Ever since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been trying to understand and explain the mysteries of love and sex. Over the past few decades, scientists started using specialized equipment to measure physical arousal by attaching devices to private parts. More recently, they’ve been observing the most important romantic organ in the human body—the brain.
Forbes wrote about the research of Andreas Bartels, Ph.D., at the Imperial College of London. Bartels used a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, which can capture images of brain activity, to pinpoint the areas of the brain that are activated by love.
Bartles did a study of 17 people who were madly in love. He had the test subjects look at photos of platonic friends and of their loved ones while he observed activity in their brains. The resulting images clearly showed that certain sections of the brain are stimulated by love.
The scientist then did another study to observe the brains of mothers looking at their infants. The images showed that exactly the same areas of the brain were stimulated by maternal love, except for an area in the hypothalamus in the base of the brain that seems to be linked to sexual arousal.
The conclusion, therefore, is that specific areas of the brain light up at the prospect of love.
Bartels also noticed something else: When the test subjects were feeling love, certain areas of the brain were turned off. The scans showed that three regions of the brain generally associated with moral judgment go dim.
Chemistry of love
Then there’s the chemistry of love. Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a professor at Rutgers University, has written that three networks in the brain, and their associated neurotransmitters, are associated with love. They are:
- Lust—the craving for sexual gratification, which is linked to testosterone in both men and women.
- Romantic attraction—the elation and yearning of new love, which is linked to the natural stimulants dopamine and norepinephrine, and low activity in serotonin.
- Attachment—the calm emotional union with a long-term partner, which is linked to oxytocin and vasopressin.
Fisher also did a study using fMRI technology. She scanned the brains of 40 men and women who were wildly in love. When these people gazed at photos of their beloved, the scans showed increased activity in the areas of the brain that produce dopamine. This neurochemical is associated with feelings of excessive energy, elation, focused attention and motivation to win rewards.
Dopamine, by the way, is also the neurotransmitter associated with addiction.
Effects of arousal
Research has also proven what we’ve probably all experienced—sexual arousal can make us throw caution to the winds.
In another study using fMRI technology, Dr. Ken Maravilla of the University of Washington found that sexual arousal dims down the parts of the brain that control inhibition and, perhaps, moral judgment.
“These are things that keep you in line, and in arousal they may become less active, allowing you to become more aroused,” Maravilla said, as quoted by Wired Magazine.
In a paper called, The Heat of the Moment: The Effect on Sexual Arousal on Sexual Decision Making, Dan Ariely, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and George Lowenstein, of Carnegie Mellon University, documented that being sexually turned on affected the judgment of college-aged men. (Well, duh ”¦)
Specifically, Ariely and Lowenstein found that, “the increase in motivation to have sex produced by sexual arousal seems to decrease the relative importance of other considerations, such as behaving ethically toward a potential sexual partner or protecting oneself against unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease.”
But another of their findings was, “people seem to have only limited insight into the impact of sexual arousal on their own judgments and behavior.” In other words, most of us don’t appreciate how strong the sex urges are, and how they can make us do things that perhaps we shouldn’t be doing.
Sociopathic seduction
So let’s look at all this information in the context of our relationships with sociopaths.
Two of the main strategies that sociopaths use to snare us are love and sex. They emphatically proclaim their love and consciously seduce us into having sex. So what happens?
- Love causes specific areas of the brain light up, and at the same time, areas associated with morals and judgment go dim.
- The areas of the brain that produce dopamine become active, and dopamine is related to addiction.
- Sexual arousal dims the parts of the brain responsible for inhibition and judgment that might prevent us from making bad choices.
- We don’t recognize the impact that sexual urges have on our judgment and behavior.
Dr. Helen Fisher writes that the three primary brain systems associated with love evolved over the ages to play different roles in courtship, mating, reproduction and parenting. They are Nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the human species.
Sociopaths convincingly proclaim their enduring love and their sexual desire for us. Not realizing the pervasive deceit of these predators, we believe that they love us. We have sex with them, and the sex is great. Many Lovefraud readers have been amazed at the sociopath’s sexual appetite and prowess.
Therefore, sociopaths hijack our brain through our feelings of love and the bonds of sex. In their seductions, they turn the natural psychological and chemical functions of our brains against us.
He isnt having a moment of insight – he KNOWS damn well what he is and has done so for years. he is just giving you the routine…because he feels it might benefit his advantage over you.
And yes ML, the patterns of my youth have moulded me in a detremental way, one of the positives(and yes there are some although they dont feel like it) of the encounter with the S/P is that I SEE it now. When you can see something, when the fog clears, it is easier to try to do something about it.
blueskies, as I read your second paragraph, it hit me that this is possibly a conflict for my adult children. Empty Suit was not a sexual molester (except of me, I THINK, I HOPE) but he did try to KILL me and at first I did try to tell them (and they didn’t want to hear it) that the abuse behind closed doors had been ongoing since dating years. I don’t even know if they sought counseling, but I hope so.
MaraLisa, I don’t think I am the one to analyze your EX. I can just say that I call mine an “empty suit” for a reason. I know he didn’t have a conscience and really think he didn’t have a soul.
He sure had a penchant for TIGHT, TIGHT, TIGHT CONTROL, though. I think that is why one of my Christian counselors called him “evil.” (HARD TO HEAR) He reminded me that even God does not CONTROL His children — and probably not even His earthly creation of the earth. Inflicting someone’s will on another is evil! And the punishment for disobeying an evil person is HELLISH.
yeah….i absolutely believe that is so, yet i have to experience how first. the book might be a good start. i truly hope with all my heart you will heal properly too. i see how my father (who passed a few months before i met the P!!!!) and the death of my father played right into the P’s hands….i just dont know how to fix it yet, cause like the book sates: its all my brain knows…
im goign to go to bed and read a bit more and try to sleep ( and take care of myself better, ive been sleep deprived for sooo long)
i hope you all have a wonderful or at least contented day with eye for the beautiful ever changing clouds above us, and trees waving at us with every zest of wind.
love!
blueskies,
I think what she said made so much sense though, don’t you?
It shows you how complicated and really down right mind blowing the human brain really is.
It think it is a survival tool. And a brilliant one at that. Because it worked for her. She survived the unsurvivable.
She did say at the end of the program that she had finally accepted her father as being ONE and not 2 seperate identitys. (recently)
Maybe that is where you are at now? Maybe that is why you are not feeling comfortable with it? I don’t know I am just throwing things out there. Maybe the “seperateness” is starting to merge as one and the same in your thinking process? This woman didn’t elaborate on how she came to merge the two or even if it was a long and painfull process to do so.
Witsend:x
I havent seen this, please send me a link. Yeah – I think it was definitely a survival mechanism…I am recognising lots lately and how good I have been at developing them over the years…this one I think HELPED me stick around with the S/P longer… not good. I dont understand it. you are the first person I have ever heard speak about it and I want to know more. send me a link or the name of the program please?
xxxxxxxxxx
Goodnight everyone.
‘i hope you all have a wonderful or at least contented day with eye for the beautiful ever changing clouds above us, and trees waving at us with every zest of wind.’ Nice sentence to end on I think.
Blueskies,
Ive been meaning to say “Hello” back to you… and to tell you that your posts really have SO MUCH MORE STRENGTH AND INSIGHTFULNESS AND COMFORT TO SO MANY PEOPLE HERE!!!! What I thought was this…..
What do you get when you merge Oxy’s posts with Kathleen’s posts and without a doubt you get BLUESKIES….I like your style of writing and how you express yourself with strength and compassion and the sweet way you always reach out to everyone here.
And Blueskies, your lesson about trying to find a way to be okay with certain Triggers – thats growth leaps and bounds girlfriend – just expressing thats what you wish to do will help you sort it out — and remember – at least for me — sometimes when I react to a trigger and go back and review it – I realize it was a necessary happening — a growth spurt for me in the healing journey — as long as I reflect and walk away with a lesson learned! You are so on the healing path!!!!! xo
And a shout out to Witsend :)– think of you often with prayers for answers and resolutions each day..xxo
blueskies,
It was actually a rerun of an Oprah show. I saw it the first time and watched the rerun as well. The rerun was just on maybe last week.
The show was about two women who murdered their abusers.
The second woman killed her father when she was 18 years old. And she is the one I was talking about.
Kathleen Hawk told me earlier today that she to had done this in her recovery. She called it “splitting”.
Try googling Oprah show and see if it has any clips about this recent show as they are all reruns at this time of year. I rarely watch Oprah and the fact that I caught this PARTICULAR show BOTH times it aired kind of blows me away. Both men that were murdered where obvious P’s.
blueskies,
If you google Oprah show and look on the left hand side it says search show archive. Enter for month July & the name of the show was “Released From Prison After Killing Her Father”
I don’t know how much this goes into depth of the actual show interview with this woman, but she was amazing on the show!