Ever since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been trying to understand and explain the mysteries of love and sex. Over the past few decades, scientists started using specialized equipment to measure physical arousal by attaching devices to private parts. More recently, they’ve been observing the most important romantic organ in the human body—the brain.
Forbes wrote about the research of Andreas Bartels, Ph.D., at the Imperial College of London. Bartels used a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, which can capture images of brain activity, to pinpoint the areas of the brain that are activated by love.
Bartles did a study of 17 people who were madly in love. He had the test subjects look at photos of platonic friends and of their loved ones while he observed activity in their brains. The resulting images clearly showed that certain sections of the brain are stimulated by love.
The scientist then did another study to observe the brains of mothers looking at their infants. The images showed that exactly the same areas of the brain were stimulated by maternal love, except for an area in the hypothalamus in the base of the brain that seems to be linked to sexual arousal.
The conclusion, therefore, is that specific areas of the brain light up at the prospect of love.
Bartels also noticed something else: When the test subjects were feeling love, certain areas of the brain were turned off. The scans showed that three regions of the brain generally associated with moral judgment go dim.
Chemistry of love
Then there’s the chemistry of love. Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a professor at Rutgers University, has written that three networks in the brain, and their associated neurotransmitters, are associated with love. They are:
- Lust—the craving for sexual gratification, which is linked to testosterone in both men and women.
- Romantic attraction—the elation and yearning of new love, which is linked to the natural stimulants dopamine and norepinephrine, and low activity in serotonin.
- Attachment—the calm emotional union with a long-term partner, which is linked to oxytocin and vasopressin.
Fisher also did a study using fMRI technology. She scanned the brains of 40 men and women who were wildly in love. When these people gazed at photos of their beloved, the scans showed increased activity in the areas of the brain that produce dopamine. This neurochemical is associated with feelings of excessive energy, elation, focused attention and motivation to win rewards.
Dopamine, by the way, is also the neurotransmitter associated with addiction.
Effects of arousal
Research has also proven what we’ve probably all experienced—sexual arousal can make us throw caution to the winds.
In another study using fMRI technology, Dr. Ken Maravilla of the University of Washington found that sexual arousal dims down the parts of the brain that control inhibition and, perhaps, moral judgment.
“These are things that keep you in line, and in arousal they may become less active, allowing you to become more aroused,” Maravilla said, as quoted by Wired Magazine.
In a paper called, The Heat of the Moment: The Effect on Sexual Arousal on Sexual Decision Making, Dan Ariely, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and George Lowenstein, of Carnegie Mellon University, documented that being sexually turned on affected the judgment of college-aged men. (Well, duh ”¦)
Specifically, Ariely and Lowenstein found that, “the increase in motivation to have sex produced by sexual arousal seems to decrease the relative importance of other considerations, such as behaving ethically toward a potential sexual partner or protecting oneself against unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease.”
But another of their findings was, “people seem to have only limited insight into the impact of sexual arousal on their own judgments and behavior.” In other words, most of us don’t appreciate how strong the sex urges are, and how they can make us do things that perhaps we shouldn’t be doing.
Sociopathic seduction
So let’s look at all this information in the context of our relationships with sociopaths.
Two of the main strategies that sociopaths use to snare us are love and sex. They emphatically proclaim their love and consciously seduce us into having sex. So what happens?
- Love causes specific areas of the brain light up, and at the same time, areas associated with morals and judgment go dim.
- The areas of the brain that produce dopamine become active, and dopamine is related to addiction.
- Sexual arousal dims the parts of the brain responsible for inhibition and judgment that might prevent us from making bad choices.
- We don’t recognize the impact that sexual urges have on our judgment and behavior.
Dr. Helen Fisher writes that the three primary brain systems associated with love evolved over the ages to play different roles in courtship, mating, reproduction and parenting. They are Nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the human species.
Sociopaths convincingly proclaim their enduring love and their sexual desire for us. Not realizing the pervasive deceit of these predators, we believe that they love us. We have sex with them, and the sex is great. Many Lovefraud readers have been amazed at the sociopath’s sexual appetite and prowess.
Therefore, sociopaths hijack our brain through our feelings of love and the bonds of sex. In their seductions, they turn the natural psychological and chemical functions of our brains against us.
I am scheduled to see the GAL on Wed. MO is an awful state re paternity. They refused to take the paternal rights away from a man who shot his wife in the car, while their 7 year old son was watching. Mine told me he’s killed three. But, I have no proof. My older son once brought me a video of my S abusing the baby, and I asked him to delete it (instead, I read my S a lecture on dangers of lifting a one year old by an arm and spanking him while he’s so young that he would not understand). So, no order of protection. Baby’s father has no interest in the baby at all. It’s all meant to spite me. In 7 months he’s asked about the boy twice.
My only hope is that the guy is 65 (G-d forgive me). Maybe, he’ll mellow out? but, he already told a friend that he could live happily with my son in Mexico. The guy is Cuban. who knows what he’s up to: you all can relate I am sure. we don’t know who they are until they show their face and even then – how can one predict what will come next?
Erin..I will be going this week to start the the order for visitation..I felt the wife was wavering a bit and didnt feel comfortable as he is playing her for ma place to stay and I have to protect myself..I spoke to her and told her while I like her..we cant communicate anymore until all is said and don e..I wrote a letter to his mother…stating she can call my son ayt anytime but to set up visitation she has to go thru my sister..fot my own sanity I cannot be a part of their family and craziness..I hope I did the right thing
Erin Is it normal to want to provoke the S..in order to bring him out so to speak??? Ive never felt this before but its like I want to antagonize him so his mask will crack for all to see…is that crazy????
End: We want the truth to come out. It’s so hard to be able to see this truth about them and know that others are still completely fooled.
I can understand. But remember that HE is the one with the unpredictable, disordered mind, and you can’t know what wil happen if you try to provoke him. Actions like that tend to backfire around S/Ps.
thanks rune..I know u are right!
End:
Normal….you ask? Well, yes, ofcoarse ill feelings are always normal when you have been betrayed and then add a childs betrayal into the mix…..look out….it’s mamma bear!
I agree with Rune~ he is the unpredictable one here? I am not sure WHY you would want to provoke him? Into doing what? I get the impression you think you can ‘rush’ the process along…..this could be a very dangerous outcome for you. Highley recommend against this.
S’s will always ‘out’ themselves…..my approach is to let them hang themselves…..then bring in the ‘rope’ as proof.
The rope is all the documentation, proof, records, tapes, letters, emails, recordings, pictures you gather IN TIME.
When you mess with the process, it is never good.
You don’t need to antagonize him…..it will backfire.
Although…..that said….if your refering to the ‘antagonization’ of reporting legal misconduct etc….welll……not the same thing.
If you got something on him…..use it…..build your own case….no one will do it for you.
Let the process work itself, you just be the bystander gathering all the facts and taking care of yourself and your child.
The more you focus on him, the more out of control you will become. Control is something you need to maintain in your own life. Focus on your task at hand. You will never control what he does, says etc……just document it all and DO NOT REACT!!!
If you go about like the ‘crazy woman’, then that is how the courts and everyone else will view you. you will never suceed legally this way. You just won’t.
You MUST maintain your dignity, character and patience.
Your child is young, and you are in it for the long haul……get control of it now.
I think you need to step back from ‘each and every little’ drama he brings…..and keep focused on the ‘big picture’.
Remember…..you have to lose some battles to win the war!
Erin..when I refer to provoke..I do not mean react..or act crazy….I mean initiate contact in emails …texts….things that can be documented as far as his laco of child support, visitation and over all concer..I am showing that I am trying to take the high road…any visitation will go through my sister as I cannot see him…and he will have to call her and she will record it..she is prepared…..
Im trying to get as much as I can on him..nbut sitting back with NC isnt going to help as I feel I have to show his lacxk of support, comitment, concern so eventually I can have his rights terminated…is thats right???
endthepain:
Speaking from a legal perspective, I would document each screw up of your S’s.
If the support check doesn’t show on the first on the month, you send a certified letter stating the check was due on the 1st of the month, and then lay out what legal remedies you will pursue. If you don’t have a support agreement in place, then send him a letter (or have your lawyer send it) stating that he has a legal obligation to support his child and that you will be proceeding to go to court on whatever date you have a hearing set to finalize his obligations.
If you have a visitation agreement and he doesn’t show or shows late or whatever, same drill. Certified letter, stating what he is supposed to do and what he failed to do.
You need all the agreements in place. You also have to keep it factual. That is what you’re going to need to terminate his rights. But, you have to brace yourself. This is going to be a long haul before you get there.
Matt…
yes that is what I am doing now…sending info such as the support not being paid in an email (documentation) as I said no visitation is ordered hyet..but I am seeking the court otder for that now. In the meantime he has been instructed to contact my sister (she is taping convo) to have any visitation with him.
from a legal stand point can you tell me this: he is collecting unemployment and is basing his lack of job finding on the economy..however I called his last place of employment today and they confirmed he left voluntarily, I asked for a letter and they said I needed to contact HR..so I did..the lady soundewd like she knew my S and said she wouldnt give me anything that it would have to come from him (my s) at this point I believe she falsified a letter for him as child support stated they received something stating he was terminated….how can/should I proceed with that?