May, 2008 I brought to your attention the tragic case of Dr. Amy Castillo, a pediatrician who lost her court fight to protect her children from their psychopathic father. Unfortunately, I have to inform you that another two children have been lost and another mother named Amy is left asking how we let her down. Yes I said we let her down. The judge who allowed the children’s father, Michael Connolly to have unsupervised visitation was representing all of us.
We have to put our heads together and figure out how to change the system. Children need and deserve protection from sociopaths. Mothers and fathers like Amy made a mistake in marriage and love, that shouldn’t mean the children conceived should pay the ultimate price!
According to the Chicago Tribune Connolly, like Dr. Castillo’s ex-husband told people he would kill the children. “In court documents dating back to 2005, she (Amy) detailed her estranged husband’s threats against her family and fought unsuccessfully to keep him from having unsupervised visits with their two sons. Michael Connolly violated the orders of protection against him six times, police records said, and he often vowed to kill himself rather than be separated from the boys.”
Now I often tell people not to believe sociopaths. Here is the official Lovefraud exception to that rule: If a sociopath says he/she is going to kill someone, believe him/her.
I ask that everyone reading this blog write their lawmakers and submit editorials to newspapers about the need to protect children. Not just physically but emotionally too. I also welcome your ideas about what we as a community should do.
One other thing, let’s get the word out that family members have to stop covering for sociopaths and enabling them. Don’t let pity cloud judgment, and stand in the way of safety. The Tribune quotes Connolly’s aunt as saying, “I feel sorry for Michael”¦I know that sounds terrible, but he must have been so tormented.”
(Thank you to Rune, who brought this story to my attention)
Liane: I am crying as I write. What can we even say? If Amy should come here seeking answers, what can we say to her? She did everything she knew. The system ran along, ignoring every sign until the unspeakable happened.
These disordered people are not just crazy, they can easily be DEADLY crazy. They destroy those around them. When we are tempted to explain away, and bargain, and wonder “Is he/she really so awful?” Crazy is crazy — a disordered person WILL NOT ACT LIKE THEY ARE “SUPPOSED TO,” and wishing and hoping they will come to their senses only leads to tragedy.
We have so many tragedies in our stories here on LF — broken hearts, broken dreams, and children in peril. Every one of us who is still hoping it can be better with the S/P is still imagining that they are NOT crazy.
If from our romances with psychopaths we have had children, we should etch this story in our brains. Children who are being parented by a psychopath are in peril. Psychopaths create trauma and danger for those around, and children are the most vulnerable. Some psychopathic parents destroy their children by poisoning their minds and hearts against the other parent and against what is good. And too many present this ultimate, irretrievable danger.
This tragedy was preventable. All the signs were there FOR YEARS!
We can stand up for ourselves as we stand up for the children and do our best to make people aware of this disorder and the dangers that these people present.
I remember Amy Castillo’s story from last year and how VERY ANGRY it made me, how powerless and ENRAGED I was and I can’t even begin to imagine how traumatized Dr. Castillo was by what happened.
I called then for the judge to be disbarred, jailed even.
I am so sorry that this has happened to another Amy, and I am sure she is NOT the only one it has happened to in that time frame, we just don’t know about the others. Plus, all the lesser abuse than murder is of course rampant and we KNOW that.
The “solution” is….WHAT?
How to stop people from ENABLING these predators, these disordered people from hurting others? I wish I knew. The woman who gave me birth is STILL ENABLING my own son who has already killed once, and THERE IS NO DOUBT that he tried to have me killed, and I do not doubt that he would have also killed, or had killed, his brothers AND the very woman who enables him.
I saw a show on television a couple of days ago, “48 Hours Mystery” about Christopher Porco, convicted of killing his father with an ax as the man lay sleeping and severely hacking his mother in an attempt to kill her as well, to inherit their life insurance. He showed all the marks of a psycho/sociopath and even the police actually USED THIS WORD about him. Though he had NOT been violent previous to this attack, to one who knows the patterns of psychopaths, he had the pattern of escalating behavior, stealing from his parents, pathological lying to agrandize himself as a “rich” kid to his frat brothers, and rage at his father for not “bailing him out” from his crimes and enabling him further.
I share your frustration, Liane, and the sadness for the pain and horror that psychopaths at all levels inflict on their victims. I wish I knew the answer to how to educate judges, courts, police, and social workers to the potential dangers of these monsters….thanks for another reminder of just h ow lethal these people ARE.
I was equally as affected by Rosalyns story. I held my children a little extra special and longer the first night I read her story. And it wasnt so much the story although it was obviously a big part of it — it was the inability in todays world for the precious child or her family, friends, community to not be able to do a damn thing about it. Now Amy’s story. Now more love and hugs to my kids and more prayer for answers and action for the innocent kids who are at the mercy of physically and emotionally abusive mentally-ill parents.
So its a failed system from awareness to finding refuge to prosecuting — all the whille the innocent children suffer in our country as much as if not worse than in third world nations whose children suffer from poverty and hunger. The only difference is theirs is in the public eye and so many of our children suffer in silence.
Who can help get these monsters away from the children? Who can mandate something needs to be done? Who can provide an outlet for these kids? Who can take a stand, who can be held responsible in their jobs as one of their job requirements — where does, where can change begin to take place? IMHO — where the children spend 6 – 8 hours a day (children who are not homeschooled). There needs to be SOME KIND OF FILTERING SYSTEM…. How many times has a school official witnessed it — a toxic parent, verbally and physically. How many teachers feel there hands are tied? Yet they should be required by law to mandate an investigation and the child be removed from the home.
PEDIATRICIANS — How many know… suspect… but dont get involved.
COACHES — DITTO.
FRIENDS — DITTO
FAMILY — DITTO DITTO DITTO
HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOMS – Heres one for you. My daughter injured her leg on the lacrosse field, had to take her to ER for xrays – as they triaged her, with me sitting next to her, the nurse asked her STANDARD questions…. and the nurse ended with ” Im required by law to ask you if you feel abused in any way” – and she also said it in a tone like I know this is a weird question, but I gotta ask it…. I was flabbergasted… I remember thinking my gosh, what if I was an abusive parent – this child wouldnt say a word – BECAUSE I WAS RIGHT THERE BESIDE HER — DUH. And why wouldnt the nurse approach it in a more serious caring safe manner – in case the child was being abused… and needed that nurse to make her feel safe to say — my mom/dad gave me this injury at home!! NOTHING IS IN PLACE FOR ANY VICTIMIZED CHILDREN. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING.
Children should have more rights than they do. Young chidren should be exposed to education regarding parental abuse. AND our country has to step up and stand up and advocate for CHANGE.
The disappointments of the ways of the world keep piling on every single day. It is not insights that can create change it is action. Where to begin.
…everyone reading this blog should write their lawmakers and submit editorials to newspapers about the need to protect children from abuse and mental illness. Not just physically but emotionally too.
If anyone doesn’t know how to write these letters to lawmakers and government officials, here something you can start with:
“As a citizen and taxpayer who has experienced and witnessed too much evidence of the failure of government programs to protect our children and to support their wellbeing, I want more legislative and government support of this crucial issue.”
Liane is encouraging us to fight for more awareness of dangerous parents in custody hearings, and more legal education in the dangers presented by N/S/P individuals.
In addition to writing newspapers and lawmakers, we can write the American Bar Association or call them ask to speak with someone who knows about continuing education for lawyers. Maybe Liane can give us some advice about that.
As a professional PR person, I believe that we have more power with a united front. That is, if we begin to link ourselves under the banner of some association. One person speaking up is good, an expression of personal concern. One person representing 100 others is better.
We don’t have to get complicated about this. We don’t want our children or anyone else’s placed in the hands of sociopaths. That’s pretty simple. We don’t want courts awarding custody, even unsupervised visitation, to sociopaths. The repercussions on the child, and ultimately on society at large, are too awful.
If anyone else has any ideas about how to communicate what we really want to say, this might be a good place to brainstorm them.
Kathleen,
I totally agree with everything you say! Part of the problem, besides lack of education of professionals, is that some of the darned Ps are so good at masking their intentions. The old “it takes two to fight” crap, too, and that a “child is always better off with TWO parents” and other things that are NOT ALWAYS TRUE is part of the “politically correct” culture that seems to be held on to as TRUTH even when it isn”t. Or, People don’t want to make a Solomon-like decison so they just “punt” to the politically correct “fairness to everyone.” (theory) of course, it isn’t fair to the kids, but they “did the best they could” (they tell themselves.)
Okay, Oxy, thanks for the contribution to the brainstorming.
So what do we want? What would we ask for, if we knew we could not fail. (There are no wrong answers in brainstorming. It’s just collecting ideas.)
BTW, I found a really great list of things to watch out for at http://holywatersalt.blogspot.com/search/label/identification. It’s down at the bottom of the first article under the heading “A Simple List.”
Maybe we could develop a list like that to help people identify sociopaths.
I think that if we are going to write letters to our congressmen, governors, etc. we need to:
1) We need copies of the newspaper articles (xerox copies) to enclose with the letters to people.
2) we need to develop a “form letter” that we can all copy off and send
3) we need to access a link with the addresses and proper ways to address these letters “The Honorable Judge Whoever” etc. to make it easy for people to print these off, sign them and send them.
4) etc.
Since you are the PR person and SUCH A GREAT WORD SMITH, I nominate you to write the letter. LOL How is that for Delegation! ha ha
We can also give copies of these letters to others to send as well so that each of us can get 10 other people to send these letters in their names as well to the congressmen and senators, etc. Maybe the Attorney General of each state as well.
We could have a list so that we made sure that each AG in each state got at least several letters, and all the congressmen and women got at least one, and maybe more letters with copies of the articles. If anyone KNOWS a congressman or woman personally they could call them, ditto the AGs, governors and so on.
I am not sure how many people actually participate here on LF, but hopefully all the people here who are active readers might be willing to help.
Also, I know some groups that might also take up that cause, and we might also recruit church groups or other groups to also partcipate in sending out the letters. The more the better. Also, possibly someone with media connections might get an article printed in their local newspaper. Our local paper is VERY small but because of that they will publish anything anyone sends in. I would be glad to send in copies of the two newspaper articles about the two amy’s and their stories and it would most likely get published.
Also letters to editors in newspapers is another good way, and maybe even call your local television station and send them a copy as well. I think if there are 100 of us here who will work on this campaign we could at least get a start, and if we spread the word maybe others would take up the flag as well. I’m in, how about the rest of you?
I’m not writing anything until I get more information about what we want to say. That’s why I’m asking us to brainstorm. My work is synthesizing the input of a lot of people. Building a consensus framework.
So, people, what do you want to say? Or maybe more to the point, what do you want to accomplish?
Oxy’s thinking through the administrative stuff, and she could use a hand in that too.
I’m trying to figure out what we want out of this, and I need a hand too. If I know what you want and what’s important to you, I can craft something.
Imagine this, we’re all sitting around together in a room with coffee and tea, cookies and fruit. I’m standing at a whiteboard on the wall, writing things down as you speak up. What would you like to see changed?
And again, don’t worry about it being practical or even making sense. There are no wrong answers here. I’ll synthesize it into something that works when I have enough input.
An awareness to the community family teachers pediatricians that in order to successfully prosecute these people they need to take a pro active role in documenting, providing, taking pictures, record conversations. Take the time to help build the case, dont wait until some huge final blowup occurs and go to court with just one day to try to pursuade a judge to cast guilt beyond a shadow of a doubt from one horrific event. HAVE CONCRETE EVIDENCE, NOT HERESAY. Wives and mothers especially have to be diligent with careful yet direct means to gather evidence.
A new law in place Amys Law — first time offenders – put away for life.
Provide/include list of sociopathic traits/behaviors
Educational classes provided to judges so they can learn to differentiate these people as they stand before them as the plaintiff..
Input of children…childrens voices heard… no more “protecting them” the way the laws are in place from years ago — its harming them by not being able to be encouraged to step up and speak for themselves.
Admission of prior history of violence, DUIs, anything along criminal records to me able to be admissible when involving custody hearings. Often so much is inadmissble when in fact it adds to the overall history of the Sociopath….
More to follow…
Dr Leedom
Im not a US resident, but do testing on parents for custody/access for court. Testing for personality disorders is done on every parent, always, and if one is disordered, and the other isnt, they have a slim chance of getting custody.
What is more common is that both have a disorder, usually different, and then the court has to decide who is better. Not easy for the judge, as they are not doctors.
It comes down to the arguments of the opposing psychologists. I can tell you that after my experience with an N, Id do anything to keep a child away from that stuff.