Boundaries? I Don’t Know What Those Are
It’s amazing how even after years and months go by of you making it perfectly clear what kind of contact you want with the sociopath, they don’t reciprocate your boundaries. I think it’s just mind boggling over and over again in my mind that this concept of boundaries is so foreign to them, and they have no means, let alone intentions, of adhering to them.
I mean normal people who find out other people don’t want them to contact them anymore, just…stop. But the sociopath does the exact opposite. They continue to push buttons, push boundaries, push limits. There is a constant alertness on the part of the person that set up the boundaries against the sociopath to continue to re-evaluate the boundaries the sociopath has crossed. In addition, they have to set up the right proximity in the first place to derail the sociopath’s ability to get around the boundaries on the onset.
Like they say, “if at first you don’t succeed, try again.” I find that I am at my best when the sociopath doesn’t exist by maintaining no contact, or minimal contact when a child is involved. This week there were trigger points going off like the Fourth of July.
Going to Court…Again
This week I had a trial hearing that the sociopath perpetuated by not taking a plea because he violated my order of protection. So down to the courthouse I go to face him yet again. I had support with me, and I tried my best to prepare myself, but I found as I was walking into the court room, that I lost it.
I just said with tears coming down my face, taking a couple steps back away from the door, “I don’t want to do this.” After a couple minutes, I was able to regain my composure and walk through those doors.
Court was all it was expected to be. A defense attorney in my face while I’m on the witness stand, badgering me for something I already went through once. Now I had to re-live it again in front of a judge and of course the sociopath.
I could feel his eyes on me even although I chose not to look at him at all. The damn thing was so convoluted. The defense attorney would ask me questions and I would smirk a bit and respond, “Well that’s a complicated question.”
There aren’t really yes’ and no’s with sociopaths. They make everything so chaotic, its hard to unravel what happened first because so many things happened that were INSANE. Unfortunately the judge dismissed the case against the sociopath, as I’m not surprised, for lack of the burden of proof on the State’s Attorney side. But he didn’t do it without calling my ex an asshole in open court.
Maybe he did that for one, because he is an asshole, and maybe also because he saw how he had manipulated the system. It’s amazing how those memories that you tried so hard to put away come back to the forefront of your mind to haunt you.
Sneaking Around the Boundaries
Days after being in court, I was still physically depleted and sick. I felt depressed and lethargic. I reminded myself how important it was for my well-being to maintain no contact with the sociopath. Coincidentally NOT, I received an email from one of my ex’s “new employees” of the business that used to be mine that he took from me…and all it’s assets.
Employee’s Email to Me
“Hello (My Name),
I am Name, I work for your ex.
I attached my daughter’s birthday invitation, she is turning 5 on Saturday. I was hoping your ex could bring your daughter, Vel would love to meet her.”
How About No
This was my limit. Now the sociopath was giving my personal email address to his new employees of which he shouldn’t have, because he should be doing the damn work himself to save money on overhead so he can pay off the debt he owes to me! Instead a new woman, of that I’m not surprised, is now project managing his jobs, and he is paying her what he should be paying towards the hundred thousand dollar debt.
I decided that I had to take my boundaries to a new limit. I said NOPE! This isn’t going to happen. So I decided to change my email AGAIN and give him a new, separate email apart from my personal email where he can inquire and coordinate his supervised visitation.
I am going to decide when I am good and ready to answer and even open that email. Right now I am deciding to go on a week hiatus from hearing from him so I can feel at peace for a second. Then I took the liberty to respond to the employee.
“Your boss needs to read the divorce decree again. He has supervised visitation, and I don’t find it appropriate for him to attempt to thwart the courts’ ruling on the supervised visitation by using you as a pawn to go around what has already been set in place.