Many, many people who have been romantically involved with sociopaths have told me that the sex was the best they ever had. In my latest video, I explain why.
Watch Lovefraud Lesson #6: Sociopaths and sex on the Videos page.
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How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists
Dear Aeylah:
Ditto to everything you wrote!!!!!!!
Dear Skylar:
You are spot on! Spot on. Spot on!!!
Skylar:
You have some “keen insight” that I respect. When you were talking about the icky stuff it brought back a creepy memory of the sociopath. I need to write about this.
Our relationship was completely professional for over a year, lost my job and then when he discovered I lived down the street from him, bumped into him out front of my brownstone one day; and he invited himself over for movies and dinner. He had just gotten here walked down the long hallway to the back of the apt, walked into my bathroom, took a shower and walked out into the living room completely naked! I was like what the —-??? I freaked out and I remember this voice rising up inside me saying: this is what a little girl must feel like when daddy is about to rape her and is trapped inside of her house!
And no I was not molested as a child, thank God I was spared that. There was something about his entitlement behavior to just walk in all confidently and act like he owned the place and had absolutely no shame whatsoever about doing so. Being that they don’t feel feelings, I guess that enabled him to have no fear, shame or uncomfortability about it. I was freaked out and told him to put a towel on to cover up (Up until this point, we only knew each other as working professional co-workers). And right before that out of the corner of my eye I saw the hugest you know what I had ever seen in my life! I thought I was seeing things. That scared me even more! He ended up as much as I’d like to deny it-raping me. My point is this: why are these sociopathic men so large? I mean it makes them even more dangerous,he used it like a weapon to physically hurt me and he won. If I could go back and change that whole entire scene I would have, but I had been deeply in love with him for over a year at work, and this was the first time I’d b having time outside of work with him. He was so good at wearing that mask, that Al Pacino had nothing on him. When you are deeply in love with someone and learn that you were only deeply in love with a mask, well it is a real punch in the teeth to put it mildly. He was a real bad man and I never in a million years would have ever guessed it. He was the nicest guy I ever met until that night, and I saw him turn into a vampire. It was the scariest transformation I ever saw.
I watched the video yesterday and it was hard to watch. The sexual connection between my ex and myself was nothing I had ever known. He was like a drug to me. But, I was also on antibiotics for one thing after another due to the ‘bugs’ he passed along. He used to call me ‘baby’ and I figured he called everyone that so he would not have to remember everyone’s name.
I am 10 months NC and I know he comes around from time to time, but luckily there has been no confrontation.
I am also seeing a new guy whom I like. But, I am most fearful of becoming intimate with him. It will probably come into conversation at some point, but I think I am doing/saying things that are purposely sabotaging it. He has quirks too, but putting my feelings ‘out there’ makes me vulnerable and I don’t like the feeling.
Has anyone been through something similar? Thanks.
Dear Skylar,
Thank you for your response to my posting.
Interesting though about your comment in regards to the spath (you had unfortunately interacted with) remarks about Marilyn Monroe. This sexual predator I had written in my post was also obsessed over Marilyn too. Weird and yet ironic.
Truthspeak;
Sociopaths do not watch erotic films — they watch pornography. My x-spath’s tastes include bareback sex, group sex typically with the same, fisting and other forms of rough sex.
Amongst the nearly 1000 “matching” questions on one of his profiles:
“Would you date a former sex industry worker.”
“Would you date somebody convicted of a sex crime.”
“Would you date somebody having a sexually transmitted disease.”
There were other similar “matching” questions forget the actual details.
7 years. Never introduced to his family…only his 14 year old son. (thats becaused i bitched)
We hardly ever go anywhere and if we do…its because…i bithed.
Holidays…apart
Vacations NEVER taken together.
Gifts never given. Valentines..once…THIS YEAR IN 7 YEARS!
I spent 100.00 on a christmas gift and he gave me an onwrapped tarheel jacket..major let down but i am a diehard tarheel fan.
He never wants to meet my family nor does he come around when my friends are here.
I can predict everytime he is ready to have sex…yes i said have sex. I used to think we were making love in the beginning becaused he made me feel like no other ever did.
I didnt know my body could respond to sex the way he made it respond…and he knew that i loved him with all my heart and i would do anything for him..till i woke up.
When I try to break it off…he begins apologizing…its his fault,he’s the bad guy, the word manipulations the calling znd texting…it goes on and on but I realize…its only for the sex.
When i take him back and reign queen of the stupid it starts over again.
He makes promises he doesnt keep, make up lies on his family as excuses to not be with me on holidays…shushes me when members of his family calls…etc
He fell on hard times financially with the IRS, claimed to have lost his apartment, had his work truck stolen…found but cleaned out, was uninsured…etc
He never said I love you except in responce or infear of my leaving him…every breakup is my fault and im being unfair.
Sigh…i can go on and on.
Get this…he has his own lawncare service and i have the worse lawn on the block. People are sticking numbers in my door to cut my lawn…go figure.
There is so much more but I might be running out of space.
betsybugs…I agree, not very good sex with my SP either. Darn! Mine is a romantic dud!
Skylar…Now I’m the one who could care less…once I figured out that he turned me down 3 out of every 4 times I wanted sex, I stopped wanting it. Good to know that means I now have some control.
Two weeks ago I told him that I would NEVER EVER AGAIN aproach him for sex. As a matter of fact, I haven’t wanted him to touch me for the past 3 years. (maybe longer). I think I might have given him one half-assed kiss this year…did not enjoy it even a little.
He creeps me out! When I look at him all I see is a liar who steels anything of mine that he can get his hands on.
Years ago I thought he was the love of my life. Now I think he’s a representative of the devil.
We’ve been together since 1992 and I have absolutely no idea who he is. He can’t even tell a truth without adding lies! (Yes, he does tell the truth once or maybe twice each year…well once this year for sure!
My Sp is a pathetic joke and a sexual dissappiontment. So I have to believe that not all SPs are good in bed.
nonnie, it’s been years of similar crap for me. However, mine NEVER says he’s sorry…ever.
thedoorisclosed,
There is something about us that makes them think we will accept their behavior. They sense it like a predator can sense weakness in their prey. I wish I knew exactly what it is, but I don’t.
They can tell we are “nice”. Perhaps they can sense who is a “people pleaser”, maybe we smile too readily?
I don’t want to change who I am. And to be honest, I believe that that is the spaths intent: to make us change into them.
Strongawoman was saying, in this thread, http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2012/08/18/lovefraud-lesson-8-sociopaths-and-love-bombing/comment-page-1/#comment-168143, that her spath wanted to “teach her a lesson.” That is the bottom line. That’s what they want to prove to us, that we are wrong to be who we are and they are right and we should be paranoid, distrusting, hateful, envious, rivals. Betrayal is the ultimate lesson, isn’t it? And we surely are learning, aren’t we?
But the lesson is not what the spaths had hoped. We are learning much much more: to be wise as serpents and maintain the innocence of doves.
Since I still don’t know the answer to how to make a spath fear me, I use confusion instead. I make sure they can never figure out who I really am, or how dangerous I might be.
It’s sad because human beings long to be intimately known and loved by those who know them. But with spaths, it’s just the opposite. You can never let them know you because that is what they will use against you. Boundaries are the only answer, never let them know who you are inside.
This is a literal and figurative idea, since spaths who are serial killers often like to cut their victims open, just like the sacrificial victims of the aztecs. They like to see what makes us tick.
My spath told his friend, while talking about the neighbor crazy lady, “I’d like to cut her open from her neck to her naval.”
They are all the same.
I’mconfused,
I’m glad he’s a dud. That’s one less addiction to get over.
I sure wish you were out of that situation.
How are your plans progressing?