Ever since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been trying to understand and explain the mysteries of love and sex. Over the past few decades, scientists started using specialized equipment to measure physical arousal by attaching devices to private parts. More recently, they’ve been observing the most important romantic organ in the human body—the brain.
Forbes wrote about the research of Andreas Bartels, Ph.D., at the Imperial College of London. Bartels used a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, which can capture images of brain activity, to pinpoint the areas of the brain that are activated by love.
Bartles did a study of 17 people who were madly in love. He had the test subjects look at photos of platonic friends and of their loved ones while he observed activity in their brains. The resulting images clearly showed that certain sections of the brain are stimulated by love.
The scientist then did another study to observe the brains of mothers looking at their infants. The images showed that exactly the same areas of the brain were stimulated by maternal love, except for an area in the hypothalamus in the base of the brain that seems to be linked to sexual arousal.
The conclusion, therefore, is that specific areas of the brain light up at the prospect of love.
Bartels also noticed something else: When the test subjects were feeling love, certain areas of the brain were turned off. The scans showed that three regions of the brain generally associated with moral judgment go dim.
Chemistry of love
Then there’s the chemistry of love. Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a professor at Rutgers University, has written that three networks in the brain, and their associated neurotransmitters, are associated with love. They are:
- Lust—the craving for sexual gratification, which is linked to testosterone in both men and women.
- Romantic attraction—the elation and yearning of new love, which is linked to the natural stimulants dopamine and norepinephrine, and low activity in serotonin.
- Attachment—the calm emotional union with a long-term partner, which is linked to oxytocin and vasopressin.
Fisher also did a study using fMRI technology. She scanned the brains of 40 men and women who were wildly in love. When these people gazed at photos of their beloved, the scans showed increased activity in the areas of the brain that produce dopamine. This neurochemical is associated with feelings of excessive energy, elation, focused attention and motivation to win rewards.
Dopamine, by the way, is also the neurotransmitter associated with addiction.
Effects of arousal
Research has also proven what we’ve probably all experienced—sexual arousal can make us throw caution to the winds.
In another study using fMRI technology, Dr. Ken Maravilla of the University of Washington found that sexual arousal dims down the parts of the brain that control inhibition and, perhaps, moral judgment.
“These are things that keep you in line, and in arousal they may become less active, allowing you to become more aroused,” Maravilla said, as quoted by Wired Magazine.
In a paper called, The Heat of the Moment: The Effect on Sexual Arousal on Sexual Decision Making, Dan Ariely, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and George Lowenstein, of Carnegie Mellon University, documented that being sexually turned on affected the judgment of college-aged men. (Well, duh ”¦)
Specifically, Ariely and Lowenstein found that, “the increase in motivation to have sex produced by sexual arousal seems to decrease the relative importance of other considerations, such as behaving ethically toward a potential sexual partner or protecting oneself against unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease.”
But another of their findings was, “people seem to have only limited insight into the impact of sexual arousal on their own judgments and behavior.” In other words, most of us don’t appreciate how strong the sex urges are, and how they can make us do things that perhaps we shouldn’t be doing.
Sociopathic seduction
So let’s look at all this information in the context of our relationships with sociopaths.
Two of the main strategies that sociopaths use to snare us are love and sex. They emphatically proclaim their love and consciously seduce us into having sex. So what happens?
- Love causes specific areas of the brain light up, and at the same time, areas associated with morals and judgment go dim.
- The areas of the brain that produce dopamine become active, and dopamine is related to addiction.
- Sexual arousal dims the parts of the brain responsible for inhibition and judgment that might prevent us from making bad choices.
- We don’t recognize the impact that sexual urges have on our judgment and behavior.
Dr. Helen Fisher writes that the three primary brain systems associated with love evolved over the ages to play different roles in courtship, mating, reproduction and parenting. They are Nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the human species.
Sociopaths convincingly proclaim their enduring love and their sexual desire for us. Not realizing the pervasive deceit of these predators, we believe that they love us. We have sex with them, and the sex is great. Many Lovefraud readers have been amazed at the sociopath’s sexual appetite and prowess.
Therefore, sociopaths hijack our brain through our feelings of love and the bonds of sex. In their seductions, they turn the natural psychological and chemical functions of our brains against us.
Tilly! Come on!! :)xxxx I hear how angry and upset you are, I was too its terrible!
Lets not let this railroad us!!
Please dont feel that you are not supported here because you ARE! Please dont let this person (wether trouble maker or genuine poster, I know what my opinion is, and last night I felt like something precious to me , LF, was under attack) separate you from people who CARE about you or make you view them negatively.
Remember a few months back when I felt all alone and like no one was talking or listening to me and I threw all the toys out of the push chair and flounched off like a big baby?? I am SO GLAD I came to my SENSES and came”home”. I was hurt and upset and biting the hand that fed me. Since coming back I have progressed soooo much.
On another thread, NEWLILY had a lovely exeprience to share with everyone, and she said ‘cant we just post round the road blocks? I am GLAD SHE DID!
lets just roll right over them.
lets get back to business!xxxxxxx MUCH LOVE.
Dear Tilly, I can’t sleep so I will say what is on my mind to you, okay?
I can feel your pain here in southwestern U.S.A. from way down there in Australia. You are really, really upset, aren’t you? Golly, I really hurt for and with you. But, please don’t quit posting. You were doing so good. I’ve followed your posts from the beginning (I think, since April anyway) and I have observed such a growth in you.
I do not understand why you are so mad at Donna, Oxy, and Jen but it may be that I just read their posts differently than you did. I think they are all your friends, not enemies.
I’ll bet if you get a good night’s sleep and reread their posts you may have a clearer view of what — and why — they said what they said. And it might not have even been about YOU!
As for the deleted posts, I don’t have a clear picture of what happened. All I know is that I noticed a new article by Steve this morning, left the computer to go have breakfast only to come back to find the WHOLE article had been deleted. I had almost convinced myself that I had imagined I saw a new article until I read some of your comments about a deleted post. Was that what was upsetting to you?
I hate to mention it while you are still raw but I think you may have to eat some “crow.” Don’t worry, though, I will be eating crose right along with you but for a different reason. I had an unexpected paranoia about why my dear DD#3 had not called for so long — nor answered my voice messages. I was so ashamed when I learned her VALID reasons why she hadn’t called when she called me tonight. I felt terrible, too,because she had just finished a LONG hard day at the hospital and was so tired she could hardly talk. For her best interests, she shouldn’t even have tried to call me tonight but she wanted to let me know WHY she hadn’t called. It was a GOOD talk anyway. We’ll have a longer one on the weekend.
Let’s see. what does one put on crow to make it taste better? I suggest ketchup and maybe a large dose of chili powder to remind us not to be so foolish again — or at least until next time. LOL
Healing is a process –we go backwards and forwards until we reach a more pleasant resting place of peace and tranquitity no matter what circumstances come up.
We’ll make it, Tilly!!
oxdrover and kathleen hawk: thank you both so much for your comments. i have read a lot of the content on lovefraud and also ordered some books (like: the gift of betrayal and the effect of gaslighting). i woke up this morning like i do everyday ( unfortunately) with something he said that i had forgotten about popped up in my mind. this morning i remembered how he once said that every single woman can be had by a man if he really wants her. i always looked at him as an innocent puppy, literally, so ofcourse i thought his view was even sort of cute. its only after being played the way i was, like i never thought anybody could be able to pull me, that i just feel beat. i dont care about him at all anymore. i truly dont. i sometimes however am still left with this used feeling…and looking and reading back shows so many signs, like the quotes i posted too, yet they only make that kind of sense after having found a lot of his lies out ( which I did myself that feels pretty ok). so i tend to also wanna read back the millions of emails by him. do you suggest this is good to digest it or i shouldnt? thank you ever so much!
blueskies: its ok, i thought you were all gonna look at my words sooner or later and it would all be clear. thanks.
Blueskies, thank you for your encouraging post to Tilly.
You live in another country where speakers speak English, too, right? Your mention of a “push chair” was my clue! Not sure which baby equipment you are referring to but I’ve never heard of a “push chair.” Would it be a buggy? A stroller?
That reminded me about a funny experience with a brand new acquaintance from Canada, who spoke English. We were getting acquainted with our two infants laying on the floor in front of us (neither one could walk yetl.)
As she started to leave, she asked, “Do you have an extra napkin?” I was puzzled because I couldn’t imagine why she needed a napkin. We had finished our coffee and dessert quite some time before. But, I went into the kitchen and brought back a paper napkin.
She was puzzled, too, since she had no idea that in the U.S. we call them diapers, not napkins!! We had a hearty laugh and the beginning of a great friendship was forged and more learning experiences about the English language for both of us.
BTW, Tilly, what is a “billlybong?” We sang an Australian song about one in church camp years ago but I never knew what it meant.
MariaLisa, before I go back and try to sleep I want to welcome you to our “club.” It sounds like you are qualified to be a member. Am sorry about that but glad you are here.
Before all the fallderol, I had started a post to you. Can’t remember what it was but remember it was an important comment. I hope you don’t mind, I’ll try to find it tomorrow and post, okay?
BTW, I am an English professor (or was) and I applaud you on your written English. It is excellent!
A NewLily: thank you so much. thanks to a few ( or most) of you i feel very welcome! sleep well!
ANewLily: i just realise that the blogroll on ‘ sociopaths ad boredom’ was taken off, unfortunately…i had made quite some posts on that subject. cause im still puzzled about some things…anyways: you thus might not find the post back that you were wanting to comment on….
ML Thanks(I am so sorry, what a welcome, I am heartily ashamed of myself)
I dont know how long ago this relationship ended, and I think you are doing pretty good considering what you have been through. With the e-mails and notes, I am not sure. I have things he said coming back to me every now and then (used to be daily and I really resent him having the head space) and I kept the e-mails for reference for a while… so then I would waste my time re-reading what he wrote, just so I could say SEE? HE IS a LIAR and a NUTCASE! I already new this. I am not sure what I was looking for. I KNEW what he was.
hehe! Lil. Pushchair = buggy or even better Perambulator!!xx
The diaper/napkin thing… we call them ‘Nappies’.
A Billabong is a spring is it Tilly? Where the jolly swag man sat down to rest? I have no idea!:)x
blueskies:
thanks, yeah i guess i could have been off worse. i always tell myself that. this torturing hell as i call it has been going on for quite some time though. its only until like 2 weeks ago that i see myself truly pick my own life up again. not living in anger or hurt anymore. being happy for being alive, blessed and sane. little by little. like you i catch myself thinking ‘ whatever i dont need to look up anymore, its clearly unclear so to speak: clear that his distorted reality will always be unclear and i dont wanna understand this mind so much that i cant figure out my own simple truths anymore’. but then again: we are both on this site….still looking for understanding….i guess thats good, as long as this doesnt hyjack our lives completey i think….