Hi there, I am posting anon as I live in fear!!
I don’t live in fear of being hurt physically but more emotional
I have been with my husband for 18 years now, and after 2 years or so after babies came along I realised that my lovely charming husband has anger issues, or so I thought……….I’ve now finally realised after 18years that these so-called RAGES were put on, how can someone go from a complete raging maniac to talking nicely to someone else when the phone rings!!
I’ve been called a ****, slut c@@t , prostitute, I’m crazy, idiot, I’m ugly, fat, not worthy etc but he still wants sex……
I don’t want to have sex with him,. but if I don’t, then I get the full rant, so it is easier to go along with it, as it’s over in a few mins and that’s that!!
Unfortunately my daughter and son have witnessed his abuse, quite a lot if I’m honest, my son now calls his dad by his 1st name and not dad, and my daughter lives in fear of arguments from him too, she doesn’t want him to leave as he has threatened suicide before in her hearing and she couldn’t live with the guilt she is only 13, but she has admitted to me that it would be better if he was gone…….
And the reasons……………. one of the ways he has made me stay is to inundate me with animals, I have 4 dogs which I cannot leave and my daughter has 2 horses which I cannot afford if he leaves, he has not let me work for years, every time I have tried to get a job he has stopped me, and the house I now live in is rented but with a high rent, so him going is not an option.
I have tried the council but very difficult getting away to a 1 hour meeting with them to discuss this as he knows my every move, so can’t go to that meeting, contacting a woman’s group is not an option, as they offer shelter but I cant take the dogs, so I’m in a bit of a rut!!!
I’ve called the police on him before a long time ago, and been tempted to do it again to get him out, but haven’t got the guts, that’s why I feel so guilty, I always feel guilty, even though I have done nothing wrong, even writing this makes me feel guilty, even though I’m a level-headed person, why do I feel like this?
And I’m ashamed because being a level-headed person, from a level headed family I know this is not normal, so my kids should have to see this,,,