May, 2008 I brought to your attention the tragic case of Dr. Amy Castillo, a pediatrician who lost her court fight to protect her children from their psychopathic father. Unfortunately, I have to inform you that another two children have been lost and another mother named Amy is left asking how we let her down. Yes I said we let her down. The judge who allowed the children’s father, Michael Connolly to have unsupervised visitation was representing all of us.
We have to put our heads together and figure out how to change the system. Children need and deserve protection from sociopaths. Mothers and fathers like Amy made a mistake in marriage and love, that shouldn’t mean the children conceived should pay the ultimate price!
According to the Chicago Tribune Connolly, like Dr. Castillo’s ex-husband told people he would kill the children. “In court documents dating back to 2005, she (Amy) detailed her estranged husband’s threats against her family and fought unsuccessfully to keep him from having unsupervised visits with their two sons. Michael Connolly violated the orders of protection against him six times, police records said, and he often vowed to kill himself rather than be separated from the boys.”
Now I often tell people not to believe sociopaths. Here is the official Lovefraud exception to that rule: If a sociopath says he/she is going to kill someone, believe him/her.
I ask that everyone reading this blog write their lawmakers and submit editorials to newspapers about the need to protect children. Not just physically but emotionally too. I also welcome your ideas about what we as a community should do.
One other thing, let’s get the word out that family members have to stop covering for sociopaths and enabling them. Don’t let pity cloud judgment, and stand in the way of safety. The Tribune quotes Connolly’s aunt as saying, “I feel sorry for Michael”¦I know that sounds terrible, but he must have been so tormented.”
(Thank you to Rune, who brought this story to my attention)
Ox Drover
WHERE IS MATT? Matt, if you are out there REPORT IN NOW!!! Don’t make me get my skillet after you, boy-o!!! This ought to be right down your alley, you legal eagle, you!!!
Leah, GREAT IDEA!!!! Thanks for attributing it to me, but you know, I have NO MEMORY of suggesting it! CRS! Besides, I th inkk I have passed my “millionth word” on LF, and Kathleen is fast catching up to me with her long posts (almost as long as mine usually are! LOL)
Leah
Kathleen,
Sure, actually there is much more I’d like to say on education. However, I have a lot on my plate. So conversing here is catch as catch can for me when I can find bits of time. I do have some thoughts on custody also but need to wait until I have a larger time block.
Oxdrover,
Yes, I too have begun wondering and truthfully worrying about Matt. He’s had a double whammy, which has me a bit concerned. Hopefully he is just busy with the job search.
Happy Friday to all.
Kathleen Hawk
Me too. It’s been days now, and I miss him. I wish one of us could call him up, and ask how things are going.
stillsortingitout
Kathleen,
What a wonderful and long-overdue project you’re so graciously taking on! Thank you!
I had to deal with the courts practicing “Solomon-like” rule in my child custody case with my S-ex husband. My youngest had been physically abused by him. She was 7 at the time of the final custody plan and screamed horrifically every time he had to physically place her into his vehicle for “his week”. My oldest has turned into a carbon-copy of him.
No one in the court sytem listened. I was labeled as “histrionic” because of my panic-stricken helplessness. Yes, education is important, but I worry that we run the risk of boring court officials with long detailed psychological definitions when they most likely aren’t going to be too motivated to read what we send accross their desks.
Could I suggest something shocking, striking and possibly a little guilt-inducing as a first volley? I think it would be most important to get a judge and/or court-appointed “mediator” to be willing to see our cause as something they SHOULD care about. Otherwise we end up in the circular file along with all the other solicitations that show up in their in-box.
Pictures of children who are now dead due to a misguided or lazy court ruling would be ideal. Greiving parents. Headlines under the picture with a court case file number then : ” Judge XYZ rules for ——– (unsupervised visitation, joint custody, fill in the blank). Documented proof of ——— (abuse, threats, psychosis, prior violence, fill in the blank) was presented in court. This is the outcome”.
Something along those lines. Then a link to finding out more information, that’s where definitions of psych disorders, long, extensive lists of similar cases, etc. could be found. Or any other way of giving out additional information once they’re interested.
I think it’s important, though, to reach these people in a visceral way first and provide just enough information initially to let them think they NEED additional education about this.
Leah
To follow up on Oxdrover’s wise suggestion on finding other groups with similar interests and goals, here is one more: http://www.loveisnotabuse.com/index.html
I’m glad to see Liz Claybourne take this one. Their educational material takes the enlightened view that abuse includes verbal and emotional – not just physical – attacks. It’s worth checking out.
This is worth checking out too: http://www.ndvh.org/million-voices-campaign/ Their million voices campaign looks valuable.
On an unrelated note, would it be appropriate for Matt to be emailed? Ordinarily, I would not advocate that but I’m concerned because it was such a sudden drop from prolific posting to silence. He’s had some serious blows in rapid succession.
Ox Drover
Dear stillsortingit out, GREAT POINT!!!!
Leah, good links, thanks so much!!!!
Leah
Okay, disregard the worry about Matt. He is back. Welcome back, Matt.
hesajjjrk
There’s so much on this blog sometimes its so hard to take it all in. The issue of a custodial parent being forced to allow their child(children) to be associated in any way with a sociopath non-custodial parent because of (an incompetent and unaware) judge’s order is critical enough that the custodial parent needs to use their own common sense about it. Don’t allow people who refuse to listen to you and take into account the best interest of your children make decisions for you. You know what’s best for the long term well-being of your child(children). Don’t ever allow the non-applicable term of “parent alienation” ever figure into the relationship between a sociopath parent and your children. Protect your children from harms way, it will pay off for their future well-being.
Donna Andersen
Here’s another case – Another example of child protective services in action.
State had certified dead boy’s home as safe
http://www.philly.com/philly/news/homepage/42311777.html
More on the case:
After this beating, Camden boy dies
http://www.philly.com/philly/hp/news_update/42248487.html
Camden man hid beatings
http://www.philly.com/philly/news/local/42375117.html
Reporters did contact other organizations involved with child protection.
National Coalition for Child Protection reform
http://www.nccpr.org/
Association for Children of New Jersey
http://www.acnj.org/home.asp?uri=1000&frst=1000
kindheart48
i am sickened by this and i m wondering why i don’t hear more of this in Canada. Are the laws maybe different here . I know that Childrens Aid Services are exactly like the Policeforce here. I have a girl that i just picked up yest from detox and she’s not abusive only to herself and CAS is involved and she has to have supervised visitation with her younger daugher but i’m not sure how well they screen the people who supervise it as the guy she is or should be staying away from has been supervising(not their father but sick and very jealous and needy). I m sitting here questioning our system and how well they screen these people who supervise the visits. Horrible for these poor mothers, my mind can’t even imagine the pain they are in. love kindheart