May, 2008 I brought to your attention the tragic case of Dr. Amy Castillo, a pediatrician who lost her court fight to protect her children from their psychopathic father. Unfortunately, I have to inform you that another two children have been lost and another mother named Amy is left asking how we let her down. Yes I said we let her down. The judge who allowed the children’s father, Michael Connolly to have unsupervised visitation was representing all of us.
We have to put our heads together and figure out how to change the system. Children need and deserve protection from sociopaths. Mothers and fathers like Amy made a mistake in marriage and love, that shouldn’t mean the children conceived should pay the ultimate price!
According to the Chicago Tribune Connolly, like Dr. Castillo’s ex-husband told people he would kill the children. “In court documents dating back to 2005, she (Amy) detailed her estranged husband’s threats against her family and fought unsuccessfully to keep him from having unsupervised visits with their two sons. Michael Connolly violated the orders of protection against him six times, police records said, and he often vowed to kill himself rather than be separated from the boys.”
Now I often tell people not to believe sociopaths. Here is the official Lovefraud exception to that rule: If a sociopath says he/she is going to kill someone, believe him/her.
I ask that everyone reading this blog write their lawmakers and submit editorials to newspapers about the need to protect children. Not just physically but emotionally too. I also welcome your ideas about what we as a community should do.
One other thing, let’s get the word out that family members have to stop covering for sociopaths and enabling them. Don’t let pity cloud judgment, and stand in the way of safety. The Tribune quotes Connolly’s aunt as saying, “I feel sorry for Michael”¦I know that sounds terrible, but he must have been so tormented.”
(Thank you to Rune, who brought this story to my attention)
Here is a link to an article written by a person who is both an attorney and a social worker. While the article is not specific about psychopaths it is about Axis II disorders and the courts.:
How Personality Disorders Drive Family Court Litigation
http://www.eddylaw.com/articles/vol2_no1_art4.htm
And something to consider about Childrens Services. In my State and a few others that I know of they are setup and oriented in a way that causes problems. They are about keeping the family together rather than apart. Because of this you see kids bounced in and out of abusive homes as the attempt to keep the family together. Until they change that, things will not improve much.
And as, I think sos talked about, there are millions of cases that go through CPS. Journalists and the media do not report on the good stories they only feed us a diet of the sensational and awful stories. And while one abused person is one to many, there are numerous success stories as well that are never talked about.
OT, but I always thought a “Nothing But Good News!” news website would have a future.
But as it relates to LF, the inspirational success stories have always balanced out the sensational awfulness of sociopathy.
Closer to the topic, success stories that would facilitate creation of an “Amy’s Law”… as in similar or related legal precedents?
We need a CPS insider. An insightful somebody who’s experienced and S-perienced. I can talk all day about ’corporate dirty insider politics that gives rise to sociopathic friendly cultures’, but I’m clueless about what else (besides ignorance) is really limiting having better sociopathic parent laws.
I would like to follow up SOS’s comment with a story that is alternately heartbreaking and hopeful.
Many years ago I met a nine year old girl who ended up in the system when she told her teacher that her father was “trying to get her pregnant.” Shortly after she and her brother went to foster care, her mother got pregant. I don’t remember if this was before the father went to jail or after he got out. In any case, at first the mother said that the pregancy was the result of a one-night stand but then admitted that she had slept with the man who had repeatedly raped her daughter. Needless to say, this little girl had massive betrayal and trauma from both parents to deal with – not to mention dealing with police and legal issues and transitioning to foster care.
However, she was protected from her parents. Her wishes to never see either again were respected. She did not face the risk of slipping through the cracks of the system because my father would not have allowed it. I met her because she was one of my dad’s “CASA kids.” For a number of years (prior to declining health), he volunteered as a court appointed special advocate, acting as the voice of various abused children in court, helping them navigate the system, and staying in touch with them to ensure their well being. The little girl was placed with a wonderful, caring foster mother who treated her like her own daughter. In fact, the little girl referred to her foster sister as simply her sister.
The CASA program (see http://www.nationalcasa.org/) not only benefitted the kids who were fortunate enough to be matched with an advocate. Through his participation, I saw a lot of personal growth in my father as he had to stretch beyond himself in so many ways.
For those who would like to make an immediate difference in the lives of abused children, the CASA program may be worth considering. I agree that more needs to be done to address the larger problems in the system, but I think the tag line of a different charity applies well to the CASA program: To the world you may be just one person. But to one person, you may be the world.
SOS,
There are two “Nothing But Good News”websites.
Good News Network: http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/
and Ode Magazine for Intelligent Optimists: http://www.odemagazine.com/
They’re a nice antidote to all the if-it-bleeds-it-leads headlines with which we are bombarded.
SOS,
One of the problems is described in the article I posted earlier and in this one http://www.eddylaw.com/articles/vol3_no2_art4.htm (this one has some suggestions and what can be done to help fix it)
That one talks about lying in family court. One part states:
Family Courts see everything: from small deceptions about income to the complete fabrication of abuse. The increase in lying seems to correspond with the rising number of people with personality disorders, as I described in my Spring 1998 newsletter. They often have internal distress, less empathy for others, a highly adversarial world view, an intense and manipulative nature, and a sense of victimization which they use to justify harming others.
So it often becomes very hard to know who is telling the truth or what the truth really is.
Kindheart,
You mentioned Canada, hear is a case from Canada:
http://www.cbc.ca/canada/newfoundland-labrador/story/2006/10/04/turner-report.html
Here are 3 more articles in regards to this story
http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2009/03/michael-jack-duncan-connolly-putnam-mclean-county-autopsy-death-amy-leichtenberg.html
http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2009/04/mom-of-dead-boys-wants-dads-name-removed.html?obref=outbrain
Supposedly there is going to be an inquiry-
http://www.altondailynews.com/afullstory.cfm?newsfile=2009-04-05-15_State%20Lawmakers%20Blast%20Judge&start=1
At one of the divorce hearings for me, the s’s atty was pushing for unsupervised visitation…my atty wasn’t fighting hard enough against it (I swear, for people who spend their whole day dealing with s’s, p’s, and n’s truly haven’t a clue). I told him that I was not going to comply if the judge ordered it. Period. Might as well have me arrested then and there. The idiot had no job, no source of income, no perm address, no carseat, no crib (baby was under 1yr old), and no prospects and was out on bond on child rape- what was he going to DO with them? DUH? His mother was bankrolling the court proceedings, among other things. She was all for this unemployed, long and varied criminal having unsupervised time with her grandchildren because, and I quote, “He wouldn’t hurt anyone.” Nevermind that he threatened to kill their mother (me) and run off with the boys to silence my daughter from revealing his abuse of her.
Ugh- enablers. I think that is a HUGE piece of the “defeat the socio” formula- getting enablers to see through the fog. He would have been off to jail for 50yrs in 120 days with his public defender if it hadn’t been for mommy. (He took a 7yr deal.) To this day, even though he pleaded GUILTY, she still claims he’s innocent and wrongly imprisoned. How do you get through to that without the use of a baseball bat? I still don’t think she’d believe it, but I might feel better. I actually have more anger for her than him these days. Go figure. I understand that to admit her son is a monster, she has to admit her failings as a mother (she’s a lousy mother- her other kid is worthless too- just not as anti-social. The irony is that the other kid is her natural kid, the monster was adopted. She’s a walking petri dish of nature vs nurture.)
Luckily the judge agreed with me and approved my request that the supervised visitation continue. I really didn’t WANT to go to jail for contempt- but I would have. He wasn’t getting his unsupervised hands on my kids over my live or dead body. My mom had strict orders to go to the newspaper, local news, and Nancy Grace…lol.
“Justice” too often seems to go to whoever can pay to sustain the fight the longest and with the most socio of attys one can buy. We were “lucky.” I wasn’t yet out of money and the police and state’s atty’s office HATED him. It had become personal for them (and I was a total nag)- they weren’t going to give up until he was behind bars (neither was I). When he turned himself in, the cop contacted me to let me know how “great” he looked behind bars and how happy she was that she got to see them close the bars on him.
When I read stories about what can happen when no one listens to the non-socio parent, I truly feel “lucky.”
More on the case – apparently the judge has a reputation for falling asleep during hearings.
http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-235548