Lovefraud Lesson #6: Sociopaths and sex

sky,

Not sure what it is that makes you light up to them. I think it would be hard to describe that. It’s like my dark prince picker… I can’t say how precisely I notice them instantly over other people, I just notice them instantly. First time I saw ex-spath was while he walked by on the street while I sat on the landlady’s porch in hte rocking chair reading. I sat on the porch expressly each day to watch streetlife. I saw plenty of people go by, and I started to recognize them of course… but the moment he walked by it’s like I noticed him more. I can’t say why but he was more noticeable to me.

Until recently I thought my picker was an attraction picker, now I’m not so sure. I’m starting to think of it as a warning picker rather, and at the very least that’s what I’m using it for now. Uneasiness, nervousness and feeling somewhat overpowered are sensations of warning, and I may just have confused those feelings for decades with attraction. On the other hand, it’s not a picker that could help me pick out all types of spaths, because I can think of several possible spathic men that never stood out in that way to me and I felt a gut disdain for as soon as they approached me. I feel instantly repulsed somewhat by these. I guess it’s the being slimed part that I notice during interaction. I don’t notice those in a crowd, but they sure make themselves known soon to me. The dark princes, or rather black holes, I do notice, and maybe that’s just what my picker responds to: their darkness.

Spaths have pickers too. Some people will be far more noticeable to them than others, will stand out to them. They may refer to them as perfect prey, but imo just like my picker does not notice some spathic types, their picker does notice other prey as much. Of course they solve that by being opportunists.

So what does their picker notice? I don’t think you can ever know. It might even be something different each time again. But I do think it’s something on the temperament level, something you cannot really alter or change. It isn’t what you wear, nor your attitude, nor how much you smile. I do suspect though it might have to do something with authenticity and genuineness. Maybe you just look very very ‘real’ to a spath’s picker; someone who’s not hiding herself behind a mask. Maybe you just seem to shine like a bright sun to them, nothing but light.

Sky,

You barely or hardly even need to see a person’s face. It’s a total picture, kindof an aura if you will. You probably have experienced yourself that some people just draw your eye for no apparent reason. They enter a room, or you enter it, and there’s a bit of a crowd, but a certain person draws your attention, even if you are looking at their back. It hardly even has to do with attraction, because you can notice women as well as men in that way without being attracted to them.

Some manage to get attention with their simmering darkness, no matter how much they are smiling and seem to have fun; and then there are people who seem to light up a place even when they’re not smiling.

I actually know I’m often considered to be the latter. The first time I realized it was about twelve years ago. I was at a party with my best friend, a friend of his and her Russian boyfriend. I was friendly to her and her boyfriend, offered them some drinks, asked some questions, but not chatty at all. In my mind it had been a very relaxed evening. At some point I went dancing for a bit, but more to the side of the dancefloor. I certainly was not seeking anyone’s attention. Later my best friend revealed to me that the Russian bf of his friend had told him he thought of me as intrusive and in his face. His complaint actually did not match my behaviour at all. I was stunned. I told my friend: that’s nuts! I was anything but intrusive and in his face. My best friend then agreed it wasn’t my fault at all. He said I could have snuck in a corner and as quiet as a mouse and still would make that guy feel as if I was taking up too much space and light in the room, because I was like a sun and would always be noticed, and that the Russian must have been terribly insecure because my presence alone threatened him.

It attracts good people, often shiny people themselves, but it also attracts dark people who don’t like light and want to stamp it out if they could. I know that’s what the sliming spaths like the bf of my friend tries to do. First time he ever met me, he basically started to insult and belittle me in front of my best friend, something she later agreed to. I sometimes get men acting out obnoxious to me out of the blue; people I don’t know, haven’t talked to, haven’t bumped into. Suddenly they tap on my shoulder and start trying to put me down. I guess that might have been what that aggressive Maroccan was attempting to do couple of days ago.

What I hadn’t realized before the ex-spath that there are also the ones who pretend to be someone who loves me and hope to put me down that way. Now I know and recognize the signs of those who try to put out the light in a sneaky way – through flattery.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure it’s not your fault, nor something you can alter. I don’t think it’s something weak or vulnerable either. I’m pretty sure it’s something they envy and hope for the opportunity to stamp out. And if you want to know what it is I think it’s better to ask people who actually love you and know you, than spaths, because spaths will never admit that they envy you for something that you breathe and exhume as you pass them by.