When individuals are jealous-fueled, what is happening? One thing that’s happening is that they are often looking for rage, looking to rage, in all the wrong places.
So this is important to establish up-front: The jealous-laden individual is using his jealousy as a basis to unleash his stewing rage. He is using jealousy as a means to feel rage; to feel outrage; to feel, somehow, self-righteously betrayed; and finally, to justify (through his jealousy) his pursuit of these feelings.
Thus, he is looking, contriving, convincing himself that the basis of his fury is legitimately, suspiciously, here”¦or there!!”¦or there!!”¦or here!!”¦or over there!!
Regardless, he will find the basis for his suspicions whenever it suits him—whenever, that is, he seeks a rage catharsis through his jealousy. From his suspicions, he will immediately rationalize the rapid escalation, and release, of his righteous indignation, which he will almost instantly transmute into expressions of jealous rage.
In his rage, you (his target) will naturally be declared guilty even without his having informed you of the accusations against you. It’s almost as if, in his arrogant grandiosity and sense of entitlement, you barely deserve to know the accusations he’s leveling.
After all, you should know them without his having to inform you, because you are guilty of them!! Who are you kidding?! Who are you trying to dupe, playing the innocent?!!
In such fashion he ratchets up, equally rapidly, his paranoia, convincing himself that you are weaving a real deception, really making a joke of him, the thought of which further primes his paranoia and escalates his self-justified fury.
To be sure, you are guilty of something treacherous. He knows it, he’s convinced himself of it. He believes that you too, of course, know it, but just don’t want him to know it. So he assumes a kind of paranoid omniscience. He is soooo smart, way toooo smart to be had; thus, you must be patronizing him with your innocent, shellshocked reaction.
As if he is going to fall for the pretense of your bewilderment? To the contrary: it will merely makes him legitimately more incensed.
And so the jealous rager, consciously or subconsciously, in conformity with his aim, puts you in a lose lose position: admit what he accuses you of (that is, falsely confess), and even more hell will break loose! Tell the truth, of your actual innocence, and more hell will break loose!
You are like the suspect in the interrogation room on whom he, the interrogator, in his smug conviction, believes he has all the evidence; like the suspect with whom he is toying as he watches you (from his warped perspective), and derives a perverse pleasure in watching you, try to squirm your way out of the guilty, damned status he has arrogantly, smugly stamped you with.
The jealous rager, in this fashion, will enjoy, perversely, the process of (from his warped perspective) watching you dig yourself deeper and deeper in a hole that he has made for you, that he set you up to fall into, and then assured that it will have all the escapability of a quicksand pit.
Rather, it is a pit into which, from his warped perspective, he watches you sink little by little, lie by lie, evasion by evasion, omission by omission, inconsistency by inconsistency, into his “doghouse,” or really his “hell-house,” inside of which he will slam the door shut, bar your escape, and menacingly confront you, seething with the self-righteous fury of the betrayed, entitling himself to “payback” for the treachery of which you, of course, innocent, in the abusive forms he chooses.
This sheds some light, perhaps, into the mind of the jealous rager.
(This article is copyrighted © 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
EB,
first I find out that oxy is a cow-path and now it turns out you are a bear-path, when will it end?
Don’t you care about the bear’s diarhea? Bears weren’t meant to eat dairy products.
Now that you have trained the bear to love you for your cream and butter, you have to UNTRAIN him. leave a bit out there but spike it with jalepeno peppers or capsicam (sp?) peppers. Use something which won’t have a smell to help them discern the difference, but which will feel awful to their little tongues.
Oxy, icky, I wouldn’t be surprised if that witch sabotaged the car when she realized he was divorcing her. Go GRAY ROCK.
sky- i think ‘manipulated’ is the word you are looking for.
most of us carry fear and shame about something. and if we didn’t before the spaths….
i don’t doubt that i can still be manipulated…just takes pressing the right button. at the pub tonight this woman started talking about how crap the doctors are. okay, i can get down with that – she has a disability and has probably dealt with a LOT of crap from doctors….but then the conversation goes way off into the ditch. and i am listening to her and thinking – what’s the deal here? is she unbalanced or…? i told her i wasn’t interested in joining her legal quest for justice for maligned patients. twice. and still, blah blah – i watched her disrespect my boundaries and although i was still checking her out, trying to figure if she was bit nuts or just a misunderstood soul, i found myself thinking – this is abusive. and if she’s nuts or a misunderstood soul, it didn’t matter. she crossed my boundaries and was off on some sort of little trip all her own. I disengaged and walked away. and on the end note – she is a bit nuts.
full moon/ lunar eclipse and solstice; holy shit, that’s a lot of convergence! will go out and howl at the moon.
i keep thinking about my n ex, who lives in a diff city..keep feeling like she is gonna show up here. so i will keep an eye pealed tomorrow!
Okay…..so far no damage. I was dreading coming home tonight to my garage door ripped off!
Last year was a big year for that!!!! My Next door neighbor got it twice.
Now I have to explain to my client where her eggnog disappeared to. She’s having a party for the church on Wed.
I’m going to take it all over to HER house tomorrow.
When she found I was heading over the hill to costco…she asked me to pick up a prime rib for her…..
The bear would have an absolute FIELD DAY if he got into the garage!!!! YIKES!
Went out and got pine sol and amonia and dumped it all over to keep the sucker away.
We found the empty cartons he drank….the eggnog was in a 1 gal plastic container…..he bit off the top, bit off the handle and SUCKED the plastic container until it was all shriveled up, if he would have been more patient, he would have gotten the thick stuff in the bottom of the container. 🙂
NotCze: yes darlen, we do have bears…..lot’s of them. This year the wildlife folks approved a hunting season…..I’m not for that at all. I don’t mind the bears and usually they don’t scare me, but tonight I was soooo not on expecting him. He was the big one they’ve been looking for. My gf said call the sheriff…..but i’d be mortified if they came out and killed the holiday celebrating bear, just mortified.
They really are awesome creatures to watch. And the fact he was up 3 stories on my top deck when we discovered the eggnog and came down and ran off is a good indication he’s still afraid of peeps. It’s the younens that you have to watch, they get ballsy.
I’ll take my boinking, I totally deserve it. That was a stupid, stupid thing to do…..and I wonder how I got nabbed by a spath? DUH! I left myself out for the spath as if I WAS HIS EGGNOG!
I kept telling the kids….theyv’e seen the bears all over town this summer…..I never saw one this year, even though he’s living in the yard. Never saw him.
Well…….I saw him! 😉
Yes, Oxy…..Jr showed up on Tues to decorate the Xmas tree……I was on the phone, went out and the front door was open. I told him to shut it and he said, he was almost done….almost done? doing what?
He said…..MOVING MY STUFF IN.
The owner of the house he was in…..changed the locks on them…..
I told him….and that is MY PROBLEM HOW?
Contract was made……and I’ve ridden him since. My peace is gone again! 🙂
We did have a good time swing dancing as we decorated the christmas tree though…..it was really fun!
He crashed his car last night…..that’ll teach him for driving inthis crud.
Oh…..the lessons he will learn.
And skylar…..bears LOVE diary. You autta see them with Ricotta! SHIT!
hey Oxy…..do ya think there is a possibility she’s ‘dating’ spath in prison?
what did she say in her email?
sounds like an eventful 24 hours EB!
and eggnog is full of sugar, so that makes sense to me, but ricotta? i am surprised that they are into dairy.
LOVE it!
I had a bear years ago, when I didn’t have a garage to put my trash into…..I made lasagna for a wedding party…..and shazammmm, he ran up the embankment with this large container and sat there with it on his nose….i wached him for a bit and a shooting star went off right behind him at hte top of the knoll. It was the coolest thing….
If they ahve a trashcan full of stuf…..they alway pick out the yogurt containers and the ricotta…..then work onthe rest.
He’ssleeping well tonight….no doubt……
Something of which I too must do!
Night one…sleep tight and have a good Monday!
EB,
Hope you had a peaceful nights sleep. I love those bear stories. I am an animal lover also. I couldn’t watch them shoot it either. Between the snow and bears they keep you hopping! LOLOL now Jr being back. never a dull moment at EB’s.
Soimnotthecrazee1!
EB, Nah she’s not dating him, she is “in a relationship with” some guy on FB and I’ve sort of kept up with what her life is in the 20+ years since I turned her in to the welfare for fraud claiming she needed support because she had 2 kids under 6 and no job and no man to support her….well, she was living in a rental house with my step son (her BF at the time) and her kid and their kid and he had income so she didn’t qualify for food stamps or anything else.
She tried to get me to sign that she lived there alone, and I refused and she got an employee of mine to sign—after they moved out in the middle of the night (my step son at that time was brain injured and functioning on level of pretty much MR) she locked up 3 cats in the house and filled the refrigerator full of chicken and unplugged it. P-son drove them away. I didn’t see them for 3 days (hot summer time) so when I went up to knock on the door the door lock was super glued shut and ended up breaking a window to get in and you can imagine the 3 cats, the dead chickens and so on. Hee hee she really got to me on that one.
Step son ended up getting large cash settlement over his head injury and she got him to marry her, but she went on a spending spree and he was divorcing her at the time of his death in a car wreck in 1993. I haven’t seen her since then, though my other step son has kept up with her since he lives fairly close to her home town and keeps up with his niece who is now a mother herself. The niece the girl, my husband’s granddaughter, doesn’t have much to do with her brother (a thug, druggie) or her welfare queen mother according to my step son (her uncle). As for the welfare queen, she has NO love lost for me I am sure. I went ahead and friended her as I am very careful about what I say on the FB. One of my husband’s grandkids tagged me in a photo made when they visited me here of me shooting a rifle and the WF Queen asked me “what are you shooting at”? I just replied “a target, but I like to keep in practice for self-defense and hunting. Make sure my aim is good.” LOL
One of P-son’s letters to the trojan horse mentioned that TH-P should contact the WF Queen as “she hates mom’s guts” (so I am not fooled by this contact LOL) Actually if they THINK they have a contact that you are not aware is a spy, it is a great way to put DIS-information on there.
So you and Junior have a CONTRACT now, huh? Well, I hope it works out better than my contract with my son C did—-I thought things were going well, C seemed to be happy here and cooperative, but then he started to get to acting “secretive” and then I actually caught him in an OUT AND OUT PREMEDITATED LIE….and funny thing is he is SUCH A POOOOOOOR liar….he gives way too many details to try to make it sound plausible. LOL Which almost makes it funny (at least in retrospect)
BTW, we have bears around here to and I don’t think they are cute or cuddly, and my rule is “come into my territory and die sucker!” My cousin had one on her back porch eating the cat food, and we had one here for a while, but it stayed back in the woods except one time it came into the clearing behind the barn. A park ranger friend of ours had a young one try to climb into his bedroom window once and he shot it from inside his house as it was clawing at the window.
well oxy – shot him! why ever didn’t he just push the ladder away? 😉
Whoa, the WF Queen is a nasty piece of crap! spath-eeeee!
with ‘friends’ like that, who needs wildlife!
Yea, the WF Queen is definitely a piece of carp. Stinks about as bad as the inside of my rental did after that—had to tear the carpet out, throw out the furniture and throw out the fridge. Couldn’t get that stink out no matter WHAT you did. If it hadn’t been on a concrete slab I would have had to tear out the floors as well I think. Took a good coat of Kilz paint to cover up the odor that stuck to the walls and ceiling!
Yea, she doesn’t have any love for me even after all these years I am sure. I betya P son got one of his buddies on the outside to look her up on FB (she still uses my husband’s last name though she has been remarried 2 x I know of) so she would have been easily found as it is a VERY rare name. My step son saw her not long ago apparently when he went up to visit his niece on the 1st birthday of her son so that may have made her decide to contact me, or maybe P son got a buddy to look her up and contact her to get information for him. I know P son mentioned in one of his letters to TH-P to get into contact with her that she would “testify” to anything Ugly about me as she hated my guts. Don’t know if the TH-P did get into contact with her though.
Doesn’t hurt to keep my eyes peeled though, and she sure doesn’t scare me one way or the other. I am not going to give her any valid information at all—and will caution step son to not discuss me with her at all as well, I hadn’t thought about plugging that hole, but will get it plugged ASAP. So whatever her reason for contacting me—and it could be any number of reasons—Ps do turn back up in our lives even decades later just “out of the blue” for no reason WE can understand because WE certainly haven’t forgotten what pieces of carp they are! LOL