When sociopaths have problems in their lives, it’s never their own fault. Donna Andersen explains why this is one of the most important Red Flags of Lovefraud.
To watch the entire Lovefraud Lessons series, go the the Lovefraud Videos page.
[youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/kL24yoR2H2M]
darwinsmom
Well, I had my meeting with the principal this afternoon which went well. She agreed that a colleague’s need to mark his territory should not be at the cost of another colleague. She initially asked me what I wanted her to do, but she obviously relaxed when I told her that for the moment I did not request her to do anything for me. I explained I simply had wanted the meeting to inform her of a situation she has a right to know about and how I intended to deal with it. Towards the end she told me she suspected the situation will rectify itself, because she believed “by now everybody knows that E.’s back.” In other words, she knows he’s not just territorial to me. Don’t believe it will rectify itself, but pleased to know she recognizes his drama behaviour to get attention. And I think it pleased her that I was trying to do the correct thing, as well as keep her up to date, but still taking my own boundary responsibility in this. She also ended up advizing me how to set my boundary to him. Not different what I planned to do, but again shows an understanding by her.
She also asked me to keep her up to date if similar situations occurred and if my own boundary setting would not help. She offered to then set up a mediating meeting.
Right after the meeting I checked my locker and found some math tests I put together last year during the interim. I had not thrown them away, but put them in his map of prepared tests to do with what he wanted. Shrugged my shoulders and threw them in the bin.
As for the discussion what attracts spaths to hurl themselves unasked on our path: I consider it’s something they envy, since that’s their drive to begin with.
MoonDancer
thank you Star, you know me ~! I WILL keep ya posted..
one/joy_step_at_a_time
hens 🙂 🙂 🙂
🙂 😉 🙂
MoonDancer
1steprs 🙂 I have been wonderin about you.
shane
Yep. They envy shiny HAPPY people…. I exude happiness always. They want, envy, and despise shiny happy, therefore I am major spath magnetism. Thankfully, I now see through the bs. I still atract them, however, I pay them no mind. The other day, one even walked away spewing, “I’ve been deminished”. I got a major kick outta that. It was indeed a profound moment, and one that I will NEVER forget! Yay, I can protect myself, but not at the cost of my shiny happiness. XO, Shane
shane
So great to hear about your successful meeting, D’smom!!
skylar
Shane,
yep you got that right! Hahahaha, the spath felt “diminished”. So right.
Shiny happy people are innocent. That’s what they envy: our innocence. That’s why they are all pedophiles. That’s why they scapegoat us and project their shame on us.
They can see our innocence and they compare it to their own guilt, fear, paranoia. Then they envy us.
My spath said, “you live the life of Riley” and then, “Living is EASY with eyes closed.”
When I was innocent and naive, I was shiny and happy. He needed to take that away because he didn’t think it was fair.
Too bad. I’m still innocent, because he never got me to do anything evil. Though not quite as shiny and happy. But I’m working on it.
That’s why it’s so important to NOT become them in any way. Jesus said, “be as wise as serpent and as innocent as doves.”
I’m working on both of those.
D’s mom: Your radar is spot on. You know what you’re dealing with and how to deal with it. Keep on, keepin’ on.
shane
Thanks, Sky…and good for you! I had lost my innocence, as well, but I just began to feel much of it returning in a matter of the past couple of weeks. I love the Jesus quote. Profoundly useful. Thanks for posting it. When I let him know that it suddenly dawned on me that he was using me, he called me “vicious”, and said, that I “must have been vicious inside, but he brought it out of me”. So, I can relate to your comment “that’s why they project thier shame on us”. Assuming that that was what he was doing, by calling me vicious, when I do not have a vicious bone in my body. Ugh, they are so toxic, aren’t they? Societal polutants! Hey, have you ever seen the film, Zeitgeist- Moving Forward? Truly interesting, but mostly very inspiring. I highly reccommend. If you want, I can post the link. I think it is up, on You Tube.
Goodnight to all…
darwinsmom
Shane and Sky,
Yes, innocence and shiny happy people… Last year I feared that innocence and shine would be forever lost because I had to regard the world as one with human predators everywhere in it. But as you recover that innocent spirit returns, though you are wiser. That happy, positive innocent spirit returned last year November. Before that some toxic people tried to seduce me or put me down in the 180° way (as if sympathizing) but would not be obnoxious. The moment I was happy spirited again the often flash encounters have been openly obnoxious where they attempt to bully me.
Shane that includes some weird street encounter many months ago, where a man literally tried to walk right into me. He wasn’t drunk, and he normally would have passed me, but he zoned into me and walked straight towards a collision. He expected me to step aside. But I didn’t. I kept my purse close and made an elbow as he bumped into me. I knew he had deliberately tried to bump into me, and if I had sidestepped he’d still bump into me. That’s why I prevented him from taking anything if that was his design, and bruised his ribs with my elbow. Then he started to shout and jump around making drama and called me names and spat on the ground. I basically ignored him while everyone else stared at him as the weirdo he was.
For me that colleague is trying the exact same thing. He’s trying to bully me.
I think it’s a combination of feeling provoked because I shine and am happy, which they envy and wish to destroy, and yet also realize at some level they can’t seduce or fool me. I’m not vulnerable to seduction anymore. So, there’s only one resource left to them in their eyes: an attempt to bully me into stepping aside for them. But I don’t cower, nor step aside and then they blow off and end up exposing themselves to more people than just me.
Yes, I’m really glad I had that meeting. It gave me extra validation, but also empowered me. He has no power over me, and I can make sure he never will.
Truthspeak
Darwinsmom, I’m so glad to read the the meeting went well. And, that you didn’t expect your supervisor to “fix” the problem really helped, I believe.
Yeah….you’ve got this sorted out, and GOOD FOR YOU!!
TOWANDA