Ever since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been trying to understand and explain the mysteries of love and sex. Over the past few decades, scientists started using specialized equipment to measure physical arousal by attaching devices to private parts. More recently, they’ve been observing the most important romantic organ in the human body—the brain.
Forbes wrote about the research of Andreas Bartels, Ph.D., at the Imperial College of London. Bartels used a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, which can capture images of brain activity, to pinpoint the areas of the brain that are activated by love.
Bartles did a study of 17 people who were madly in love. He had the test subjects look at photos of platonic friends and of their loved ones while he observed activity in their brains. The resulting images clearly showed that certain sections of the brain are stimulated by love.
The scientist then did another study to observe the brains of mothers looking at their infants. The images showed that exactly the same areas of the brain were stimulated by maternal love, except for an area in the hypothalamus in the base of the brain that seems to be linked to sexual arousal.
The conclusion, therefore, is that specific areas of the brain light up at the prospect of love.
Bartels also noticed something else: When the test subjects were feeling love, certain areas of the brain were turned off. The scans showed that three regions of the brain generally associated with moral judgment go dim.
Chemistry of love
Then there’s the chemistry of love. Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a professor at Rutgers University, has written that three networks in the brain, and their associated neurotransmitters, are associated with love. They are:
- Lust—the craving for sexual gratification, which is linked to testosterone in both men and women.
- Romantic attraction—the elation and yearning of new love, which is linked to the natural stimulants dopamine and norepinephrine, and low activity in serotonin.
- Attachment—the calm emotional union with a long-term partner, which is linked to oxytocin and vasopressin.
Fisher also did a study using fMRI technology. She scanned the brains of 40 men and women who were wildly in love. When these people gazed at photos of their beloved, the scans showed increased activity in the areas of the brain that produce dopamine. This neurochemical is associated with feelings of excessive energy, elation, focused attention and motivation to win rewards.
Dopamine, by the way, is also the neurotransmitter associated with addiction.
Effects of arousal
Research has also proven what we’ve probably all experienced—sexual arousal can make us throw caution to the winds.
In another study using fMRI technology, Dr. Ken Maravilla of the University of Washington found that sexual arousal dims down the parts of the brain that control inhibition and, perhaps, moral judgment.
“These are things that keep you in line, and in arousal they may become less active, allowing you to become more aroused,” Maravilla said, as quoted by Wired Magazine.
In a paper called, The Heat of the Moment: The Effect on Sexual Arousal on Sexual Decision Making, Dan Ariely, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and George Lowenstein, of Carnegie Mellon University, documented that being sexually turned on affected the judgment of college-aged men. (Well, duh ”¦)
Specifically, Ariely and Lowenstein found that, “the increase in motivation to have sex produced by sexual arousal seems to decrease the relative importance of other considerations, such as behaving ethically toward a potential sexual partner or protecting oneself against unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease.”
But another of their findings was, “people seem to have only limited insight into the impact of sexual arousal on their own judgments and behavior.” In other words, most of us don’t appreciate how strong the sex urges are, and how they can make us do things that perhaps we shouldn’t be doing.
Sociopathic seduction
So let’s look at all this information in the context of our relationships with sociopaths.
Two of the main strategies that sociopaths use to snare us are love and sex. They emphatically proclaim their love and consciously seduce us into having sex. So what happens?
- Love causes specific areas of the brain light up, and at the same time, areas associated with morals and judgment go dim.
- The areas of the brain that produce dopamine become active, and dopamine is related to addiction.
- Sexual arousal dims the parts of the brain responsible for inhibition and judgment that might prevent us from making bad choices.
- We don’t recognize the impact that sexual urges have on our judgment and behavior.
Dr. Helen Fisher writes that the three primary brain systems associated with love evolved over the ages to play different roles in courtship, mating, reproduction and parenting. They are Nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the human species.
Sociopaths convincingly proclaim their enduring love and their sexual desire for us. Not realizing the pervasive deceit of these predators, we believe that they love us. We have sex with them, and the sex is great. Many Lovefraud readers have been amazed at the sociopath’s sexual appetite and prowess.
Therefore, sociopaths hijack our brain through our feelings of love and the bonds of sex. In their seductions, they turn the natural psychological and chemical functions of our brains against us.
Thanks. I will.
This morning I felt a pang of sadness for a younger woman who believed in something she called “just sex”. She’s been hurt many times because she and the people she associates with believe they can have “just sex”. There have been infidelities, divorces, multiple illegitimate children and extraordinary emotional turmoil, yet she still doesn’t get it.
I think we know now that there’s no such thing as “just sex” for anyone but the emotionally ill. Reasonably normal women are going to have an emotional attachment to men they have sex with.
If we want our daughter’s to manage their sexuality in ways that serve them, instead of others, we need to explain “The Female Brain on Sex” frankly.
Elizabeth – At the end he said he was just “gonna go back” to the way he likes it best with women FWB’s – “Friends with Benefits” … I said dont kid yourself FWB’s is Fools with Bastards! (couldnt help it – and with him I HAD BECOME one of them!!!) lol
Learned the Lesson,
I gotta admit, I know my way isn’t for every woman. At the same time, I can see that loving monogamous relationships make most people happy. I can also see that infidelity and casual sex make most people unhappy.
FWB = Fools With Bastards is very often the case. Sadly, you can’t tell the ladies that. They have been told that to view sex as “just” sex is the sophisticated point of view. Of course the poor dears want to be sophisticated.
I find myself standing by, helpless to do anything but watch ’em get hurt. Sometimes it happens again and again and again. They really do believe that if they could just drop a few more of their hang-ups, baggage, or maybe find the perfect guy, their love lives would settle down. “I told you so!” is the last thing I want to say, so I say nothing. They’re so sad.
Dr.Steve that was superb, ‘ME ME ME ME ME’
so accurate, spot on!
I recall my S/N standing up in my lounge. doing the very same thing to a friend of mine (not talking about S/N’s though), my friend just sat there silent with a kind of bemused look on his face and couldn’t get a word in, I felt so awkward. The next day my friend asked if I noticed that when he wasn’t the centre of attention, he seemed disinterested and definitely didn’t like it. When another friend called to see me, he did the same to him.
I’m glad to say that I have recovered from him now, been through the healing process, the anger.. etc. – he was textbook.
I had the unpleasant experience of seeing him yesterday – he lives locally – as we passed each other in the street he looked very sheepish and looked away, I guess it was my expressive face that did it!
No, I have other things on my mind – like my son’s BPD, the police have only just started to investigate her – only 8 months after her 3rd attempt to get me arrested, I’ve been told that the officer who arrested me has decided that she is obviously lying….
However, my son has had his reality distorted so badly, that he is blaming ME for everything! They ‘accidently’ had a child together. This b***h made my son sign to lies against me and gave it to the police.. then changed his mind..
Hopefully justice will prevail for all and I can get my life back to normal… whatever THAT is ..
tryintoheal: yeah, they’re everywhere…in my small town, my therapist thinks he has identified at least a dozen (he gets a lot of court-ordered clients) “colonies” of these parasites…multigenerational, incestuous, vulgar…moving from unwitting “host” to “host”. Once in a while they slip up…going to the school drunk and then falling down drunk inside the main entrance when picking up your kid…not a good idea when a local policeman is there picking up his kid.
Sad but funny….victims of circumstance, of course. Justice prevails occasionally. LOL
Hey, I’m pretty sure mine was a BPD…not so bad, right? They don’t ALWAYS lie? Well, maybe…if you’ve seen the mask slip….and know what they are.
I’ve been to your small town, Jim, well, Indiana, I live in London, My ex N/S is/was from NY… he’s supposed to have $40,000 in a bank in NY, said he sued the city of NY for mistaken identity.. strange that after his court case to see his kids, that he;s still here .. still without money, no doubt! ex military, said he had to travel to the base to get money when they paid it in monthly!
Yes BPD’s are very convincing too and she is very spiteful, totally out to make your life a misery, i don’t think she has ever said an honest word, she did a good job on the police but they’re wiser now!
I’d love to see her get her cumuppance, lies just fall out of her mouth.
Yes.. they’re all ‘victims’ of circumstance..!
He used to say he hated living in london and run everyone down that he could think of and idealise/devalue/discard me until he threw a rage when I was running out of money.. I gave as good as I got and he left with his tail between his legs – then came the threats and the phonecalls and he phoned my friends droning on about how he wanted to see me suffer..
UGG.
Glad to be rid as i bet you are, they are sooo ugly.
you feel like saying to the next person you meet, ‘so. what’s wrong with you!’
Yeah they’re all ugly through and through
hey all thanks a lot..I forgot I even posted here but you’re totally right…im trying to get him out and he’s leaving in two weeks but until then it’s horrifying…with the animal situation and being unsure of what’s going on…even if smoeone wants to control though isn’t that behavior just insane/out of control as someone stated? it is the most disgusting thing i’ve ever heard of…but thanks for the helpful advice/comments… and it’s great to know there are forums here to help people deal with these sick monsters…
Iagree np’s or S’s…show the charming traits to keep people hooked…im also wondering how u can distinguish between narcissism and sociopathy b/c so many of the tactics used–value/devalue, approach/avoidance, swinging pendulum seem t be narcissistic but then others i know i’ve experienced personally seem to be outright sadistic/cruel/sociopathic in nature… they use sex to hook…or charm or certain traits qualities in some form but then withhold or neglect keeping that persno wanting or needing more or what is ‘normal’…i know this sociopath keeps giving me ‘nothing’ and if i ask for ‘more’ ie…gives me nothing I ask for a hug…and a kiss…he’ll say “YOURE JUST NEVER EVER HAPPY…YOU ALWAYS WANT MORE AND MORE…YOU’RE SO SELFISH”..ie huge projection…and something i know is classic of what sociopaths tend to say…project their own shortcomigs and mental problems such as ‘wanting more’ onto the ones they’re depriving everything of…and callign them selfish for wanting normal things while requesting abnormal things of them and tryign to take more and more…ie this np will ask me to take a shower, wear heels full make up, this and that…just in order to receive a simple ‘hug’…and make me go thru horror/hell and most of it is…even aggressive/abusive physical contact…the rest of the time it’s excuses to not touch me lies, bs…and also chasing my cats…turning on by the animals…turned on heavily breathing heavy…horrifying stuff with tons of sick evidence to suspect he’s molesting the cats..or has…and have accused him of it…but he cares nothing of it and even later asked me for stuff i wrote in a forum which he read if i was ‘ashamed i was caught’ another projection ..actually most of what he says are projections and he is a scary/dangerous extremely sick person….and there is so much more…but these people are just scary because it’s hard to remember or believe they possess no souls or conscience… or remorse…or empathy…they put on such a show…u can’t believe it even if it’s occurring right in front of you almost…
Dear Melanie,
You asked “how you distinguish between an N and a S?”
IT DOESN’T MATTER, get away from either of them! A Narcissist is as toxic as a psychopath, and remember that ALL psychopaths ARE Narcissists first and still, but not all Ns are Ps. But it doesn’t matter, THEY ARE ALL TOXIC TO YOU.
His projection of HIS problems to you and blaming you for them.
I’m glad that you are starting to “get it” Hang around here and I suggest you go back through all the archived articles and READ EVERY ONE. KNOWLEDGE=POWER and the thing out of all this that I consider THE most important thing, is to LEARN HOW TO SPOT THE NEXT ONE BEFORE YOU GET TANGLED UP WITH HIM.
Whatever happens with this guy, do NOT let him hook you back in, GET RID OF HIM and No Contact…I bet you he tries something “sweet” to get you hooked back, they usually do. Or a Pity play, “I have no where to go, please pity me and let me stay”—DON’T FALL FOR IT!!!