Living with a Sociopath

Needless to say on both of these posts I have been given excellent advise, and after all these years of being gas lighted, controlled financially, sexually and by using the kids, I NOW KNOW NOW WHAT  I NEED TO DO!!

Last night, he was being picky with me, and when I look at my beautiful daughter and she is telling me, she is scared of the arguments, and shaking with fear,  I need to do the right thing for her, and my son who is now 16.

So it is now March 2018 and I have just had another horrible weekend, he decided to go into a rage on Saturday afternoon, with me and my daughter, calling us both a pair of c**ts, and he told his 13 yr old daughter that he didnt love her, he told me to take him to his workshop unit that he has, and he would sleep there the night, even though it is freezing there prob around -2. I did take him there after he demanded to go and told me I was not safe around him, he wanted to strangle me, or shove a sharp knife up my arse, he said this to his daughter, you was panicking at the time!!!

I dropped him off at the unit, and came home, as soon as I walked in the door, he called me and told me a taxi was picking him up and he was coming home, he ignored me all night!!

Saturday 7th April 2018, we both got invited to a gay friend of both of us to his house, for a few drinks, I said I didn’t want to go as I didn’t want to leave my daughter, and thought there would be far too much drinking, not only that I didn’t want to play taxi either, so I decided to stay at home and watch TV with my daughter, husband said he would get a taxi back about midnight.

I went to bed around 12.30 and got woken up at 3 in the morning by a very drunk husband who proceeded to tell me he had sex with my gay friends, friend who was a straight female, same age as me, he told me she was a prostitute and charges normally £200 per hour, but he got it free!! he told me in front of his daughter!!! I initially thought he was lying to me, because surely no matter how drunk you were, you wouldn’t say it in front of your own daughter……………………

Anyway I left him downstairs and went to bed with a very upset daughter, we couldn’t get back to sleep until way after 5am after that bombshell, whilst he was snoring on the sofa!!

Next morning before he got up, I took my daughter to her friends house for the day as her family were taking the girls swimming, and I decided to ring my gay friend and ask him, whilst the husband was sleeping, and he said he didn’t know anything as he went to bed and had left them drinking.

Needless to say when my husband came downstairs, in his black boxer shorts, that was covered in sperm, I knew then he wasn’t lying, he immediately told me to calm down, it didn’t mean anything and it was only sex, apparently he didn’t even fancy her…….. but he licked her out and had full unprotected sex with her………and she wasn’t a prostitute either!!!

When he called our gay friend, he admitted to him, what had happened and he said that he had been on the phone to his female friend and she also admitted it too, so there you go, not only an abuser but a cheat too!!!

I told him I couldn’t put up with this anymore, the abuse, the cheats, the moaning man, and he has agreed to change, but like I told him, I am not going to hold my breath, as a leopard doesn’t change its spots, and he has been like this for so long now I don’t think he knows how to change!!!

I was also told to tell the kids that it had not happened, for their sake I did as he has asked.

So here I am again 11th May 2018 and he is now using his own daughter to gain control, she wouldn’t put the dogs upstairs for him, so he threatened to sell one of the dogs, and then he threatened her horses with horse rescue, to which my daughter started crying so hard she couldn’t breathe properly and then he told he to shut her fucking mouth, she was having a panic attack at the time, when I interfered and defended my daughter I was called a fat c**t. I called him a bad dad for treating her this way, he then calmed down but never said sorry or anything to her, she told me she wished she wasn’t here (alive) and I told her I am pleased she is here, and that the only person that needs to go is her dad, I really need to get out of this toxic relationship for the benefit of myself and the kids!!!

Friday 11th May 2018 he had a breakthrough with our son, my son decided he would talk to his dad and it was lovely to see, so my husband decided to push it!!

Sat 12th May 2018 buzzing after talking to his son last night he stopped him from going to sleep this morning, trying to wake him up, my son told him to leave him alone, but he got enraged that his son would speak to him like that, so again I get the brunt of it!!

Its his mothers birthday and we are all going out tonight for a birthday meal, my husband decides not to go, so I take both kids and leave him in the house, his mum knows him well so she understands, but I am quite tense as I know I’m going to get it when I get home.

My daughter goes with her aunt, granny and cousins for a sleep over, and I come home with my son, my son thankfully goes upstairs to play on his computer, and I get the full wrath!!!

I told him he abuses me, with threats and name calling, he throws it all back in my face and accuses me of being HIS abuser!!! everything I said to him, he told me I do the same, he only stopped when I told him, he is trying to confuse me and it is called gas lightening, I think he got a shock that I had actually done my research on the way he treats me.

He told me he wishes he could murder me, he also told me he wishes he could punch me in the c**t so hard it bleeds (his words not mine), he also told me he was glad he had sex with that other woman a few weeks ago as she was much better in bed than me, and had bigger boobs and a better body than me, and he doesn’t regret it for one minute!! I kept asking him to leave me alone (I didn’t cry) as his words don’t affect me anymore (I was lying there) as I’ve heard them over and over again!!

He also told me I was just a spunk bucket to him

He also said that he was far superior then me!!

I got a full glass of wine thrown in my face for daring to answer back, but at least he didn’t spit on me like he normally does!!! I was shaking and wanted to call the police, but he followed me upstairs so I couldn’t!!

My daughter rings home and my husband answers, she gets upset on the phone as she knows her dad is in a bad mood, she asks him if he has hurt me, and if I am still alive!!!! that’s how worried she is…………..not fair on her at all!! she said this in front of everyone in the car too, so now they all know how it is affecting us all!!!

After about 5 hours he calms down, and decides to talk to a friend of his, who happens to be a counselor and he told him straight out, that what he is doing to me is abuse!!!

So needless to say I have gone off sex, I mean who wants to have sex with a man that calls me some appalling names and degrades me at every opportunity? I now only have sex if I feel I have no choice, when I say no choice, I do have a choice, but if I say no I get “Why do you not want to have sex with your husband? other wives would love to give their husband a blow job, is it because you don’t fancy me? are you getting cock somewhere else, are you gay? and this can go on for hours, so it is easier to give in, and be done with it, but for me there is no emotion in it, and hasn’t been for a while!!

Thursday 17th May, he came downstairs at around 10am and asks me for sex, I said I didn’t want to, as my son was upstairs on his computer, to which I got that I am sexually barren, I should fancy my husband, I told him just because he asks for it, it shouldn’t mean I have to jump, to which he replied I should want to jump, he then in the car proceeded to ask me if I minded if he visited escorts or to go onto a site called Fab Swingers as he said he needs sex everyday and I was not fulfilling his needs.

I have since found out he has a profile on fab swingers a joint profile using some old photos of me that I let him take about 10 years ago, and posted me and him as a couple, looking for other couples, I haven’t seen this, he told me about it, I have told him to take my photos off the internet, but I do not know his passwords for fabswingers to take them off myself!!

Has he not learned anything from past experiences!!!!

Saturday 19th May 2018

He decides to buy a new BBQ, so he brings it home and asks me to put it up, I tell him I can’t, as I had been out all day (this was about 4pm) and could do with a cuppa and a rest, bear in mind I have an appointment with a rheumatoid specialist soon, as the doctors think I might have it, so me needing a rest, meant I really did need a rest,

He struggles with the BBQ and by the time he has finished he is in a mood, he doesn’t want to eat etc, meanwhile he calls his sister and finds out our other niece is having a sleepover with her, this gets my daughter a little upset, so his sister has said she will come and pick up my daughter, my husband hangs up and proceeds to tell his own daughter that her auntie is a c**t and she doesn’t love her at all, and that she only loves the other cousins and not my daughter. I take my daughter indoors as I don’t want her hearing things like this, and told her that this was not the case and to ignore her dad on this occasion. so she goes and packs her clothes, I give her some money and we wait and we wait and we wait…………………………… husband comes in the house and tells his daughter that her auntie is a c**t and not coming for her, apparently she called and asked if we could do this another day!!! so I called her to find out that was not the case and that my husband had told her to turn a f*cking around, called her a c**t and told her to stay away from his family and his house!! by this stage my daughter was absolutely hysterical she told her dad that he must not love her if he could do this to her, to which he told her to fuck off and go and live with her auntie forever, he also told her, he might kick his own 13 year old daughter out of the house, to which I replied NEVER!!! I also told my daughter it wouldn’t be her going in a million years!!

Anyway I called my sister in law back up and she told me that she didn’t have a choice in the matter and had to turn back around.  so I told her I would bring her, so my daughter doesn’t miss out, so that agreed I pop my shoes on and go and get the car keys to find they have disappeared, when I ask him if he has moved them, he says to me ARE YOU ACCUSING ME? so he then proceeds to swear on his kids lives, his life, and his deceased brother life, and when I ask him again, he shouts at me DO YOU THINK I AM SO LOW TO SWEAR ON ALL THOSE PEOPLES LIVES AND STILL DO IT!!!! So I admit defeat and call my sister in law and she says to me if I come all the way over I don’t want to see my brother and will he stop her coming to the car? and I told her I wouldn’t let that happen, so she makes way to ours.

while we are waiting my daughter comes to me her eyes bright red from crying, puts both hands in her hair and says to me I’m so messed up, my mind is all messed up, and I am so confused!!

HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO SOMEONE HE PROCLAIMS TO LOVE!!!!

I calmed her down and told her he was using confusion tactics and she eventually calmed down I also give her full permission to tell her auntie and granny anything she wants too, my sister in law and his mum have also told me they are behind me and that me and the kids are not alone, although I would never come between him and his family EVER. Strangely enough I have a bad memory, and feel very disorganised a lot of the time, has his tactics been working on me?

Thursday 24th May

He has been ok all day today, my daughter is feeling very tired its about 10pm, and he starts on about her horse, it is not too well and is on medication for Cushing’s disease, but  seems to be plodding on nicely with no pain etc, but he starts to look up things on the internet and tries to self diagnose, rather than just get the vet in, and speak to his daughter in the morning, he starts by telling her that in order to get her horse seen to by a vet, he might not be able to buy her anything for her 14th birthday which is next week!!! WHY TELL HER THIS AT BEDTIME????

Needless to say my daughter is very distressed and has a panic attack, until I calmed her down, mainly about her horse, and he told her to stop snivelling and get on with it!!! In bed the same night she told me she had a horrible life and wishes she was dead!!! I told her she could talk to me about anything and that life was good, to which she replied “no it isn’t” she also told me to forget about her birthday and I told her that was never going to happen as I also want to celebrate the birth of my beautiful daughter!!!

I told him, he should have got the vet in when she was at school and told her about it later, so she doesn’t get distressed, he never answered me!!

I CANT WAIT TO GET MY KIDS AWAY FROM HIM!!!

31st May 2018

 I mentioned to him this morning how worried I was as were are behind on our rent, we have bailiff letters and its my daughters birthday in less than a weeks time, and only £50 to our name, I mentioned to him that he should have got more appointments in this week, and before to combat this, to which he started shouting, that it wasn’t his fault, and that he wished he could gut me like a fish, he also had a cup of tea in his hand and he said he wished it was acid and that he could pour it all over my fat tits!!! all this in front of his daughter, he apologised about 5 mins later and said he didn’t mean it!!!

Wed 6th June

He is going on and on at me because his son refuses to speak to him, he told me that I should say to my son, that if he doesn’t give his dad respect and talk to him, that I should fall out with my son too!! I have told my husband that I have tried repeatedly with our son to get him to speak with his dad, but he is nearly 17 and has a mind of his own, my son is very stubborn, but I refuse to fall out with him, because of something his dad has said and done to him, my husband proceeded to tell me that the abuse he gave our son was years ago, and that it should all be forgotten now, but like I said to my husband, he still hears you shouting at me and he has not forgot the abuse you gave him, I’m so worried that this escalates between them, as if this turned into a proper fight, his dad is so much bigger than him, my son would probably end up in hospital. My husband doesn’t give our son that much abuse now, is because he is turning into a man? or is it because is just a bully to women and children!!

I have asked my son, to please be polite to keep the peace, but he told me he can’t stand what he is doing to me and he doesn’t respect him in any way shape or form!! and of course according to my husband its all my fault!!!

Thursday 7th June

Kids are at school and my husband is going on an appointment, he pops his trousers on and because I missed ironing a bit he loses his temper, calling me a stupid worthless bitch,  I said to him, there is no need to call me names, and he looked me straight in the eye and said to me “but you are a stupid bitch and a stupid c**t, he then very quickly raises his fist to me, he didn’t hit me, but the threat was there. I said to him you think you can say and do anything you like to me and get away with it don’t you, and he said yeah pretty much!!!

He apologised later and said he would never hit me and he didn’t mean it, its because I get him so angry that he does and says things like this, and all this because I didn’t iron his trousers properly!!!

Sat 9th June

Our gay friend came along tonight, I haven’t seen him, since my husband had sex with his friend, and he was ok with me, but I had to go out during the night as my mam was in hospital and I had to leave to pick her up, the next morning Sun 10th June, my husband informed me that this woman he slept with, felt confused and disorientated when she woke up, and accused my gay friend of setting her up with my husband, she says she felt it was premeditated, needless to say 2 days later she apologised to my gay friend, and said she didn’t believe he had set her, up, but she did say to him, when she knew he was coming to our house, is “Why are you going to see that fat bastard” was my husband too coercive?

11th June

Spoke to a lovely lady today from the County Council regarding getting put on the list for a house for me and the children, it was wonderful to talk to someone, and be believed too!!! she has put me on the list as a Priority for a new home, and told me to contact Domestic Abuse to get advise and help from there, this will be the 1st thing I do when I’m alone, as I can’t live like this anymore!!!

12th June

Just been told by our landlady today that she needs our house back for her daughter, she has given us 8 weeks to vacate, so need to find something faster now, this has come at the wrong time, as he is looking for houses as we speak and I can’t move with him, praying something comes up soon for me and the kids, with the stress I decided to visit the doctor today and told him everything, my blood pressure was up really high 180/110 and he has put me on beta blockers to try and slow my heart down and to deal with the blood pressure and anxiety. WHAT ELSE CAN GO WRONG!!!

18th June

He told me today to ask my mother for £1400 (he knows she has it) to put down as a deposit for a house, I had no intention of asking my mother as she also knows I’m not going to move with him, (unless I have no choice) so I told him, she said no, that her money is tied up and she wasn’t going to help!!

I got it all night, he called her all the names under the sun, he rang her (without my say so) and hung up on her, when she called back he hung up on her again, when I heard the phone ring, I asked him if that was my mam and he told me no it wasn’t, so when I checked the call history, the history had been deleted, so I called my mam and yes he had rang, he had not spoken to her, just playing mind games with her!!!

I got really angry at this and told him, he will not get away with being nasty to a vulnerable woman who is 75 yrs old with bi polar, I also told him, that I would call the police on him if he messed with her, to which he told me, “I was trying to f*ck with the old bat’s mind!!!” but when he heard the word police he said he wouldn’t do it again!!!

WHAT SORT OF MAN IS HE……………….

Later in the night, because his son refused to speak to him, and because I’m not putting it right, he would not go to work anymore, so no money would be coming in, and I told him, my child benefit and tax credits were to put food in the kids tummies and if he wanted to smoke and drink, he needs to work for it.

Can’t carry on like this for much longer!!!

25th June

Had a meeting at my mams house today with a lovely lady from Domestic Abuse, she has reassured me I am doing the right thing, it really does help to talk, and she is referring my case, not sure what that means for me, not sure of the consequences either!!

28th June

My daugher is in London for 1 night with the school, husband goes upstairs into our bedroom (my son has his computer in there, as his room is too small) and opens all the windows, my son says to him “what are you doing, close the windows” to which my husband replied “Im doing it to wind you up” my son got angry and threw an empty can of coke at my husband, and my husband threw it back at him, needless to say I ran up the stairs and asked my husband to come back down as I didnt want it escalating, but he was glaring at his son so badly, his eyes looked practically black, so my son threw a fuller can of coke all over him!!! again he says it my fault as I have no control, but my son is only EVER like this with his dad, has my son been affected more than I thought!! I have to get him out of this toxic house, as I worry in case this sort of thing happens when I am not in!!! What would my husband do then!!!

After all this happened he asked me to take him down the road in the car to the shop, so he could buy cigarettes, he couldn’t drive as he was once again over the limit, he told me he was not coming back, and refused to get in the car, he had been wanting to go out all night!!! He told me he would get in the car if I started on our son when we got back in the house, to which I refused and told him I don’t bully my kids, so I drove away, he came back in around midnight, in a better mood after a night in the pub!!!

Sun 1st July

He is now drinking more than ever now, today he has had 3 bottles of wine and is now asking me to drop him off at the pub to drink more!!

He came back absolutely mortal, woke everyone up as he was hungry, needless to say I didn’t make him anything, but at least he wasn’t being abusive!! Living with an alcoholic is bad!!

3rd July

He started going off on one today, saying he can’t afford the new house and my mother is selfish for not giving her money to us and I should try again, he expects me to put pressure on my 75 yr old mother, he called me a stupid fat c**t and wished I was dead, when my daughter started crying he told he he was going to sell her horses, and to f*ck off before he breaks her legs!! he also told her if she didn’t f*ck off out of the kitchen he would pick her up and throw her in the bin!!

He also told me he wasn’t going to go to work, and I had to sign on, he still wants his 3 bottles of wine a night though!!

I only bought him 2 today and needless to say I was sent out at 10 pm to get another bottle, my daughter woke up and came with me, he didn’t care that I was tired and ready for bed, or that his daughter was woken up by him shouting!!!

4th July

Again the same treatment, loads of name calling, he also told me he wished he had acid, and throw it over my tits (he has used the one before) and he wished I was a man so he could cripple me!!

5th July

On the way to the school run today I saw an empty council house in the area I would like, so fingers crossed it comes on homefinder soon!!!

6th July

He seems in a better mood today, although he came downstairs from bed, saying he had been having nightmares about me leaving him, or running off with another man, he says he was having those for 8 hours last night, again him saying this is making me feel guilty for wanting to leave him, I told him it was his subconcious telling him to start treating me better, but he seems to want constant reassurance from me, that I find really hard to do!!

8th July

My mam is in hospital with COPD and I have been over twice today to take her things in and to see her etc, when I returned home my husband said “Did you get any money off her” I was shocked and said how can you expect anything from her, when she is in hospital, he then said that he told his mother on the phone, that my mam should do us all a favour and hurry up and die!! Me and my daughter were disgusted with this and I said to him, how can you be so vile, thats my mother you’re talking about!! I then said you only want to get your dirty hands on her money, to which he then said, well it would help!!!

Later on that night he kept saying to me “I love you” to which I had to say it back, he said that to me numerous times, because according to him, I wasn’t saying it back to him properly!! So I feel like I was in a bit of a test!!

He then said to me, I am going to make you the happiest woman alive, what would make you happy? to which I replied “Security” and that kicked it off again, I had to explain in detail why I wasn’t secure to which I explained we owed money everywhere, the rent wasn’t being paid on time, and that security to me means not being shouted at, not being called names and certainly not with threats to kill!! Of course he turned it back onto me, saying he always thought I thought we were secure, he said I was with the wrong man and to go and find my little 9-5 man with a council house, again put down after put down, why can’t he just accept his responsibilities!!!

25th July

It seems to me that he wants me to have exactly the same opinions as him, today I was watching Love Island on the TV and he started slating one of the girls on there, calling her thick as sh*t, I said to him, that just because she has a broad cockney accent it doesnt mean she is thick, I said she comes across really well and seems like a nice girl, to which he replied are you joking me!!! are you as thick as what she is, you cannot be f*cking serious. and I cant believe what I have just heard.

26th July

Because I have put on a bit of weight with the menopause, I get called a fat c**t quite a lot recently.

28th July

My son, who normally stays upstairs on his computer decided to come downstairs to watch Xmen with me, my husband came into the room and immediately got in his face, telling him he loves him and wants to spend time with him, to which my son told him to leave him alone. (My son is sick of hearing his lies and sick of him pretending to say sorry, so he now won’t give him another chance)

He wouldn’t leave him alone, so my son threw a phone at him to which my husband raised his fists to him, I got in the middle and told him NO!!

He walked out of the room, saying to my son that he will get him and gut him, he said this 2 times and my daughter recorded it too!!! my son was really upset, shouting at me “how can you stay with him” I calmed my son down and told him, he cannot lose it like that, I know why he won’t get on with his dad, but he reacted badly and he cannot react like that again.

I walked into the kitchen anf my daughter was trying to calm her dad down, he was saying that his son is a psycho c**t, he hates him and doesnt want anything to do with him, I told him not to talk about him like that to which he said he was a f*cking psychopath, I replied to him your reaction is why you do not get on with him, as you don’t know how to chastise him without swearing and calling him names.

15th Aug

He came downstairs about 12 noon, complaining that I didn’t wake him up (I did at 9am)

With 2 weeks to go until the house move he told me the business is not working and we can’t afford the house, of course it’s all my fault for going to my mother’s regularly ( I am her carer) I then get called a fat c@@t and a prostitute he also told my daughter to f*ck off, when I said to him to stop abusing her, he said that’s not abuse, but this is and proceeded to spit on me.

He then proceeded to tell his son that he hated him, and he told me and his daughter that he would like to.pull out his sons heart and squeeze it till he stops breathing, I then told him he was evil to even think of something that nasty

21st Aug

Been offered a council house today but its not going to be ready for a couple of weeks!!! I need to move in 1 week!! as I’ve been told by children’s services that if I move with him, and if I go back my daughter will be removed from the house!! THAT CANNOT HAPPEN!! My daughter and my son will ALWAYS come first!!

Leaving and healing comes next!!