Lovefraud Lesson #10: Sociopaths always blame others

Yup, Scar is definitely a spath: envious, lies, blames and feels oh so sorry for himself… “Noboooooooooooody knows the trouble I’ve seen! Noboooooooooody knows…”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vifVEg7NepI

(edited name, mistaken identity)

Used to know, ‘s been a few years since I last saw it… edited it though.

OK, could appreciate advice…. There’s something very nasty happening at work.

I temped a math teacher last schoolyear at the school where I work for 8 years now, but normally only have 2 teaching hours. Pupls were very happy with me… it went around like wildfire that the pupils loved my teaching math and felt they understood it better. I want to clarify I just did my job, and was not competing, nor responded to comparison remarks made by my colleagues (pupils told colleagues and colleagues told me). I just solely responded by saying that my colleagues course was very well done and good material and that I was only doing my best to do its justice.

Anyhow, a little over a week before schoolyear started again I get a phonecall from the teacher who I temped for. He practically nearly bit my head of with indirect accusations: one of his course maps was missing, there still lay teacher preperations of mine in his class. He also complained about the state of his material: that is, his course A4 leafs are protected by plastic holders, and some of these plastic holders had some traces of chalk on them while another plastic holder had traces of dried water droplets on it as if someone had attempted to clean it with a spunge.

That phonecall was extremely passive aggressive. I insisted that I had never even lifted his maps with courses from his desk. I never took them outside of the classroom, let alone home and even if they had been brought home I would have noticed since I had moved two weeks before that. And he viciously replied… “Well those courses couldn’t have gotten feet, coudl they?” Anyway, I did give him NEW plastic holders. It’s quite possible I may have left some chalk traces on those plastic holders while using his course. (well duh! Isn’t that why you use plastic holders?) And I asked him whether the papers themselves were soiled, and at least he admitted they weren’t.

In any case, when I entered his classroom to remove the teacher preparations of mine, I searched for it myself and noticed another map missing and one lying in the closet where I was sure I never put it. Couple of days later I learned he had taken one map home after making the phonecall and the other map I found in the closet was put there by him.

Anyway, so I started to think this guy feels threatened and is trying to make me look bad. He normally would have been operated again, and I and another colleague would have temped again, but he canceled the operation and so is working himself.

Meanwhile though I have received some math hours. At least this year I have a half time at school. Our principal wasn’t my biggest fan a couple of years, because I did not function optimally while with the spath (she doesn’t know anything about this), but last year she did give me the feedback that I was working to standard and doing what was expected of me.

But today and tonight things have become uglier. I found a note in my teacher locker from him asking about a calculator. So I went to him and asked him what it was about. He then claimed that his brand new texas instrument scientific calculator, which normally always had lain with his keyboard of his class computer, was gone. I told him I had never even had seen or noticed the calculator there, and always used my own calculators to prevent any confusion.

This happened in the hallway at the side entrance where we were welcoming parents of new pupils for an information evening. The moment the principal joined the scene he made public indirect insinuations that funny stuff was happening in his classroom: not only was his course map missing but a calculator had gone missing too, and now he’d have to ask school to buy him a new one. Basically I felt he was trying to make me look like a thief.

And then there is the strange stuff about his operation. When he called me that friday a week before school would restart, he sounded as if he was making not just a phonecall to me, but to an audience (pretty sure he made the phonecall from the principal’s office). And he insisted on letting me know that he was being operated again and that he needed his material for the temp teacher. I felt he wanted to let me know that he was being temped, but not by me.

However, when the next Monday I came to school in between my own exams to search the classroom, the principal told me I and another colleague would replace him and that I’d have 9 hours to teach the whole year. She also made it sound as if he’d be absent for a while.

I think he found out that I would be replacing him again, and he didn’t like that. He never let me know that he had canceled the operation. This is important, since I normally was not under contract anymore for temping him and he was supposed to grade the retrial math exams of pupils (exams I had composed, including solutions). Because everyone was under the impression he’d be recovering from the latest shoulder operation, I did the grading and mailed the results for the teacher meeting of evaluation to let them pass or not, the last Friday of August (a week later than his phonecall). We had a pre-schoolyear meeting in the afternoon, and he wasn’t present at this meeting. He appeared though with the reception and that’s when I learned nobody would be temping him. (Nice I hadn’t applicated at other schools for a complimenting halftime, because I’d have a full time, and one can’t applicate over the weekend).

I think he made that phonecall in front of the principal to try and dissuade her from choosing me to replace him. That failed though, so he canceled the operation (the bolt in his shoulder normally should be taken out). It is also quite possible he has seen what type of calculators I possess and I’m actually considering that he’s trying to set me up (he basically described my own newest calculator). And he has also seen and the principal has seen that I’m making MY OWN math course.

And then there is a smoke story. About 5 to 6 years ago there was an upheaval about inappropriate contact about him and female pupils (aged 14-15). The smoke was about personal email contact. At the time of course he responded broken and shocked, and there was an unofficial ‘investigation’ against the unofficial allegations, but I don’t know how deep this investigation went, and he was also cleared from it all. This was under the previous principal.

He is otherwise known by colleagues as a social man, who helps organize the bowling night and such.

I also caught him in one very small incongruity. The Friday before schoolyear when he suddenly appeared I told him (with a witness standing by) that I had checked his classroom and that I had noticed one more map missing and one lying in a closet where I hadn’t put it. He then admited that he had took one home and put the other map in the closet himself. I had then asked him about the still missing map and he told me “That he had remade a solution map.” Tonight though, when he was performing his little theater for the principal he said he was “in the process of remaking” the missing map. So, at least to me more than a week ago he wanted to create a picture that he had already had it back under control and that he had a new finished solution map, while tonight he was making it sound he just barely had the start of it remade. It can’t be two things at the same time, so at least one of them is a lie. Personally, I’m actually considering the option that the whole missing map is actually a lie.

Anyway, I’m seeing red flags jumping all over, and this man wants to sabotage me with insinuations because he feels threatened by me. These are mental notes I’m making for myself.

Now here’s what I intend to do. Tomorrow I plan to make an appointment with the principal for wednesday or friday. To that meeting with her I intend to bring along all three calculators I own: including one that pupils consider an antique (it’s a HP of 1992… still works) and my newest one WITH THE sales ticket as proof that I bought it in December 2011. And I intend to tell her that I feel as if my colleague is trying to insinuate things about me, in front of an audience. That when he tried to insinuate before that I might have misplaced his course I felt was a grey arera, but that it now has gone beyond that and it almost feels as if he’s insinuating that I’m a thief without directly accusing me of it, and so making it impossible for me to defend myself against it. And I should not tolerate being treated in such a way by a colleague. I will of course not mention my suspicions, nor accuse him of anything. I will only talk about how I should not be treated the way I’m being treated by him on what she has witnessed him do right in front of her.

BTW the Monday I went to school to search his classroom for that map, she tried to get me to agree that his courses are exaggeratingly large: 400 pages of math course for a 14 year old. She made the remark that was excessive and asked my opinion about it. I replied that it was full of exercises of which only half of each exercise was actually solved by pupils. I refused to make a remark that would be disloyal to a colleague. She then asked “maybe there’s a lot of empty space to write down the solutions?” I replied factually again with, “No, exercise solutions have to be written down on their own work paper.” I let her make her own opinion without compromizing myself.

What do you think?