Many, many people who have been romantically involved with sociopaths have told me that the sex was the best they ever had. In my latest video, I explain why.
Watch Lovefraud Lesson #6: Sociopaths and sex on the Videos page.
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How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists
It can be really good, or really bad. It depends on the motivation. My ex-hubby, it was really bad, seemed to be good in the beginning, but I think that was just my reality of thinking I was finally truly in love. But I believe he’s gay, and I was his ‘cover’ for society, which was why it was so bad. A guy I dated a year ago, also a big time spath, only wanted to get me into bed, and after a week of the best time of my life (yes those little things he said that made me feel like this was the forever thing, not to mention I trusted him because he’s a teacher at my kids High School), like asking me to his cousins wedding a few months out-acting very shy and unsure about it-and I thought it was cute, saying we would join the gym together, quit smoking together, he liked his coffee exactly like I did-what a good observer, blah blah, little things spread out very carefully. So the sex was hot, and he did snuggle afterwards. We even sexted afterwards and I was really excited, since everything was so perfect. He broke up with me that day (it happened in the morning). He said he wasn’t ready to date, his last gf brought him through the ringer, and went on to tell an evil story about her that I believed. I kept hoping he would get settled and call me back, for a year, I couldn’t forget about him. I finally gave up when I found out he was serial dating, and remembered a doctors appt on a SATURDAY at 6pm for ‘therapy’… and he shut down when I asked about it. Dumb me… now I’m healing. But they can fake things, probably the sex would have gotten worse each time. I actually realized for me, that I wasn’t looking for intimate sex, I wasn’t ready. I liked the non-intimate stuff, must have been the chemicals being released in the different parts that kept me addicted. Never again. Never…. Can’t count on sex to tell you if they’re a spath, but there are signs to watch out for-especially if it’s OK that they love sex, and start to make you feel bad about liking it… that part was there ever so covertly. Sometimes that’s hard to detect, because they know it’s what they want, so they have to be careful about how much to tear you down (only as much as they can and still get sex…), does that make sense? Part of the crazymaking…
I could definitely relate to this video. The sex was so intense and so high charged with my ex that when I finally got away from him and into a healthy and loving relationship, it took quite a bit of time for me to not feel rejected because he wasn’t trying to jump me constantly like my ex had. Of course, I was not always in the mood to have sex with my ex (sociopath) and that resulted in being forced to against my will on many occasions. He also watched quite a bit of porn, and cheated, and contracted an STD which he gave to me. It can take a lot of adjustment to return to normal sexuality after having a relationship with a sociopath. Today, after three years, I still struggle from time to time.
Dear TruthSpeak:
Thank you so much for posting. I needed to hear this. I went through all the above, and wondered if it was really rape-it felt like it-as much as I didn’t want to admit it………how could someone I was deeply in love with for over a year do this? I fell in love with him on every level imaginable and had a dynamite working relationship with him. He was the best co-worker I ever had, and I’ve been in the workforce since 17. HOWEVER, like I’ve read in the literature (Thomas Sheridan-all videos on YouTube-Highly recommend BTW), they are known for being wonderful in the workplace (some anyway) and out in the world, but once I lost my job and my house unbeknownst to both of us, I ended up in an apt on the same street as him. We still live on the same street. Well, we started to see each other only after I stopped working there, it all seemed so perfect him just being down the street and all. But once I let him in the door, I couldn’t get him off of me, he was too strong. He turned into something I had never seen nor imagined possible coming from him. I thought we were good, good friends. I still cry everyday since Feb. I think it will take me years to get over this and I guess that’s just how it’ll be and somehow I have had to come to peace with that. Still crushed and bewildered. I wonder if any “human” part of him cared for me. I honestly wonder. I saw a lot of humanity in him. Amazing and impossible to believe that could have all been fake. Doesn’t God reside within all of us?
That one human being would request (actually, demand) that another person submit to acts that are humiliating, painful, dehumanizing, and risky does not relate to “love,” at all. It’s risky, humiliating, degrading, and objectifying ”“ regardless of what our current “social norms” suggest. What spaths demand is not “normal” or “healthy.”
DONNA- A question to you: Are Sociopaths children of God too, like all of us are? If they had the choice to be good people, do you think they would from the start? Doesn’t God reside in all of us? Thanks for any insights you can provide. I mean I have read all the literature I can possibly read, but I never understood if they are still children of God.
Thedoorisclosed, be very, very cautious in equating god with the human condition. IMHO, spaths are not “of God,” on any level. IMO, they are organisms that walk, talk, and pretend to be human beings, but they lack empathy, pity, and remorse. They DO NOT FEEL HUMAN EMOTION. Please, note that caps are not to be interpreted as online shouting – only emphasis.
Thedoorisclosed, sociopaths do not care. They do not care. They do not care. What you’re feeling is cognitive dissonance (cog/diss). This is a recognized state where we attempt to fit the horrible actions of bad people into our system of beliefs – deliberately – because we cannot (literally) process the fact that the person that we care about doesn’t share those beliefs, nor do they behave within that system of beliefs.
No, they are not children of God. They are human organisms that are, for whatever reason, devoid of a human soul. No human being that could walk away from their wife, children, financial obligations, ethical obligations, moral obligations, and commit legal crimes and acts of violence against other human beings has what could be remotely considered to be a “soul.” Their eyes are as empty and lifeless as the eyes of a clay doll, and every action, choice, and abuse of their fellow human beings is done so without any consideration of consequences or penalties. No…..they are not children of God, by any stretch of the imagination.
To clarify my remark, above: a sociopath is not necessarily someone’s “husband.” A sociopath is anyone whose behaviors fall within a specific and defined pattern.
my ex was the best sex i ever had. but then it turned out he used me for sex for 2 years and he raped me at the end. it was really tough to divide the two it took me 2 years to recover. i felt guilty for ever feeling satisfaction with him it is a horrible situation, because from one side ur body remembers him as the most pleasurable time he ever had but ur head understands u were used as a sex toy.
Dear isurvived:
Thank you for posting. I felt the same way. Very tough to divide the two. I so relate and I hear you.
Your name sums it up: we are survivors aren’t we? It’s amazing we live to tell about the horror, the confusion and betrayal. Do you believe they get their own in the end? Do you believe in karma?
Thanks again. It helped and that means everything to me especially on bad days.
thanks for clarifying that truthy..but there are alot of low life husband’s out there.
dear thedoorisclosed,
i do believe in karma and they do suffer at the end. today i can say this experience shed a lot of light into my life, as weird as it sounds. i found out i used to be unhealthy when it came to sex. meaning that i used to let men use me for sex or be looked at as a sexual symbol, i know society is this way today, but it doesnt mke it right, doesnt it? after what happened i finally can say im leading a healthy self-respectful life, FOR THE FIRST TIME. and about the abuser….he will be stuck on earth for many many many lives….