LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Winning a court battle with a sociopath

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who we’ll call “Juliet.” Juliet negotiated a settlement with her ex, the father of her daughter. Names and locations have been changed.

In the final papers, I am moving to Delaware and he gets supervised visits in Delaware (until age eight) for much longer than I would have if I were forced to fight in court and let the judge decide. Plus I am not paying for him to visit in Delaware. He agreed to pay child support of $450 once he gets a job. My daughter won’t leave Delaware with him until age 10, and she won’t fly alone to California until age 12.  And she only can leave for California over spring break and summer vacation.

How did I accomplish this?

For all of you in court battles over children with a Sociopath, I think there are two main reasons he and his lawyer agreed eventually:

1) I had a very accurate timeline of events that I submitted to the court along with emails from HIM to prove the important details (I did not deluge the court with all of back and forth stuff — I stuck to the main points of fraud)

a. Lied about being single when we met
b. Lied about having cancer
c. Lied about being sterile — which resulted in my pregnancy
d. Planned a wedding with me while married to someone else — attempting bigamy
e. Tried to commit suicide 3 days before wedding to get out of trouble of not being able to marry me
f. Continued lying to employers, employment fraud, theft records (i.e. not getting better)

And the MOST important piece of evidence I submitted to the court, in my opinion

2) The DSM IV Diagnosis of Anti Social Disorder — where it lists what is classified as being a Sociopath (I got this off the Out of the Fog website). I filled it out with examples of how his behavior fits this diagnosis (See below). This is important because — if he were to fight me in court about it. He could no longer have his psychologist say he is just depressed. His psychologist would have been forced to answer why he is NOT a Sociopath, which is much harder to do once the evidence is presented.

DSM-IV-TR Criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder (Sociopathy) -with names changed of course

Antisocial Personality Disorder (AsPD) is listed in the DSM-IV-TR as a Cluster B (dramatic, emotional, or erratic) Personality Disorder:

A pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15, as indicated by THREE (or more) of the following:

1.Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest.

Examples of this in Bill: Theft (in college, in 2007, in 2009 — these are the ones I know about for certain). 8 tickets, 3 warrants out for arrest for Driving w/Suspended Licenses in 2011. Convicted of this before in 2007 as well.

2.Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure

Examples of this in Bill: Pathological Liar about having cancer, being sterile, being single, jobs, resumes, unemployment fraud, gambling history, and so on. Alias — Taylor Kendrick

3.Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead

Examples of this in Bill: Asked me to marry him while still married to Laura. The normal person would’ve at minimum gotten a divorce at that point. He didn’t. He just ignored it until 3 days before our wedding and then tried to kill himself to get out of the doghouse for not planning ahead. Impulsive shopper — always spends money at the stores daily if not watched.

4.Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults

Examples of this in Bill: Anger always when caught in one of his lies — then blames you for it. Was a bouncer in college (physical). Intimidation. Manipulation. Fight with Joe Smith as a kid. Fight with his dad throwing him across the room.

5.Reckless disregard for safety of self or others

Examples of this in Bill: constant tickets (unsafe driving). As a child big daredevil — broke 37 bones. Motorcycle crash. Skiing accident. Suicide attempt. (Sometimes wonder if he doesn’t have a form of Munchausen syndrome as he always either hurt himself when I was sick — broken toes, or he mimicked my symptoms (during pregnancy and he never had a panic attack until he SAW me actually have one)).

6.Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain steady work or honor financial obligations

Examples of this in Bill: in serious debt — over $50K to parents, another $15-20K from divorce, another $5-10K in new medical bills. Took out 3 payday loans and didn’t pay them. Most of these are in collections. Closed his checking account because he is too irresponsible with money to balance it. Plus — hasn’t paid his own child support/alimony most of the time making his parents pay it. In the 3 years I’ve known him, hasn’t held a job for longer than 6 months — if he bothered working at all. Resume is full of lies. Linked in says he is the OWNER of a restaurant which isn’t true.

7.Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another

Examples of this in Bill: after destroying my life, discarded me and was on phone to another woman for 282 minutes by day 4. Vacationed 2 out of 5 weeks since leaving my house which clearly shows lack of regard to our daughter and no remorse over the loss of a relationship that was to end in marriage. Moved onto dating sites within a day after breaking up with Sandra. Left ex wife via letter and left the state. Watched me get sicker throughout my pregnancy and still refused to get a job. Watched me plan a wedding and get excited about marrying him when he knew that it wasn’t going to happen — got excited watching me get my hair done, buy rings, get my hopes up. No remorse over what it cost me, my kids, or his parents to support him financially while he faked cancer.

The manual lists the following additional necessary criteria:

1.The individual is at least 18 years of age.

Bill is 40 years old

2.There is evidence of conduct disorder with onset before age 15 years.

Examples of this in Bill: He had trouble with lying and stealing at a young age according to his sister & mothers stories about taking money out of purses and so forth. He also had a violent fight with Joe Smith where he battered him without remorse for suggesting his parents had sex. Big daredevil as a kid showing no regard for personal safety — broken 37 bones. The Uncle Arthur molestation story. Also told me a story of throwing his dad across the room as a teenager when in an argument. And so on . . .

3.The occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of schizophrenia or a manic episode.

Bill is not schizophrenic — does not have delusions or hear voices. Bill is not manic — too lazy to be, harder to get him to do anything than to keep up with him.