Ever since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been trying to understand and explain the mysteries of love and sex. Over the past few decades, scientists started using specialized equipment to measure physical arousal by attaching devices to private parts. More recently, they’ve been observing the most important romantic organ in the human body—the brain.
Forbes wrote about the research of Andreas Bartels, Ph.D., at the Imperial College of London. Bartels used a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, which can capture images of brain activity, to pinpoint the areas of the brain that are activated by love.
Bartles did a study of 17 people who were madly in love. He had the test subjects look at photos of platonic friends and of their loved ones while he observed activity in their brains. The resulting images clearly showed that certain sections of the brain are stimulated by love.
The scientist then did another study to observe the brains of mothers looking at their infants. The images showed that exactly the same areas of the brain were stimulated by maternal love, except for an area in the hypothalamus in the base of the brain that seems to be linked to sexual arousal.
The conclusion, therefore, is that specific areas of the brain light up at the prospect of love.
Bartels also noticed something else: When the test subjects were feeling love, certain areas of the brain were turned off. The scans showed that three regions of the brain generally associated with moral judgment go dim.
Chemistry of love
Then there’s the chemistry of love. Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a professor at Rutgers University, has written that three networks in the brain, and their associated neurotransmitters, are associated with love. They are:
- Lust—the craving for sexual gratification, which is linked to testosterone in both men and women.
- Romantic attraction—the elation and yearning of new love, which is linked to the natural stimulants dopamine and norepinephrine, and low activity in serotonin.
- Attachment—the calm emotional union with a long-term partner, which is linked to oxytocin and vasopressin.
Fisher also did a study using fMRI technology. She scanned the brains of 40 men and women who were wildly in love. When these people gazed at photos of their beloved, the scans showed increased activity in the areas of the brain that produce dopamine. This neurochemical is associated with feelings of excessive energy, elation, focused attention and motivation to win rewards.
Dopamine, by the way, is also the neurotransmitter associated with addiction.
Effects of arousal
Research has also proven what we’ve probably all experienced—sexual arousal can make us throw caution to the winds.
In another study using fMRI technology, Dr. Ken Maravilla of the University of Washington found that sexual arousal dims down the parts of the brain that control inhibition and, perhaps, moral judgment.
“These are things that keep you in line, and in arousal they may become less active, allowing you to become more aroused,” Maravilla said, as quoted by Wired Magazine.
In a paper called, The Heat of the Moment: The Effect on Sexual Arousal on Sexual Decision Making, Dan Ariely, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and George Lowenstein, of Carnegie Mellon University, documented that being sexually turned on affected the judgment of college-aged men. (Well, duh ”¦)
Specifically, Ariely and Lowenstein found that, “the increase in motivation to have sex produced by sexual arousal seems to decrease the relative importance of other considerations, such as behaving ethically toward a potential sexual partner or protecting oneself against unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease.”
But another of their findings was, “people seem to have only limited insight into the impact of sexual arousal on their own judgments and behavior.” In other words, most of us don’t appreciate how strong the sex urges are, and how they can make us do things that perhaps we shouldn’t be doing.
Sociopathic seduction
So let’s look at all this information in the context of our relationships with sociopaths.
Two of the main strategies that sociopaths use to snare us are love and sex. They emphatically proclaim their love and consciously seduce us into having sex. So what happens?
- Love causes specific areas of the brain light up, and at the same time, areas associated with morals and judgment go dim.
- The areas of the brain that produce dopamine become active, and dopamine is related to addiction.
- Sexual arousal dims the parts of the brain responsible for inhibition and judgment that might prevent us from making bad choices.
- We don’t recognize the impact that sexual urges have on our judgment and behavior.
Dr. Helen Fisher writes that the three primary brain systems associated with love evolved over the ages to play different roles in courtship, mating, reproduction and parenting. They are Nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the human species.
Sociopaths convincingly proclaim their enduring love and their sexual desire for us. Not realizing the pervasive deceit of these predators, we believe that they love us. We have sex with them, and the sex is great. Many Lovefraud readers have been amazed at the sociopath’s sexual appetite and prowess.
Therefore, sociopaths hijack our brain through our feelings of love and the bonds of sex. In their seductions, they turn the natural psychological and chemical functions of our brains against us.
“i remember trying to open up more myself so that he would have an example of how it can be done. talking about emotions and such. i would then ask him how he feels and he would say things like: “you see how i am paying attention to what you say, right now its all about you!” or ” dont ride me for answers about my trauma’s”
Yeah this is definately a scenario I recognise. They are interested in self serving information gathering only, you serve this by giving up all your chit for them to beat you about the head with later, you are left feeling like a selfish person for wanting to be heard, and they give you NOTHING. Control.
Nah – I am in Europe too:)x I have had my sleep.
yep. i remember when we were seperated as in: notliving together, but we were still ‘ dealing with our issues’, cause he wanted to ‘ work on things’. and he simply forgot my birthday. and i was so upset that he couldnt even think about me on my birthday. and he said that i was too impatient and too needy and therefore we should work on just being friends. Just like that. because i was upset with him, he punished me. when all he had been saying for weeks was how he only loved me, missed me, needed to be with me badly. i tol dhim” dont kid yourself for thinking you LIFEPARTNER is needy when she expects you to think of her on her birthday. i called it: basic human behavior. i told him he wouldnt qualify for being a friend either.
and to just be clear: this isnt about a call on my birthday ofcourse. i also used this example to him, because it was so hard to make anything clear to him, so i thought this would be ( strangely) the most clear for him….but it just got worse. even thought i didnt like him anymore, i was still addicted to everything he made me feel waaayyy before.
when i hear myself i feel like i am watching a bad episode of oprah, where i pity women like me. and think how naive they are.
very weird to have been caught up into it. i really believe NC does everything you need. it gets you cold turkey clean so fast. gets so clear!
I think its interesting when you say he sounded so sincere, the S/P I knew also was extremely verbose appeared intelligent and like he had put a lot of thought into his moral and spiritual path, but even at the time I felt like he was reading off a script, he NEVER sounded sincere from the off, about ANYTHING. The problem was that I was in denial of my own evaluation of his sincerity.
yeah looking back NOW, i see the signs of insincerity in his speech.
1. he talks like it is the only truth and states things instead of uttering them for other people to respond to
2. always very calm and fluent speech
3. rarely looked me in the eye when elaborating on anything.
4 always stared at me if i would say something that exposed anything of me.
to answer your other question:
-was he smart: yes
-was he or it admirable in ANY way: absolutely not.
as for forgetting your birthday, I know it doesnt sound like a major offence, but next to the heavy professions of undying love, it just doesn’t ring true.
Its pushing and pulling,’I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH I NEEED YOU FOREVER! PLEASE DONT EVER LEAVE ME YOU HAVE SAVED ME!IWILL BE FOREVER GRATEFUL… but I dont think about you when you are not here.What’s wrong with that? Why are you so upset? are you needy or something? I hate NEEDY women. So selfish’ Crazy making 101.
I think the biggest lesson we have to learn from our experiences with these subhumans is to trust ourselves and stick to our own moral codes and standards of behaviour.
Anyway, I better get off here now and get on with my day!:)xx I have enjoyed talking with you ML.x
i know its so funny that i would need to take something as banal as forgetting a birthday to get through to him, cause i knew the heavier stuff never hit home. i mean why wasnt that fact, that i took taht example to get through to him already not the BIGGEST warning. why did i need more proof. he was an emotional lepper. i knew that. i still wanted to get him to understand. i needed closure. i wouldve done anything to get that closure WITH him. naive me.
what does crazy making 101 mean?
and yes: the whole experience has given me the sternest belief in my own moral codes. i always thought i needed to be open minded to anybody’s point of view. well enough is enough.
yeah. i need to do the same. lets make it a good one!!! thank you for the chat!
class 101 means a class for beginners (an american thing i believe) and Crazy Making is the kind of manipulation a sociopath subjects their victim to in order to make them doubt their own reality/beliefs/morals/sanity.