Ever since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been trying to understand and explain the mysteries of love and sex. Over the past few decades, scientists started using specialized equipment to measure physical arousal by attaching devices to private parts. More recently, they’ve been observing the most important romantic organ in the human body—the brain.
Forbes wrote about the research of Andreas Bartels, Ph.D., at the Imperial College of London. Bartels used a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, which can capture images of brain activity, to pinpoint the areas of the brain that are activated by love.
Bartles did a study of 17 people who were madly in love. He had the test subjects look at photos of platonic friends and of their loved ones while he observed activity in their brains. The resulting images clearly showed that certain sections of the brain are stimulated by love.
The scientist then did another study to observe the brains of mothers looking at their infants. The images showed that exactly the same areas of the brain were stimulated by maternal love, except for an area in the hypothalamus in the base of the brain that seems to be linked to sexual arousal.
The conclusion, therefore, is that specific areas of the brain light up at the prospect of love.
Bartels also noticed something else: When the test subjects were feeling love, certain areas of the brain were turned off. The scans showed that three regions of the brain generally associated with moral judgment go dim.
Chemistry of love
Then there’s the chemistry of love. Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a professor at Rutgers University, has written that three networks in the brain, and their associated neurotransmitters, are associated with love. They are:
- Lust—the craving for sexual gratification, which is linked to testosterone in both men and women.
- Romantic attraction—the elation and yearning of new love, which is linked to the natural stimulants dopamine and norepinephrine, and low activity in serotonin.
- Attachment—the calm emotional union with a long-term partner, which is linked to oxytocin and vasopressin.
Fisher also did a study using fMRI technology. She scanned the brains of 40 men and women who were wildly in love. When these people gazed at photos of their beloved, the scans showed increased activity in the areas of the brain that produce dopamine. This neurochemical is associated with feelings of excessive energy, elation, focused attention and motivation to win rewards.
Dopamine, by the way, is also the neurotransmitter associated with addiction.
Effects of arousal
Research has also proven what we’ve probably all experienced—sexual arousal can make us throw caution to the winds.
In another study using fMRI technology, Dr. Ken Maravilla of the University of Washington found that sexual arousal dims down the parts of the brain that control inhibition and, perhaps, moral judgment.
“These are things that keep you in line, and in arousal they may become less active, allowing you to become more aroused,” Maravilla said, as quoted by Wired Magazine.
In a paper called, The Heat of the Moment: The Effect on Sexual Arousal on Sexual Decision Making, Dan Ariely, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and George Lowenstein, of Carnegie Mellon University, documented that being sexually turned on affected the judgment of college-aged men. (Well, duh ”¦)
Specifically, Ariely and Lowenstein found that, “the increase in motivation to have sex produced by sexual arousal seems to decrease the relative importance of other considerations, such as behaving ethically toward a potential sexual partner or protecting oneself against unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease.”
But another of their findings was, “people seem to have only limited insight into the impact of sexual arousal on their own judgments and behavior.” In other words, most of us don’t appreciate how strong the sex urges are, and how they can make us do things that perhaps we shouldn’t be doing.
Sociopathic seduction
So let’s look at all this information in the context of our relationships with sociopaths.
Two of the main strategies that sociopaths use to snare us are love and sex. They emphatically proclaim their love and consciously seduce us into having sex. So what happens?
- Love causes specific areas of the brain light up, and at the same time, areas associated with morals and judgment go dim.
- The areas of the brain that produce dopamine become active, and dopamine is related to addiction.
- Sexual arousal dims the parts of the brain responsible for inhibition and judgment that might prevent us from making bad choices.
- We don’t recognize the impact that sexual urges have on our judgment and behavior.
Dr. Helen Fisher writes that the three primary brain systems associated with love evolved over the ages to play different roles in courtship, mating, reproduction and parenting. They are Nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the human species.
Sociopaths convincingly proclaim their enduring love and their sexual desire for us. Not realizing the pervasive deceit of these predators, we believe that they love us. We have sex with them, and the sex is great. Many Lovefraud readers have been amazed at the sociopath’s sexual appetite and prowess.
Therefore, sociopaths hijack our brain through our feelings of love and the bonds of sex. In their seductions, they turn the natural psychological and chemical functions of our brains against us.
oxdrove, witsend and escapee: i really am comforted by all of your sincerity and attention you give to this blog. i think and it sounds like most of all/us agree and should continue what were doing and give as little attention as possible to negativity on this blog.
And there it is.
Rosa:
I think i now see youre pointing at me. for heaven sakes why?
Gotya Rosa. Well spotted.
For heavens sakes, you are a bit paranoid this morning, MariaLisa.
I was actually speaking to Witsend, and others.
Has anyone else on board ever seen the old movie “Gaslight”? Good flick. Check it out.
KATHLEEN HAWK:
Thankyou SO much for your support during this nightmare. Its funny how when something like this happens you find out whats real. I have found out where my true loyalty and support is and what other people REALLY think of me. Also who s a narcissist and who is not. And also the motivation behind many of the “characters” related to lovefraud.
I have just come back to give you a heartfelt hug from the bottom of my heart and to apologise to Rosa.
You are a diamond midst the rough and while you and rosa are on here I will drop back in occasionally.
I could never work out why some members didn’t acknowledge that oprah was a narc. But now I see very clearly the use some people make of each other.
Thankyou again for being there for me when i was trying to save the sinking ship for people like “williever”. I guess while you and Rosa are on here, Good will prevail in the end.
Thankyou, Luvyu,
Namaste.
Tilly.
ROSA:
I am so sorry to have to leave you on your own with this mess. It Looks like you and Kathleen are the only ones prepared to take it on.
I think you are both as strong as I am, without being narcissistic!!( And thats saying something!) and we were all made that way by surviving the worst of it. Who knows what else is true on here anymore??
Not me, i have lost all trust of the people on here now that i have seen their actions and where they have fled. (And they are still ignoring it, still deleting the ones that need help and well, I wont go there, it still exists ..if you know what i mean).
I guess the good thing is that we have seen where other peoples loyalties are and what they will do for “their book” and entertainment. We have also seen how much they care about our posts and what they REALLY think of us ! IT WILL ALL COME OUT IN THE WASH AYE ROSA!!!!
I’m going off to lick my wounds. If ever it gets “clean” on here i will come back.
Luvyu Rosa! I will miss you and kathleen!
Stay strong! LF needs YOU and Kathy more than they know.
Tilly,
I did support you, and tried to help. As you have learned, it can a difficult, delicate and sometimes thankless task to try to unmask an intruder. The process can upset other people who don’t understand what you’re doing. And it can get too emotionally engaging, because we have to overcome our own fears to do it. Anyone who’s been here for a while has been through it.
But Tilly, please reconsider all the other conclusions you’ve come to. Everyone here is doing the best they can. And we’re all in different stages of healing. And those stages affect our perceptions, because we have different “dominant” emotional states.
Part of what we do here is accept ourselves for where we are. And allow other people to be where they are. That means we’re not always going to get exactly what we need from every other person.
In this situation, I know that you feel unsupported by some people. I acknowledge that and know how you feel. But it doesn’t mean they’re bad people. They are just working on other things, have different priorities, or are dealing with other emotional states that make them react in different ways.
Your engagement with this guy helped to unmask him. That’s a fact. You’re right, I am being supportive. But I’m also expressing gratitude for what you did. It was a service that you volunteered for, because you cared about all of us.
But another fact is that you are largely in the angry stage of healing right now, I think. (You can tell me, if you think I’m wrong.) And that made your engagement with him very emotional for you, and likewise your reactions to what happened around it. A lot of the things that you took personally probably weren’t as personal as you think.
As I’ve told you before, I love seeing your angry energy. I think it’s good for you to be identifying the threats in your life, constructing better boundaries and establishing defensive skills. And you have used that energy and creative and funny ways.
But please understand that it also colors the way you think and react. When I was in the angry phase, I saw bad behavior and enemies even amount my best friends, and I lashed out at a lot of people that I later realized didn’t deserve it. You’re upset. I understand, and I’m not trying to talk you out of anything.
But please believe me that you are well-loved and valued here. If you want to take a break, I support that. But come back as soon as you can, because we’ll miss you.
Kathy
I wanna pose something. A quote by him from when we just started out. In retrospect it seemed like this was honest, knowing now how psychopathic he is and this quote sort of fits into it. BAck then I ofcourse interpreted it like a normal human being would about another normal being. My question is: was he being honest here, and giving a slight look into his psychopathic mind ( even though he wouldnt see it as such ofcourse)? ( btw at the time i wasnt understanding what he was saying here at all and i kept on asking him to elaborate on it cause i coulndt figure it out, for instance completely didnt undertsna his ‘ greedy’ remark, but he soon twisted it into all kinds of incomprehensible simple cliche’s so that i would drop it):
the quote:
“Idon’t feel very complete. I experience so much by myself I feel like I am drifting away from reality sometimes as I have only my interpretation. Its pretty empty. Writing and talking to you has quickly eclipsed everything else in my life. I can share thoughts with you and that moment takes on the majesty of scaling a mountain in my mind. I want that and more. Maybe I really am greedy”