Ever since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been trying to understand and explain the mysteries of love and sex. Over the past few decades, scientists started using specialized equipment to measure physical arousal by attaching devices to private parts. More recently, they’ve been observing the most important romantic organ in the human body—the brain.
Forbes wrote about the research of Andreas Bartels, Ph.D., at the Imperial College of London. Bartels used a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, which can capture images of brain activity, to pinpoint the areas of the brain that are activated by love.
Bartles did a study of 17 people who were madly in love. He had the test subjects look at photos of platonic friends and of their loved ones while he observed activity in their brains. The resulting images clearly showed that certain sections of the brain are stimulated by love.
The scientist then did another study to observe the brains of mothers looking at their infants. The images showed that exactly the same areas of the brain were stimulated by maternal love, except for an area in the hypothalamus in the base of the brain that seems to be linked to sexual arousal.
The conclusion, therefore, is that specific areas of the brain light up at the prospect of love.
Bartels also noticed something else: When the test subjects were feeling love, certain areas of the brain were turned off. The scans showed that three regions of the brain generally associated with moral judgment go dim.
Chemistry of love
Then there’s the chemistry of love. Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a professor at Rutgers University, has written that three networks in the brain, and their associated neurotransmitters, are associated with love. They are:
- Lust—the craving for sexual gratification, which is linked to testosterone in both men and women.
- Romantic attraction—the elation and yearning of new love, which is linked to the natural stimulants dopamine and norepinephrine, and low activity in serotonin.
- Attachment—the calm emotional union with a long-term partner, which is linked to oxytocin and vasopressin.
Fisher also did a study using fMRI technology. She scanned the brains of 40 men and women who were wildly in love. When these people gazed at photos of their beloved, the scans showed increased activity in the areas of the brain that produce dopamine. This neurochemical is associated with feelings of excessive energy, elation, focused attention and motivation to win rewards.
Dopamine, by the way, is also the neurotransmitter associated with addiction.
Effects of arousal
Research has also proven what we’ve probably all experienced—sexual arousal can make us throw caution to the winds.
In another study using fMRI technology, Dr. Ken Maravilla of the University of Washington found that sexual arousal dims down the parts of the brain that control inhibition and, perhaps, moral judgment.
“These are things that keep you in line, and in arousal they may become less active, allowing you to become more aroused,” Maravilla said, as quoted by Wired Magazine.
In a paper called, The Heat of the Moment: The Effect on Sexual Arousal on Sexual Decision Making, Dan Ariely, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and George Lowenstein, of Carnegie Mellon University, documented that being sexually turned on affected the judgment of college-aged men. (Well, duh ”¦)
Specifically, Ariely and Lowenstein found that, “the increase in motivation to have sex produced by sexual arousal seems to decrease the relative importance of other considerations, such as behaving ethically toward a potential sexual partner or protecting oneself against unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease.”
But another of their findings was, “people seem to have only limited insight into the impact of sexual arousal on their own judgments and behavior.” In other words, most of us don’t appreciate how strong the sex urges are, and how they can make us do things that perhaps we shouldn’t be doing.
Sociopathic seduction
So let’s look at all this information in the context of our relationships with sociopaths.
Two of the main strategies that sociopaths use to snare us are love and sex. They emphatically proclaim their love and consciously seduce us into having sex. So what happens?
- Love causes specific areas of the brain light up, and at the same time, areas associated with morals and judgment go dim.
- The areas of the brain that produce dopamine become active, and dopamine is related to addiction.
- Sexual arousal dims the parts of the brain responsible for inhibition and judgment that might prevent us from making bad choices.
- We don’t recognize the impact that sexual urges have on our judgment and behavior.
Dr. Helen Fisher writes that the three primary brain systems associated with love evolved over the ages to play different roles in courtship, mating, reproduction and parenting. They are Nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the human species.
Sociopaths convincingly proclaim their enduring love and their sexual desire for us. Not realizing the pervasive deceit of these predators, we believe that they love us. We have sex with them, and the sex is great. Many Lovefraud readers have been amazed at the sociopath’s sexual appetite and prowess.
Therefore, sociopaths hijack our brain through our feelings of love and the bonds of sex. In their seductions, they turn the natural psychological and chemical functions of our brains against us.
And I’ve got to get out of here now to take my son to lunch. If you want to discuss this, I’ll be back later this afternoon.
Kathy
Blueskies,
I am not sure how condensed (or not) of a version of that show you will get on the website. I think it is written form rather than video. I didn’t follow through and look at it I just wanted to see if you would even FIND it there after I told you to go there!
Kathleen I don’t think actually wrote a past article about “splitting” but I think she touched on it in one of her articles she said. I would ask her directly what article it might be under because maybe that would be helpful for you to read this particular article. She has such a great way of explaining things.
Hi Kathy,
I wrote in an earlier post that I wondered where you had written to witsend about ‘splitting’ do you remember where? I’d be really interested in reading it:)
Yeah it is in written form and it doesnt really talk about it too much (you can get snippits of the interview on youtube, which are quite disturbing and maybe not what I ought to be watching right now!) ah well I guess it doesnt matter right now, it just interested me, I struck me as something i had been doing that I didnt really know about:) Thanks witsend:)
It not I 🙂
(sorry witsend I am loosing my marbles,all confidence and everything)’I didn’t follow through and look at it I just wanted to see if you would even FIND it there after I told you to go there!’ ??
Kathleen
That was an amazing piece…it will have me pondering for many hours, it raises more questions and also brings understanding at the same time. its such a confusing disorder. being an intj i thought i was in control, i thought i was analyzing things correctly. in a sense i did. i stepped out. i didnt comply with some of his outrageous wishes and manipulations. but i definitely became emotionally VERY attached and i hardly knew the depth of it when the point came when he was blatantly abusing me ( not subtle anymore). i hate that i became a mess. that i became desperate. when i had been so careful for so long. being an intj i have difficulty showing myself so to speak. it was probably just a bigger challenge for him. and when i let down my guard completely is when he used me like a toiletpaper.the person who claimed to be the love of my life. whom he would not be able to live without. a piece of toiletpaper.i try not to think back too much, cause the feeling i have most than is feeling dirty, used, just so low. and i KNOW i dont desrve that. thats the dichotomy right there. i dont think i have low self esteem at all. yet i let it happen. and it feels so disgusting. when you say things about the sociopaths inner loneliness it sort of makes me feel better. do you understand? it gives some satisfaction….it was definitely what attracted me to him. i am very sociable, have good friends, good job etc but i have a loneliness ( or should i say misunderstoodness: being an intj isnt the easiest thing in relation to others) too and i thought i saw the same loneliness in him. he played into that magnificently. and it ofcourse just put me back to zero. he used me in every way he KNEW i would be disgusted. we had so many talks about so many things and i thought i found a man with such high morals i took a lot of his life situation for granted. to find out he hasnt got any morals. none. and keeps repeating his sick cycle OVER and OVER again. and ofoucrse ( as ive read on here before) also i have to deal with that i still think back to moments and miss him. not him as he is, but how he smelled so great, that he was so cute ( WAS, he later turned into an ugly monster i didnt wanna touch), he was so crazy funny, brilliantly funny, he had a different view on everything ( yeah how did that happen huh), and strangely i sort of liked that he didnt care what others thought ( i know projection: it was because i always care way too much what others think and therefore thought i could learn from him, not knowing he TRULY didnt care about ANYONE), i loved how he made me feel like it was just us 2 on this planet, it made me feel so safe….it all backfired like i couldnt have expected in my wildest dreams. nor am i able to explain it to people properly. a lot of people just dont understand how you can be so dumb to let this happen…
only thing i get out of it or at least try to, is self insights gained from this ordeal, and im determined to heal. however at this point like i stated earlier i also feel lost sexually, i cannot imagine to trust again in that department. i feel just silly. like i dont know how to behave anymore to AND trust AND protect myself at the same time.
wow i was planning on just writing 2 lines. now im crying like crazy ( which isnt so bad, i have been trying to be coolly analytical for quite some time)
i think i will ponder your post some more while i cook dinner.
thanks Kathy…
MariaLisa,
If you were in the states, Id say we shared the same man/robot…
And I hope knowing you are not alone with the way you are feeling and how you are feeling, gives you some comfort and peace that its all part of the journey in the aftermath of involvement with a toxic person.
Stay true to yourself, who you were before him…and incorporate what you have learned since him and continue to learn to rebuild yourself to be the best you can be again…
You will find your way again…and the truth is you would have remained lost and spiritually dead if you had stayed with him…so you are already on the right path…it doesnt always feel so rewarding and comforting but with time and focus and attention on YOURSELF, your strengths and weaknesses (rather than his)…you will emerge FOUND AND TRUSTING OF THOSE WHO EARN IT THIS TIME AROUND!!
I will always miss parts of my xtox (especially the parts you referred to about his uniqueness…but I will always follow up with reminding myself he was a bad match for me, a bad man for me…a piece of my past, my history…someone who just didnt belong in my life. My love and friendship is for healthy dedicated and devoted people who care about themselves and share themselves for the beauty and betterment of others. It isnt my job to fix or save or pity my potential partner. It is my desire to surround myself with people who have self-love and self respect and who can love and respect others as well…. Hang in there!
blueskies,
I was refering to if you would EVEN find the Oprah program on her website. I didn’t want to send you on a wild goose chase so to speak. So I googled it to see if it would be there. Lol.
I am sorry that you are having a hard time. If it is any consolation I think that you are growing in leaps and bounds. As I have read many of your post.
When Kathaleen comes back this afternoon I think you should talk to her about this “splitting” as she is SO GOOD with articulating everything she has to say. Maybe she can explain how she did this in her recovery and you will be able to relate in your own recovery.
xoxo
learnt the lesson
thank you. i will just trust your words since youve been through the same and are better now, right? i dont know how and when but i tell myself its all about having faith…
my ex could theoretically be yours. my ex was american. his surname starting with an M. ( i say this to end the idea, cause there is 96% chance that yours didnt start with an M.)