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Love, sex, your brain and sociopaths

You are here: Home / Scientific research / Love, sex, your brain and sociopaths

February 23, 2009 //  by Donna Andersen//  500 Comments

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Ever since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been trying to understand and explain the mysteries of love and sex. Over the past few decades, scientists started using specialized equipment to measure physical arousal by attaching devices to private parts. More recently, they’ve been observing the most important romantic organ in the human body—the brain.

Forbes wrote about the research of Andreas Bartels, Ph.D., at the Imperial College of London. Bartels used a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, which can capture images of brain activity, to pinpoint the areas of the brain that are activated by love.

Bartles did a study of 17 people who were madly in love. He had the test subjects look at photos of platonic friends and of their loved ones while he observed activity in their brains. The resulting images clearly showed that certain sections of the brain are stimulated by love.

The scientist then did another study to observe the brains of mothers looking at their infants. The images showed that exactly the same areas of the brain were stimulated by maternal love, except for an area in the hypothalamus in the base of the brain that seems to be linked to sexual arousal.

The conclusion, therefore, is that specific areas of the brain light up at the prospect of love.

Bartels also noticed something else: When the test subjects were feeling love, certain areas of the brain were turned off. The scans showed that three regions of the brain generally associated with moral judgment go dim.

Chemistry of love

Then there’s the chemistry of love. Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a professor at Rutgers University, has written that three networks in the brain, and their associated neurotransmitters, are associated with love. They are:

  • Lust—the craving for sexual gratification, which is linked to testosterone in both men and women.
  • Romantic attraction—the elation and yearning of new love, which is linked to the natural stimulants dopamine and norepinephrine, and low activity in serotonin.
  • Attachment—the calm emotional union with a long-term partner, which is linked to oxytocin and vasopressin.

Fisher also did a study using fMRI technology. She scanned the brains of 40 men and women who were wildly in love. When these people gazed at photos of their beloved, the scans showed increased activity in the areas of the brain that produce dopamine. This neurochemical is associated with feelings of excessive energy, elation, focused attention and motivation to win rewards.

Dopamine, by the way, is also the neurotransmitter associated with addiction.

Effects of arousal

Research has also proven what we’ve probably all experienced—sexual arousal can make us throw caution to the winds.

In another study using fMRI technology, Dr. Ken Maravilla of the University of Washington found that sexual arousal dims down the parts of the brain that control inhibition and, perhaps, moral judgment.

“These are things that keep you in line, and in arousal they may become less active, allowing you to become more aroused,” Maravilla said, as quoted by Wired Magazine.

In a paper called, The Heat of the Moment: The Effect on Sexual Arousal on Sexual Decision Making, Dan Ariely, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and George Lowenstein, of Carnegie Mellon University, documented that being sexually turned on affected the judgment of college-aged men. (Well, duh ”¦)

Specifically, Ariely and Lowenstein found that, “the increase in motivation to have sex produced by sexual arousal seems to decrease the relative importance of other considerations, such as behaving ethically toward a potential sexual partner or protecting oneself against unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease.”

But another of their findings was, “people seem to have only limited insight into the impact of sexual arousal on their own judgments and behavior.” In other words, most of us don’t appreciate how strong the sex urges are, and how they can make us do things that perhaps we shouldn’t be doing.

Sociopathic seduction

So let’s look at all this information in the context of our relationships with sociopaths.

Two of the main strategies that sociopaths use to snare us are love and sex. They emphatically proclaim their love and consciously seduce us into having sex. So what happens?

  • Love causes specific areas of the brain light up, and at the same time, areas associated with morals and judgment go dim.
  • The areas of the brain that produce dopamine become active, and dopamine is related to addiction.
  • Sexual arousal dims the parts of the brain responsible for inhibition and judgment that might prevent us from making bad choices.
  • We don’t recognize the impact that sexual urges have on our judgment and behavior.

Dr. Helen Fisher writes that the three primary brain systems associated with love evolved over the ages to play different roles in courtship, mating, reproduction and parenting. They are Nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the human species.

Sociopaths convincingly proclaim their enduring love and their sexual desire for us. Not realizing the pervasive deceit of these predators, we believe that they love us. We have sex with them, and the sex is great. Many Lovefraud readers have been amazed at the sociopath’s sexual appetite and prowess.

Therefore, sociopaths hijack our brain through our feelings of love and the bonds of sex. In their seductions, they turn the natural psychological and chemical functions of our brains against us.

Category: Scientific research, Seduced by a sociopath

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Ox Drover

    July 22, 2009 at 8:51 pm

    Dear Marialisa and pianoman,

    welcome to Love fraud, I suggest to answer your questions that you go back through the archives and read the older articles. There is about the answer to “everything you wanted to know about psychopaths” Knowledge=power. This knowledge will help you get your head together to figure out what went on and how to heal and make yourself less likely to be vulnerable to them in the future.

    Good luck to you both and welcome.

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  2. Tilly

    July 22, 2009 at 10:33 pm

    pianoman:
    I know! You just tell them the truth ! i.e. about how you don’t really feel all the emotions like “love” and “attachment” and “bonding” and I miss you” and “soul mate” and all that crap! Then they will reveal to you how they DON”T either. How all they REALLY feel is anger and that they must win at any cost. You see, underneath we are all the same. Its just who can act the best. Don’t you think?

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  3. PInow

    July 22, 2009 at 10:53 pm

    Tilly, you did not mean that did you? I missed many posts and just read your last one. Certainly we are NOT the same underneath, normal people do care, and bond, and definitely attach. Even other P diagnosis can attach, care and bond. Even Borderlines do.

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  4. Kathleen Hawk

    July 22, 2009 at 11:35 pm

    No, Tilly is just being funny.

    She suspects pianoman is here for lessons in how the really good sociopaths do it. Me too.

    Log in to Reply
  5. Tilly

    July 23, 2009 at 1:44 am

    PInow:
    Kathleen Hawk knows me better than I know myself PInow!

    Log in to Reply
  6. Tilly

    July 23, 2009 at 1:45 am

    But I really do hope pianoman tries that method out!

    Log in to Reply
  7. PInow

    July 23, 2009 at 4:37 am

    Oh, my bad. Maybe, I should try it myself, though I am not sure I won’t get tongue tied, trying to say these things.

    Log in to Reply
  8. MariaLisa

    July 23, 2009 at 8:07 am

    To make my earlier post more clear I will post a piece of him he wrote in the beginning of our relationship. As many psychopath he had a background of many addictions, but I fell for his amazing story of recovery and spirituality, he ofcourse believed in God…..

    “Thing was I used to trade loneliness for acceptence, I didn’t really even care that much about sex, I just did not want to sleep by myself. Of course then something clicked when I hit 24 and I really got into sex started doing all kinds of crazy shit, drugs, strippers staying at my house for weeks, it was fucking crazy. One day I woke up and was just sick of stupid women and fucking with no regard for something beyond it. Then I started figuring out love, just in bits because it was too late I was already a massive dope fiend. Spiritually bankrupt.
    Now everything is different.
    Much different.”

    Doesnt this make sense? Wouldnt this explain a lot of irregularities, also sexually, I mean I thought the ‘ poor’ guy needed help in reconnecting to himself emotionally, sexually. Never realising how a year and a half later he would joyfully continue his life path ruining the emotional lives of many women including mine ( im doing much better than before but still its hard to figure out). Without a shred of remorse.

    Comments would be very welcome, thanks a bunch. I love ( well…love ..?!) reading your posts, I feel so connected to all of you who are striving to remain the person they are and not change into anything evil in order to deal with him or her. A lot of people are good and want good for all! I do.

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  9. Rosa

    July 23, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    MariaLisa:

    “Needless to say BTW that this man is out of my life finally.”

    Thank God! You are no longer involved with this individual.
    My advice to you would be to move on with your life.

    I am not a sex therapist. So, I cannot really help you with all of the sex questions.
    The ex sounds like he may be a little messed up, though.
    Especially when he says, “I didn’t even really care that much about sex,”
    A MAN said this?????
    I have NEVER heard those words come out of a man’s mouth IN MY LIFE! I think he was telling you some FICTION there.
    In fact, the entire piece that you posted from him looks like fiction, at least to me.

    Anyway, it’s good that he is in your past, because now you can move on to healthier relationships.

    Log in to Reply
  10. Rosa

    July 23, 2009 at 12:23 pm

    I hope you were not mocking MariaLisa, PianoMan.

    Log in to Reply
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