Many, many people who have been romantically involved with sociopaths have told me that the sex was the best they ever had. In my latest video, I explain why.
Watch Lovefraud Lesson #6: Sociopaths and sex on the Videos page.
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How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists
Dear I Survived:
You know what gets me? Is the fact that they don’t have a care in the world, live with no stress or anything. They get off scott free…….Maybe in those lifetimes they will come back as “good women” suffering what we did.
I am so happy to hear all of these truthful comments on sex with a psychopath. I have been baffled by books claiming they are so good in bed. Perhaps some of them can learn good techniques but I doubt if most even care. And love is only feigned.
My experience was very poor sex until we married and then rape most of the time from our wedding night on…never good sex. He wanted me to lie still and let him have his way with me. He called me a slut and a whore if I responded like a normal woman.
Before we married he raped his room mate’s sleeping girlfriend. She woke up with him having sex with her in an unconscious state. I believed he was really remorseful and just drunk and got trapped into marrying him for other reasons…I tried to run from the church if that is any hint.
Psychopaths can be the worst sex you ever had and still keep you trapped.
He uses tactics to produce fear, guilt, shame, mind control, and convincing you that he is perfect and you are the problem…then you get the poor him, pathetic, abused, misunderstood man and you are the ungrateful bitch.
He sometimes throws in with the occasional gift or crumb to make you believe how good he is. It is insidious and yet they are so good at it that we believe them in spite of ourselves.
Dear Thedoorisclosed,
great name btway,
your thoughts on do they get away scott free made me think. Hmm, no I don’t think so. Spaths just like to win. It doesn’t necessarily mean they get away with it, stress free. My ex was deeply envious of “normal” relationships. Oh he so envied my relationship with my daughters…..once stating that he wanted what I had. Yes they get away with taking responsibility for their offspring…..he has 3 children he has never supported. But, he was deeply dissatisfied with his life and this culminated in his attempt to take what I had in mine, and destroy it. When I was at my lowest ebb, he told me everything that had happened had been my fault and I needed to be taught a lesson.
He remains a vacuous being. There is nothing of any substance….Nothing. They do know that. I believe he knows what he is anyway. I remain NC despite the regular intrusions via txt and email. I like to know where hes at if you know what I mean. Im not flattered by his constancy. I truly believe he would leave me for “dead” if he gt another chance. My greatest weapon is that I ignore him. He HATED that when I was with him.
Anyway, I digress. Im not going to let the thought that he feels he got away with it to destroy me and respectfully I would ask that you don’t either.
I am convinced that his demons haunt him……you know what? I really hope so.
Great article and some extremely poignant comments.
Greetings from SW
The videos my x-spath posted on x-tube of him masturbating are at best, underwhelming…
behind blu eyes,
Wow…I cann’t believe anybody would post videos of themeselves masturbating. “underwhelming”…lol…. I guess I’ve been kept in the closet too long…lol….SICK!
I have to admitt….it’s all true!
I found myself being violated in every sence of the word, both in doing sexual things I never dreamed of, enjoying them and feeling violated at the same time…horrified at the sexual abuse I was experiencing!….a total mind fuck confussing mess since he had me in a state of high arousment all the time because of his sexual appetite.
Aeylah;
The weird thing is that six months before I met the x-spath, I saw one of his videos. My reaction was that this guy is really “cheeky” to be posting such videos, given his lack of porn star credentials other than a cute, “guy next door” face…
But it struck a cord with me not for his eroticism, but the realization that I needed to meet a guy like him, not a sex god. That we lived 3000 miles apart and that I would eventually meet is mind boggling…
Very interesting topic.
I have noticed there is different styles of traits amongst sociopaths. The woman who raised me would definitely falls into your video’s written category. I could write a thesis on WWRM.
I had the misfortune of dating this sex predator two (almost) years ago. This past September the court system enforced a 2 year order of protection against him for my safety.
I hadn’t known at the time nor did the legal system that he sexually preys upon his children (male & female, step-son) and any other child or young adult. I had caught him in the act (was in disbelief & denial when I saw it happening) once I had verbal recording on my voice mail from his daughter I then had the proof to turn it over to the legal system to handle.
I hate to admit but sex with him fed my imagination and heightened my sex drive (I’m survivor of childhood sex abuse). I wanted to believe he cared but saw the disgusting obsessive enjoyment he had while observing people’s suffering.
All of sudden the ugly truth about his true psychopath personality starting surfacing and the flags that had been present before (that I brushed aside and had made excuses for) created shame for me not excepting the reality about him. I hadn’t known he was capable of any of this twisted demented actions. He appeared as this meek, well mannered, and groomed man that all the women had wanted (why didn’t he date them and leave me alone?).
I wonder these sex predators could they unknowingly be honed into survivors of childhood sex abuse and the survivors unknowingly be attracted to sex predators? I would have never in all my nightmares had ever wanted to know anyone like him.
It has been almost year now since the OP took affect and I’m starting to feel not as damaged and consumed by the disgust horrific memories of him. Thank goodness for organizations and my state having funding for unemployed victims to receive counseling on such demented, sick, and illegal abuses.
Raisedbysocio,
yeah it is an interesting topic.
I think the differences in sex are 2 parts:
1. how the spath sees you and what his motives are.
2. the spath’s own experience in destroying people.
If the spath sees you as having power, he will brown nose you.
Also, if he really enjoys the love bomb phase a lot he will brown nose you. LITERALLY.
My spath was really great in bed — at first. I was a teenager, so he wanted to “hook” me. I had lots of boyfriends so he wanted to make sure I knew, that he was better. They work hard when they want to. My spath brother said, “I’m a hard worker, in bed.” WTF? yes, I know what he meant, I just don’t know why he told ME. But then, yeah all spaths are alike. Spath husband wasn’t much different from spath brother.
But if the spath senses you have low self esteem, he will work that angle and make YOU work hard for him. They will give you crumbs if they sense you will accept them.
This is really important, because it applies to all of the their reasoning. This is how they think. It’s all about who is in control, who is on top, who has the most power, WHO CARES LESS, WHO CARES LESS, WHO CARES LESS, WHO CARES LESS, WHO CARES LESS.
Do I have to repeat it?
Whoever cares less, can treat the other one like crap.
This is called playing chicken with a spath. You don’t want to do that, because they only care about one thing: their mask.
That’s why it’s important not to let them know what you really care about. Hide your values. Hide your valuables.
Raised: you spoke about another very interesting topic. Are they honed in to us? Yes. And we are honed in to them. When you feel that attraction, RUN. It’s faulty programming.
I was suspicious about this. Then I “met” a woman online who told me about her experience. She was molested by her father and then her step father. Then, her kids were molested too. Not by her, not by her husband, but by her neighbor. Then one of the kids molested another one.
I think there are things about humanity that we don’t understand yet. Why would her molestation be passed down to her kids? I saw a picture of her. Her facial expression was –vulnerability and sex, like Marilyn Monroe. She passed that to her kids. My spath, a pure, primary spath, was obsessed with facial expressions.
My spath was also obsessed with Marilyn Monroe, BTW. He told everyone that I would commit suicide like Marilyn Monroe. WTF?
sicko. That was the plan anyway. Unfortunately for him, I’m not someone he ever understood.
Spaths are attracted to me. But they underestimate me. kindness is not weakness.
Skylar, you’re spot-on. Kindness doesn’t have to be a “weakness.”
With regard to pornography, I wanted to clarify my beliefs on that discussion.
Okay, we know that things that are “taboo” are often exciting and alluring. But, there is a huge difference between eroticism and hard-core porn. Eroticism has to do with mutual gratification and healthy (and, safe) exploration. Well, in my world it does. Porn has nothing to do with anything except money. Porn typically involves scenarios that are dehumanizing, degrading, humiliating, painful, and thoroughly risky. Because all of the latter negatives are really, REALLY “taboo,” it seems like an absolute turnon when we’re first exposed to it. But, when men and women begin structuring their sexual activities around the imagery that they are viewing, all aspects of a healthy relationship-based sex life goes down the tubes.
The first exspath was addicted to porn and abusive sex. He began suggesting (then, demanding) that we bring in a second male party. I came close to giving in, just so he’d shut up – and, in my tortured mind at that time, because it would “please” him. The difference between fantasy imaginations and acting out these “fantasies” is that these activities do not end up as they are imagined. Engaging in sex with multiple partners isn’t about sharing “love,” at all. It’s about being passed around, used, and objectified. He also began demanding that I submit to the same acts that he viewed, and my refusal to engage in painful, degrading, and humiliating acts infuriated him – he would assert that my refusal to engage in those acts was a direct violation of our marital vows and that I was actively denying him his “husbandly rights.”
So, as people continue viewing porn imagery, they become desensitized to what previously aroused them. Because of this, more shocking imagery is required to get the same effect. And, it continues to escalate.
Porn (IMHO) is not a “normal” activity and does not represent healthy sexual interactions. About 20 years ago, if someone wanted to view or purchase hard-core porn, they would have to travel to a questionable part of town, park in the back, and sneak into the establishment to pay a large sum for what they wanted. With the advent of technology, anyone can view any type of depravity imaginable: torture, gang-rape, snuff. And, all in the comfort and privacy of their own homes while their partners and children are in the adjacent room. And, our culture has accepted this as “normal” behavior: to each his own. Well, the truths about the porn industry are too vile to discuss, and most people who support viewing porn as “normal” don’t care what the utlimate prices being paid are. “They make money doing what they enjoy” is not a truth. Most porn participants were molested as children and do not have any sense of self esteem or self worth.
When children are exposed to pornography, it can alter their perceptions, forever. I remember seeing a centerfold in a Playboy magazine back in the 60’s, and it was erotic in every sense of the word. At that young age, my perception that a female was expected to be sensual, sexual, and that she should exploit these things was instantly ingrained. Children do not have the mental and emotional maturity to even process pornographic imagery, let alone separate the fantasy images from healthy interactions.
The sex with spaths is only as good as our own imaginations because empaths equate sex with love. In the world of empathy, sex and love run a tandem course, and “giving in” to a spath partner’s demands is an empath’s attempt to express their “love.” Of course, the spath is only interested in taking their targets down a dark, risky path so they can throw our participation back into our faces at a later date.
I’ve ranted about this subject, before, and I maintain my belief that healthy sexual interactions do not require pornographic imagery to maintain. Sex does not equal love.
Brightest blessings