Ever since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been trying to understand and explain the mysteries of love and sex. Over the past few decades, scientists started using specialized equipment to measure physical arousal by attaching devices to private parts. More recently, they’ve been observing the most important romantic organ in the human body—the brain.
Forbes wrote about the research of Andreas Bartels, Ph.D., at the Imperial College of London. Bartels used a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, which can capture images of brain activity, to pinpoint the areas of the brain that are activated by love.
Bartles did a study of 17 people who were madly in love. He had the test subjects look at photos of platonic friends and of their loved ones while he observed activity in their brains. The resulting images clearly showed that certain sections of the brain are stimulated by love.
The scientist then did another study to observe the brains of mothers looking at their infants. The images showed that exactly the same areas of the brain were stimulated by maternal love, except for an area in the hypothalamus in the base of the brain that seems to be linked to sexual arousal.
The conclusion, therefore, is that specific areas of the brain light up at the prospect of love.
Bartels also noticed something else: When the test subjects were feeling love, certain areas of the brain were turned off. The scans showed that three regions of the brain generally associated with moral judgment go dim.
Chemistry of love
Then there’s the chemistry of love. Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a professor at Rutgers University, has written that three networks in the brain, and their associated neurotransmitters, are associated with love. They are:
- Lust—the craving for sexual gratification, which is linked to testosterone in both men and women.
- Romantic attraction—the elation and yearning of new love, which is linked to the natural stimulants dopamine and norepinephrine, and low activity in serotonin.
- Attachment—the calm emotional union with a long-term partner, which is linked to oxytocin and vasopressin.
Fisher also did a study using fMRI technology. She scanned the brains of 40 men and women who were wildly in love. When these people gazed at photos of their beloved, the scans showed increased activity in the areas of the brain that produce dopamine. This neurochemical is associated with feelings of excessive energy, elation, focused attention and motivation to win rewards.
Dopamine, by the way, is also the neurotransmitter associated with addiction.
Effects of arousal
Research has also proven what we’ve probably all experienced—sexual arousal can make us throw caution to the winds.
In another study using fMRI technology, Dr. Ken Maravilla of the University of Washington found that sexual arousal dims down the parts of the brain that control inhibition and, perhaps, moral judgment.
“These are things that keep you in line, and in arousal they may become less active, allowing you to become more aroused,” Maravilla said, as quoted by Wired Magazine.
In a paper called, The Heat of the Moment: The Effect on Sexual Arousal on Sexual Decision Making, Dan Ariely, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and George Lowenstein, of Carnegie Mellon University, documented that being sexually turned on affected the judgment of college-aged men. (Well, duh ”¦)
Specifically, Ariely and Lowenstein found that, “the increase in motivation to have sex produced by sexual arousal seems to decrease the relative importance of other considerations, such as behaving ethically toward a potential sexual partner or protecting oneself against unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease.”
But another of their findings was, “people seem to have only limited insight into the impact of sexual arousal on their own judgments and behavior.” In other words, most of us don’t appreciate how strong the sex urges are, and how they can make us do things that perhaps we shouldn’t be doing.
Sociopathic seduction
So let’s look at all this information in the context of our relationships with sociopaths.
Two of the main strategies that sociopaths use to snare us are love and sex. They emphatically proclaim their love and consciously seduce us into having sex. So what happens?
- Love causes specific areas of the brain light up, and at the same time, areas associated with morals and judgment go dim.
- The areas of the brain that produce dopamine become active, and dopamine is related to addiction.
- Sexual arousal dims the parts of the brain responsible for inhibition and judgment that might prevent us from making bad choices.
- We don’t recognize the impact that sexual urges have on our judgment and behavior.
Dr. Helen Fisher writes that the three primary brain systems associated with love evolved over the ages to play different roles in courtship, mating, reproduction and parenting. They are Nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the human species.
Sociopaths convincingly proclaim their enduring love and their sexual desire for us. Not realizing the pervasive deceit of these predators, we believe that they love us. We have sex with them, and the sex is great. Many Lovefraud readers have been amazed at the sociopath’s sexual appetite and prowess.
Therefore, sociopaths hijack our brain through our feelings of love and the bonds of sex. In their seductions, they turn the natural psychological and chemical functions of our brains against us.
END:
you need to be careful calling places…..your not his wife and you need to know the privacy laws.
You could open yourself up to stalking/harassment issues.
LET HIM hang himself. Let the courts do their job……don’t fish in ponds that are hazardous to you.
If people/companies are covering for him, there is not much you can do.
Just look at the long term, realistic outlook.
You get no support now. Don’t plan on it for future. (IF you do receive any….it’s a ‘gift’).
He is playing games.
He stands up the child for visits.
Your not going to milk a turnip, your trying to minimize emotional damage to your son.
Focus on your long term goal…..expect NOTHING from the S. Anything you do get will be the bonus.
If we have NO EXPECTATIONS, we CAN”T BE DISAPPOINTED.
Proceed with this knowledge.
As far as you ‘looking like the crazy woman’……
It’s not that you ARE doing anything crazy…..it’s the ‘public’ perception and the smear campagne he can execute against you with any action or words you say or do that he can portray you as the ‘crazy woman’…..this is why NC is vital, and undercover, anonymouse recon is essential.
Be the snake in the grass. Let him pass on the trail a few times before you justify your strike.
Keep your nose clean!….
AND REMEMBER PATIENCE.
endthepain:
Give your suspicions that he left the job voluntarily to your attorney and/or the court officers who are investigating your case. ErinBrokovich is right that you have to be careful not to open yourself up to stalking or harassment charges. Also, perception is everything. You can’t come across as looking crazy. Do your recon quietly in a manner where your fingerprints aren’t on it.
Matt and Erin…Thanks I didnt even think about that as I am so focused on nailing thr bastard!! LOL….what about cease and desist orders or Torts based on emotional distress….he is causing quite an issue as far as the smear campaigns ans the negligence of my son while also speaking poorly about me infront of my son…based on his actions and words and has now affetced the frelationship with his family with his son…can something be acknowledged as far as that goes??
Okay END:
YOu need to step back…..if your not thinking about the BIG picture you need to remove yourself and give your mind a break.
This is when you make vital mistakes in your case. Desperation doesn’t appear good to anyone, and the judge wil lnot be interested in the ‘why’. Step back and take a week off from it. Refocus, recoup adn take it from there.
You seem to be tunnelled and we all get there periodically…..this is where you MUST know yourself and when your making ‘mistakes’ that could potentially hurt you.
Your focusing on every thing he does……No it’s not fair, no it’s not right…..this is what you MUST document!!
It can all be brought up……if it’s well documented….certified, cross referenced etc….
But, I recommend for you right NOW…..take a break and refocus.
You need to be in a position of thinking everything out, not just acting when it comes to mind. When your insticts tell you to act out….STOP…..wait a day/week/whatever it takes, you will feel differently later, think everything out thoroughly before you act on anything.
Matt is right…..you can’t leave fingerprints. EVER!!
okay..will do: ) THANK YOU
Erin, what is NC?
What you wrote to END helps me too. I am starting not to just look like a crazy woman. I feel very crazy right now.
END asked about any legal action for the violations against our souls. Is there such a thing?
When I kicked mine out, he walked off with cash. not much, only $300.00 I gave it to him to use for his dental work, but he had refused, and then – days later, it was gone. My attorney said it isn’t theft. Plus, how do I prove it? In my case, will things like that make a difference with GAL?
Katya,
Erin hope you don’t mind me answering her question?
Katya, this is something I wrote on my blog, hope it helps?
NC
No Contact
We are now at the end of this blog. If you read the beginning part of this blog you will know that all this started in May 22, 2006. It’s now May 22, 2009.
We started NC around the end of July or the beginning of August of the year 2006. First for those that don’t understand the concept of No Contact I would like to give you some information of this concept.
No contact:
What is NC? The concept is to cut off all physical contact with that person. For some of us this is not possible for those with children of tender years and sometimes it’s almost impossible but one can still limit to a great degree the amount of contact you have with these toxic dysfunctional people in your life
The personality disorder person see this concept as a type of revenge but that couldn’t be further from the truth. NC is for the victim only and has nothing to do with the abuser. We go NC for many reasons and in many different ways depending on the person in question. We go NC for survivor and to heal. We come to a understanding that this toxic dysfunctional relationship is harmful and dangerous to our well being our minds and our souls. Only through NC do we get the time to stop the emotional roller coaster ride once and for all we have been on and sometimes for years. NC screams “stop the ride because I want off!!!”.
When I stated “physical contact” I mean just that. No phone calls letters (text) no physical contact in anyway. By going NC we get the chance to clean out all these toxic emotional turmoil we had in our minds and physical body. Many are addicted to this abusive lifestyle much like a alcoholic would be for alcohol. There was something wrong with us or should I say inside of us.
Some attract these type of toxic dysfunctional relationships because of our upbringing by our parents or caretakers. We need time to understand this and then do whatever possible to correct this way of thinking and feeling. NC allows this to happen over many years. NC allow the person(s) to once again discover who they are and not what was projected on them by the abuser.
You were told you are worthless
You were told you are unlovable
You were told no one will love you
You were told you are stupid
You were told you not good enough
You were told many negative words
All are untrue and was projection and given to you by your abuser.
We need time to undo all those lies and projections again NC allow this to happen over time.
Many times after the toxic dysfunctional relationship ended and because you invested so much of you into this toxic dysfunctional relationship many don’t even know who they are. In many ways NC allow us to know that person who existed before all the abusive damage was done. Many come away broken and need to mend. This can only be done away from the abuser.
How long should NC (if possible) last? Well if one is dealing with a sociopath, I would say for the rest of your life. But if this isn’t possible and sometimes for those with children it isn’t then distance from your abuser is what you need now. The more miles between the abuser and you is what we need. But after our children grow and start to see that damage the abuser causes they too will decide if NC is for them as well. But if your children are already at a age were they too have experienced the abuse and understand why NC is so very important then complete no contact can be introduce and started. Again NC has nothing whatsoever to do with the abuser, no it’s for the victim who is now becoming the survivors.
It’s hard to accept myself as a victim. I have always been taught to fight back. Mine never said that I was nothing. It’s the opposite, I was the best, the most, the loveliest, and then – behind my back there were the horrible things I chose to not see.
But, thanks for explaining the NC to me. I believe I brought it on myself by constantly trying to get him to seek treatment, finding clinicians who know about APD, referring him for AA and Psychiatrist eval. I think I started lashing out at him to take responsibility over his actions and over his son, so he did – just not in a mature way I’d expected. Thanks for the explanation and for inviting me to your blog. I am reading it now. Isn’t there a law against posting real names of the abusers? such as Protect their Confidentiality????
“Isn’t there a law against posting real names of the abusers? such as Protect their Confidentiality????
Not if it’s public information. Anyone call look at address and phone numbers and general information on the web. As for information on abuse then yes one can be sued for slander if it’s untrue. She can take me to court and really I hope she does. But remember whenever you take anyone to court burden of proof belongs to the accuser not the defend so it’s for them to prove you lied. So make sure it the truth and you can prove it in a court of law. Which is something I have in more ways then one.
Here is a good example of what I talking about:
http://www.datingpsychos.com/view_psycho.html?psycho_id=2629
http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/11/12/letters-to-lovefraud-not-one-thing-about-him-was-real/
I think you will get the idea…
MY G-d / THEY ALL SOUND SO MUCH ALIKE. That story could have been mine, with changes in names, shapes, forms, histories, but the juice is the same. is there a notion of “evil among us”, or am I losing my brains?
I am off to bed, wish me good luck as I struggle to maintain sanity (by the way, it’s a very humbling experience for a clinician). Thank you for sharing.
Please, let me know if there are ways I can get the S to show his true face in public. I am ready to do anything to make that happen, as long as it is witnessed and recorded.