It is only different in your mind. You must unlearn what you have learned” replies Yoda.

“Alright” says Luke “I’ll give it a try!”

“No!” Yoda instructs “No try! Do or do not, there is no try!”

Skywalker gives it his best shot, but despite his efforts there is no sign of the spaceship. Yoda then takes over, using “the force” exactly as he had asked Luke. The spaceship rises up out of the swamp. Luke, clearly surprised by the result turns to Yoda

“I don’t believe it!” he exclaims, prompting Yoda’s famous response

“That is why you fail”

For anybody who is interested, you there are plenty of Yoda scenes and sayings posted on Youtube.

Fluffy Focus

So what does all this mean? I know it’s only a film, but for me, that way of thinking has always been hugely important — and has become even more valuable over the past couple of years let me assure you! In my opinion, the point is that there is absolutely no basis in ”˜trying’ to do anything at all. It’s very easy to say “I’ll try” to anything at all — but, in my opinion, it means nothing whatsoever. It’s about making a decision and a commitment — to yourself and/or to another person. The ”˜try’ word is usually just that — a word. It negates the necessity for action. It’s a fluffy word that results in fluffy focus and fluffy results. A non-word, a non-decision, a non-commitment — heck, surely it becomes non-existent”¦ doesn’t it?

I was fascinated to overhear a typically fluffy exchange between two people as I was waiting at a train station. I gathered that this pair were teachers, and they had been talking about organising a new project within the school. They’d clearly made some degree of progress, and they agreed they’d talk more about it tomorrow”¦ or did they? This was how the conversation went:

“Thanks, I’ll try to give you a call tomorrow and we can discuss more options”

“Great, yes, ok, I’ll try to make sure I’m around, and if I don’t hear from you I’ll try to give you a call”

“Okay then, let’s try to get together tomorrow. I’ll hope to see you then!”

They parted with a smile and a wave — but were they really going to achieve what they said they wanted to do? I don’t know, but I’d be willing to take a guess. I do know that I couldn’t help giggling to myself at yet another example of the vague promises and commitments that people give to each other on a daily basis — no wonder so many of us wander around lacking direction and inspiration!

For me, this life is all about recognising and using our own power — for ourselves and also for the good of others. The first job is to become happy with who and what we are”¦ then, and only then, can we really offer support or guidance to others. In any case, that’s my opinion and experience — and I can promise you it’s a lesson I’m constantly revising and developing! One class didn’t seem to do the job for me — neither did the homework or experiential workshop sessions. Nope, as I’ve said before, until relatively recently, I was perfectly happy to carry on giving and supporting others without a second thought about myself. Doh!

That way of being has changed for me — and is continuing to develop on a daily basis. It started with awareness, and continues to be built through intention and commitment to follow through.

Mind Over Matter

I believe that everything starts with an idea, or a thought if you like, which is then followed up by a decision. Talk can indeed be cheap, and ”˜trying’ to do or be something is one thing — but doing or not doing is something completely different. It’s a commitment. My friend Judi made me chuckle last night. We were talking about weight loss (she has lost a staggering amount of weight since the beginning of this year) because of a comment made by somebody who hadn’t seen her in many months.

“You look amazing!” this lady had exclaimed on seeing Judi walking towards her “How on earth did you do it?”

“A personal decision and direct help from a nutritionalist” smiled Judi “and lots of positive thinking. It’s all mind over matter you know!”

“Yes, I’ve been thinking about losing weight, but it’s so hard” replied the other lady  “I tried for a while last year and lost 4kg (about 10lbs) but it’s all gone back on again. Oh well, maybe one day eh?”

Is it really any wonder that this particular lady had not made any real progress? I think not! She’d “tried for a while” which is fluffy enough by itself, but add to that an underlying belief that it is difficult to lose weight”¦ well, it was never going to happen was it?

This kind of ”˜non-action’ I believe is part of the problem in the world we live in today. I don’t actually believe it’s deliberate — at least, not for the vast majority. The thing is, though, we’ve become brainwashed in to forgetting that we have power. It’s become normal to say “I’ll try” and to expect to fail “I told you so” “What’s the point?” “It’s useless trying” And it’s this kind of apathy that subconsciously invites manipulation and control. Think about the corporates — if the staff believe there’s nothing they can do, well, guess what? They’re right. On the other hand, when they start to wake up and realise that they can do more than they were thinking — just by changing their thoughts in the first place”¦ well, then that’s when we start to get results. And that is very much along the lines I use when working with teams and individuals. It’s about reclaiming the power that is already within us, and then deciding what to do with it.

Pick Up That Lightsaber!

It’s like the many inspirational people who have overcome all manner of challenges and hardships to make something of themselves. I absolutely love real-life stories like these. They encourage the positive “me too” type of thinking that I adore. One of my friends is best-selling author Eileen Munro (“As I Lay Me Down To Sleep” and “If I Should Die Before I Wake”) Now there is a lady who has used Jedi thinking to get her through an incredibly tough and relentless set of challenges! Whenever I start to think I might be having a tough time, all I have to do is dip back in to her book and it puts everything in to perspective. Eileen, you see, refuses to give up or give in — and her relentless positive movement forward is an inspiration.

So far as I’m concerned, no matter our particular circumstances we all have the power to think like a Jedi”¦. There is no try, there is only do or do not. It’s a clear matter of choice. Once that choice is made, then you can pick up your lightsaber and prepare to make things happen. People tend to laugh when I point out that if you take the word JEDI and you imagine that the bottom line of the “E” could, with a little bit of imagination, represent a lightsaber (well, okay, a lot of imagination!) you could imagine picking it up ready for action. Having picked it up, the word JEDI changes to one of my favourite acronyms — JFDI which, as many will already know stands for Just Flippin Do It!! (There are other F-word options, of course, depending on your preference)

In conclusion, I am calling out for more of us to think like a JEDI. Forget ”˜try’ and instead think only in terms of do or do not. And in doing so, remember to believe that a positive result is the outcome — because that’s what is going to make the difference.

So, come on, let’s get clear in our intentions, make a commitment, pick up our proverbial Lightsabre and do it.

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46 Comments on "Thinking Like A Jedi!"

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Mel, Great point!!!! I had a therapist tell me years ago the exact same thing, “there is no trying, there is only doing.” I wish I had caught on and internalized that concept sooner. Thanks again for reminding me that there IS NO TRY, ONLY DO. It never ever hurts to be reminded of the good things we can DO for ourselves….no matter how we “try” to keep “doing” sometimes we “forget.”

Your articles have all been uplifting and to the point, this is another example of a GREAT ARTICLE. Thanks for coming to LoveFraud and sharing your hard won wisdom…I either learn something new here or am reminded of something I already “know” but maybe don’t practice the way I should. Your contributions are wonderful!!! (((hugs)))

LOL, Mel…

I always told myself I would try to build routines and structure in my life, but never got anywhere for longer than a month. And the structure building took so much attention that I managed even less in doing what needed to be done for work, or finances, etc… My spath made it worse, but there was not much structure to destroy to begin with.

Last week I started to FLY again (FLYlady, and her background story will sound familiar). ANd for the first time I had realized the truth about FLY… Finally Loving Yourself by doing simple life routines, in babysteps, each day again. Guess what the message was this morning in my mailbox from her: today is not a day to procrastinate… today is a DO day. And what a DO day it was.

Two weeks ago, I decided to work away the backlog of right papers and stamps for my unemployment money. I made it firstmost priority. Couldn’t go to my classes, couldn’t much applicate for jobs well either while standing in line for hours every day. However, today I finally got my money, and was able to finally pay 2 overdue bills, as well pay the other bills on time. More, I have the necessary stamps for the next 3 months if I don’t find an extra teaching position, besides the 2 hour/ week I still have.

I had filed for my exemptions for my studies 3 weeks ago. I had gotten around to applying for each course, but found no answer yet of the student counselor. My previous self would have waited around. But yesterday afternoon I called and got the busy tone. And it was the first call I made this afternoon. Found out that I had to first go ask with each professor personally and get their signature. Thought, ok I’ll visit each of them tomorrow and afternoon.

But I also had the courage again to open vacant positions and instead of thinking, I’ll try to reach them and then maybe will send them a mail later… I started to call around. With the new attitude caused by all the epiphanies of last week, I actually was hired for a full time interim position halfway the phone call, even before I myself had said yes. We made an appointment immediately. And because I’ve been dressing myself to my shoes in a way that I would if I were to go out (so no jeans and t-shirt), fix my hair and put on make up every morning, I only needed to print my cv, put on my boots, get in the car and go there. No STRESS! When I looked at the schedule at the principal’s office I noticed that 2 hours were not in agreement with my lab hours on university, and I told him. Without me needing to ask, he offered me a deal… If I would do 2 hours of study on another afternoon, he wouldn’t mind at all. Also told him that I wasn’t so sure whether I was the best candidate for chemistry. But he waved that away. I start tomorrow in practice, at least until the end of the month. But he’ll start the contract from last Monday. And as he overlooked my resume (cv), after he had already told me he wanted to hire me, he noticed which schools I had worked before (one where his daughter went), noticed my tourleading company (he knows someone who works for it as a volunteer as well), etc…

It makes my gathering of signatures of the professors a bit more difficult. I would have putit off until tomorrow and try to find some way. But not today. Instead I knew the best way was to mail them all, with an explanataion of the urgency as well as my practical circumstances. And I did so AS SOON AS I CAME HOME tonight. I even already had a reply and set up a meeting with one of the professors for tomorrow.

After this post I will make all the necessary prints, go dig in my file cabinet for my old courses and carry everything to the car, so that I will not forget anything tomorrow morning, when I drive directly from work to university.

During this busy day I also managed to visit with the teacher I’m replacing, got the basics down, have his tasks for tomorrow and Friday, so I won’t even have to prepare much for the first two days.

Ad another uplifting DO moment… I went to take a look at the apartment my parents took an option on for me. And it’s just perfect. Well it’ll need some new paint coat, new tiles in the bathroom and a shower wall, new doorknobs… So, just the expected minimum. Other than that it’s in a perfect state. Maybe by next week, we may have signed a buyer’s contract.

I had such a great day. I just did the things that needed to be done the past weeks. I did things today, not wondering about succes… just “it needs to be done” and made it a priority, one after the other. Yup, if you DO, and don’t think about it, like a JEDI it can go like a breeze, without a moment of stress.

Happy sigh!

Darwinsmom: Way to go!! Three cheers for action!


GREAT!!!! TOWANDA!!!!! That is absolutely fabulous !!!!!! Congratulations! I just luvvvvvv hearing success stories on LF!

Darwinsmom: You are beyond inspiring!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shalom


Hip Hip Hip Horray! Your story made my day.


I got the picture’s of Henry, he is adorable, he look’s just like me 🙂

Hens, he does NOT LOOK LIKE YOU—-HE IS 3 X AS GOOD LOOKING! I iwill admit though that his ears are longer than [email protected] LOL

Well, our new little doggy now has a name….she is “A-dora-belle” –even though actually she is as homely as a mud fence! She makes up for it in sweet! Actually I think she is the spiritual reincarnation of our wonderful Border Collie bitch, Bell. Bell was D’s dog, and Adorabelle is HIS dog for sure, but she is quiet and sweet, and has perfect manners, and totally laid back and polite.

Bud and the cat, Dot, still have their noses out of joint about the new addition, but I think she is growing on them.

Had cow round up today and vaccinations! Always fun! (NOT!!) got the new calf up and learned that his mom must have had an infection and she is not producing any milk….hasn’t apparently for some time. “Chuck Roast” is going to live with my friend Jerry who trains steers to work (oxen) so he is unhappy right now in the cattle trailer, but he is going to a place he will live a wonderful life and most likely die of old age instead of becoming ROAST! He’s a spunky little dude with eye lashes 3 inches long, and a bright red coat of long wavy hair and cute little horns about an inch long.

His older sister though ticked me off, so she is going to that great barn in the sky as soon as the weather gets colder! About time to fill the freezer again anyway, I needed a “volunteer” and she was IT!!!!

Speaking of vaccinations guys—GET YOUR FLU SHOTS FOLKS, THE SEASON IS UPON US!!!! The Arkansas Health Department has made flu shots MANDATORY this year for all employees unless there is a verifiable MEDICAL REASON (like lupus or something like that) if they can’t take the vaccine, they must wear a mask. Good idea! Flu kills thousands of folks a year! Don’t forget to take care of YOURSELF!!!!

Do you love your tummy rubs too? My doggie is so soft, it is such a pleasure to stroke her ears and jaw. She closes her eyes and grunts.

katy uhmmm I aint had my tummy rubbed in like forever but I will roll over ifn ya want to rub it..
My Harley loved his tummy rubbed – he would roll over and exspose his junk to a stranger just to get a belly rub ..what kind of doggie do u have katy?
Dear Nurse Ox Rachette got my flu shot last week – do I get a bozo button?

TOWANDA Hens!!!! Good for you!!!

Belle if you tell her to lie down, flips down on her back and wants her tummy rubbed. She likes having the root of her tail scratched too..or just any kind of loving—speaking of which, I think we need to get her to the vet and get her spayed ASAP. Doesn’t look like she’s had pups, but she’s a grown dog, and I can’t see any scar from her being spayed already.

Well, I like petting doggies and cats, and donkeys and just about any kind of furry critter with 4 feet–I think pets are good for our systems, and especially under stress, they help relieve some of it.

Well, speaking of relieving stress…I’m off to beddie by and get some sleep, it’s nearly midnight and I’m gonna turn into a pumpkin soon if I don’t get to bed! Nite!

I have half border collie/half heeler. She doesn’t retrieve, has no nose except gross sniffing, is afraid of water, and doesn’t dig. But she is SOOOoo happy to be let off lead to run and wiggles her two inch tail so hard that her whole behind quivers. And she has the sweetest little face. And like Harley, rolls over for Anybody.

You deserve a ducky bandaid for your flu shot spot. If they didn’t give you one, get someand hand them out to all your friends. It can be a ducky briggade and Oxy will think you a fine father figure afterall.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this article! This was just what I needed to be reminded of today. The last five months have exhausted and drained me—emotionally, physically, mentally, even spiritually. I have been soooo busy cleaning up my husband’s messes that I have totally neglected myself.

And whenever people would tell me, “Take care of you,” I’d always answer, “I’m trying.”

I really needed to be reminded that “trying” is okay, but “doing” is much healthier. 🙂

DarwinsMom: Yea for YOU! Way to go DO! 🙂

I am thinking like a Jedi! Going for my flu shot. ((((Donna))) for LF. My ‘Life Changing and Life Saving’ haven. Shalom


GOOD FOR YOU!!!! for the flu shot. I’d also like to remind everyone that the flu shot CAN NOT “give’ you the flu! It is not a complete virus, only a part of one that makes your body respond with defenses. So consult your health care provider and PROTECT YOURSELF!

CAUTION: The following is a nursie sales pitch for protecting your health!

Stress decreases our immune system’s ability to protect itself, so we need to take EVERY precaution to keep ourselves from getting diseases.

I know that being a nurse (used to do infection control for a hospital) makes me SUPER CONSCIOUS about disease transmission. Especially this time of year when flu season comes around.

I use those little sanitizing wipes that they hand out at the grocery store and wipe off the cart handle….I NEVER touch the bathroom door on the way out with my bare hands, I use a paper towel or toilet paper if there are no towels.


Great article! Glady ya’ll are getting flu shots. Hopefully I will have mine next week when I start the new job. I recently got over my fear of giving shots by doing a flu shot clinic-75 shots in four hours for Allstate insurance. They are paying for their employees to get shots here in town and I gave them. I was dreading it but it was fun and it feels good to know that I was keeping people from getting sick.

Oxy-I am a little like you in the interest of infection control and I use the sanitizer all the time and don’t touch door handles w/o paper towels. It is amazing to think what you could come up with if you cultured things that people touch all the time. My little brother cultured money in a science class and fecal material was found on it. Thank GOD I always wash my hands after handling it.

Love the whole think like a jedi thing. That is my mission for this year since I turn 40 next fall. I am working on becoming the most authentic version of me and not caring what others think about that. I am about to get all my hair cut off really short to let my natural kinky curls to grow back in. Enough of listening to my toxic sisters and cousins about how I need to have straight smooth barbie doll hair, because it ISN’T ME! My hair is part of my personality-I know it sounds a little narcissistic but it’s true.

I am so thankful for what I have learned on LF about recognizing the way that spaths and narcs can rake us in and fark with our minds. Now I am informed and have a choice about whether I get involved in their scenarios-not just being pulled in automatically. My eyes have really been opened about the pity ploys that people in my life are actually using, and the freakin mind games-the subtle things that they say to send a message without being overt about it. They insult you and put you down covertly and they THINK that you don’t know what they’re doing.

Sky once told me to pay really close attention to what they say-regarding a certain N who was talking about suicide to me and then a month later I was ready to end it all-being in shock and PTSD over my situation and being desperately afraid. Once the shock was over I was ok and realized that if I just leaned on GOD a little more that I would get through it. I wonder if my little neighbor boy across the street is using the pity ploy with me-so I am just observing at this point. Most of my observations are directed at the N next door and it is amazing how much ATTEMPTED mind farking is going on.

When I am seen sitting out on the steps, why has she made the comment several times asking me if I got evicted. Maybe wishful thinking on her part? I think it is trying to mess with my mind because if I really was gone she would have no more supply. I truly believe that she thinks I am wrapped around her little finger. Now my actions are just used to observe behavior. There are very subtle ways of telling me that she thinks I am beneath her and she will covertly say things that make me read into that. LIke-it is not ok for me to get her mail when she is out of town-even though she got mine when I was gone. She made a point of telling me that another lady elsewhere in the neighborhood was getting it, but that if I could please make sure I take out her trash. What does the say-volumes in my opinion.

I have learned that these narcs are very cowardly in respect to being extremely passive-aggresive and will tend to back off from from confrontation, unless it is something that puts them into a rage-then the teeth come out. I realize that I am way nicer to her than she deserves, but now since I am aware, I can CHOOSE how far the nice goes, instead of just falling for it.

I’m very impressed with the growth you are going through.
That cat must have some kind of special powers!

Other than that, I’m a little concerned that the neighbor lady has given you a “tell” when she talks about eviction. Why would she say that? Maybe she is talking to your landlord and slandering you. I wouldn’t put it past her, as she is a vindictive narcissist who has made it clear that she doesn’t put up with N-injuries.

Damage control might be to your benefit right now. Make sure your landlord knows how much you appreciate him. When you are done doing that, drop a hint that you have strained relations with your neighbor. But don’t say why. Just tell him that you are not one to gossip about others. Be very careful since you have sent her emails with private information, you can be sure she has kept them. Do not contradict what you have already said in writing.

Hehehe, thank you! I was so proud of myself yesterday. After the post, I got into my shed with my courses, put it in boxes. Got the car from the free parking to the then empty street and not paying anymore after certain hours (while I wait to get my free parking card in order again, which has expired). But before I parked it in front of the door, I went to the gass station to fill up the tank so I wouldn’t need to do it while stressed to get at work on time. Then I put ALL courses in the car. So as soon as I have an appointment, I have everything ready.

Made it on time for the professor of general mechanic physics who signed to a full exemption for me. And then he suggested to call the lab professor, who after talking to me agreed to give me a full exemption on that one too (and I had never expected to get that one, so never had bothered to ask myself). The professor on the Math course 1 (linear algebra and calculus) has almost agreed over email on a full exemption, except for differentials. So, he needs to see my courses to be sure.

All in all, it will probably mean I only have to do exam for Math II and finish a project for computerpracticum (using math programs that you program to do the calculating for ya). I still work through the courses I’ve been exempted off, as a refresher. But I won’t be overloaded during the exams.

And the thing is…Knowing myself, if I hadn’t put all the courses in my car, which I didn’t even have to show today, I’d probably would have felt too shy to approach any of the professors and would have put it off, and would end up not having any exemptions at all. Instead, I got an exemption on something I had not even expected, and I can pat my back for having it all so together for the moment in dealing with what needs to be done. It gives me a kind of confidence that I never had about myself: I can get my stuff and life organized all by myself, even if my life looks like a wreck from the outside.

And I’m sure people feel it. They feel a basic confidence, and yet I’m also honest in epressing “I’m not so sure whether I’m elligible for this subject/exemption. I had this and that, but maybe it’s not enough of what you expect”, and then the professor or principal said… “Nah, no problem.” It’s like the total opposite reaction. I used to convince people easily too before, but then I still needed to do convincing. Then I sounded like “I can do this and I can do that. No worries.” The past two days it’s been, confident while honestly humble and a prepared attitude that says “Here are my credentials, see and decide for yourself, cause I cannot know whether I will live up to your expectations.”

Mission for myself tomorrow: call the principal of last year and make an appointment on Wednesday morning. I’m ready for her. I’ll have my therapy session in the late afternoon, so still within deadline.

ElizabetBenneth, I’m so happy for you that you have reached such a peace. I remember that ploy from your neighbour, how she put the seed in your mind about suicide. You sound strong and able to have a perspective. I kinda think of you as the person I’m traveling the same road with. We joined LF around the same time, and we seem to have gone through a similar development of our healing process (which is still ongoing), around similar times, but in total different situations. So, TOWANDA for you!

Sky-Thank you so much. I have been wondering things like that but they don’t have to do with the landlord. I actually spoke with him yesterday and he is fine. I exchanged emails with him too last night. He helped me out yesterday when my smartphone was jacked. He let me use his phone to activate the temp one and he was pleased to do so. I actually communicate with him more than she does I think. He may actually know that things are a little off with her.

When I was gone in Missouri she sent me an email saying that there were tiny bugs in her apartment showing up along the common wall and covertly insinuating that they came from my place. She told me that “she NEVER had bugs before”-meaning before I moved in. I have been back for weeks and have seen zero bugs anywhere. Just 2 weeks ago landlord asked me if I had seen any bugs at all, because he said that she had called him complaining about bugs multiple times and that he went in my apartment several times (with my permission) and couldn’t find any bugs. I told him no and he just shook his head. I was wondering if maybe he was thinking that she was seeing things. A week or so later she comes out the house with kitchen canisters dumping them into the trash bin and told me that they were filled with the bugs. Apparently she had washed out her fancy containers, and in her hurry did not dry them and put rice, flour and stuff back into them-hence bugs. So the bugs were HER fault, not mine.

I have been wondering though if maybe she managed to get to someone else while I was gone-my friend the police captain. Captain stopped by to see me before I left out of town. Now that I am back, she doesn’t return phone calls or email anymore, which is not like her. I was worried that she was sick or something and I asked one of her officers about her when he came to my house to make the police resport. She is running around working as usual. Maybe she is just busy and that’s why. I was wondering if neighbor may have slandered me while I was away, but it is completely unlike police captain to take what someone else says as gospel before talking to all parties. She would be one of the people who would confront me with information presented before making assumptions. I would like to think that I know her enough for that to be true, and I could be paranoid. ErinB or Oxy once told me “just cuz your paranoid doesn’t mean they’re NOT out to get you”. I am trying to give police captain the benefit of the doubt and be fair to her before making assumptions.

Sometimes with narcs they make you a little paranoid because of the mind games that they play. The way I am playing this with her is to be civil and remain superficial and let her show her true self to the neighbors. I think it will eventually happen and I can just watch. I remember back when I was washing her car-my other neighbor down the street saw me doing it and commented saying “I SURE DO hope that she appreciates that”, and the tone of her voice was telling me that it wasn’t likely. That’s when I quit doing it. I am not going to be afraid of her but I am going to be VERY observant and pay VERY close attention to what comes out of her mouth, because she contradicts herself at every turn and I am just waiting for her to slip up. I definitely won’t contradict what I have written. If anyone would ask I would honestly admit that I did have a fleeting crush on her for a short time, but it has long been over and that I shouldn’t have told her so. If I deny it then I look like the crazy one.

The crush that I had on her was not based on something real. It was the fact that I wasn’t aware that she has two distinct personas-which I have already posted about on here before. It was tempting to say that I mistook nice gestures of kindness for interest, but that isn’t the case. Those gestures were personality #2’s way of using the pity ploy and trying to wrap me around her little finger-NOT NICE CARING GESTURES. I have most recently realized since coming home that she does NOT care about me AT ALL-it’s all about her.

darwinsmom-TOWANDA TO YOU TOO! It’s about time we start making some good solid progress!

Let me share my Jedi morning. Got my free flu shot at the health clinic. I had to drop my health insurance 3 months ago and although I worried about doing that, I was less stressed than trying to meet the 1000 dollar a month payments. Good NEWS!!!!!! Whatever I need is right at the clinic. Made an appointment for dental xrays and cleaning…20 dollars.
Had I not read this thread I would not have searched for the most reasonable flu shots in my area. Free shots brought me to the health clinic. Never would have known about all these services available to me. People there were just lovely. I am over the moon today. Shalom

Shalom-that’s awesome. I’m so glad. It is hard to pay all that money for health insurance when you’re not someone who’s sick.

Blessings Shalom. So happy to share in your Jedi Moment…xxoo
Wish I could find something like that for someone I know…

It’s horrid how we can pay all our taxes to ‘them’ and get nothing in return for all of our hard work. What happened to us all caring and working together?

Shalom: 1; spath: 0.

Shalom, Shalom.

Morning Mel: my lightsaber seems to have worked quite well, lately. It is the Jedi way. 😉 xxoo

I loved this article. Yes, trying is not actually doing!! I think as long as we have realistic expections for the “now” the little steps taken can and will add up to big accomplishments for our future.
I have decided to make and do concrete realistic baby steps for my future. In the past weeks I have gotten into a “slump” and lost focus. Well I’m back…and am going to do!
When Jr. was born I incorporated a company for real opportunties that exist. It is not big money but for now it is a real opportunity that I can control. I am going to move forward and should have this up and running within the next month. This is realistic and something I can do. For now it is an opportunity that can “get me started”… in the future when a real job comes into play this can be used a supplemental income/part time/based on my schedule. It is not my dream but a starting point. I’ve had to accept that it will take allot of hard work to get back to where I was…it needs to start somewhere.
I can send out a thousand resumes, and will keep focused on that however I cannot control whether these resumes get reviewed….but for now I have something I can do.
With respect to Jr. I have come to the conclusion I CANNOT be the perfect mother. That does not exist…but I CAN give him my love. I cannot provide him with the perfect mom/dad/white picket fence life I want him to have but I can work with what I have….and be kind to myself in the process. For example Jr. has been sick (I think he’s finally getting better) and I was so excited I started with a new pediatrians office with 6 associates. Well I asked the pediatrian when I should start brushing Jr’s teeth… (He has 5 now coming in) Her response was cold and said today. I asked when should I have started and her response was as soon as he was born. I had not read that anywhere.? I asked well will Jr. get teeth rot and her response was cold and said nothing except he will have another set coming in anyway. ? Let me clarify…Jr.s teeth are fine! Yet I felt like such a failure I started to cry when we got into the car. She was condiscending and cold and the only dr. who didn’t even smile at Jr. Red flag…not the pediatrician I want for Jr. I am switching to another one in the office. That is my right!
I have been accepting the fact that my ex is a spath and I cannot control or change that. I must work with what i know and continue “slowly” learning more.
It is impossible for anyone to do it all at once..we all must be patient and kind to ourselves in this painful learning process.
I’m babbling now, just allot of thoughts on my mind.

Dear Coping,

I totally concur with your switching to another practitioner in that office. You MUST have a good relationship with your son’s doctor just as you must have a good one with YOUR doctor or health care provider.

I agree with her that you should brush your kid’s teeth now, but she should have told you that in a TEACHING not PREACHING way.

I had problems with my baby teeth because my mom put me to bed with a BOTTLE of milk in my mouth…..so my teeth had milk acid on them and by age 6 I was having to get them filled. She didn’t know it was bad, she had never been taught, but I did the same thing with my kids because no one TAUGHT me it was bad.

TEACHING self care and infant care is 99.9% of what we as medical practitioners should be doing. Just knowing which lab to draw or how to give a shot is not FAMILY or PEDI medical practice. A surgeon doesn’t have to have a good bed side manner, they can be jack asses but good at what they do and they are GREAT as far as I am concerned….and funny, but many of them are narcissistic assholes, but that’s okay, but you don’t want a narcissistic asshole for a family practice or a pedi doc. You want someone with compassion who EDUCATES you and teaches you how to HELP- YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILD LIVE HEALTHIER LIVES.

GOOD FOR YOU, Coping!!! Towanda!

ps, start out with a wash cloth (very thin) and wrap it around your little finger and “brush” the baby’s gums and teeth to get him used to having something swabbed around his mouth, If you put him to bed with a bottle, let it be water, not juice or milk.

Coping ~ You might call it babbling, I call it “getting your head on straight”. I loved reading what you had to say. If you love Jr. and spend time showing him and setting a good example for him that is just what being a good mother is all about. That is what he will remember, that is the ONLY thing that is important. I think you are AWESOME.

Yes, switch doctors immediately, you don’t have to put up with that crap. Get one that YOU feel comfortable talking to, and one who will listen.

Take care.

Agree with Milo!

No babbling. It sounds like you were thinking and making a decision out loud, with the realization how you felt about the pediatrician. TOWANDA!

So, life is getting back into speed, although I often wonder, “woh, wait a minute, I’m not sure I can tackle this yet or even want to.”

After I got hired at the spot for the next day, and officialy got hired euhm 2 days before I even applied, I got 2 other invitations last Friday. I went to one, and they would have hired me on the spot as well. I wrote to the third one that I had gotten hired at a school with more hours and closer to home (still far, but still closer). And yesterday I was called again for a job and, I could work extra on Sundays. Weird, how in 2 weeks I end up being the one declining.

Eventually I turned down the school I went on an interview for on Monday, even though the interim would take longer, and it would have been 2 hours less of teaching (I’m doing 2 hours overtime on paper). The school was closer in distance. I’m sure it was a very nice school. And I’d be teaching physics instead of chemistry… but then I promised the principal of the school where I’m working I wouldn’t just drop them and leave them hanging. And well, 3 hours I can’t teach because they are simultaneous with the 2 hours I teach at the one school where I’m teaching 8 years in a row now. And 2 other hours I don’t have to teach because they gave me off for those afternoon for my labs. Instead I have to do 2 survey hours during studytime for pupils. I do prepare tasks for the pupils in the hours I can’t teach them according to the schedule, but that’s less prep work than actual teaching. SO! I’m prepping extensively for 17 hours, minorly for 5 hours, and have the most important moments off for my studies. And I get paid for 22 hours.

Also, the principal opened my eyes how it could be different, in comparison to the prior principal who did not back me up. The youngest pupils (age 15) of course tried to make a ruckus in class and refused to do what I asked them to do… it’s typical for that age group + I’m an interim teacher and they thought I’d be there only for 2 weeks or so. The principal entered class and lectured them on it, saying “I’m ashamed of you all! You’re putting my school and our name to shame with your behaviour. Mrs. Darwinsmom comes especially for you kids so that you won’t miss any classes and you can still learn what needs to be learned.” Of course, that didn’t fully turn them around yet, but I’m starting to make progress with them. And now that they have heard I’ll be teaching them until Christmass at least, even the boys are starting to take it serious.

Had an issue with a girl of that class yesterday though, but feel I handled it well. She was trying to get attention, disturbing my lesson, and she refused to take ‘no’ for an answer from me. I realized that especially the latter was what got me upset. She kept on saying, “But please, I just want…” I stuck to my no. Because I got interrupted too often, not just by her, I eventually told the class, “I’ve asked many times and we agreed to work together on this so that we would still have time for the science project we worked on yesterday. Since most of you cannot cooperate at the moment, I cannot teach. Instead you have to fill in the papers by yourself. You find info in the book page such and such. And it will count as a test.”

The girl came forward to apologize. I told her that now was not yet the time, because I too was upset and needed time to cool down. She kept on pushing. And then I said. “I know you want to apologize, but I need time so that I can accept your apology with a smile. Please stop pushing it. I have told you this already and I want my boundary respected.” She looked at me surprised. I know I should accept her apologies, but there is a state of mind where you can and where you can’t. Anyway, she worked hard on the assignment after that. Didn’t hear a peep from her anymore. I do plan to talk to her again in private after the holiday week and accept her apology.

And it hurts immensely to get up at 6am, but I’m so proud I’m doing it anyway. And by an hour later I’ve forgotten about it.

I felt overwhelmed on Thursday though. I had to teach there in the morning. Drive to university for 50 km, did the lab, and by 3.30 I felt my brain shutdown on the math programming. Then I had to drive all the way back to Brussels for an hour in traffic for parents’ night of which of course no parent would come to see me. I didn’t grade them for the first period (but the collegue) I’m replacing and with just 1 week, the parents would be less interested in listening to me. There’s little to tell. But I used my time to prep in a notebook. Felt totally wired up when I finally got home at 8.30 at night, still having to prepare a lot. Hardly got any routines done, except cooking a meal, shower and shining my sink. I almost felt so overwhelmed to call in sick the next day. But I didn’t. Instead I patted myself on the back for having done so much in a day, and made sure I had at least 5 hours of sleep. And got up at the painful 6am for work, feeling proud of not giving up.

I had a glass of champagne with my parents for the apartment we bought this week!

Also had my session with my therapist. Told of her all the insights I’ve had the past 2 weeks, and that I had a very good excuse for not meeting the old principal yet. At the end when we had to make a new appointment she proposed one by next month or call her if I felt like one again by then. Since DO IT NOW is my motto these days (used it for my pupils as well) I opted to make an appointment already. She did say that if I felt in need of an earlier appointment for any reason I could still call her. A month ago she pushed for appointments every 2 weeks or a week later at the max. Now she feels I’ve done a breakthrough.

I’m struggling at times, and I do feel I need to solidify my routines, make a lot of choices at times, I often have to prioritize. I’m very aware when stress builds up too much and how it affects me. I seem to get resentful from it, which is not how I want to feel, and I’m learning to deal with my time and my tasks in a way to avoid it. But I feel I’m making a lot of progress.

Dear Darwinsmom,

I think you handled that girl VERY WELL. She was trying to “make”” you “accept her apology” like NOTHING HAD HAPPENED…but something DID happen–she behaved inappropriately and violated your boundaries and there SHOULD BE consequences…and just “saying sorry” is not enough. She needs to CHANGE HER BEHAVIOR not just “say sorry” and everything goes away.

Too many times kids are led to believe that “saying sorry” is ALL they need to do and then things go on as if NOTHING HAD HAPPENED and that is NOT the way life is, and they need to know that.

A teacher is supposed to set boundaries of what will and will NOT be tolerated in the class room, and ORDER is one of those things that MUST be maintained in order for learning to take place. If kids repeatedly violate those boundaries and cause DIS-ORDER they should be sent from the room to the principal’s office.

Good job with the girl.

Thank you Oxy,

That’s exactly how I felt, as if she wanted to make me accept her apology. And it felt as if she did it like a scapegoat. In the past I would have felt guilty for not accepting her apology, for still feeling upset. This time I didn’t. I felt upset, I told her so honestly and maintained that it was not the right moment for an apology for me and that she should back off.

I did not want to send her off to the principal though… it would have been another power play. Besides she was not the only one disrupting class several times. I just told them all that I could not be expected to put in my voice, my concentration and my time in them if they remained talkative, so they could do the task on their own instead and get a grade for it as if it was a test. And it gave me room to disengage of the power play and be a coach to them when they had questions.

She understood my message though, because she did the task and so did the others. So, yes, she changed her behaviour first.

What I’m also starting to realize is that with the routines and the preparing I’ve done I’m not beating myself up. I didn’t know I was doing it before, but now that I don’t, I realize I did for years. When I don’t get everything done, I know it’s not out of lack of doing. But good health, low stress, a low level of resentment are my foremost priority. Thursday I didn’t do all of the routines I have planned myself to do with babysteps so far. I dropped them because I needed all my leftover energy for the preparation of the next day, and it’s one of the reasons I was upset during that class. I had dropped a priority of mine for the kids and then they made it impossible to execute it the way I had planned. I resented that.

Of course I should be prepared earlier, but that was not realistic with being just 1 week in. I have a week off now, so I can prepare better. But next time, if I get in such an organisational jam again, I know it’s better to choose for my routines. I’ll still have time to prepare then, though not for a ‘perfect lesson’. But I’ll feel better in the long run.

Darwinsmom, I also think that making the kids do the answers themselves and it counting as a test showed that you are in control and that their bad behavior would cost THEM…

If the group of kids is misbehaving and feeding on each other, you may have to send the most rowdy to the principal’s office as an “example” but in order to TEACH you must first have control of the class’s behavior and have ORDER and attention.

Sending the most rowdy to the principal was what I did the previous week. Heck, he even sent a kid home of another class on my first day for acting out in my class. But after his jump start support, I felt that yesterday I could show them I could control the class without him as well.


WOW! Sounds like a very rowdy bunch of kids….some of the schools here are like that, the kids just don’t value learning or order…but the schools where my living history group does programs are usually very well behaved middle schools 5th and 6th graders. Some of the 15-16 year old groups we have done programs for though are HORRID! Don’t care about the programs, just playing grab-arse with each other. Of course we can’t discipline them at all as we are just there to do a program….

D’s mom,

I have been known however to STOP the program and just stand there silently STARING AT the one(s) acting out and I have, I have been told, a VERY PENETRATING STARE, and when the ones acting out “notice” that there is nothing going on, I just say “when you are ready to listen we will continue the program.” I’m prepared to stand there silently until the NEXT GROUP is brought around and those kids are moved to the next demonstration. I haven’t had that happen, but if it did, I would just stand there and HOPE that the teachers who ARE in charge of order would call the kids down. I’m not sure I can embarrass the kids, but hopefully, at least embarrass the teachers enough for them to do something.

Nah, they’re not a very rowdy bunch. The principal is just very strict. I’m actually working in a HS in a neigbourhood in Brussels that usually makes the news for crime and such. But they are some of the most behaved kids I’ve had in years, except for the few that are just trying, testing boundaries… what goes and what does not go. The kids in my previous school were rowdier, and pulled practical pranks, because they knew they could get away with it. Just complain with the principal and the spotlight would be on me. Ugh. I used to like her… now I wonder why at all! She left me out in the cold, blamed me for whatever went wrong and then macheted me for the other schools as a bad teacher for the allied schools and demoted me in essence to just go teach arts instead of math (and yup I have a calculus and linear algebra exemption in my physics bachelor).

Just having seen this principal in action, I realize how destructive she was.

PS I do the silence tactic as well.

Darwinsmom ~ I give you all my respect and admiration, I don’t know how teachers do it these days. I volunteer in Grand’s class (5th grade) once a week and by the time I am done, I am ready bang their little heads together. The girls seem worse than the boys.

My mother was a teacher. She taught mentally retarded children most of her career. Some of these kids were quite large and could have violent outbursts. They always called her when a problem came up. She didn’t have the “stare”, she had the “voice”. One “knock it off” or “stop” from her and they would usually freeze in place. She loved them to death, but would not put up with any garbage.

Hi Everyone,
I’ve been so busy lately. I got a new part time job and have spent little time on the internet. I wanted to type up my Halloween story professionally plus add more to it but didn’t have the time so I wrote a condensed version of it and decided to place it under the Star Wars theme as it’s appropriate to my theme. After I wrote and told you all my true story of what my ex-spath husband did to me I was strung out for days.
I was so upset I went out one day to get gas for my car and I kept thinking about what the monster”IT” did to me and I got so into it with bad memories I dropped a 100.00 bill on the ground unconsciously while gassing up the car.
So the monster still got to me after all these years.
Well anyhow here is my condensed Halloween tale. Bear in mind, if I had had the time it would have been longer.

Long, long ago, many milleniums ago when mankind were scare upon the earth the angels came down from heaven to teach and mentor to the humans. The earth at this time resembled something out of Star Wars.
The angels taught men the course of the moon and stars. They taught men the dividing of roots, the making of swords and knives, as well as the deception of human kind.

While on earth, they saw the daughters of men, and saw that they were fair so they took of them wives. The women gave birth to giants or the nephilim as they were called. The nephilim were evil and ruthless. They brought great suffering to human kind and their numbers exceeded many across the earth.

Every religion and race upon the earth has their own name and mythology based upon the nephilim. But according to the Dead Sea Schrolls they came out of Ir of Chaldea. They existed in the days before the Great Flood. After the Great Flood the angels were no longer permitted to visit human-kind nor mate with them for this is against the laws of the Universe.

In ancient Greece the story teller was known as an aoidos. She was often an old woman, widow who went from house to house and she would tell tales to families in order to stay for the night. The family would provide her with room and board.

She would tell tales of the Titans. The Titans were in Greek mythology beings that were part human and part god. This was the Greek version of the nephilim. The nephilim according to the Book of Enoch kidnapped and raped the woman and children and often ate them afterwards.

When you see the villager’s going after the Frankenstein monster in the movies with pitchfork’s this often happened in the pre-flood days with the nephilim. The earth was filled with so much evil from the nephilim the Great Flood happened per order of the gods to rid the earth of them.

One man Noah had the uncanny foresight to know the flood was coming. So he built an ark and survived the flood with his family. Noah could also communicate and talk with the animals.

All the nephilim drowned in the Great Flood. So how did the nephilim gene survive into human kind? What the bible mentions is that the nephilim were sterile and unable to reproduce but what the bible failed to mention was that a select few of the nephilim could produce with a select few of the humans. Only those women who managed to escape the clutches of the nephilim gave birth to “human-like” children. Why do I say human-like? Because by all appearances the children resembled humans in appearance but the souls were that of the nephilim. So these women either gave birth to children with human souls or children with nephilim souls.

Since Noah survived the flood with his family and we are all descendent’s of Noah we all carry the “nephilim gene” as Noah passed this on to us in his DNA.

Many in the Pagan new age community believe Noah was actually “other-kin.” He had the foresight to know the flood was coming and he could communicate with the animals.

“Otherkin” is the Pagan new age term to describe a non-human soul living in a human body. Possibly a “nephilim soul.” So this is how the nephilim gene passed into the human race. Some say it is also responsible for the giant gene and the RH factor. The RH factor is known as “the blood of the gods.”

The Dead Sea Schrolls—–When the Emperor Constantine established the Roman Catholic Church he called all the bishops and church leaders to Rome to put together church doctrine and the bible.

At this time the bible was not one book but composed of many volumes. It was stored in the Great Library in Alexandria, Egypt. At the first council of Nicea it was decided which books would go into the bible. Those that didn’t make the canon were ordered destroyed. The Greek librarian in Alexandria was killed by the emperor’s men trying to protect the library and keeping the books from being destroyed. Among the books burned were the missing books of the bible and the schrolls of Socrates and Plato.

These missing books of the bible became known as the Dead Sea Schrolls.
The Great Library had ancient knowledge going back to the dawn of civilization and was the equivalent of a college university in those days.
All that great knowledge was burned and destroyed.

But what the church didn’t know was that the Coptic Orthodox momks were working 24/7 to copy the manuscripts and store them in large jars inside the caverns of the Dead Sea. There they remained for centuries like a buried time capsule.

So why were they destroyed? Because they spoke of the missing years of Christ and his human-like love for Mary Magdalene. They were also filled with numerous stories of the nephilim and how man descended from the angels. They blame man’s mating with the angels as the fall of man and the original great sin.

The church wanted to control what men believed and if man knew he was descended from the angels he would put himself on the same plateau with God so the books that didn’t make it into the canon were destroyed except the one’s that remained hidden away. The Dead Sea Schrolls were recently discovered in the 1940’s and many folks don’t know what they contain or have no knowledge of them.

Fairy tales——Fairy tales have been given a bad rap in recent times. Many children are no longer exposed to them but in my generation every one knew them. There is always some beast or monster inter-acting with the humans. Another form of the nephilim? Is this the point the Brothers Grim were trying to make? There are valuable lessons to be learned from them.

So what happened to fire breathing dragons, the big bad wolf, the troll under the bridge, the ogre on the mountain, amongst other monsters?
The answer is simple. They became real live breathing humans. And what is the monster’s best defense against the human race? Most mortal folks don’t believe in the bogey-man. Until we accept the fact that real live monster’s live amongst us hiding in human skin we will continue to be plagued by them.

Written by an awakened human.

Well folks, I’m off to work, but here is my story as promised albeit in a shorter version as I intended to write. I look forward to reading your comments later on. The UFO film “Fastwalkers” goes into great detail about the ancient biblical tales of the nephilim and their years upon the earth. I’m off to work will pick up on your comments afterwards.



it is, I think, uniquely human to need information to be presented in the form of a narrative. Data can overwhelm the senses, so we organize it on an emotional realm to give the important points more emphasis and to make the information more memorable. Someone must’ve realized a long time ago that if you want to remember something, all you have to do is attach emotional significance to it. Works for me!

What these stories tell me is that our ancestors knew that something important was happening when they had contact with spaths. They couldn’t explain it, in the same way you and I can discuss psychopathy, genetics, frontal lobes and child raising. So instead a story was woven which carried the significant aspects of the encounter, along with the necessary dramatic effects to make it memorable. This way the knowledge would be remembered and passed down through generations. Even if it was only a kernel of knowledge, it survived long enough for us, the descendants, to access the information and unlock its significance in our lives.

Thanks Joannie!

I think the Genesis Nephilim passage is the most interesting thing in the whole bible! In fact, it’s fascinated me (the owner of a bookcase full of “occult” books!) for many years.

It is a shame that today’s “myths” come largely from bad television and a mindless consumer culture. I think our forebears were much closer to many of the “deep truths” of life with their fables and fairy tales, than we are presently with all of our so-called rationalism and science (which, in thier way, are simply the modern, prosaic versions of fables and fairy tales!)

Anyhow, thanks for putting everyone in the Halloween spirit!


Thanks! I have been waiting for your story. Good info! I will print this and keep it.

Joanie: so eloquent an explanation and definition as well as overwhelming validation.

For those of you who really know me….
I see that I am not alone in believing everything you just said.

Amazing. When you have your book finished, please, let me know. I want to savor every word.




Me, too 🙂

TOWANDA, Joanie for putting in written words the associations you made into a narrative. I have some factual reserves regarding what you wrote, but don’t mind that. It’s not that important. For you and others it makes sense and gives a deeper meaning to the myths that talk to you. And that is imo the most important thing.

TOWANDA to myalf as well. Todau it was a party involving meeting my group of Peru as well as some of the office people of the tourleader organisation. Frist there was dinner, which was enjoyable, but I didn’t get to meet the pain in the arse of my group until we arrived at the party. He overheard his name mentioned by me as I talked to the office person at the entrance as I explained which insights I’ve gotten about myself. Which is kinda weird because I don’t want him to think I think ill of him (which I don’t) by overhearing, instead of personal conversation. However, I ended up volunteering behind the bar and reinstalled an old tradition which I used to do back in the years when I volunteered behind the bar… Since I volunteered on the spot for the late night shift, I introduced dancing behind the counter until all the girls were spiked up to get onto the counter with me… Think Coyote Club here. My ex-tourleader tourist was pleasantly surprised by my self-confident behavour behind and on the counter, enough to mention “you’re in shape tonight”. And that was all I wanted him to know. Perhaps he may not have been fully content with my tourleaading during the summer, because I was insecure with the aftermath and fallout of my life’s events of which he knows zilch (it ain’t his business). But one lesser trip with him doesn’t mean I’m a bad enthusiast and entertainer, or lack permanet confidence. It wasn”t meant for him. It was meant for myself and entertainment while working behind the bar at the late hours. But I’m glad he witnessed it anyway.

I had a nice party, glad I was able to help out, and had fun… Sigh, I’e felt just plain content and happy with my life since last Saturday when I posted the link to the song of ‘the dog days are over’


So sorry you lost $100 🙁

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