By | March 18, 2012 60 Comments

Link between Facebook and narcissism

According to new research, people who score highly on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory questionnaire had more friends on Facebook, tagged themselves more often and updated their newsfeeds more regularly.

Read Facebook’s ‘dark side’: study finds link to socially aggressive narcissism, on

Link sent by a Lovefraud reader.

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Interesting. My experience is that FB makes their deceptive behavior more difficult for them to carry out because they’re stupid enough to “friend” all the different people they’re conning and having sex with.

Here I was thousands of miles away, and FB gave me the ability to figure out exactly who it was that he was carrying on with locally where before I would have just known it to be true and not have been able to prove it. I had been able to use MySpace in the past to learn that he was still communicating with an ex-girlfriend that he claimed he had nothing to do with anymore. For years I had been listening to him tell me our problems were my fault because I couldn’t forgive him for something he’d done years before with an ex-girlfriend.

FB is the very tool that gave me the ability to communicate with someone NEW in his life that thought he was the greatest thing that had ever happened to her. I was able to forward her emails through FB messaging that were shocking to her given that she was being told he was in love with her.

Meanwhile, he’s calling and texting me from work, sneaking out of the home they’re sharing together to call and text me, sending me flowers, telling me he was moving back here to be with me, and going home for lunch to Skype with me on HER computer almost daily. He had told me the computer was his roommate’s, a guy that he was living with, when he had actually duped her into moving in with him. When I found this all out, his explanation was it was strictly for financial reasons, he didn’t love her, she was an alcoholic, and he couldn’t even stand to kiss her.

It took her a while after reading these deplorable things he’d said about her, but she finally came around, moved out, and thanked me for the information I had provided to her. As far as I know, she has nothing to do with him anymore. It’s a small town that they live in, and I can only hope that she informed a number of his “friends” as to exactly what kind of a pig he is.

I told him that technology was never going to be his friend. It is with cell phones and Myspace and FB and sites like Lovefraud that enable victims to find out the truth that they refuse to tell. Use technology to your advantage when dealing with the morally insane. Their arrogance and entitlement complex precludes them from being able to be discreet.

It’s actually pretty funny how obvious and stupid he is. FB was instrumental for me in finally being able to walk away and never look back. I finally had the proof that I needed because they’re so masterful at convincing us that we’re the crazy ones. No longer was he able to tell me I was being paranoid and suspicious. There he was letting the whole world know through a social media network that he’s an incurable textbook psychopath.

Ox Drover

Since this study was done with very few participants and has not been replicated, the scientific value is of questionable value, however…that said…I think COMMON SENSE would let us see that our media, social and otherwise, is breeding a generation of people who put emphasis on the shallow relationships rather than the deeper ones.

This author that is writing about the study however, mentions that SELF ESTEEM is what others think about us, but they got that BACKWARDS.

Watch any “gossip” show for 5 minutes and you can see the shallowness of what they are talking about. They give so much attention to people like Paris Hilton who has never done anything in her life but be rich, shallow and put her sex tape on the internet…yet she gets all this attention like she is someone who is “important” in the world….Which I believe she is not. Yet so many of our young want to emulate her and get attention. FB is only another way to collect shallow “friendships.”


Hi Survivor3 ~

You almost wonder if social media sites like FB and myspace won’t lead to the downfall of psychopaths. (wishful thinking I know)

But you are right, like the article mentions – Grandiose Exhibitionism and Entitlement/Exploitativeness –

Psychopaths MUST be the center of attention and CANNOT stand to be ignored or WASTE a chance of self-promotion – so these sites are something they just can’t resist. And they are STUPID about them, which makes them OUR friend. We can use them to track, who needs a private investigator anymore.

Have you ever noticed how they even have “designer” usernames, and they tend to use the same name on all sites. So simple to track on google.

Keep up the good work all you social sites.



Maybe not their downfall in general, but definitely his final downfall in my life and hopefully in his new victim’s life. It is mind-boggling how they set themselves up, but it always perplexed me how it always seemed as though he wanted to get caught. One of the last things he said to me was, “I lied again. Surprise, surprise.” He accepts what he is. But as he gets older and loses his “game,” others will be much more loathe to accept him into their lives. He will end up just like his mom, who suffers from the same disease; alone and miserable with absolutely nothing to show for her life.


And how hysterical is it that he advertises on his FB where he currently works when he owes tens of thousands of dollars in back child support? Not to mention he has a felony criminal record that the company he works for isn’t aware of. Why does he do that? Because listing where he works and this silly title that he feels he has there makes him look like a big-shot. The tradeoff of projecting this false image of himself is more important to him than his freedom inevitably. It’s just a matter of time before the authorities catch up with him, and he’s doing it to himself. But truth be told, he’s happier incarcerated. Free room and board and three squares a day.


Oh FB!
What a wonderful tool……if you don’t use it as they had planned.
It is funny how people will spill everything to make impressions on others, mirror others and project onto others.
I find it a fascinating study.
In the past month… is what i’ve seen with the spath.
He sunk his hooks into a gal who has a good job, is cute, has a nice car and home and has 2 daughters. Perfect dupe.
She’s recently divorced and her FB page ‘reads’ low self esteem and the need for a man.
She has posted all about each relationship she’s been in…..each one being ‘THE ONE’.
Now she’s got the spath… “THE ONE’ I’ve found my soulmate.
He traveled across country to ‘visit’ her…….he’s never left.
This woman has allowed him to stay in her home from the first meeting, along with her two daughters.
He feeds off her, she posts magnificant stuff about him……he posts magnificant stuff about himself.
I think someone told her to ‘chill out’… she only posts pics of him in his underwear cooking breakfast or lunch etc….
(red flag alert!) Underwear????serving your teenage d breakfast. Hmmmmmm. Posting on FB? Hmmmmmm.
He posts everything…….in the beginning of their ‘fondness’…..he mirrored her……posting incessant inspirational quotes. Gee, what a great guy.
Now it’s back to him.
I’ve got a beautiful hot GF……

Yesterday……the Engagement announcement showed up.
Yes folks…..just over one month and they are so in bliss, they are ENGAGED!
I see his avenue. He’s posting that he wants to move to the coast…..she lives in the desert…..He will marry her, get her to sell her home, buy one in the high dollar area……and if it doesn’t work out…..he’s got NOTHING in the game. He’ll take her home as community property.
He’s got no car, just got a ‘weak’ job, and has worked hard at making friends with her kids. 1 month, he’s accomplished that thus far, he’s also friends with her d’s and their friends on fb.
He’s boofed the girls up on FB………at this point they must love this cool new dude of moms.
Moms in bliss…..and it’s all confirmed on FB.
What a great awesome wonderful guy she’s found!
She’s a great study about avoiding the red flags.

The spath talks about sex on fb. Money, jobs, houses, his travel, his gf’s wishes and even goes as far to express his feelings about the president needing to be hung in a tree like old times using the ‘n’ word. (sorry if that is offensive to anyone, not my intent!)
Yep…..the narcissism rings through loud.
Heres the funny part…….people are so drawn into him.
Most of the posters on his page are women…..they all love the ‘love story’ and have all become ‘cheerleaders’ of what he’s doing.
Not one person has posted…….WHAT….WHY SO SOON!?!?
It’s all cozy, lovey…..I’m so happy for you stuff.

Why do we buy into it?
It’s all about WHATEVER we want to project.

I could start a fb page and draw in many……with i’m a princess and rich with fake beautiful pics……and i’d have people gloating all over me.
What does that do?

I think it’s because we still look for the fairy tale……the glam life, a life other than what we all live. It’s the old thinking that the skinny, beautiful and popular cheerleader in HS had a perfect life. She intimidated us, she had all the cute boys, she had tons of friends etc…..BUT later, we found out that she was bulimic and her stepfather raped her throughout hs.
We all want to ‘trade’ places with anothers projected perfect life…….
(Careful what you wish for!)
If life was so perfect… wouldn’t be on FB announcing it!
We want to believe…..and who are we to squash someones fairy tale.
When things go south……these same people will come out with their opinions of… moved too fast….you shouldn’t have XX or XX. Blah, blah…..but in the meantime, nobody will speak up……
Nobody will speak up because they don’t want to be in the minority, they will be attacked as the buzz kill person. Don’t rain on their parade……..
Speaking up is a thankless job……and few are willing these days.

FB is a great tool to gain information. If you can weed out the bullshit…..and look at what someone is really saying.

Employers use it rather than background checks……you can see needy, illegal, narcissism, lifestyle, habits all rolled into one.The person who is being watched can’t deny it…..because it’s what THEY themselves are putting out there.
Can a credit report give you that!?!?

Don’t get drawn into the social media craze…….you don’t want that much info out there.
Our friend Matt once said…..there are only 2 times you want to be in the newspaper…….when you are born……and when you die!

FB is like being on the evening news all day everyday. It’s more than 15 minutes of fame……if you play it right, you can sustain your fame as long as you can keep others interested…..for a spath, that could be an eternity……because there is always someone wishing they had YOUR LIFE!


FB helps me figure out if someone is an N. If I have an inkling that someone may be an N & then see they have 500 FB friends, that pretty much confirms to me that, yes, they’re probably an N. I also don’t understand why people want to self disclose so much personal info to the world.


You have described exactly what I dislike about FB: way too much information. But also agree it’s a wonderful way to spot the Ns & Sps. I think may use FB to create their own personal soap operas in which they are the star.


This is why I don’t let people I don’t know well on my fb
One woman I work with was angry cause I would not accept her friend request Turns out she is not that friendly lol


Survivor ~ YES, YES, they do want to get caught – it wouldn’t be as much fun doing the things they do if no one knew. Bragging rights and that is what they can do on FB etc.

Erin ~ Great tool – absolutely, when you already know the score. It is like reading their diary, without the guilt.

Slime bag engaged – hmmmm Underware cooking yuuuuk


Eb my lord! You sure do a good job. I mean understanding what is really going on. Wow


The spath I know is not on fb at least I can’t find her although she does use aliases. She does not want to be found. She has screwed over lots of people


It so sad to see what ‘we’ women will do…….
I NEVER want to be that person again.
There was a day when I bought into it…..or maybe ‘day’ isn’t the right word……to describe 28 years! 🙂
But I was ‘that’ girl once……I am proud to say… longer!
I will no longer hang on the moon of a fairy tale……..

Sad to think she’s so in bliss, caught up in his crap of i’ve changed…….and there are others out here that KNOW the ugly journey she’s in for.

Nothing is as it seems.




The business spath…..he’s on FB too.
He announces ALL of his next moves on FB along with ALL over the internet. I get almost daily alerts of what he’s up to via google alert.

I alert the authorities and he’s shut down immediatly.

His new scam was shut down 5 times in the first month of operation.
It’s a front for selling Meth.
They are investigating him in conjunction with a large gang.

the gloriious thing about that is…..he has NO IDEA I am involved in narking him off!


Erin ~ I know guilt, what guilt? I have done whatever necessary to get the goods, some not exactly, well never mind…..


I WISH my exspath would use face book.
He lives completely under the radar. He barely lets people take his picture. The last one I have, he’s pulling his hat down over this face.

I think his only internet access he uses is email and (I’m sure) porn. sicko.


The social internet media at least have helped youngsters be more narcistic: pics, daily updates about nothing really, number of friends…

On the other hand, I have 366 fb friends: daily friends, acquaintances, some (ex) colleagues, tourists I befriended, fellow tourleaders, friends I made during my travels, old schoolmates, graduated pupils, and the remainder of people I befriended over internet games.

Many of those games require you to befriend lots of people in order to exchange gifs and such to get ahead of the games. Always found it a bit of a nuisance, but anyhow, I deleted lots of them after I quit those games for good, and only kept the people I built some type of bond with. But it’s one of the reasons I know that ‘many friends’ is not necessarily a sign of narcissism.

I also tag pics, since so many are from an event shared with friends or travels: a total of almost 700 (including pics of lanscapes, animals, friends, …)

What I think is the biggest indicator is the updates and comments on pics: frequency and content… the type of games played (there used to be a hype of games of ‘selling and buying’ yourself… couldn’t be more narcistic)… the type of pics (posed).

As for employers: make the profile private (only friends at the most), be careful about the pics used for profile, check what can be viewed by a non-friend, and don’t post a thing that’s private and you don’t want an employer or others to know about.


Well never mind…….right!!! LOL!
Sometimes ya just gotta do what a girl’s gotta do!




I’m with you. I sooo wished she used facebook, HA!

She also lives under the radar in everything she does. She would NEVER post a public profile.

For the record, I only have “35” “friends” LOL



I love the way your mind works. Your creativity blew me away when you prepared that checklist a few months back – things to do before you dump your spath.

My spath doesn’t use FB, but I know EVERYTHING, and I use tools similar to yours.

Skylar, I bet you could figure out his PW if you tried. Remember, he WANTS to be CAUGHT.

Check this out.,9486.html




OMG…yours sounds JUST like mine! No Facebook, no pictures of him anywhere…can’t find anything on the Internet about him. He flies totally under the radar. That tells me he tries everything to be so secretive. Private.


I’ve read more than once that you’re not supposed to cross a spath or out them. Pssshhh. I’m not afraid of him. Anything I can do to warn others and spare them even a fraction of what I went through, I don’t even think twice about it. I’ll get bored with it eventually, but I just consider it part of my healing process for now and turning my spine from rubber back into titanium. No matter what I do, it will always pale in comparison to what he dished out over five years.


Dear survivor3,
If I ever get the chance to expose her I will.
She likes to take advantage of people who are at their most vulnerable, of. Course. I was grieving for my twin who passed away when I met IT.

I am just biding my time and waiting to pounce, just like she did to me.

We shall see if crime really pays in the long run. I’m guessing the long arm of the law will catch up to it. Good. For you for shoring up your spine!


that’s hilarious. I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard, you’re right, but he can’t spell so…

Ana and Louise,
I wonder if he would use facebook with a fake identity, to lure children or some other sinister purpose. Like OneJoy’s spath.



Hmmmm, I don’t know. It is really hard to say with him.


Yuck! I’m sure the spath I knew would use an alias..
She can’t function otherwise. It’s all a game. Let’s see how much I can get away with.

For instance, she is a massage therapist working with no license.
But,a woman in the news here got her ll
Liscense revoked cause she didn’t disclose her criminal record.

Spath iS sneaky cause how can you revoke a Liscense she does not have?

It will fall on the. Business owner not her. Ah, she knows all the tricks and she sucks.


Ana! that is EXACTLY how my exspath works. EXACTLY.
They can’t take away his helicopter pilot’s license because he doesn’t have one. The guys who hire him are the ones who are in danger. The spaths know how to scapegoat. they know how to make others take the blame and the responsibility.

Well you can’t expect an infant to take responsibility, can you?


No not an infant,but a fulll grown adult spath, poopy diaper and all will eventually take a hit! And oh how they howl! Poor baby’s


Thank you so much for your support on this blog. I do love it so

I’m typing from my phone so please excuse typing errors!


This article makes lot of sense. Spaths have no real friends in real life so they can reinvent themselves on social networking sites and be anyone they want to be.
Secondly spaths are big “attention whores” so it stands to reason they would constantly rearrange and update their facebook pages regularly.


I’m not saying this because I don’t have issues, God knows I have plenty of those. But I’ve never been on FB, nor have I ever gotten on the website to look up someone. Sad truth is, I would have 2 friends. Actually, no I wouldn’t because my two friends aren’t on FB either. Ah, nevermind.


Several years ago, before FB became popular, spath/daughter was on Myspace. They had the whole section for your profile. She listed she owned her own business, name of business included, and that she had an income of $50,000 to $60,000 per year. Ofcourse, this was a typical bit of spathy grandiose exhibitionism.

SOMEONE, who shall remain nameless, LOL – printed this information out and sent to the appropriate agencies at the Federal, State and City tax levels.

Sometime later there was a blog, right there on Myspace about how unfair, the City tax people were, how they would take your first born if they had a chance and how they were harassing poor little spath.

Oh, sweet revenge


Lol I hope to follow your excellent example


Oh Milo……..LOVE IT!!!!!

Last night I was digging…….What I found was so FUNNY!
YEP, spath has found his soul mate……hahahahahahah…..the newbie is a long time cheater and gold digger. She CRUSHED her former husband, who btw I’m not sure the divorce is even final.
She’s not the innocent dupe……and that to me is so so funny.
It’ll be entertaining to sit back and watch this unravel on the net.
I see the game she’s playing with spath. She cloggs his FB with the I love yous and soul mate crap…..and doesn’t mention him on her page. She’s keeping the engagement low key……no change of status. She’s taking him off the market, but she’s not commiting publically.
If she’s getting alimony from her ex, spath may find she’s not is such a hurry to marry and lose it.
She’s high maintenence……..and she might just be okay with how spath earns his living… long as the rewards are hers.
She’s a buddist cheater……funny how that works.
She’s recently lost 80+ lbs…..and is really cute…..very spath appealing……but he will do the same as he did to me, and she can’t control it……he will feed /cook for her until she’s fat and he can complain about it, control her with food. That will justify his cheating and on and on……

Oh, there is so much to learn on FB.

***sorry…….this was just a great way to end the night!



EB ~ couldn’t happen to a nicer guy – NOT

Silently connecting to FB is better than watching reality TV – just as dysfunctional, but you know the “players”

Gray rock to spath-daughter – “one of these days I need to sit myself down and find out what that myface thingy is all about, I just don’t get these new fangled gadgets that you kids use.”………………………………….. “what is a tweety?”

donna dixon

I actually need to thank FB and If it weren’t for receiving the spaths bills and seeing his posts on FB I may still be married to this guy!

It was extremely devasting at the time but if I hadn’t seen his FB page with my own eyes and the photos and posts of his then girlfriend I may have kept buying his lies!! He used his REAL name on both FB and!! The BALLS he had were shocking! And even though he tried to lie his way out of each I guess he really thought I was an imbecile!!

It’s all kinda funny now. I know his game far too well! Since that time he has moved INTO the home of another woman while she apparently awaits her divorce to be final. (He still texts once in awhile and makes sure to sign it with Xs and Os ~ but I’m grey rocking him when I feel the need to respond.

She may be a better woman than the last but I don’t feel any need to alert her of his ways ~ I’m just glad he is being occupied!!!


Regarding Facebook, my observation is that more Narcissistic people have more Facebook “friends.” But so do more outgoing people. In addition, there is a strong correlation to age. While older people may view large numbers of Facebook friends with skepticism, for younger people this is the norm. They will not only more freely “friend” people but will also view these connections as more real.

I was a late-comer to Facebook as I found it invasive. Today, I find it even more so, but continue to use it. However, I am not quick to Facebook just anyone and most of my Facebook contacts are either family or real friends. I was in Europe last month and now regret not Facebook friending three people I had met on the trip, as doing so is still not automatic for me.

Facebook can be particularly difficult regarding those you have dated. For example, regarding one person I dated over two years ago, on his FB, the only pictures are from the time I knew him.

And the x-spath’s FB profile picture was taken the day we met…


This topic goes back to lesson #1 I learned……..use the ‘friend’ word wisely.
Spath groomed me to go along with My friend this my friend that……verbage.
When I cut EVERYONE out of my life, I had NO FRIENDS.
My choice.
Then I slowely let a few trusted/tried and true friends back in.
We tend to throw around the friend word so easily……you meet someone in a coffee shop and they are when conversing about them you refer to them as my friend XX.
I’ve learned the meaning of aquantance and use it frequently.
I have lot’s of aquantences…….but, I have very few friends…….and I like it that way!

FB feeds this friends concept just by virtue of having FB friends. friends…..right?
Most don’t get the difference and we are shocked when our ‘friends’ betray us……
WELL DUH…..were they REALLY our friends to begin with……or just the dude from the coffee shop!

Someone you went to grade school with is NOT your friend……if you haven’t spoken in 35 years.
But somehow on FB……there is this unspoken-automatic loyalty, automatic trust given…..we have ‘history’ we share. We remember the old liquor store on the corner kinda things…..Taking bus 7 to the beach…..people BOND on that kinda stuff! It’s weird!

This is how the ex spath operates on FB. ALL people who will give him automatic loyalty…..and be his cheerleader on FB. It encourages and gives the newbies a false sensse of “he’s okay’ kinda guy (after all….if he was a bad guy, all these folks wouldn’t be his friends too!)……..and soon they become cheerleaders also.

The dynamics of FB and other social medias are set up for spaths…….Narcissists enjoy it most too!

They all promote the hearding sheep deal.


you made me fall off my chair laughing. “tweety-thing” lol. Who could’ve sent that myspace stuff? hmmmm….


I don’t have a facebook page because I really don’t get it. I don’t really get how it works. We have a twitter account for BF’s business and all these followers showed up out of nowhere and they tweet things that nobody cares about and they want us to follow them. Why?

I really wish I understood facebook because I hear that it’s good for business but I don’t get it. How?

Ox Drover

I just saw yesterday that the NYPD has a new program that they are testing out and they caught two guys with FACIAL RECOGNITION. They had pictures of them, but no full names so they put it on FB and BING the program pulled up the faces of these two guys and they were arrested.

I know they do facial recognition on the CSI-type shows all the time but it is BECOMING REAL!!!! Tee hee so maybe some of these bad guys will get caught because of their FB posts.

I have a FB page and have “friendships” with my friends that live at a distance, some of my former bosses, and was contacted yesterday with a friend request from a former employee that I liked but lost contact with 25 years ago. A couple of gals I went to high school with. My husband’s grandkids and kids, and some folks from my living history group.

But am careful not to put anything on there That I would not want on the front page of the local newspaper.


Fb is good for business to get your name out there. You can use it to post sales etc. a few of my friends have yoga studios and use it for special events and just regular yoga classes..


thanks for the response, but how will people know to go to your facebook page to see the sale advert or special event?


Because when you friend someone it pops up on their fb page too and you can share it on your wall etc. Then people “like” your buisness and the word gets out. TADA!


Thanks Ana,
I see. If I friend 10 people, it’s like spamming 10 people with my advertising. Interesting.


People don’t consider it spam! They look forward to it…lol When they check their fb page, they LIKE that you posted to them.

I was just on their and one of my friends posted this:

be thankful for fb because the way gas prices are heading we may never see each other again.


i also do not have FB. However, I don’t have it because I don’t exist.
All accounts are in his name…I’m a signer, but do not own the accounts.

Had a problem w/eBay and PayPal…the tech ion the telephone said I had to have him answer questions before they’d talk to me.

Tried to join FB…my information (which is correct) is not acceptable…doesn’t like my name.

Tried to activate a credit card on an existing account…couldn’t do it because I don’t own the account.

I can change the settings on my computer, but that only affects my computer…the administrator can access EVERYTHING remotely.

He forwarded an email to me (all computers are in the house) and it showed a strange name…not av. (assume that’s one of his aliases that means “not average”…I certainly hope he’s not!)

I have no recourse…I do not exist.

Sure wish there was a way for this to backfire on him.

I’d ask friends to look him up on FB or, but they wouldn’t understand what I’m talking about…lucky them!


that’s ridiculous.
Start setting boundaries. NOW.
first. you can get a gmail account for free without his permission. Your DOG can get one. Anyone can get one.

If you think that he has access to your computer and has a keylogger, then go to the library and get one. Use the library computer. Please don’t tell me he works at the library. 🙁

You have your own social security number, so start using that to get your OWN bank accounts and credit cards. Use cash to open a POBox or get a mailbox at one of those mailbox rentals. You need to start establishing your own identity.

Next, Get a cell phone plan in YOUR OWN name. Make it a smart phone with a data plan. Then you can use it instead of the computer at home.

You really must be confused to stay in such a desperate situation where you are no longer even a person in your own right. Go to a DV shelter if you need help. You are not in a good situation.

Send this to a friend