Sociopaths engage in calculated seduction. Donna Andersen explains their most potent weapon. Watch the latest Lovefraud Lesson:
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How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists
Myheart,
They want us to commit to them so we can “supply” them with what they require. Money, sex, housekeeping duties, looking after children, earning money, cooking their meals bla bla bla!!!
My ex wanted a Mother housekeeper slave sex goddess all rolled into one
Darwinsmom,
“they really want us to comit ourselves to them so they can squeeze us out like lemons. ”
……nail on head 😕
So that makes sense. If is funny Darwinsmom and strongawoman you sooo right.
Whenever spath would abandoned/aliniate me, like don’t care for my mother, don’t cook for me, my mother will do that, don’t take my daughter to school, like I am an angry with you and your punishment is I am releasing you from homely duty which you perform in good time.
I used to laugh, are you firing me??? It is like you hired me to cook, put up with your very control freak mother, care for your daughter and do all my your defined WIFELY duty, and you can suspend me or fire me anytime when I don’t perform according to your term.
Ok so this makes sense, they need to show world see if a good looking very successful spouse, it is all for show.
Do you think it is more pleasure to kill a soul of a successful, independent spouse?
Becasue he did say he liked me because i was very joyful and very social, and I do have very good professional career, and his first wife was totally opposite.
Then he wanted me to be just like her……. He did worke hard to convert me.
It must be cat and mouse game I guess, god knows, yuck.
Myheart,
Envy! The spath feels envy. My ex hated the fact that I was successful. He used to say ….God knows how you did it, strongawoman. You’re so weak someone must have helped you.
I am convinced he wanted to destroy me. He once told me I needed to be taught a lesson…..this was when I was so far down the rabbit hole I couldn’t function,couldn’t eat, couldn;t go to work. I had a breakdown….and that’s what he said. I needed to be taught a lesson.
He also hated the fact that I was loud and wanted me to change …. to let his enormous ego prevail.
They’re all singin from the same songsheet Myheart. Selfish, lazy, deluded, evil. Amongst other adjectives that can be used. Glad you’re away from him. He sounds “charming”…..just like the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood.
myheart,
you asked, “Do you think it is more pleasure to kill a soul of a successful, independent spouse?”
I have only one answer to that: ABSOLUTELY! The more they can topple us, the better they feel, the more ‘credit’ they earn in spathworldland.
I guess they could have better marry somebody very simple minded, who didn’t knwo the world out there, knows anything.
But they don’t it is more fun chasing a deer than a turtle, right!!
Spath cam back after 8 months, and repeated same love boming, and this time he started a new game, believe me he said, ” I want to know you more, I want to know that bottom of your heart, want to know what makes it hurt, you are so strong and you hide your weak yourself somewhere”, he said all this in a very loving moment, claimed he was truly trying very hard to know me. I told him we lived together for almost 4 years, so you should know everything about me.
Which I never revealed to him, because very concious, and kind of knew he wants to hurt me more than he did last time. Hurting me provides him pleasure, because he wanted to break my soul so I never open mouth to anybody, since I threatened him people will know about him and his fancy face have a real color.
Yes I am glad I am out of it, and I am more stronger and wiser than before, which truly isolates me from successful men. Though I am not complanining.
Thanks for being there and provding all the wisdom, all of you have opened up my eyes. I am so call recovered today because of all of you.
Slaute!!!
myheart,
aside from control they also crave drama. So they prefer someone who will provide them with drama over someone who gives them less of it.
From what my wife told me, her maniac did all of the above. he even tried to convince her that he had been searching for her for years.(they had a brief encounter in high school) she realized that he could have easily found her just by asking her friends in town.
I think he was stalking her for years though. i think he dropped a note in my car at work written in newspaper print, trying to put doubts in my head. (fifteen years ago) also some anonymous phone call a few years before. i think he was placing some doubt in our marriage, planning patiently for when he used up his gf.
all of the above, i checked her phone records at the time she was first trying to break away. sometimes 80 or 90 txts a day!
we have a year till the miscreant gets out. things are getting better. tell your husbands to hang in there. and maybe get here. try to avoid telling them you want to forget the whole thing. if they know anything about this enmeshment, they know you have work to do. i know it drives me nuts to hear her say she just wants to forget it.
she is developing a plan for dealing with him if he tries to contact her when he gets out. i hope mace is involved.
best to you all you amazing souls!
rgc
also for those who had your marriage wrecked. trust is key. and they need to know that you are not hiding or preserving any of your affair. nothing to hide means no value placed on the affair. (to us)
Ex spath bagged me to hide things when he was breaking, saying please don’t tell anything about this. I said nope everybody will know about this. He is a high profile executive and always worry about his image.
To my surprise, his freinds contacted me and shared that they have similar perception about him, since he was always very secrative growing up, and will disapear from their life without notice and will show up.
So it was no new news for anybody. So I guess these spaths live in a bubble, they think since they are so secrative about their life, nobody knows about it and they will keep finding new victims and go on, but people are perspective and not dumb.
Now spath has his profile on online matrimonial website calling himself a “widower” and saying honesty is everything for him in a relationship.
Are they delusional as well?? Like a small girl who hides her face with are skirt and thinks nobody can see her. But everybody can see her’s penty………
myheart,
I have a hypothesis that spaths lack the ability to intuit. I went digging on the internet regarding research on intution. Without going back deep into it, there are indeed several studies that people normally have an ability to know what will probably the better choice of seemingly two equal choices, especially if it are choices we have to make repeatedly. While one could argue it’s cognitive learning process, our bodies actually give off signals (skin, heartrate and brain activity) long before we are conscoius what will be the correct decision. The time between our body signaling the right choice and us cognitively recognizing the rgith choice is the time we need to learn to trust what our body is telling us.
Another type of intuition goes even further than that. Once we set an event in motion (like say a mouseclick) our heart (which has its own nervous center and consciousness) seems to ‘download’ info on future outcome of random outcomes well before we could ever know and races that info to the brain. It’s too much to claim that we consciously know the outcome, but our heart and our body knows.
Now our body would not be able to intuit the outcome of a random possibility ahead in time if the info about the future isn’t out there. And at quantum physical level and the math related to it (4 dimensional) it is theoretically possible for particles of the past and present and future to share the same space and interchange data. It is that probably what our heat nerve system taps into.
Now several of those intuition researches do include people who failt at intuition tests: addicts and people with an impaired brain ability to learn from consequences (spaths fall in that category). Also regarding the future predictive intuition research, one particular test done involves watching pictures. They basically tested whether a person’s body knew beforehand whether it would be an emotional picture or a neutral one after they clicked on a mouse (there’s a delay between the mouseclick and seing the picture). We know that for psychopaths that they don’t show a different physical or brain response when they’re actually looking at an emotional or neutral picture, so chances are pretty nill they would have a physical intuition response that an emotional picture is coming or not.
What now is my hypothesis? We, the normal people, can intuit, and predict outcomes, or at least our body can. Our bodies could only do that if there is some ‘absolute truth data’ of the material world out there. And in fact most of us have this concept of there being a reality and absolute and verifiable truth being out there, outside of us. It’s a concept that comes pretty natural to us in our early childhood years, and our physical ability to tap into such outside ‘truth’ database woudl enhance that idea to us.
But what if you cannot tap into that database, or if that info never arrives in the brain where it’s supposed to go; then you wouldn’t have this sensation that there is an absolute existing truth outside of your own body. Instead you would grow up believing that you can create and make the truth as how you see fit.
Guess what type of pathological lying behaviour we see with spaths? They know the thruth of course, but they do think that they can make others believe whatever they like us to believe, and they are often quite surprised when they learn how easy it was to find out the thruth once we went looking for it via others. Yes, we do fall prey to their lies for a while, because we expect other people to be thruthful since we think that everyone can sense and feel and know that there is an absolute thruth. That knowledge is so intuitive to us, that we cannot even start to believe that a liar doesn’t fear or epect to be found out. Yes, we do fall prey to their lies because we deny what our gut is telling us when we’re bonded. But eventually we do wise up, and yet spaths don’t. They still think they can start change what’s true right in front of our opened eyes all over again.