When individuals are jealous-fueled, what is happening? One thing that’s happening is that they are often looking for rage, looking to rage, in all the wrong places.
So this is important to establish up-front: The jealous-laden individual is using his jealousy as a basis to unleash his stewing rage. He is using jealousy as a means to feel rage; to feel outrage; to feel, somehow, self-righteously betrayed; and finally, to justify (through his jealousy) his pursuit of these feelings.
Thus, he is looking, contriving, convincing himself that the basis of his fury is legitimately, suspiciously, here”¦or there!!”¦or there!!”¦or here!!”¦or over there!!
Regardless, he will find the basis for his suspicions whenever it suits him—whenever, that is, he seeks a rage catharsis through his jealousy. From his suspicions, he will immediately rationalize the rapid escalation, and release, of his righteous indignation, which he will almost instantly transmute into expressions of jealous rage.
In his rage, you (his target) will naturally be declared guilty even without his having informed you of the accusations against you. It’s almost as if, in his arrogant grandiosity and sense of entitlement, you barely deserve to know the accusations he’s leveling.
After all, you should know them without his having to inform you, because you are guilty of them!! Who are you kidding?! Who are you trying to dupe, playing the innocent?!!
In such fashion he ratchets up, equally rapidly, his paranoia, convincing himself that you are weaving a real deception, really making a joke of him, the thought of which further primes his paranoia and escalates his self-justified fury.
To be sure, you are guilty of something treacherous. He knows it, he’s convinced himself of it. He believes that you too, of course, know it, but just don’t want him to know it. So he assumes a kind of paranoid omniscience. He is soooo smart, way toooo smart to be had; thus, you must be patronizing him with your innocent, shellshocked reaction.
As if he is going to fall for the pretense of your bewilderment? To the contrary: it will merely makes him legitimately more incensed.
And so the jealous rager, consciously or subconsciously, in conformity with his aim, puts you in a lose lose position: admit what he accuses you of (that is, falsely confess), and even more hell will break loose! Tell the truth, of your actual innocence, and more hell will break loose!
You are like the suspect in the interrogation room on whom he, the interrogator, in his smug conviction, believes he has all the evidence; like the suspect with whom he is toying as he watches you (from his warped perspective), and derives a perverse pleasure in watching you, try to squirm your way out of the guilty, damned status he has arrogantly, smugly stamped you with.
The jealous rager, in this fashion, will enjoy, perversely, the process of (from his warped perspective) watching you dig yourself deeper and deeper in a hole that he has made for you, that he set you up to fall into, and then assured that it will have all the escapability of a quicksand pit.
Rather, it is a pit into which, from his warped perspective, he watches you sink little by little, lie by lie, evasion by evasion, omission by omission, inconsistency by inconsistency, into his “doghouse,” or really his “hell-house,” inside of which he will slam the door shut, bar your escape, and menacingly confront you, seething with the self-righteous fury of the betrayed, entitling himself to “payback” for the treachery of which you, of course, innocent, in the abusive forms he chooses.
This sheds some light, perhaps, into the mind of the jealous rager.
(This article is copyrighted © 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
soimnotthecrazee1
Mama Gem
I edited my typo,,,,
She DIDN”T hate you, she hated herself!
geminigirl
Thanks guys! Who knows how their sicko minds work? On Facebook, one day, spath D had taken a pictureof one of her “freebie” meals paid for by a foodie Mag. probably. It was a very upscale restaurant in Sydney.
I commented on her FB that Id recently{the previous week,} won a competition to think of a slogan for a range of face creams,{Nivea}
My slogan was;
“Love the skin your in!”the prize was a meal in the same Restaurant shed just been eating in,{paid for}
I decribed the gorgeous 3 course meal, sitting at the top table, being photographed by the Editor of the Mag, and the Head chef, and head of Nivea.Most normal people would have written,”Way to go! Well done!” or words like these.
Next hour, I noticed shed REMOVED my blurb about my win.
She never commented on it. jealous. Biatch.
They HATE the idea anyone is doing better than them.They have no normal feelings of empathy, and giving a congratutalory pat on the back. No, it all has to be about THEM.
How mean spirited! Love, Mama GemXX
geminigirl
By the way, How come they can do this? how can they remove your blog from their FB page? I thought they could only remove stuff theyd put there?.Gem.
soimnotthecrazee1
Mama Gem,
I have to be honest here…. I have never been in that “glamourous” world of art you speak of down under or up here. I am an ordinary every day kind of person, nothing glamourous about me…… I am proud of who I am and what I want in life without that “glamour shot”!
I have always said…… in 40 years….. what will you look like? When you are 80 yrs old what will make you happy? Companionship?? there is no big boobs at that age or flat stomach or perfect skin…… you are shot physically!!! Isn’t companionship what is needed then?
Love ya Mama Gem!
Soimnotthecrazee1!
super chic
KatyDid, Merry Christmas!!! That is a cute video!!!!! 🙂
candy
freeatlastyes
Yep…..they are all the same to a varying degree. So glad he’s soon to be your ex, it won’t be easy. We are the lucky ones if we walk away before we lose everything.
ifinallygotthelesson
This article makes sense. Answers a lot of questions about my evil sister and evil mother, it was really about their rage.
IMconfused
Skylar,
I have a different take on the accusation and jealousy tactic.
My NPD seems to make accusations of me so that he will appear to be justified for doing exactly what he has accused me of doing. I think he sets things up to validate and give credence to his immorality.
If he was found cheating…it would be his natural response to first deny everything and then to say that he was doing what he thought that I had already done. (Notice I said if he was caught.) Mine seems to make accusations prior to being caught. That way he can say that whatever wrong he was caught doing was only in response to something that he “clearly” thought I had done first!
He’d like everyone to believe that he is a very honest person who would never do anything immoral unless in response to someone else (me) provoking him by “hurting” his feelings first (and thus giving him the idea to do something that would never have even crossed his mind to do). It is a good cover story when he can find some naive sucker to believe him…and there are plenty of honest people who trust that he’s telling the truth!
I doubt that he is remotely jealous of my morality. In fact, I think he expects me to give him everything, including obedience and loyalty because he believes that “I’m extremely lucky to have him agree to be in my life”. He owes me nothing. To him, I’m the one who should feel obligated because he might be the closest thing to a god on earth (in his pea brain) and he’s really lowered his standards just to be with me.
Gods have no rules of behavior and can do as they please without regards to fallible human beings like me. If a god doesn’t cheerfully receive all of the offerings that he thinks are owed to him, he’ll simply find a way to take what he wants or get some sort of revenge…and feel very smug and justified with his thieving victory!
Trying to manipulate me into thinking that his bad behaviors were my fault used to make my head spin with crazy making thoughts. Now it’s almost funny to watch his act of indignation. It would actually be funny, if it wasn’t so pathetic.
skylar
IMconfused,
Your name is perfect. LOL.
They confuse the heck out of us by lying and cheating for no reason except the love of the con.
There are many layers to their convoluted reasoning.
So you are right, that is ONE reason why he accused you, and the “tell” is another.
All sociopaths do the tell. Like the serial murderers who will write letters to the newspaper or participate in searching for the victims’ bodies, or even just posing the victim’s body in a certain way.
There is even another thing they do: my spath would start an arguement to make me mad, then I would say something mean back to him, and he would say, “say that again!” or “accuse me again!, so I can have an excuse to hate you more.”
That is similar to what your spath was doing to you, I think.
They are so convoluted, in their own heads. Even they don’t understand what drives their rage.
The reason they don’t understand is because the root of their issues come from childhood and envy is a natural childhood survival strategy. The infant must learn what’s desireable and what isn’t, by watching what other’s desire, then they also desire it. It’s called memetic envy. Someone stuck in that emotional stage of life, continues to envy everyone and everything. But as they become older, it manifests into a sickness because it serves no purpose but to foster hate.
Ox Drover
Dear IMconfused,
Excuse me if you have answered this before, (I have CRS) but are you still WITH this piece of work? If so, for god’s shake WHY?