Ever since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been trying to understand and explain the mysteries of love and sex. Over the past few decades, scientists started using specialized equipment to measure physical arousal by attaching devices to private parts. More recently, they’ve been observing the most important romantic organ in the human body—the brain.
Forbes wrote about the research of Andreas Bartels, Ph.D., at the Imperial College of London. Bartels used a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, which can capture images of brain activity, to pinpoint the areas of the brain that are activated by love.
Bartles did a study of 17 people who were madly in love. He had the test subjects look at photos of platonic friends and of their loved ones while he observed activity in their brains. The resulting images clearly showed that certain sections of the brain are stimulated by love.
The scientist then did another study to observe the brains of mothers looking at their infants. The images showed that exactly the same areas of the brain were stimulated by maternal love, except for an area in the hypothalamus in the base of the brain that seems to be linked to sexual arousal.
The conclusion, therefore, is that specific areas of the brain light up at the prospect of love.
Bartels also noticed something else: When the test subjects were feeling love, certain areas of the brain were turned off. The scans showed that three regions of the brain generally associated with moral judgment go dim.
Chemistry of love
Then there’s the chemistry of love. Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a professor at Rutgers University, has written that three networks in the brain, and their associated neurotransmitters, are associated with love. They are:
- Lust—the craving for sexual gratification, which is linked to testosterone in both men and women.
- Romantic attraction—the elation and yearning of new love, which is linked to the natural stimulants dopamine and norepinephrine, and low activity in serotonin.
- Attachment—the calm emotional union with a long-term partner, which is linked to oxytocin and vasopressin.
Fisher also did a study using fMRI technology. She scanned the brains of 40 men and women who were wildly in love. When these people gazed at photos of their beloved, the scans showed increased activity in the areas of the brain that produce dopamine. This neurochemical is associated with feelings of excessive energy, elation, focused attention and motivation to win rewards.
Dopamine, by the way, is also the neurotransmitter associated with addiction.
Effects of arousal
Research has also proven what we’ve probably all experienced—sexual arousal can make us throw caution to the winds.
In another study using fMRI technology, Dr. Ken Maravilla of the University of Washington found that sexual arousal dims down the parts of the brain that control inhibition and, perhaps, moral judgment.
“These are things that keep you in line, and in arousal they may become less active, allowing you to become more aroused,” Maravilla said, as quoted by Wired Magazine.
In a paper called, The Heat of the Moment: The Effect on Sexual Arousal on Sexual Decision Making, Dan Ariely, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and George Lowenstein, of Carnegie Mellon University, documented that being sexually turned on affected the judgment of college-aged men. (Well, duh ”¦)
Specifically, Ariely and Lowenstein found that, “the increase in motivation to have sex produced by sexual arousal seems to decrease the relative importance of other considerations, such as behaving ethically toward a potential sexual partner or protecting oneself against unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease.”
But another of their findings was, “people seem to have only limited insight into the impact of sexual arousal on their own judgments and behavior.” In other words, most of us don’t appreciate how strong the sex urges are, and how they can make us do things that perhaps we shouldn’t be doing.
Sociopathic seduction
So let’s look at all this information in the context of our relationships with sociopaths.
Two of the main strategies that sociopaths use to snare us are love and sex. They emphatically proclaim their love and consciously seduce us into having sex. So what happens?
- Love causes specific areas of the brain light up, and at the same time, areas associated with morals and judgment go dim.
- The areas of the brain that produce dopamine become active, and dopamine is related to addiction.
- Sexual arousal dims the parts of the brain responsible for inhibition and judgment that might prevent us from making bad choices.
- We don’t recognize the impact that sexual urges have on our judgment and behavior.
Dr. Helen Fisher writes that the three primary brain systems associated with love evolved over the ages to play different roles in courtship, mating, reproduction and parenting. They are Nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the human species.
Sociopaths convincingly proclaim their enduring love and their sexual desire for us. Not realizing the pervasive deceit of these predators, we believe that they love us. We have sex with them, and the sex is great. Many Lovefraud readers have been amazed at the sociopath’s sexual appetite and prowess.
Therefore, sociopaths hijack our brain through our feelings of love and the bonds of sex. In their seductions, they turn the natural psychological and chemical functions of our brains against us.
Erin..Thank u so much…Im feeling so lost as I did befriend the wife as she i supposedly divorcing him altho she seems to be wavering now in the sense that since I am out of the picture..he will be good to her now…bizarre..I have sucha desire to call his mom…I just feel under attazk and want the truth to come out..dont know who to trust and it sucks!!! patience I klnow..but that has never been my strong suit!
OH….Me either girlfriend…..NEVER……this may be why life is giving us this lesson…..It’s our time to learn about patience!!!!!
You need to ‘shake it up’…..get your butt out of the house and run around the block…..take your kiddo to the park…..take an evening drive…go get an icecream……
SHAKE IT UP!!!! Get yourself out of your obsessive thinking state.
You can’t trust anyone who has contact with him……that’s just a safe rule of thumb to follow……..YES, it does SUCK!!!!
Do not try to diagnose the wife’s marital issues……in reality, you know the truth……she can sugar coat it all she wants…..You know the hard facts of what life is like with this guy!!!! Poor her……she can HAVE HIM!!!! She is actually doing you a favor….. 🙂
You are moving through contacts in your head of ‘who’ you believe can get through to him……..
WHY DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS??????
There is NOTHING to get through…..
IT IS……WHAT IT IS…….
If you are in contact with anyone……YOU will regret it all immensly……
Go on end: Shake it up……get yourself out for a bit and find that sharp, spunky, electric girl that’s hiding in confusion and anger right now!!!
Let’s get selfish! Let’s bring our focus back on US! We’re the caring, giving, loving ones — now let’s dish it up for OURSELVES!
Remember our rights? Life, liberty, and THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS!!!
They tried to steal all that from us. LET’S TAKE IT BACK!
I have a question for all of you here. Mine was an incredible experience, the sex of my life. It’s been 7 months and I have given up even the idea of remotely bringing up similar feelings. But, it is not the great sex that sticks in my mind. it is the callousness with which he gave of it to others, passing some STDs in the process. My question to all of you is: once healed, or even in the process of healing, how can we legally hold these beings accountable for what they have done to us? Mine is off with another victim, but has a tight ring on me by having a child with me. My family call him an IT, not human. A dog runs away after stealing food not because he is feeling remorseful, but because he knows he’d be in trouble and is afraid. Is there a legal way to make ITs pay for what they have done on to us? I do hope to get an answer
Do you not feel responsibility toward others he/she’s bound to destroy? Do you not feel the desire to put a sticker on this being with Approach with Caution? better, yet, do not approach at all. Highly toxic, damaging to the core of who you are?
For the first time ever, I who is now an American citizen, have lived here most of my life (over 20 years) feel that I don’t belong to this culture. I am amazed at the number of people that talk about self – healing, staying away, praying and passively letting it go.
I will get over it. I am a strong girl. but, I know now many tears have yet to be shed over this monster, mine and others’> How do you sit still and let the abuse go on?
BTW, I was in heaven for three years, thinking what I wanted to think, seeing what I wanted to see, and believing the truth that I created, despite others’ attempts to warn me.
Katya: Because people in general “can’t believe” the truth about these “ITs,” we have the sort of circus that’s going on right now when pseudo-Rockefeller is “defending himself” on an undeniable kidnapping charge by attacking the victim in his wrongful marriage — Sandra Boss.
Until the public is more aware of this disorder, and the vile callousness with which these manipulators treat those around them, we have a hard time getting any sort of justice.
So, I encourage any of us to educate others — once we get past our shock and pain and can start to articulate “what happened.”
I also recommend that we share books that have helped us to understand: “Women Who Love Pschopaths,” “Without Conscience,” “The Sociopath Next Door,” and so on.
For your sake, and the sake of your child, I hope this “IT” keeps moving, and loses interest in the two of you. For support, you should check out Dr. Leedom’s site: http://www.parentingtheatriskchild.com
Katya: Unfortunately, these “ITs” exist in every culture throughout the world. I understand that there might be a slightly lower percentage within Asian countries, because of the very high emphasis within the culture on responsibility toward others. But recently we had two women from Asian cultures who showed up here on LF, and they were basically telling the same stories of intentional romantic and business fraud.
Whenever I choose to do something, I do a “cost/benefit analysis” — I look at the costs versus the benefits that I might gain. If it cost me $50,000 and 3 years of my life to get to court and lose against a lying con man, would it be worth it? If I got a judgment for $100,000, and he was penniless, would it help me?
Sometimes as we work on our recovery we have to make choices to let go of “justice” in favor of healing ourselves. These are hard decisions.
I understand and agree with your anger, but I also would prefer to see you heal than see you lost in a battle that is too hard for you to carry out alone.
Kayta, I did find one normal family member in the S/P/N’s extended family and told them the truth and gave them proof. They took on the job of protecting the family, instead of me. I don’t know what is happening, but I do know the normal person believed me and was not that shocked. So I felt an obligation to make sure some sane person in his family “got it”.
I also at first spent time warning the women I saw him going after. But you know what? All of them had already figured it out. Made me realize all the more that his tactics only work with the vulnerable, and since he goes after “trophy women”, most weren’t needy like me. I also realized that someone warning me would have done NO good. I wasn’t ready or able to see the truth at that point about ANY of the P/S/N’s in my life!
And sometimes, the person you need to protect the most is YOURSELF. I realized that and have completely given up trying to do anything about more warnings or justice. And it feels great.
I meant the sane person was not all that shocked to learn the bad man is totally a bad man. He had seen some signs.
Katya: Hi. You basically answered your question with your last statement “BTW, I was in heaven for three years, thinking what I wanted to think, seeing what I wanted to see, and believing the truth that I created, despite others’ attempts to warn me.” These toxic people are found all over the world. My sister warned me, but you’re right, I only saw what I wanted to see.