When sociopaths have problems in their lives, it’s never their own fault. Donna Andersen explains why this is one of the most important Red Flags of Lovefraud.
To watch the entire Lovefraud Lessons series, go the the Lovefraud Videos page.
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darwinsmom
Just saw an interesting old western, regarding blaming, lies, the truth, the spaths’s view on the world, the weak but otherwise decent people and the optimist who believes everyone is good.
This western movie is called “The Outrage” with Paul Newman and William Shatner. Paul Newman plays a Mexican bandit who killed a former Colonel of the southern army and raped his victim’s wife. But at the trial the raped wife claims to have killed her husband after he blamed the rape on her. An Indian who found the dying husband relays the husband’s account, where he commit suicide. The trial and the witness accounts are relayed at a train station by a pastor (William Shatner) to a spath conman who believes the worst of humanity. But the third man at this coincidental after-the-trial meeting at the train station turns out to be the fourth witness who never came forward to reveal the thruth before.
Back_from_the_edge
Hi Kim: thanks for your post.
THAT is the ‘resolution’ I have finally come to…
TRASH IT and not give it another thought…
It just isn’t worth it.
Healing IS all about diminishing them inside our worlds, our lives and OUR THOUGHTS. Since I changed my phone number, I can’t adequately express to you how very peaceful and quiet it has been. No minions calling me in the middle of the night, cussing me out – strangers, mind you; people I don’t even know! I keep to myself and bother NOBODY and just can’t quite understand WHY other people feel they have the need to barge into my world? It was all because of “IT”. I see that very clearly now. He was having all of his ‘sexual interests’ calling me on the phone, cursing me, leaving ugly, threatening messages, since he knew HE couldn’t do it or go to prison.
Since I changed my number, I took COMPLETE POWER and CONTROL AWAY FROM “IT”. “IT” cannot and better NOT try contacting me EVER again. Not ever.
“Sucking the power right out of them, THAT THEY STOLE FROM US ORIGINALLY, and back into ourselves.” Is exactly right. That doesn’t mean we become like them…it means we still stay the kind people we are and carry on with a greater awareness and strength and insight.
They deserve no credit for anything.
WE are the ones who deserve ALL the credit because WE are the one’s who survived their crap and can still stand up and stand strong. WE are the winners in all of this just by having them away from us.
I made our ‘hasta la bye bye’ very MEMORABLE for “IT”.
I hope “IT” will remember it FOREVER because I meant it and so did all the police officers telling him to leave town. ABSOLUTELY. No doubt.
Ahhhhhh: like sitting on a white, sandy beach, on the edge of crystal blue waters, sucking a pina’ colada – that’s the kind of peace “I” am talking about.
Yes: take the power away from them and watch them shrivel up and combust. That’s it.
Dupey
MoonDancer
Dupey,
Theres a country song that goes something like, sittin with my butt in the sand and my toes in the water, drinking cold beer..i think it is kenny chesney that sings it..
Well, I have been crossing path’s with the x alot, like to ships passin in the nite..he moved back into my area not long ago ( must be desperate for a place to live )..I can remember when I thought I would melt like a bowl of jello in the sun if I ever saw him again…it’s not botherin me at all ( well maybe a tiny bit ).. I told the wieners, “” see that guy over there – well I used to think he was the love of my life but he’s just a screwed up soul that can not be helped and best to avoid him” so I do…
Darwin’s I love old western’s and paul newman too, but shatner give’s me the creep’s, i think he is dangerous…..just sayin…
Back_from_the_edge
hens: thanks for the country song – i am going to find it. lol
Hm: crossing paths with your x, hm?
I am really proud of you for standing up and keeping your chin up and not giving into any more of the bullshit, hens.
It takes that kind of resolve.
I am very proud of you and your strength.
Maintain a steady course, ok?
“Melt like a bowl of jello in the sun…”
Don’t I know that feeling?!!!
I am happy me and my “IT” don’t live in the same city or general vicinity or I think I would definitely have to move. Seriously. He lives like HUNDREDS (not thousands) of miles from me. I don’t know how some people can handle it all when it’s right up in your face. In that sense, I guess I am very fortunate. Not having “IT” in my face all the time. If I did, I definitely would toughen up in a huge hurry.
I have no problem slamming the door and dialing 9-1-1!
None whatsoever. Trust me.
((Big hugs hens – think of you often…xxoo))
Dupey
darwinsmom
Hens, I only liked Shatner when I was 10 or so and watching reruns of Star Trek. First I watched it though because it was a hoot to see Paul Newman play a foul mouthed bandido with dark hair, darkened skin and Spanish accent (like Burt Lancaster playing an Apache). How many times do you ever catch Paul Newman star as the bad guy? I liked the movie and its idea about lying and blaming… except for the end: Shatner concluded that everybody had a liar and a thief in them and went along with the conman’s message.
Dupey, I can well believe and imagine how peaceful it is for you. Yes, at first you would think that changing your phone number is giving in to the spath, because his actions make you alter something in your life. But as you said, you took control over your daily life and peace again with it.
Truthspeak
Hens, the spath moved back to your area? EGAD, you’re made of some strong star-stuff, kiddo. You’ve got what looks like a “positive” response to the whole thing – speaking the truth witout being detailed. Good for you!
Dupey, yeah…..taking things back that once belonged to us is vital. I’m so glad to read your strength and healing! It really gives me a whole lot of inspiration
As a complete aside, I’ve never been much into country music. I’ve altered my view on that, lately. I’ve always felt like a “cowgirl,” at heart, and I’m slowly-but-surely learning more about who I really am.
Yesterday, I met the “neighbors” about 3 miles down the road. I had met this gal about 3 years ago, and she (and, her family) practice a religion that’s similar to Menonite/Amish. There are over half a dozen children, and they’re all homeschooled and creative. Well, this amazing family lost one of their beautiful daughters to brain cancer, last year. I was horrified to hear of this, but this woman and her family are absolutely incredible.
We are meeting people of a different caliber. We’re meeting people who have something to teach us about strength and courage. And, I’m not in any big hurry to “make friends.” I’m just a casual observer, at this point. I have everything I need, right now, aside from money, and I’m going to keep it that way for a long, long time.
Brightest blessings
Truthspeak
“The Outrage…” gonna have to watch that, I think. Another very good movie with Spencer Tracy (never much cared for him) was set in the desert southwest in a very tiny community that was involved in murdering a Japanese resident after WWII. I forget the title, but the whole town is involved in this guy’s disappearance.
Yeah, blame is something that spaths lay quicker than their sexual target, right? I can’t believe I just typed that….
darwinsmom
Thruth,
In the end I think “The Outrage” fits spathic propaganda, possibly written by a spath, since the conman’s arguments that nobody is good, nobody tells the thruth and everybody is out for themselves only seems to win out.
The fourth witness who never came forward before court stayed silent because he stole the fancy dagger that killed the husband accidentally as he tripped and fell on his own dagger. He stole it to feed his children. It’s the spath conman who listens to the whole account of the different versions of what happened who outs the fourth witness to Shatner, when they come upon a baby left there to be found with a little bit of money. The conman keeps the money for himself, and the fourth witness protests over him taking the money that was clearly intended for the baby they find. The conman then arguments the fourth witness is a thief himself, by guessing it.
However, the ending also hints at a great distinction between the fourth witness and the conman. The end is not totally spathic bleak. The train they were waiting for arrives, but only the conman gets on, while Shatner decides to accompany the fourth witness to his home, and the fourth witness has decided to adopt the baby they found, even if he has several mouths to feed already.
Here’s the subtle difference between good people and bad people: good people can do a wrong thing once in a while when driven to it by extreme circumstances, not for themselves but for others, but they won’t use their flaws as an excuse to do wrong all the time. Spaths will do wrong at any opportunity they have, using the flaws of others as an excuse for why they can.
As for the real story of what happened between the bandit, the wife and the husband: the bandit comes upon them and wants to rob them and then tries to lovebomb the handsome ladylike wife into marrying him, promising her his stolen riches, and even that he’ll lead a straight life. She rejects all this and frees her husband, not to escape but for her husband to duel with the bandit and defend her honor. The husband makes clear he isn’t a fool and that she has no honor, because he knows she cheated on him before. The bandit who now knows the man is armed and hears her conniving and belittling her husband then tries to team up with the husband, telling him she’s no good to anyone. Eventually she manages to make them duel by pressing on her husband’s cowardice to fight for the Southerners before and the bandit and on the bandit’s cowardice for threatening her husband only when he was unarmed and bound. The duel itself is one where both men fear for their lives, stumbling and hiding and shooting in the air, rather then each other. Then the husband trips on his own knife. There was no rape, no murder.
The bandit lied on the trial to make himself appear more ruthless and vicious than he actually is. The wife lied to smear the name of her husband who rejected her and saw her for who she was. The husband lied to the Indian to out his wife and to die honorably by his own hand rather than some stupid accident.
skylar
Darwinsmom,
Interesting story. I looked it up on IMDb http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058437/
and apparently it is a classic adapted from another classic (Japanese) film, Rashomon. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0042876/.
Would be interesting to watch both. Alas, there’s no time.
skylar
I think I may have discovered another red flag and I wonder if anyone else has noticed this.
As I mentioned before, several of the spaths I’ve known, like to sneak up and scare you. They think it’s funny to see you jump. They don’t just do it once, they do it over and over again.
Well, there is another thing that I’ve noticed, they like to pretend to be startled when you walk into a room. They make a big production as if YOU sneaked up on them and OVER act their startle response. One of them even said, “so you think it’s funny to sneak up on me and see me jump?”
Well, I had laughed because it seemed like he was over acting and being dramatic, just to get a laugh. But the way he kept pushing the point and being accusatory (even while smiling), made me wonder: why is he making a big deal of it?
Normal people don’t do that. A normal interaction after being startled, would be:
“sorry, didn’t mean to.” End of topic.
A spath interaction is :
Spath: “OMG, you STARTLED me!”
Me: laughs, “I see that. sorry.”
Spath: “Do you think it’s funny?”
Me: “Well the way you acted was funny”
Spath: “Just wanted to confirm that you think it’s funny to scare me.”
or
Spath: “You shouldn’t sneak up like that.”
Me: “Sorry, I didn’t mean to.”
Spath: “You need to be more considerate.”
or
Spath: “You always startle me, you’d think I would have learned by now.”
Me: thinking WTF? walking away.
This is from the same spaths who liked to sneak up and startle me.
I would be interested in feedback from any others who have noticed this behavior.