By Ox Drover
Someone sent me a forwarded e mail the other day that I had seen before, but this time, as I read the sweet story about how to tell the differences between heaven and hell, I started to think about my own life in relationship to this story. You may have heard it before, but here is the story.
A man was walking along with his dog one day down a pleasant road and he realized that both he and the dog were dead. The road was nice but he began to be tired, hot and thirsty. He came around a bend and saw the most beautiful golden gates, with a kindly looking person standing there. The gate was surrounded by flowers and he thought how beautiful it looked. He approached the kindly looking man and asked where he was. The man softly touched his arm, reassuring him, and then said, “Step into Heaven my friend, you are safely here.” The man started toward this wonderful golden gate, but just before he stepped through., the kindly stranger at the gate said, “Oh, your dog can’t go with you, he has no soul.”
The man looked at his dog, standing faithfully beside him in death as he had in life, and sadly turned away from the entrance to Heaven and started walking down the road again. Soon he came to a very plain looking, rustic gate with a rustic man sitting by the gate.
He approached the man by the gate and said “My dog and I are very thirsty and we would love a drink of water if you could provide us with some.” Of course the rustic man invited the man into his lane, gave him and the dog both a bowl of water and said, “welcome.”
When the man asked “Where am I?” The rustic old man said “Well, son you’re in Heaven” The man was confused and asked about the glittering golden gates he had passed because they wouldn’t let his dog in with him, and the rustic old saint said, “Oh, yea, that’s Hell, we use him to screen out the riff raff. We don’t want anyone here who would desert his dog or a friend for what appears to be the golden gates.”
I got to thinking of that man as an analogy of my life, and I realized that so many times I have deserted my best friend (myself) for what appeared a “golden gate” of the easy path. I have gotten off the Road to Healing long before I even approached taking care of myself. I have entered into the false Heaven because it looked so easy, so wonderful, and I have left my best friend — myself–standing alone out side while I entered into this wonderland of deceit and self deception—again and again.
This time, I am determined to bypass the “quick and easy” solutions and to stay on the road to Healing and to take my best friend with me, to care for her ”¦ she deserves my love and nurturing. No one who will not recognize that my best friend is valuable, that I cannot do less than respect her, deserves a place in my life. No one else can take responsibility and make me happy without her. She is ME.
Yes Oxy, Another lesson stubbornly learned… I made it through the prothonotarys office unscathed and obtained the writs, made copies, off to Sheriffs office to complete the rest and was told needed to attach “Interrogatories” which could be found in the basement in the Law Library! Thought it was a form I just pick up, but nope! Had to go through stacks of law books to find the Interrogatory form to fit my situation! Thats when I found myself getting dizzy going through the books knowing full well a lawyer could knock this whole procedure out it 10 minutes. So I caved, and am told Ill hear something in two weeks. LESSON LEARNED: NO LOANS TO ANYONE. JUST NOT A GOOD IDEA IN BUSINESS OR PERSONAL SITUATIONS. IF I LOAN TO FAMILY MEMBERS, I WILL KNOW TO DO SO AS A GIFT, AND IF IT COMES BACK TO ME, I WILL KNOW TO CALL IT A MIRACLE 🙂
Dear Learned,
Just call the loss “tuition” to the UNIVERSITY OF HARD KNOCKS. It may be a worthwhile investment for you for the lesson you have learned. I seem to learn things the HARD WAY, and actually I have a PhD in Psychopathic studies from the UHK, but it took me 40+ years to get my PhD (that’s PILED HIGHER AND DEEPER) and I kept having to take some classes OVER AND OVER to “pass” them….I just didn’t get the lesson. LOL But you know what, I’m glad that I continued my “studies” cause I think I have the core curriculum down now. It will be a really bright and sneaky P that puts one over on me again!
Had a really good day today—78 degrees and the sun was shining and worked outside. Son C who has been off house sitting came home today to help me with some heavy chores and enjoyed having him home to do a lot of the “lift and tote” and just for conversation. It was just good to have him reach up and hug me and tell me how he had missed me and how good it was to just be home shoveling chit with his mom! (literally, that was what we were doing!)
Even a good mortician couldn’t wipe the smile off either of our faces today! He just left to go back and house sit some more but it was just grand to have him home for the day and to be outside just doing “cardio-vascular” work outs and getting some things accomplished too. I invited everyone from LF to come work out with us FOR FREE, but no one showed up, so we did it all ourselves!
Just doing things, anything, even shoveling chit, is fine as long as you do it with a smile and have a good day at it! Now, gonna go watch a DVD and relax after a nice hot shower, and will check back with you guys in a few hours before I go to sleep. Should sleep the sleep of the just and the tired tonight!
Dear Oxy – Ill keep studying, and accept the loss after this last attempt. The anger that wells up inside of me for being so naiive, so trusting, and so damn clueless — I only have myself to blame – I only have myself to change – and I only have myself to forgive, love , live, learn and move on!
Saw this quote on a friends webpage tonight..
“I am learning to understand rather than immediately judge or to be judged. I cannot blindly follow the crowd and accept their approach. I will not allow myself to indulge in the usual manipulating game of role creation. Fortunately for me, my self-knowledge has transcended that and I have come to understand that life is best to be lived and not to be conceptualized. I am happy because I am growing daily and I am honestly not knowing where the limit lies. To be certain, every day there can be a revelation or a new discovery. I treasure the memory of the past misfortunes. It has added more to my bank of fortitude.”~
Enjoy your evening… I would have helped out on the farm today …but Im ankle deep in puppy training chit over here!!!! 🙂
Dear Learn: I disagree. You said, “I only have myself to blame.” No, sweetie, you were mugged. You were being decent, and you ran into an indecent excuse for a so-called human being.
As you’re playing with puppies, note that those puppies are not encouraging you to care about them so that they can gleefully turn on you and bite your finger off. They are being trusting and playful and loving, just as we expect other humans to be in civilized relationships.
Those of us here in the LF community ran into rogues, predators, and “Snakes in Suits.” (Apologies to Stargazer, and thanks to Paul Babiak and Robert Hare for the term.) We can learn, we can look for red flags, but we should also forgive ourselves, because those who are truly “gifted” in the practice of evil can still slide past our defenses and into our lives. Even Dr. Hare admits that he has been conned.
Let us not continue to do the predator’s work by beating ourselves up. We should be loving and kind, first of all, to ourselves, and celebrate the fact that we were smart enough to figure this out enough to get here where we can get validation and support and healing!
OXD, Stay healthy, you are going to live to 100 or die trying 🙂
The N. could dish it out by the truckloads but couldn’t take it in a tea spoon.
A friend once told me, I see everyone as a good person until they prove they are an a. hole
She looks at everyone as an a. hole until they prove they are a good person.
Rune, Matt, Ox, someone!!!
My S is driving me crazy. He denied a bunch of stuff on the phone today because I think his mistress was in the car. He told me seriously that I am delusional and need psychiatric help. He did that to his former girlfriend also. I was crying so much after I got off the phone because I feel like he is getting sicker.
So anyway, I am going to send him an email to let him know that he needs to pick up and drop off at the police station. I didn’t want to take it that far but I have to ensure my child is safe. He will have to have a car seat if he picks her up from there. I bet he is going to drop off the face of the Earth after that. But maybe not.
I don’t know what else to do. I still can’t believe the things he was denying on the phone. He almost had me thinking I was crazy. I won’t bore everyone with the details but does that sound good as far as dropping off and picking up at the police station? I don’t trust him and I am tired of the emotional abuse. He told me that she better be at the daycare tomorrow. But I am going to pick her up anyway even with that threat.
Nic: Take a deep breath. Before you do anything, just stop. Stop and think. You are upset, and you cannot afford to do something that will play into what he is saying and trying to do to make you look crazy.
Nic: I am concerned that he is doing just this so that you will get upset and you will LOOK crazy. I know you love your baby, but what you are talking about right now will look extreme, and make him look “reasonable.”
Being picked up and dropped off at the police station is extreme, how? I think that is the only way I can ensure that he has a car seat for her.
That is why I am writing here. I don’t want to do something stupid but I am tired of him.