Sociopaths engage in calculated seduction. Donna Andersen explains their most potent weapon. Watch the latest Lovefraud Lesson:
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How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists
Donna, thank you so much for this video!!! I’m posting it, everywhere that I can think of.
With regard to the lovebombing, it’s so vital to understand that non-romantic spath entanglements involve “lovebombimg” of sorts, as well. Over-the-top flattery, gifts, and demands/requests for personal attention all seem non-threatening, at first, but it quickly becomes dangerous where platonic relationships are concerned.
This series is outstanding, Donna. Thank you for putting these informative pieces together.
Brightest blessings
Thanks Donna, Yes it was very obvious after he left and came back after 8 months. I paid very close attention to his behaviour and he went to lovebombing stage, like we have met first time. All his actions were totally repeated, verbally and body language wise.
I kept myself totally detached emotionally, and keeping an eye on him and was embrassed how come I didn’t know these things before and married to this person. As they do he left again after 4 months.
Thanks again I hope people pay more attention.
Donna,
What a testament, what a gift you are giving to the uninitiated …..and the survivors of these heinous experiences. For myself, I remember very clearly when spath boy declared his love for me. It was very quickly after I had met him. First red flag. It was said with a certain amount of irritation…..I had challenged him about something which I can’t remember, but I can clearly recall when and how he said it. Yep. Second red flag. I ignored both, even though I do remember feeling distinctly uncomfortable. Sigh. You know the saying “Better late than never?”
It applies to me. I thank my lucky stars every day I found this site ……your legacy borne from your own experience.
Thank you
Another great video! Exactly! Spaths don’t get us to fall in love with them and being smitten with them by abusing us. They do it with flattery, strokig our ego and make us feel as if we just stumbled in some romantic fairytale or romantic movie. And who will say ‘no’ to the most romantic lover ever, when they’re also charming and seem so self-assured, and you don’t know what that all implies?
Donna,
I have one big question, which bothers me time to time:
WHY DO THEY GET MARRIED????
When they are looking for a new victim, if old one gets too smart. Why even bother with that???
myheart,
I know you asked Donna, but I think it’s because (a) they know that empathic people dream of finding a partner for life who wants to commit and make babies with them
(b) they have no problem making a commitment at all because it doesn’t make any difference to them; they don’t play by the rules anyway so don’t feel they can betray themselves by breaking promises (c) they know we though have big issues with breaking our promises, and what is the heaviest promise you can ever make to another person? That you will stick with them through the hardest of times until the day you die.
Donna,
Thanks for these videos. This one, in particular, hit a pretty strong cord with me. I think the realization that I was dive bombed makes me feel terrible about myself.
My ex spath swept in during a time in my life when I was extremely vulnerable. I was feeling bad about the fact that all of my friends had met the man of their dreams and were either married or on the verge and I had just broken up with the man I thought I was going to marry. I was feeling terrible and unwanted. The spath probably saw this written all over my face. I probably even told him (unintentionally of course).
So what did he do? Well, he turned around and love bombed me and then proceeded to turn my life into a nightmare. He didn’t trap me with marriage…he trapped me with something more permanent – a child. So now, he is free to terrorize me until the day I die (possibly by his hands).
Thank you for the video though. I think its important to note that in order to recognize if you are truly being love bombed…you need to be honest with yourself about your state of mind and how vulnerable you are when you are starting a relationship.
Thank you all for the terrific comments. I was love bombed as well, so I know what it feels like. But I’ve heard the same thing from literally hundreds of people, so I know that this is standard operating procedure for sociopaths.
MyHeart – great question, and I’ll address it in my next video.
Thanks Darwinsmom and Donna,
I am sure will look for next video.
Exspath made commitement and forced me to marry veeery fast, even my family was totally against it, because I just came out of a divorce and they thought I am venurable and may not make a right decision. Spath convinced me at OUR age we know what we want in our life and he loves me more than anybody I shoudl be fearful about marriage.
Anyway his commitment went out the door as soon as we moved in together after 6 months of marriage. Beleive me his eyes litrally changed, its color changed to dark black, it was cold dark stare eyes, inctead of loving soft brown eyes before. And than new rules started for out relationship.
Then threat to break the marriage everyday and my desparate effort to keep it together on his terms. When I constatnly correcting him, it should be OUR terms, not your terms, we are husband wife.
SO not sure what does commitment for a spath in this case. Is it to find a victim and marry them and then terrorise them for rest of their life??? I think they have different definition of commitment than we normal people do.
myheart,
They don’t commit in thruth because they don’t bond, but they really want us to comit ourselves to them so they can squeeze us out like lemons.