Ever since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been trying to understand and explain the mysteries of love and sex. Over the past few decades, scientists started using specialized equipment to measure physical arousal by attaching devices to private parts. More recently, they’ve been observing the most important romantic organ in the human body—the brain.
Forbes wrote about the research of Andreas Bartels, Ph.D., at the Imperial College of London. Bartels used a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, which can capture images of brain activity, to pinpoint the areas of the brain that are activated by love.
Bartles did a study of 17 people who were madly in love. He had the test subjects look at photos of platonic friends and of their loved ones while he observed activity in their brains. The resulting images clearly showed that certain sections of the brain are stimulated by love.
The scientist then did another study to observe the brains of mothers looking at their infants. The images showed that exactly the same areas of the brain were stimulated by maternal love, except for an area in the hypothalamus in the base of the brain that seems to be linked to sexual arousal.
The conclusion, therefore, is that specific areas of the brain light up at the prospect of love.
Bartels also noticed something else: When the test subjects were feeling love, certain areas of the brain were turned off. The scans showed that three regions of the brain generally associated with moral judgment go dim.
Chemistry of love
Then there’s the chemistry of love. Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a professor at Rutgers University, has written that three networks in the brain, and their associated neurotransmitters, are associated with love. They are:
- Lust—the craving for sexual gratification, which is linked to testosterone in both men and women.
- Romantic attraction—the elation and yearning of new love, which is linked to the natural stimulants dopamine and norepinephrine, and low activity in serotonin.
- Attachment—the calm emotional union with a long-term partner, which is linked to oxytocin and vasopressin.
Fisher also did a study using fMRI technology. She scanned the brains of 40 men and women who were wildly in love. When these people gazed at photos of their beloved, the scans showed increased activity in the areas of the brain that produce dopamine. This neurochemical is associated with feelings of excessive energy, elation, focused attention and motivation to win rewards.
Dopamine, by the way, is also the neurotransmitter associated with addiction.
Effects of arousal
Research has also proven what we’ve probably all experienced—sexual arousal can make us throw caution to the winds.
In another study using fMRI technology, Dr. Ken Maravilla of the University of Washington found that sexual arousal dims down the parts of the brain that control inhibition and, perhaps, moral judgment.
“These are things that keep you in line, and in arousal they may become less active, allowing you to become more aroused,” Maravilla said, as quoted by Wired Magazine.
In a paper called, The Heat of the Moment: The Effect on Sexual Arousal on Sexual Decision Making, Dan Ariely, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and George Lowenstein, of Carnegie Mellon University, documented that being sexually turned on affected the judgment of college-aged men. (Well, duh ”¦)
Specifically, Ariely and Lowenstein found that, “the increase in motivation to have sex produced by sexual arousal seems to decrease the relative importance of other considerations, such as behaving ethically toward a potential sexual partner or protecting oneself against unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease.”
But another of their findings was, “people seem to have only limited insight into the impact of sexual arousal on their own judgments and behavior.” In other words, most of us don’t appreciate how strong the sex urges are, and how they can make us do things that perhaps we shouldn’t be doing.
Sociopathic seduction
So let’s look at all this information in the context of our relationships with sociopaths.
Two of the main strategies that sociopaths use to snare us are love and sex. They emphatically proclaim their love and consciously seduce us into having sex. So what happens?
- Love causes specific areas of the brain light up, and at the same time, areas associated with morals and judgment go dim.
- The areas of the brain that produce dopamine become active, and dopamine is related to addiction.
- Sexual arousal dims the parts of the brain responsible for inhibition and judgment that might prevent us from making bad choices.
- We don’t recognize the impact that sexual urges have on our judgment and behavior.
Dr. Helen Fisher writes that the three primary brain systems associated with love evolved over the ages to play different roles in courtship, mating, reproduction and parenting. They are Nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the human species.
Sociopaths convincingly proclaim their enduring love and their sexual desire for us. Not realizing the pervasive deceit of these predators, we believe that they love us. We have sex with them, and the sex is great. Many Lovefraud readers have been amazed at the sociopath’s sexual appetite and prowess.
Therefore, sociopaths hijack our brain through our feelings of love and the bonds of sex. In their seductions, they turn the natural psychological and chemical functions of our brains against us.
MariaLisa, I just got back from the appointment so I haven’t read enough to really catch up but your last few posts intrigued me — because I’lve been there, done that.
However, I did most of this “work” during the last year with him and that’s long ago. I remember the confusion and the questions you are asking, though.
After I escaped, I did want “closure” and tried to seek it — without his input, just from books, etc. I don’t remember exactly when it clicked but all seemed to fall into place when someone told me, “If an N’s lips are moving, they are lying.”
I had alread accepted that closure is not possible with these guys and had stopped trying to figure him out — both intellectually and emotionally. Someone had said, “It is impossible for a normal mind to fathom an abnormal mind.” That helped, too.
BTW, the Boredom and the Sociopath article and comments aren’t deleted. They just has slipped onto the next page. Go down to the current page and click “next page.”
I looked for the sentence of yours that I wanted to respond to but can’t find it now. I even thought I might have copied and pasted the sentence to a Word document on my desktop but didn’t.
I’ll have to think of it as the BIG FISH that got away. LOL
You even might say the same thing again and it will hit me.
Sorry!
Sometimes I can be so obtuse! I meant to mention that the quote didn’t sound to me like anything but what they call “word salad.” The kinds of words they use to “hook” us and try to make us doubt our own understanding.
MariaLisa, one thing that is going to help you in your healing is just keep asking questions, reading, and learning.
And accept that you’ll never be able to figure it out with your normal mind. Can’t be done. That’s what Hare is talking about, their brains just aren’t organized to be normal.
I basically said the same thing, “Normal minds can’t fathom abnormal minds” or something like that.
I agree with you, Rosa, that ACTIONS should have been included in Hare’s sentence! Abnormal minds act in some mighty abnormal things. Good reason to rejoice that we are OUT!!
Hi Lily,
I see that my P was mostly lying and producing word salad out of his mouth, but what puzzles me is for instance the quote i posted, ill post it here again for convenience sake, is not something to hook me, its not an attractive thought of him for me ( meaning what purpose did it serve him), so i wonder whether this could simply be his soul…but yes youre right i should only ask myself and you this for discussion sake, and not expect to receive closure from it….
the quote:
“Idon’t feel very complete. I experience so much by myself I feel like I am drifting away from reality sometimes as I have only my interpretation. Its pretty empty. Writing and talking to you has quickly eclipsed everything else in my life. I can share thoughts with you and that moment takes on the majesty of scaling a mountain in my mind. I want that and more. Maybe I really am greedy”
Kathleen said: ‘actually you will understand a lot more later, after you get more of your own healing done.’ So true. even if it is that you finally understand that there is NO way to understand. x It DOES take time though, these things dont happen overnight, even if your sensible rational brain tells you this truth, to GET it might take a bit longer.( I guess I am just echoing lily:)x
Witsend said:’ by seperating her father as 2 distict individuals in her mind. Her father whom she still loved from her early childhood memories and an evil rapist.’ I am not sure about how this works or if it is indeed healthy, but it is EXACTLY how I coped with the death of my father. I was devastated by the loss of a man who I KNEW was a groomer and exploiter of young girls. It blew my brain. I HATED HIM for what he was but felt completely bereft at the loss of the father I loved and didnt know how to reconcile it. I separated (and recognised/ acknowledged )the man he WAS and the father I loved and needed as a human being and a daughter. I am still not completely comfortable with how I feel about it all though….
“Idon’t feel very complete. I experience so much by myself I feel like I am drifting away from reality sometimes as I have only my interpretation. Its pretty empty. Writing and talking to you has quickly eclipsed everything else in my life. I can share thoughts with you and that moment takes on the majesty of scaling a mountain in my mind. I want that and more. Maybe I really am greedy”
I agree with lily this is just a load of word salad to confuse, hook and create an illusion of some deeper emotion(that you cant fathom because it ISNT there) and IMO not worth wondering about. It is completely insane ramblings of a stunted mind. It means NOTHING at all period.(IMO!:)x
oh my gosh blueskies, your story is heartbreaking. and so is witsend’s…
the book the gift of betrayal arrived in my mail today and i am reading it at the same time as checking in on this blog once in a while ( its evening here, actually its night so i will be going to bed soon), i am now at the part where it is explained how the patterns from your youth are programmed in your brain and you need to understand that in order to not be forever attracted to the same. maybe a book you would like to read too. but maybe you already have as you are further along the path i guess. im so grossed out by the fact there are so many men that live so amorally. makes me feel very very sad. but then again there are just as many wonderful men out there! x!
but the quote reaffirms his empty soul! he says so himself:
-he is empty
-he only has his own interpretation ( cause he doesnt have empathy)
-i want that and more ( greed: dude is greedy, psychopathically so)
-he isnt complete ( he must know he is different from other people who behave different because they actually care)
in short: he may have had a moment of insight into himself here?!
Soul? No, with these people it is just ego the size of a planet and the rest is darkness.
ML – I got the same sort of chit from mine- its the totured soul routine, it works really well… it sounds all, well tortured… and erm, soulful… great hook.
BUT NOTHING, NOTHING that comes out of their gobs means anything at all! it is ALL a means of manipulation.