By Ox Drover
Someone sent me a forwarded e mail the other day that I had seen before, but this time, as I read the sweet story about how to tell the differences between heaven and hell, I started to think about my own life in relationship to this story. You may have heard it before, but here is the story.
A man was walking along with his dog one day down a pleasant road and he realized that both he and the dog were dead. The road was nice but he began to be tired, hot and thirsty. He came around a bend and saw the most beautiful golden gates, with a kindly looking person standing there. The gate was surrounded by flowers and he thought how beautiful it looked. He approached the kindly looking man and asked where he was. The man softly touched his arm, reassuring him, and then said, “Step into Heaven my friend, you are safely here.” The man started toward this wonderful golden gate, but just before he stepped through., the kindly stranger at the gate said, “Oh, your dog can’t go with you, he has no soul.”
The man looked at his dog, standing faithfully beside him in death as he had in life, and sadly turned away from the entrance to Heaven and started walking down the road again. Soon he came to a very plain looking, rustic gate with a rustic man sitting by the gate.
He approached the man by the gate and said “My dog and I are very thirsty and we would love a drink of water if you could provide us with some.” Of course the rustic man invited the man into his lane, gave him and the dog both a bowl of water and said, “welcome.”
When the man asked “Where am I?” The rustic old man said “Well, son you’re in Heaven” The man was confused and asked about the glittering golden gates he had passed because they wouldn’t let his dog in with him, and the rustic old saint said, “Oh, yea, that’s Hell, we use him to screen out the riff raff. We don’t want anyone here who would desert his dog or a friend for what appears to be the golden gates.”
I got to thinking of that man as an analogy of my life, and I realized that so many times I have deserted my best friend (myself) for what appeared a “golden gate” of the easy path. I have gotten off the Road to Healing long before I even approached taking care of myself. I have entered into the false Heaven because it looked so easy, so wonderful, and I have left my best friend — myself–standing alone out side while I entered into this wonderland of deceit and self deception—again and again.
This time, I am determined to bypass the “quick and easy” solutions and to stay on the road to Healing and to take my best friend with me, to care for her ”¦ she deserves my love and nurturing. No one who will not recognize that my best friend is valuable, that I cannot do less than respect her, deserves a place in my life. No one else can take responsibility and make me happy without her. She is ME.
newlife08:
Two other quick thoughts.
Regarding leverage on your husband — he may claim he can’t remember who his partners are, that they’re dead, that they were eaten by aliens. Whatever. The implications for the state licensing authorities would be that your husband is fronting for bad guys. That is something they take very seriously.
REgarding your lawyers, when they give you the bills, are they giving you the actual back-up (the computerized printout saying X had teleconference with client’s husband’s attorney — .5 hour) or a blanket bill (for services rendered, $8000)? If the latter, demand the back-up. 8 grand seems very high to me, unless they’ve been in court or endless conferences or drafting extensive briefs.
Thanks for the welcome back !!!!
You folks are a treasure – more heads are always better than one…
OXY – I see you are still keeping everyone in line – good job. I can’t even look at my iron skillet without smiling now.
Matt,
You have a great memory to go back to all the facts of my first posts and I love the eaten by Aliens reference – I am going to have to use that one.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kindness and expert opinions. I will be on the phone tomorrow getting details of the invoicing. I hope that -some of the costs will get paid by him because he is stalling.
Matt, Can you tell me what happens when a liquor license exchanges hands for less than it is worth or how can I find what market value is? I called the town administration but no one there would help me.
Sorry about your back – it is so tough when you feel emotionally drained and physical pain on top of it all. Thank God my kids have been pretty helpful with the lifting and bending stuff. My daughter even went food shopping with me to help out-of course she also snuck a few of her favorite things.
Molly-
I too have the tax complications – he has been walking the edge and probably over it from the start. And of course – I believed and signed anything he wanted….I thought we were a couple building a future for us and our kids. Well, I don’t have to tell you folks who has it all right now. He left just enough savings for me to pay the lawyer these 6 months- after the next payment – it is all gone. Innocent spouse is something my CPR sister is looking into for me.
Dear Newlife,
I can sure tell that everyone on lovefraud is AFRAID of my skillet! LOL Yep I’m a bad old biddy! My sons are as “afraid” of my “threats” as you guys are! My son C says if I’m not nicer to him he is going to put me in a nursing home, take away my false teeth and feed me LUMPY oatmeal through a STRAW! (BTW I hate oatmeal) LOL
I just come back at him and tell him that the “beatings will continue until morale improves.” He and D sometimes refer to me as “Osama my mama” LOL We have a good time with each other and LOT OF BAD PUNS! Now my little cowboy hired hand is starting to make jokes like my sons, he now says that I need to “get my lazy ass up on my Fat Ass and ride more.” LOL You just can’t get any respect any more. Me and Don Rickles!
Stargazer said: I think about all the homeless cats (and snakes) that money could feed.
And I think of all the snakes I could feed to the homeless cats! *wink wink*
I Love this post! Especially in Oxy context!
I’ve decided to think of myself as my best friend. It was an instant adjustment, because I know how to be kind and attentive to my friends, and do my best to give them what they need and ask for. WHY wasn’t I doing this for myself? How could it be too much trouble? Why did I always put myself last in line?
I was taught it at home as a child, with an alcoholic Dad, who did a great s/p imitation when drinking. I married two guys over the years who expected to always be first, and I chose a career that put me dead last by its nature. I had learned well!
It’s not easy to fundamentally change one’s self; all people struggle with change. It’s especially tough when your self-worth has been tied into a certain role or behavior — BUT it can be done! Reading these posts has convinced me of that.
This may sound fluffy, but I stand by it: I’ve started asking what makes me happy right now! It’s usually basic things (like new bath towels), but it can be as simple as having a laugh with a friend, eating a few almonds, sitting in the sun, hot, fresh coffee, the soft scent on the top of my cat’s head…the things that make me feel wonderful and whole! Then I pay close attention to that feeling, I take a couple deep breaths, and I tell myself that I have love in my life because I have it in my heart. Whatever works: this morning I stood on my head — I used to do acrobatics and tumbling. It made me laugh, discovering that I can still do it!
Jen. LOL! The snakes would probably eat the cats instead of the other way around. ha ha ha
Betty, I loved your post because you talk about being in the moment and asking yourself what will make you happy in this moment. Often the answer is not something complicated or expensive. A stroll in the park, a snuggle with the cat, a laugh with a friend, a healthy meal……..such a powerful statement you made.
Yesterday, I decided I wanted to change my look. My hair has gotten too long and damaged. So I went into a wig shop to try on different wigs to see what style looked good on me. I was planning to just go out and get a haircut that matched the style of the wig. But I found this one wig that looked so good on me! It was the Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice) look, a short inverted bob with bangs, long in the front and stacked in the back. I ended up buying the wig on an impulse and wearing it out of the store.
I don’t know if it was the new look or my new attitude to go with the look, but when I walked through the grocery store, I noticed a lot of men looking at me. I haven’t worn the wig again and may not wear it that often. But I can’t believe what a difference changing my look for a few hours had on my attitude in general! That’s why some new towels, a vase of fresh cut flowers, a healthy meal….these are all little things. But these little things in the moment can make a shift in our thinking and attitude. And it can lead to more good things!
Betty,
WHAT IN THE WORLD is “Oxy Context?” ROTFLMAO This is too funny, the other day Aloha said I had “diplomacy” ROTFLMAO
“Oxy Context” is your interpretation of the story! It’s a nice story, I liked it, but you made it come alive for me. Thanks!
I realized that I had come full circle : I can talk to people again (I really get what you’ve said, Star, about how difficult this is), I can laugh, I am my best friend, I didn’t loose trust — I just learned to be much more selective about who I give it to.
I’m beginning to understand that part of how I arrived at being such a good victim is that I almost totally depleted, an easy target. Part of it was family history, but part of it was that I didn’t know how to take care of myself very well physically, emotionally, spiritually, and I isolated by not finding friends I could really trust. I had no or very little energy and could barely make it through the day.
I FINALLY put it together today that there’s a great deal of energy in happiness, and it’s not hard to tap. Those little things don’t even cost money most of the time — like this post! Talking with you guys makes me ridiculously happy! (Even though we deal with very difficult topics much of the time, there’s joyous stuff here!) When I let myself experience the things that make me genuinely happy (not the things I’m told should make me happy, but the ones that really do), I notice a very nice shift of energy and well-being. Whoo-hoo!
Oh, and Oxy, Aloha is right: you do have diplomacy. My dictionary says it’s “subtly skillful handling of a situation; statesmanship.” That’d be you!
Ditto what Betty just posted at 10:54. (Hope you don’t mind that I “ditto-ed” you, Betty, but I am no good at writing out my thoughts; you’s were just right for my feelings too, about this site, all you helpful hearts.)
Dear Betty,
On treating ourselves right… I used to have nice soaps, lotions and bubbles baths that I was *saving*… for what, I have no idea. Then one day I realized, LIFE IS NOW! So, now I use them… I’ve got my plumaria and gardenia lotion.. my honeysuckle bubble bath… and I USE IT!
Many of us have that in common.. we take care of others before we take care of ourselves. My new job constantly preaches to the staff “self care” and I am learning that I MUST do this. The population I work with can be frustrating and draining… and there are endless needs to be filled. But if I don’t fill myself up, when I tip my little teapot, nothing will come out!
Lastly.. diplomacy and a SKILLET! What more could one ask for?!