Ever since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been trying to understand and explain the mysteries of love and sex. Over the past few decades, scientists started using specialized equipment to measure physical arousal by attaching devices to private parts. More recently, they’ve been observing the most important romantic organ in the human body—the brain.
Forbes wrote about the research of Andreas Bartels, Ph.D., at the Imperial College of London. Bartels used a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, which can capture images of brain activity, to pinpoint the areas of the brain that are activated by love.
Bartles did a study of 17 people who were madly in love. He had the test subjects look at photos of platonic friends and of their loved ones while he observed activity in their brains. The resulting images clearly showed that certain sections of the brain are stimulated by love.
The scientist then did another study to observe the brains of mothers looking at their infants. The images showed that exactly the same areas of the brain were stimulated by maternal love, except for an area in the hypothalamus in the base of the brain that seems to be linked to sexual arousal.
The conclusion, therefore, is that specific areas of the brain light up at the prospect of love.
Bartels also noticed something else: When the test subjects were feeling love, certain areas of the brain were turned off. The scans showed that three regions of the brain generally associated with moral judgment go dim.
Chemistry of love
Then there’s the chemistry of love. Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a professor at Rutgers University, has written that three networks in the brain, and their associated neurotransmitters, are associated with love. They are:
- Lust—the craving for sexual gratification, which is linked to testosterone in both men and women.
- Romantic attraction—the elation and yearning of new love, which is linked to the natural stimulants dopamine and norepinephrine, and low activity in serotonin.
- Attachment—the calm emotional union with a long-term partner, which is linked to oxytocin and vasopressin.
Fisher also did a study using fMRI technology. She scanned the brains of 40 men and women who were wildly in love. When these people gazed at photos of their beloved, the scans showed increased activity in the areas of the brain that produce dopamine. This neurochemical is associated with feelings of excessive energy, elation, focused attention and motivation to win rewards.
Dopamine, by the way, is also the neurotransmitter associated with addiction.
Effects of arousal
Research has also proven what we’ve probably all experienced—sexual arousal can make us throw caution to the winds.
In another study using fMRI technology, Dr. Ken Maravilla of the University of Washington found that sexual arousal dims down the parts of the brain that control inhibition and, perhaps, moral judgment.
“These are things that keep you in line, and in arousal they may become less active, allowing you to become more aroused,” Maravilla said, as quoted by Wired Magazine.
In a paper called, The Heat of the Moment: The Effect on Sexual Arousal on Sexual Decision Making, Dan Ariely, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and George Lowenstein, of Carnegie Mellon University, documented that being sexually turned on affected the judgment of college-aged men. (Well, duh ”¦)
Specifically, Ariely and Lowenstein found that, “the increase in motivation to have sex produced by sexual arousal seems to decrease the relative importance of other considerations, such as behaving ethically toward a potential sexual partner or protecting oneself against unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease.”
But another of their findings was, “people seem to have only limited insight into the impact of sexual arousal on their own judgments and behavior.” In other words, most of us don’t appreciate how strong the sex urges are, and how they can make us do things that perhaps we shouldn’t be doing.
Sociopathic seduction
So let’s look at all this information in the context of our relationships with sociopaths.
Two of the main strategies that sociopaths use to snare us are love and sex. They emphatically proclaim their love and consciously seduce us into having sex. So what happens?
- Love causes specific areas of the brain light up, and at the same time, areas associated with morals and judgment go dim.
- The areas of the brain that produce dopamine become active, and dopamine is related to addiction.
- Sexual arousal dims the parts of the brain responsible for inhibition and judgment that might prevent us from making bad choices.
- We don’t recognize the impact that sexual urges have on our judgment and behavior.
Dr. Helen Fisher writes that the three primary brain systems associated with love evolved over the ages to play different roles in courtship, mating, reproduction and parenting. They are Nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the human species.
Sociopaths convincingly proclaim their enduring love and their sexual desire for us. Not realizing the pervasive deceit of these predators, we believe that they love us. We have sex with them, and the sex is great. Many Lovefraud readers have been amazed at the sociopath’s sexual appetite and prowess.
Therefore, sociopaths hijack our brain through our feelings of love and the bonds of sex. In their seductions, they turn the natural psychological and chemical functions of our brains against us.
Escapee
You are right. The tricky thing and thats why they are so good in what they do is they dont make it seem like control. but you are right. i think they lie on a level where i find it hard to be able to communicate with them. it seems impossible to explain to them that theyre lying. to prove it. even though its so blatant. quite crazy making. even to tell them that something he did may not have been against the law per se, it WAS A MORAL ( not moral). But I shoot myself in the foot with that too, cause they dont fathom the concept of morals. They think other people ( namely people who have a conscience) are fooling themselves, they truly believe that.
MariaLisa
You are right about the moral question. They like to play the morality card if it’s to get their own way on something but don’t actually put any emphasis on it as a framework for living and how they treat and view others.
Once you are aware of all the mechanisms or potential mechanisms that they use, they become easier to spot and nail down.
I used to let throw away comments wash over me (ignore them really, I suppose) but now I never do. Sometimes I think that this can make you/me/one a bit paranoid but mostly I think it protects me from these types.
I don’t feel it’s my job to take on the world every time I come up against a potential S/N/P, in passing but at least now I recognise it and remove myself immediately from their presence.
I don’t think they are ‘fooling’ themselves – I just don’t think it comes into their equation. There’s nothing to gain from having a conscience or considering another’s feelings – they may feign this if it means that they can get a ‘need’ met but they don’t really ‘feel’ it on any level – it’s just another mechanism.
These are my thoughts anyway.
escapee
i fully agree with your stance.
only i meany with fooling, that THEY ( meaning the psychopaths) view US ( people with a conscnience) as people who kid temselves with their ( our) moral framework. They laugh about it really. but they USE it to their advantage.
AAAH drives me insane thinking about it. Im gonna read the gaslighting book soon, so that I will spot these leeches from a distance and can do like you: no second thoughts, justr emove yourself out of their presence ( too bad we cannot always cose to do so, but at much as possible)
-one question: our conscience benefits us ultimately cause we can have deeper bonds with others PLUS OURSELVES.
however they never FEEL what they miss and dont SUFFER like us , so arent they better off really? ( i almost dont dare to utter this question cause it goes against justice/spirituality and so forth)
MariaLisa
I think you’ve answered your own question.
THEY go against justice and spirituality – ALSO – against HONESTY, DECENCY AND RESPECT.
Maybe in their twisted heads they do think they are better off but if you take a look at their relationships – with parents, siblings, their own children – I don’t think they get the joy that normal people do from these.
The sicko S that I was involved with virtually ALWAYS slagged off his eldest son on every level. His favourite phrase about his adult son was “is it too late for an abortion” – NICE EH? But I watched him manipulate his son. He’d be all ‘pally’ with him one minute and attacking and criticising him the next. The boy found it hard to hold down a job and that’s no surprise – having him as father – I know I was walking on eggshells and how dimished my self-esteem was after 4 years with the creep – what hope does any child have if that’s what they’ve endured – how confusing must it be? I witnessed him telling his son that he’d help him to get set up in a business but eventually the lad declined the offer. I know why……… because the price he’d pay for his ‘supposed’ help – he’d never have heard the end of it and god knows what would happen if he’d failed. No wonder the boy was riddled with psoriasis – all that stress.
So in answer to your question – maybe they don’t ‘suffer’ but they never know the true joy of a balanced, supportive and happy relationship with their children or anyone else for that matter because they are always in contention. I don’t think that they ever have any real peace. … Good! They don’t deserve it! Quite bitter today. Forgive……..
hah! peace, they DREAD it, peace is BORING to them. their needs are simple, and their needs are met most of the time. they just lie en manipulate their heads off to get their simple needs met. they are having a ball.
our needs: caring loving bonds with other people are harder to achieve because they mess up the world and people’s trust so much.
mmm im starting to sound bitter. but hey its how it feels. only relief is that things are as they are and at the end of the day they ( the psychopaths) arent any of my business anymore as i chose to be on a different path cause its the path that suits me and THANKFULLY the majority of people.
MariaLisa
Please don’t let my comments make you bitter – I’m fluctuating today from ok to ‘nasty’ minded about the S because I didn’t sleep well last night. Fatigue and lonliness – two enemies to be avoided – I find when I’m tired I feel more lonely, probably because I feel less able to do all my physical stuff that keeps my mind straight and stops it wandering back to all the hurt. Sorry – nice to hear you have an optimistic outlook about the human race and that the MAJORITY of people are not ‘sickos’ – keep it going girl, you’re doin’ well.
All love.
again: true!
exhaustion is our enemy!
dont even THINK when your tired, take care of yourself first and foremost. very difficult when your mind is spiralling down.its the only time you need to tell yourself to not feel for a little while.
thanks!!!
xxx
ML –
-one question: our conscience benefits us ultimately cause we can have deeper bonds with others PLUS OURSELVES.
however they never FEEL what they miss and dont SUFFER like us , so arent they better off really? ( i almost dont dare to utter this question cause it goes against justice/spirituality and so forth)
They might not feel what they miss, but they feel the space it leaves i think. That big deep darkness, thats why they have to be constantly moving through people… sucking out what they ‘need’, love, success, adoration, money, sex… it all just falls into the pit and they are never satiated. i am sure they will all tell you how living in CONSTANT STARVATION no matter how much ( or WHO much) you consume is a far superior way to function to the way us ‘plebs’ do … doesnt sound like it to me. This is not a case of ‘ignorance is bliss’.
that’s my two pennith worth:)
blueskies
yep i thought that too. and in a sense that is the case. they are insatiable. BUT because most of them are so succesful for so long in filling the empty vessel that they are, they are in that time space as fulfilled as we ( if you look at it very matter of facty). BUT mostly there will be a time when they are older filling their needs however superficial ( food, audience, sex, moeny etc)will become increasingly hard.
its definitely a time i hope my ex will start drinking again cause its the only way i see him ending up in prison (again!! oh yes, my angel ex, the one with alll the morals and beliefs and altruisim was in fact in prison). if he wont start drinking hell manipulate his way out of everything. and when he drinks, he will just blame the drinking but fortunately american cops are a bit stricter than european cops in this respect. and prison for him means less innocent victims and destruction and therefore a more peaceful planet. he’s been sober for 4 years now, i wont get my hopes up and better focus on my own path….im drifting off blueskies, hopefully you understood what i meant to say here when i started this post…
new lilly,
Your question, ” why would a man need so much love and not have any to give back?” is easy to answer. These people do not have the capacity to love anyone, it is missing from their psyche unless they are true narcissists (like mine) and then they do have the capacity to love themselves, I think.
wow, your answer really stuck me… because my S did not love himself..,.. he never bought himself any new clothes or shoes..nothing… even drives an old car, and he will not even turn on the A/C. If I did not cook for him… he would open a can of beans and rice. He never went on vacation.
He was addicted to exercise… tennis and biking and swimming. other than that.. nothing more for himself.
I guess that is what hooked me also… his humble self.. and so sad… and worked so many hours..! and he appreciated me in words.!!! every day… however never in all the promises
he made to me.. to SHOW his appreciation.
Does this all sound familar to any of you?