Ever since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been trying to understand and explain the mysteries of love and sex. Over the past few decades, scientists started using specialized equipment to measure physical arousal by attaching devices to private parts. More recently, they’ve been observing the most important romantic organ in the human body—the brain.
Forbes wrote about the research of Andreas Bartels, Ph.D., at the Imperial College of London. Bartels used a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, which can capture images of brain activity, to pinpoint the areas of the brain that are activated by love.
Bartles did a study of 17 people who were madly in love. He had the test subjects look at photos of platonic friends and of their loved ones while he observed activity in their brains. The resulting images clearly showed that certain sections of the brain are stimulated by love.
The scientist then did another study to observe the brains of mothers looking at their infants. The images showed that exactly the same areas of the brain were stimulated by maternal love, except for an area in the hypothalamus in the base of the brain that seems to be linked to sexual arousal.
The conclusion, therefore, is that specific areas of the brain light up at the prospect of love.
Bartels also noticed something else: When the test subjects were feeling love, certain areas of the brain were turned off. The scans showed that three regions of the brain generally associated with moral judgment go dim.
Chemistry of love
Then there’s the chemistry of love. Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a professor at Rutgers University, has written that three networks in the brain, and their associated neurotransmitters, are associated with love. They are:
- Lust—the craving for sexual gratification, which is linked to testosterone in both men and women.
- Romantic attraction—the elation and yearning of new love, which is linked to the natural stimulants dopamine and norepinephrine, and low activity in serotonin.
- Attachment—the calm emotional union with a long-term partner, which is linked to oxytocin and vasopressin.
Fisher also did a study using fMRI technology. She scanned the brains of 40 men and women who were wildly in love. When these people gazed at photos of their beloved, the scans showed increased activity in the areas of the brain that produce dopamine. This neurochemical is associated with feelings of excessive energy, elation, focused attention and motivation to win rewards.
Dopamine, by the way, is also the neurotransmitter associated with addiction.
Effects of arousal
Research has also proven what we’ve probably all experienced—sexual arousal can make us throw caution to the winds.
In another study using fMRI technology, Dr. Ken Maravilla of the University of Washington found that sexual arousal dims down the parts of the brain that control inhibition and, perhaps, moral judgment.
“These are things that keep you in line, and in arousal they may become less active, allowing you to become more aroused,” Maravilla said, as quoted by Wired Magazine.
In a paper called, The Heat of the Moment: The Effect on Sexual Arousal on Sexual Decision Making, Dan Ariely, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and George Lowenstein, of Carnegie Mellon University, documented that being sexually turned on affected the judgment of college-aged men. (Well, duh ”¦)
Specifically, Ariely and Lowenstein found that, “the increase in motivation to have sex produced by sexual arousal seems to decrease the relative importance of other considerations, such as behaving ethically toward a potential sexual partner or protecting oneself against unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease.”
But another of their findings was, “people seem to have only limited insight into the impact of sexual arousal on their own judgments and behavior.” In other words, most of us don’t appreciate how strong the sex urges are, and how they can make us do things that perhaps we shouldn’t be doing.
Sociopathic seduction
So let’s look at all this information in the context of our relationships with sociopaths.
Two of the main strategies that sociopaths use to snare us are love and sex. They emphatically proclaim their love and consciously seduce us into having sex. So what happens?
- Love causes specific areas of the brain light up, and at the same time, areas associated with morals and judgment go dim.
- The areas of the brain that produce dopamine become active, and dopamine is related to addiction.
- Sexual arousal dims the parts of the brain responsible for inhibition and judgment that might prevent us from making bad choices.
- We don’t recognize the impact that sexual urges have on our judgment and behavior.
Dr. Helen Fisher writes that the three primary brain systems associated with love evolved over the ages to play different roles in courtship, mating, reproduction and parenting. They are Nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the human species.
Sociopaths convincingly proclaim their enduring love and their sexual desire for us. Not realizing the pervasive deceit of these predators, we believe that they love us. We have sex with them, and the sex is great. Many Lovefraud readers have been amazed at the sociopath’s sexual appetite and prowess.
Therefore, sociopaths hijack our brain through our feelings of love and the bonds of sex. In their seductions, they turn the natural psychological and chemical functions of our brains against us.
Ugh!She has left now. she gave her a cheque for Ă‚ÂŁ3,000 to buy a car! (I am fighting to hold on to my house and in the position to do cake and balloons only, which is fine…) I just feel like puking. I hope you dont mind me venting this on here.
blueskies
thats sounds like a stressful situation. can you make a time deal with your mom? tell her she has an hour or something like that? i have no idea what works with her, but a time limit may give you some breathing space knowing how long you have sit it through.
good luck!!!
blueskies
im just reading now she has already left. thank god. maybe trying to really feel what you feel for a moment ( i know, im practising these things myself too) take some time for that and then talk to your daughter about what money is worth ( maybe setting it aside for college instead of a car). in any case you knew what to expect from your mom and she did exactly that didnt she? so you can be assured about that and move into beter thoughts about your own life today! this is so much easier said than done i know…..
ps i forgot is your daughter ‘ normal’? so no s?
thornbud
you sum up my thoughts about my ex very well too. i still cannot believe that it works that way for them. i will never understand it. ive seen it played out in front of me a zillion times but my brain just wont except it……
knowing they will easily continue their philandering just in the same way feels unacceptable. its therefore necessary to think about yourself first and foremost….goodluck..
on a sidenote to everyone: i dreamt this night over and over again that someone on lovefraud found out the name of my ex and put it on the blogs and i got soooo scared but couldnt delete it!!! how crazy is that..
Dear Blueskies,
Oh, sweetie, they use money or whatever to get it where you are the “bad guy” if you don’t allow them, and you are the “bad guy” to yourself if you do. The own DOUBLE WHAMMY. Your mom KNEW YOU DIDN’T WANT HER THERE AND SHE ONLY USED YOUR DAUGHTER TO TAKE CONTROL because she knew you wouldn’t throw a fit and throw her out. If she had really wanted to celebrate and not harass, she would have picked your daughter up and taken her somewhere else NOT YOUR HOUSE.
I am disappointed in your daughter, but not suprised, that is a great temptation for your daughter for the gifts. The thing your daughter will eventually understand is that they are NOT GIFTS but down payments on control and that she will have to pay them back by being controlled.
I’ve been caught up in so many of those situations where if you “raise a rucus” at their manipulation you end up being the “bad guy” but I am now at a stage where I will SET LIMITS and BOUNDARIES in my own home. You may not be able to keep your daughter from seeing your egg donor, but by golly, you CAN set limits that it is NOT in your home. Her “gifts” to your daughter were simply for control of the girl, and to make you “lookk bad”—and that’s the kind of thing kids fall for, for a WHILE, but in the end I think your daughter will see the STRINGS attached. ((((hugs)))) sorry you had such a bad day! Love Oxy
Oxy, thanks:)x I said to my daughter, the exact same words, that I was pleased she could now buy a car but that it was not a gift but a down payment on control ( mother actually handed over the cheque and said”but only if you promise to call me more”. grrrrr this after swearing she was ‘cutting her off’ to me a few weeks ago, which was why I booted her out of my house, the straw that broke the camels back with regard to NC finally beginning, long after due – its all just push pull madness with them…), I am also disappointed that she didnt arrange to meet her elsewhere, she knows whats going on here:( I need to really get these boundaries set in stone with my daughter. Anyway, I was calm, I had no contact and it’s NOT happening again.:)xx I will get on with my day and think about what I need to do to strengthen my little family against this kind of cr**p. Which is what it is start to finnish. ‘we love, you we hate you, your good, your bad, were showering you with attention, were ignoring you, we’re cutting you off, were giving you over the top gifts.’ Aaaargh!! Thanks for being there LF:)x
ML , Yes absolutely, I know what to expect and she will do exactly that:)x Like you say and like Oxy always says, if you can take these things as little learning opportunities instead of jumping back in to upset and confusion then you can turn it into a positive:)
No I dont think my daughter is an S/P, I think she is a bit of a selfish teenager, a little emotionally underdeveloped and whimsicle. I know what you mean though… teens are difficult to asses sometimes, self centred bunch that they are! :)xx Thanks for the support AGAIN everyone.:)
P.S My family use their wealth as a means of control ONLY, a way to attempt turn people into dogs jumping for snosages!
Hi… to all of you… I am new here and so happy to have found you. I especially found the experience of ” learn the lesson… so much like my boyfriend.. and my relationship.
I have been with him for 5 years…. sorry to admit.. !
In fact he would say.. anything that I wanted to hear..and promise all the most wondering things to me.. including lets go
ring shopping…. lets get married…. I was the only women for him. when he did not come through.. he would always say.
I’ll be better. or he would say… tommorow…
He would always paint a glowing picture of our lives together.
when I questioned him..or doubted. he would say… Are you crazy !! He would say.. I made him the happest man on earth.
I was the best cook. I made him feel human.
I have to tell you.. he broke most every big promise he made to me….. he build our relationship on fantasies.
He would say.. he loved everything about me !!
When he really upset me.. when he lied and I caught him.
I would go berserk…. and now he blames me… if he tells me a lie and gets caught.. cause I get so upset…. I am mean to him.!. and he does not like me to be mean to him….!
he actually thinks he is being nice to me saying all nice things even if he knows he will not follow through.. If I dont like that and confront him… I am being mean to him…
well… anyway… I told him never to call me again..
My whole head is foggy…. its alot to understand…. how this all happened…. my friends knew… I would not listen to any of them… cause I was so deeply in love with this man.
I did so much for him… only all of you would believe it.
I did it for us… not just for him… how ever.. he is sitting pretty and now.. I am left alone.. with out help from him..
I think he has another girlfriend.. that he denies.. completely.
but I caught him lying about where he was on Saturday night.
He was texting me all night. so.. thats why I beleived him.
cause his home is near my home. and he said he was home.
I could see he was not… he was on the phone with me.
and said he was at home working.. and I said… I will be right over… I went to his house.. his son answered the door and said.. he did not know where his dad was…. then my boyfriend said… he was working in Miami… and he knows I hate that.. so thats why he lied. I am done.. with him.
I have said this in the past… but this time.. I have to stick with it.. and now that I found this blog.. I am so empowered.
I never knew a women who had a boyfriend.. like this.. !!
I guess my question… is why would a man need so much love and not have any to give back… and then why would he need to be loved… this much… and want to hold on to this relationship…. !! I dont want to talk to him.. cause I am so afraid… he could convince me.. to stick with self destructive fantasy verses a tough and very painful reality.
I now have a nice women friend to go out with and do things with.. before I did not… I think this will make a difference.. and I think that is why he felt he lost a hold on me…. and its true.
he thinks he is smarter than any one else…. and he thinks he can win me over again.. and again.. and again… !!
he texts me all the time… and I have to add… no matter what bad things I say to him. it does not matter to him.
it has no effect on him… and i have never seen him angry!
He has no emotion.. that is real. but follows my clue..
I think I finally have a handle on this…. man,
he is a part of my family.. but I am not a part of his.
He has no friends.. never did.. according to him..
I know all red flags.. I saw them.. but the chemistry was so amazing.. I just went forward.. to the land of the fantasy with him.
I am just not answering any text.. or calls from him.
I am treating this like an addiction.. and I know just few words from him…. I will be smoking again….
what do you think ?
Healing the Heart:
Welcome to Lovefraud. What you are describing is typical sociopathic behavior. The articles in the archives address much of what you’ve experienced – it would probably help you to read them.
You can recover. Give yourself time and permission to heal.