Ever since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been trying to understand and explain the mysteries of love and sex. Over the past few decades, scientists started using specialized equipment to measure physical arousal by attaching devices to private parts. More recently, they’ve been observing the most important romantic organ in the human body—the brain.
Forbes wrote about the research of Andreas Bartels, Ph.D., at the Imperial College of London. Bartels used a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, which can capture images of brain activity, to pinpoint the areas of the brain that are activated by love.
Bartles did a study of 17 people who were madly in love. He had the test subjects look at photos of platonic friends and of their loved ones while he observed activity in their brains. The resulting images clearly showed that certain sections of the brain are stimulated by love.
The scientist then did another study to observe the brains of mothers looking at their infants. The images showed that exactly the same areas of the brain were stimulated by maternal love, except for an area in the hypothalamus in the base of the brain that seems to be linked to sexual arousal.
The conclusion, therefore, is that specific areas of the brain light up at the prospect of love.
Bartels also noticed something else: When the test subjects were feeling love, certain areas of the brain were turned off. The scans showed that three regions of the brain generally associated with moral judgment go dim.
Chemistry of love
Then there’s the chemistry of love. Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a professor at Rutgers University, has written that three networks in the brain, and their associated neurotransmitters, are associated with love. They are:
- Lust—the craving for sexual gratification, which is linked to testosterone in both men and women.
- Romantic attraction—the elation and yearning of new love, which is linked to the natural stimulants dopamine and norepinephrine, and low activity in serotonin.
- Attachment—the calm emotional union with a long-term partner, which is linked to oxytocin and vasopressin.
Fisher also did a study using fMRI technology. She scanned the brains of 40 men and women who were wildly in love. When these people gazed at photos of their beloved, the scans showed increased activity in the areas of the brain that produce dopamine. This neurochemical is associated with feelings of excessive energy, elation, focused attention and motivation to win rewards.
Dopamine, by the way, is also the neurotransmitter associated with addiction.
Effects of arousal
Research has also proven what we’ve probably all experienced—sexual arousal can make us throw caution to the winds.
In another study using fMRI technology, Dr. Ken Maravilla of the University of Washington found that sexual arousal dims down the parts of the brain that control inhibition and, perhaps, moral judgment.
“These are things that keep you in line, and in arousal they may become less active, allowing you to become more aroused,” Maravilla said, as quoted by Wired Magazine.
In a paper called, The Heat of the Moment: The Effect on Sexual Arousal on Sexual Decision Making, Dan Ariely, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and George Lowenstein, of Carnegie Mellon University, documented that being sexually turned on affected the judgment of college-aged men. (Well, duh ”¦)
Specifically, Ariely and Lowenstein found that, “the increase in motivation to have sex produced by sexual arousal seems to decrease the relative importance of other considerations, such as behaving ethically toward a potential sexual partner or protecting oneself against unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease.”
But another of their findings was, “people seem to have only limited insight into the impact of sexual arousal on their own judgments and behavior.” In other words, most of us don’t appreciate how strong the sex urges are, and how they can make us do things that perhaps we shouldn’t be doing.
Sociopathic seduction
So let’s look at all this information in the context of our relationships with sociopaths.
Two of the main strategies that sociopaths use to snare us are love and sex. They emphatically proclaim their love and consciously seduce us into having sex. So what happens?
- Love causes specific areas of the brain light up, and at the same time, areas associated with morals and judgment go dim.
- The areas of the brain that produce dopamine become active, and dopamine is related to addiction.
- Sexual arousal dims the parts of the brain responsible for inhibition and judgment that might prevent us from making bad choices.
- We don’t recognize the impact that sexual urges have on our judgment and behavior.
Dr. Helen Fisher writes that the three primary brain systems associated with love evolved over the ages to play different roles in courtship, mating, reproduction and parenting. They are Nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the human species.
Sociopaths convincingly proclaim their enduring love and their sexual desire for us. Not realizing the pervasive deceit of these predators, we believe that they love us. We have sex with them, and the sex is great. Many Lovefraud readers have been amazed at the sociopath’s sexual appetite and prowess.
Therefore, sociopaths hijack our brain through our feelings of love and the bonds of sex. In their seductions, they turn the natural psychological and chemical functions of our brains against us.
Thank you Rosa for your response!
well…a person with trauma could be emotionally detached and therefore not able to engage and like sex the way healthy people would?…
BUT I know, lots of his emails, reading them back, read like fiction to me. He had a CRAZY past. He acted quite normal most of the time so its weird when someone tells you at one point all of these things and the next he would act casual.
It could have meant so many things: him explaining himself for acting so detached sexually? no being able to bond emotionally is something one feels during sex so he would have to have a story for that right..? i think he is quite machine like in that department so to speak…yet he would always tell me how he wanted somethign more out of sex. so its not like he didnt care ( and knowing how many other women he courted…yet what i understood from those women is he was the same with them as with me so he might be looking something outside of himself that he wont ever achieve because of the lack of something inside of him, namely the capability to love)….
but still a big paradox to me: always talking about sex and love making and romance and amazing connection and saying things like ‘ i see all women in you’ , yet being quite the simple primitive machine like type when it all comes down to it…
btw i only have these sexual ‘ issues’ with him, so i dont take it ‘ personal’ ( anymore!! since i have found out he lies and lies and lies, also lied about having 3 degrees from an ivy league university which he didnt, stuff like that, he would always accuse others of living a lie, and that he recovered from alcoholism because he stopped living a lie, can you believe it)
he lied so easily…still i hear him talk and he sounds so rational, but when you put the whole picture together and look at it from a distance its hard to realise what ever made me believe in him….but still like the rest, I hurt for trusting, pitying him, believing in his spiritual path, putting my soul out there and finding out the unbelievable reality. He was and is very good at his trait.
Marialisa wrote: ” I mean his words and actions were so paradoxical.” as she was searching the answer to her why quetions.
I think her story illustrates, at least on one level, the basis why we are to look at the actions not the words in disordered relationships. Words are probably lies. The actions prove the intent.
yes Lily. always look at actions…thats what we can definitely conclude from our experiences.
its hard though, certainly since women are very sensitive to language and emotions (seemingly!) carefully expressed through language. also, since i personally am quite capable of expressing my inner feelings through language it is nearly IMPOSSIBLE for me to understand how someone can live uttering word after word, story after story, ‘ feeling after feeling’ without having an understanding of what theyre saying.
My question would be: do they believe in what they say the moment they utter it? Do they believe it in a sense that is maybe distorted but sort of rationalised in their reality? Even if its just for a moment: basically Im saying: can their reality change within the moment?
he would for instance say after breaking promises: i never lied! i just changed my mind. or he maybe thinks ‘ i am entitled to changing my mind whenever i feel like it, because i have been through so much or…fill in whatever….
Hi pianoman, frist off: I think Kathleen meant well and it was just a misunderstanding…
I do understand where youre coming from. I have the same questions. I remember telling him ‘ you make me feel so safe!’ and he responded ‘really?’ and was quiet for a second. i ofcourse thought it was cute how he wasnt aware of how he made me feel. SIGH!
I think they get to us because we have human longings that they play into. and they do it well.
knowing your own inner most deep longings and dreams and hopes is important to make sure someone like him ( or her) wont enter your soul again. for me personally i really see this whole ordeal as a way to understand my own needs better which i have been neglecting so badly ( its tough). once you know them and know how to fulfill them yourself, other people will be an addition instead of a dependancy….
What do you think pianoman?
btw. excuse my english, im not american.
well i think i was ridiculously honest and also to him about how i perceived his behavior ( however i got tired from it after a while and caved more often…). i think knowing your inner most desires PLUS acknowledging them is something different from just being an honest man ( my case im a woman)….its a step further.
he for instance was never capable of using me for purposes against other people. because i was honest and transparant….
about the otehr things: yeah i thought he was cute. almost childlike with me ( not with others! it always surprised me how different he would be with pthers but then again i thought men dont like showing their more soft side to other men….however he didnt have a soft side, but a pity proviking, egotistical childlike side) but to answer your question: yea i thought he was ‘ pure’….
Too many ‘lols’ here Mr.Pianoman. Are you good at playing?maybe not. Maybe you and Marialisa should continue this thread on your own.
Blueskies:
i dont think this subject is funny at all. however i try to, even when this is all so abhorrant, to not submerge myself into it to the point that i cannot also maybe at some moment laugh for a second about the irony of something. its been all too much of an emotionally draining experience anyhow. i hope you understand?
i cannot answer for pianoman, i am solely responsible for myself ( YAY!!)
maybe you can help me figure out this piece of ( i think) manipulation of my ex after an argument we had, everytime anybody wouldnt agree with him he would always say people would try to make him feel guilty ( now i understand why, cause he is SO bad to others so he SHOULD feel guilty, however becase h always talked about guilt it never crossed my mind he wouldnt be bothered by guilt at all, he would just be annoyed people wouldnt let him do whatever, including me while having a tiny argument about something….this following quote STILL confuses me…..your opinion would be welcome. thank you so much.
” I think that my catholic upbringing and my parents use of guilt has crippled my ability to honestly be objective when you honestly tell me how you feel, I think you are manipulating me even though you are really being caring and honest.
I feel ashamed”
I dont think it is funny.
okay i think were just misunderstanding eachother. i didnt think you thought it was funny, i was merely making sure you knew i didnt think it was funny either.
Speech patterns.