Ever since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been trying to understand and explain the mysteries of love and sex. Over the past few decades, scientists started using specialized equipment to measure physical arousal by attaching devices to private parts. More recently, they’ve been observing the most important romantic organ in the human body—the brain.
Forbes wrote about the research of Andreas Bartels, Ph.D., at the Imperial College of London. Bartels used a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, which can capture images of brain activity, to pinpoint the areas of the brain that are activated by love.
Bartles did a study of 17 people who were madly in love. He had the test subjects look at photos of platonic friends and of their loved ones while he observed activity in their brains. The resulting images clearly showed that certain sections of the brain are stimulated by love.
The scientist then did another study to observe the brains of mothers looking at their infants. The images showed that exactly the same areas of the brain were stimulated by maternal love, except for an area in the hypothalamus in the base of the brain that seems to be linked to sexual arousal.
The conclusion, therefore, is that specific areas of the brain light up at the prospect of love.
Bartels also noticed something else: When the test subjects were feeling love, certain areas of the brain were turned off. The scans showed that three regions of the brain generally associated with moral judgment go dim.
Chemistry of love
Then there’s the chemistry of love. Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a professor at Rutgers University, has written that three networks in the brain, and their associated neurotransmitters, are associated with love. They are:
- Lust—the craving for sexual gratification, which is linked to testosterone in both men and women.
- Romantic attraction—the elation and yearning of new love, which is linked to the natural stimulants dopamine and norepinephrine, and low activity in serotonin.
- Attachment—the calm emotional union with a long-term partner, which is linked to oxytocin and vasopressin.
Fisher also did a study using fMRI technology. She scanned the brains of 40 men and women who were wildly in love. When these people gazed at photos of their beloved, the scans showed increased activity in the areas of the brain that produce dopamine. This neurochemical is associated with feelings of excessive energy, elation, focused attention and motivation to win rewards.
Dopamine, by the way, is also the neurotransmitter associated with addiction.
Effects of arousal
Research has also proven what we’ve probably all experienced—sexual arousal can make us throw caution to the winds.
In another study using fMRI technology, Dr. Ken Maravilla of the University of Washington found that sexual arousal dims down the parts of the brain that control inhibition and, perhaps, moral judgment.
“These are things that keep you in line, and in arousal they may become less active, allowing you to become more aroused,” Maravilla said, as quoted by Wired Magazine.
In a paper called, The Heat of the Moment: The Effect on Sexual Arousal on Sexual Decision Making, Dan Ariely, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and George Lowenstein, of Carnegie Mellon University, documented that being sexually turned on affected the judgment of college-aged men. (Well, duh ”¦)
Specifically, Ariely and Lowenstein found that, “the increase in motivation to have sex produced by sexual arousal seems to decrease the relative importance of other considerations, such as behaving ethically toward a potential sexual partner or protecting oneself against unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease.”
But another of their findings was, “people seem to have only limited insight into the impact of sexual arousal on their own judgments and behavior.” In other words, most of us don’t appreciate how strong the sex urges are, and how they can make us do things that perhaps we shouldn’t be doing.
Sociopathic seduction
So let’s look at all this information in the context of our relationships with sociopaths.
Two of the main strategies that sociopaths use to snare us are love and sex. They emphatically proclaim their love and consciously seduce us into having sex. So what happens?
- Love causes specific areas of the brain light up, and at the same time, areas associated with morals and judgment go dim.
- The areas of the brain that produce dopamine become active, and dopamine is related to addiction.
- Sexual arousal dims the parts of the brain responsible for inhibition and judgment that might prevent us from making bad choices.
- We don’t recognize the impact that sexual urges have on our judgment and behavior.
Dr. Helen Fisher writes that the three primary brain systems associated with love evolved over the ages to play different roles in courtship, mating, reproduction and parenting. They are Nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the human species.
Sociopaths convincingly proclaim their enduring love and their sexual desire for us. Not realizing the pervasive deceit of these predators, we believe that they love us. We have sex with them, and the sex is great. Many Lovefraud readers have been amazed at the sociopath’s sexual appetite and prowess.
Therefore, sociopaths hijack our brain through our feelings of love and the bonds of sex. In their seductions, they turn the natural psychological and chemical functions of our brains against us.
I will ignore him now.
I was sincere in my posts, if anybody relates to any of them, I posted quite some questions before.
Thanks.
Well, Donna deleted me and left you on, so YOU WIN PIANOMAN!!!!!
People lets ignore the posts that dont contribute. Just plain ignore.
Now if anybody would read any of my earlier posts from way back, thank you so much…
Dear Maria lisa,
Since posts sometimes get “lost” in the number of posts, if you have some questions, you can reask them. No problem.
Also, the older archived ARTICLEs will give you so much great information. Go back kthrough them and just read the articles (not the comments) cause there are so many of them, but they tell pretty much the WHOLE story of the psychopaths and also ways for you to heal.
At first it is all about them, but as you learn more, it will become about you—healing you. Every article may not apply to you, but I think it is good to read them anyway, because that information may resonate with you later. Also, there are some great books recommended and some great links.
Knowledge IS POWER and that is what we must do is learn so we can TAKE BACK OUR POWER. We have to learn to spot them before they attack us so we never again get targeted. It is like riding a bike, you fall off at first, you skin your knee, but you get back up and get back on and before you know it, you are flying and secure. We can’t change them, we can’t change what they did or the past, but we can change ourselves in the NOW. (((hugs)))))
Tilly, sweetie, Donna may have deleted a post of yours but she did NOT delete YOU!
Some people come here and there is just “something” about them that makes the hair stand up on the backs of our necks, or they make our P-dar go off. Some people say things that are offensive, or slam others, or some just try to make a “joke” that isn’t funny to everyone—or in some cases, anyone, and some of us are here to heal…but the best thing to do is like Donna suggested, to just IGNORE THEM, and if they are really offensive to notify Donna privately and let her deal with it. Unfortunately, I too, sometimes get a big “uppity” when someone says things I don’t agree with or that are offensive to me, and when somepeople are that way, they are usually pretty snitty about anyting you say that you disagree with them or were offended by what they said. I should learn to keep my big fat MOUTH SHUT! (FINGERS STILL, or whatever is appropriate). You and I are both “uppity” women, Tilly, and I guess I have been swinging the skillet too often and ridinig my big Fat Ass. so maybe I ought to climb down off my high horse and be quieter! LOL (((hugs))))
ps. No, Tilly, YOU WIN because you ahve come here and gained strength and insight and are healing and growing, some people don’t do that, they just come here and try to be the center of attention and create a rucus.
Hi MariaLisa, I don’t think I got a chance to welcome you to LoveFraud. I’ve been out of town all day, and am just getting a minute to check in.
Scanning back through your e-mails, you raised an issue that we’ve all had to deal with. Well, maybe two issues.
One is that sociopaths present a front that is what they think will work with us. They’re looking to hook us emotionally. Like this guy made you feel sorry for him, and get involved in rescuing him. This is typical. We call it the pity ploy.
The other is that the only raw material they have to work with is what’s in their own sick heads (other than what they can copy from people around them). So when they’re trying to be “honest,” you frequently get a bird’s-eye view of the shallow emotions and impulsivity that characterized them. Which I think was pretty apparent in that quote you sent.
It’s generally a waste of time to try to understand them in our terms. What you grasped about him — that he was alienated from his emotions — was absolutely true. But because you imagined that he was something like you, you thought that support and encouragement (love) might heal him. But he’s not looking to get better in the sense you’re thinking. That’s not his agenda. His agenda is to engage you, so that he can begin to get whatever he wants from you.
What does he want? Well that’s another post. Or better, I suggest that you do some reading in the archives. There are a lot of very good articles about sociopaths and narcissists here. They will help you understand what you were dealing with.
It can be really, really confusing until you get a grip on how their minds work. But here are a few things for you to think about. One is that they have to win. Another is that they have to be one-up (superior). And finally, they are incapable of trust or emotional bonding.
I’m sorry you showed up at the same time as someone who doesn’t really seem to belong here. Ordinarily we can give our newcomers a smoother entry. But we’re glad you’re here.
Just please keep writing about yourself. It’s the best therapy, and it helps us understand where you are and how to support you.
Kathy
Like I have always said, if you give them enough rope, they will hang themselves EVERYTIME!!
Sometimes, you don’t even need rope. Infact, most of the time, you can get by with a rubber band.
P.S. Tilly, Donna deleted you? Where can I get my hands on that transcript?? I would LOVE to read that!!!!!
Tilly, don’t sweat it. This is a slightly confusing situation. But not all that confusing.
When someone is probing for personal information with offering any, or making denigrating comments that don’t exactly make sense in our context, or seems unwilling to take the time to figure out what’s going on here, those are red flags.
You noticed them. I did too.
As Oxy says, it’s generally better to ignore people who disturb us. But it can be hard when we’ve got relatively new people who don’t see them as quickly. We don’t want this to be a cruising ground.
We both may be wrong about this person. But so far, I don’t see any evidence of it.
Kathy
“LisaMarie’s Presleys” timing is purrrrfect! I LOVE THIS SITE!! It is so fun! xoxox
But Donna deleted my comment to Steve too…So it MUST be ME!! lol!!
I apologise Pianoman and Lisamarie Presley, I am a psychopath in disguise and I will do ANYTHING to make you feel bad and have the last say. I am the “mole”, so to speak! I am here on purpose, so that you get to know the psychopaths ways.