By Ox Drover
Someone sent me a forwarded e mail the other day that I had seen before, but this time, as I read the sweet story about how to tell the differences between heaven and hell, I started to think about my own life in relationship to this story. You may have heard it before, but here is the story.
A man was walking along with his dog one day down a pleasant road and he realized that both he and the dog were dead. The road was nice but he began to be tired, hot and thirsty. He came around a bend and saw the most beautiful golden gates, with a kindly looking person standing there. The gate was surrounded by flowers and he thought how beautiful it looked. He approached the kindly looking man and asked where he was. The man softly touched his arm, reassuring him, and then said, “Step into Heaven my friend, you are safely here.” The man started toward this wonderful golden gate, but just before he stepped through., the kindly stranger at the gate said, “Oh, your dog can’t go with you, he has no soul.”
The man looked at his dog, standing faithfully beside him in death as he had in life, and sadly turned away from the entrance to Heaven and started walking down the road again. Soon he came to a very plain looking, rustic gate with a rustic man sitting by the gate.
He approached the man by the gate and said “My dog and I are very thirsty and we would love a drink of water if you could provide us with some.” Of course the rustic man invited the man into his lane, gave him and the dog both a bowl of water and said, “welcome.”
When the man asked “Where am I?” The rustic old man said “Well, son you’re in Heaven” The man was confused and asked about the glittering golden gates he had passed because they wouldn’t let his dog in with him, and the rustic old saint said, “Oh, yea, that’s Hell, we use him to screen out the riff raff. We don’t want anyone here who would desert his dog or a friend for what appears to be the golden gates.”
I got to thinking of that man as an analogy of my life, and I realized that so many times I have deserted my best friend (myself) for what appeared a “golden gate” of the easy path. I have gotten off the Road to Healing long before I even approached taking care of myself. I have entered into the false Heaven because it looked so easy, so wonderful, and I have left my best friend — myself–standing alone out side while I entered into this wonderland of deceit and self deception—again and again.
This time, I am determined to bypass the “quick and easy” solutions and to stay on the road to Healing and to take my best friend with me, to care for her ”¦ she deserves my love and nurturing. No one who will not recognize that my best friend is valuable, that I cannot do less than respect her, deserves a place in my life. No one else can take responsibility and make me happy without her. She is ME.
That’s a first for me, brevity is not one of my strong points. 🙂
Midnight, brevity is NOT one of my strong points either! LOL
Well, I have cooled off from my morning’s cardio-vascular work out, so guess I will get back outside before I start another “novel.” Any one want a FREE cardio-vascular workk out? I can provide on, digging out the hard-packed stuff in the bottom of the goat’s stable so I can put shavings down for the expected new babies in a couple of weeks—-pick and shovel work is a GREAT way to get those old muscles going and the heart pumping and I will LET YOU DO IT FOR FREE—so you can save the cost of that gym membership!!! I’ll even let you use the garden hose to take a nice shower afterwards!!! Aren’t I generous?!!!!
Have fun outside! I’m stuck in my office building until 5 PM, the only muscles I’m using are my fingers.
Four different SS’s when I’d first met them:
1. Too easygoing and friendly, yet had a rep as a troublemaker.
2. Too brazen and curious about me, yet seemed unusually arrogant for another newbie.
3. Too easygoing and friendly, yet stared at me during our very first meeting.
4. Too laid back and generous, yet snickered little double entendres to their mate.
I read somewhere that in any new situation, you should always beware of the first person who puts ’too much effort’ into getting to know you, especially if they seem to be good at it, and if they also telegraph aggressive impulses which don’t jive with the friendliness. Each time I ignored my gut and paid the price.
actually I’d love to clean a stable again. Years ago I used to manage a horse stable with 60 horses and had a trotter at the racetrack… One day, I would love to go back to being a farm girl, it excites me and it is very good exercise. Can I buy a goat? Really, I’d rather a horse. Today’s my b day. Gotta go have some fun.
Learnthelesson, what you did was totally healthy God bless you, Good Samaritan you will be rewarded. What comes around goes around. And the guys right, it is less complicated taking care of oneself. Maybe he will be in a ditch someday and someone will pass by.
I have learned the lesson the hard way and got burned big time but I am getting back to my happy, friendly self and wouldn’t have it any other way.
Dear Grace,
Well, you can’t clean my stable now, it is clean already! Reading for a load of shavings now to welcome the new babies in a couple or three weeks.
I’m in for lunch, just finished and about to go back out and bring some stuff (shelves) into the house for my pantry, and take some things out of the house to storage! A constant migration of STUFF! Winter clothes out,, spring clothes in! Etc.
I just don’t know how I EVER found time to work at a job 8-16 hours a day! LOL At least with all the exercise I get doing stuff, I will “die in perfect health” LOL Actually, rather than having a stroke or heart attack I hope that the last thing I see when I am 80-85 is the bottom of one of the jack asses feet just as it kicks my HEALTHY BRAINS OUT! LOL
Yep, SOS, you are so right about that person who is “too friendly” at the start! In normal circumstances normal people don’t suck up to you upon first meeting you unless you are a rock star, a political big wig, or a mafia don! LOL So when people start “filling out an application to be my BEST friend upon first meeting me,” I AM SUSPICIOUS now. Cautious might be a better word, but I don’t fall for it like I used to. I’ve staved off some real problems in the past by being cautious, but I haven’t ALWAYS practiced it, and it ONLY TAKES ONE failure to pick up on a P to wreck your life! So now I am MORE cautious with new people I meet, but also keeping an eye on others that are or have been in my circle of trust that I realize now DO NOT DESERVE TO BE. That was always my biggest problem, was those that were CLOSE to me and I was not looking at HOW THEY ACTED, but was too afraid to stand up for myself “in case I hurt their feelings.” It seemed to be OK for them to “hurt mine” but not for me to “hurt theirs.”
NO more! New rules, what is fair for me is fair for them, and what is fair for them is fair for me….if they don’t mind hurting me, stepping on me, and devaluing me, then, if I hurt their feelings by setting boundaries, toooooooo bad! They can move on out of my life. A liberating feeling! No more emotional slavery!
“He who dare not offend, cannot be honest.” Thomas Payne.
I am HONEST and if that offends someone, oh, well. I’d rather be honest. Not TACT-less, but honest.
So, about those dirty dishes — Jen2008, Midnight, Oxy — I’m just catching up and I wanted to clarify. The S/P was using the deliberate tactic of not only allowing but encouraging the use of EVERY DISH AND ITEM OF SILVERWARE IN THE HOUSE when he had absolutely no intention of doing one single thing to remedy the situation and, at midnight or so, I couldn’t even pull leftovers out of the refrigerator to feed myself on a clean dish with a clean fork.
And the P’s statement about me “not enabling” but instead leaving the dishes for someone else to do was his deliberate use of “psych-speak” to further twist the knife (uh, dirty knife!) by attempting to guilt me over even wanting a clean kitchen or a clean dish for myself, while he had absolutely no intention of doing anything at all to repair the damage that his kids had created.
Furthermore (with the help of my better educated hindsight, I can now see this), he was also actively training his daughters to be these little hooligans and abuse me and the situation with no repercussions.
This is Psychopathy 501, graduate level — notice how all the comments about boundary setting, etc., are all appropriate IF YOU ARE DEALING WITH A NORMAL dysfunctional slob! With a gifted manipulator, you can set boundaries all day, and into the night, and they’ll figure out a way to circumvent, make you wish you never tried, make everyone else hate you for being “the evil stepmother,” . . . and so on.
Sorry I wasn’t around to keep this line going earlier, but I think this situation illustrates the difference between normal thoughtlessness and deliberate psychopathic destructive behavior, dressed up to look like “normal.”
Yes, I got it Rune, definitely psychopathic manipulation. Turn EVERYTHING small or large into “you get the poop” situation.
I laughed at my husband while I was gone to my egg donor’s house (she was ill just after surgery) and my step dad was ill with cancer, so I didn’t come home for a few days, and when I did I found a “service for 12 of DIRTY dishes.” I made a comment about finding a “serivce for 12 of dirty dishes” and left them in the sink, and went back to the “clinic” at my egg donor’s home. The next time I popped into the house, the kitchen was spotless! So no manipulation there, just procrastination. No harm, no foul. Can’t do that with the Ps though, because they would have complained you were “neglecting” them.
You are right, no boundary except NC will work with them, and sometimes even then you have to ENFORCE that one!
Rune – Now there arent only manipulators but GIFTED MANIPULATORS — DID THEY HAVE TO TAKE A COURSE WITH SATAN FIRST BEFORE GETTING THEIR GIFTED CERTIFICATE?? LOL
Well the Courthouse experience nearly left me defeated! But I opted for getting an attorney. Turns out garnishing wages and /or levys can only be placed on Landlord/Tenant Judgments. I ended up getting the approval to go ahead and try to garnish his bank account (not knowing if he still has an account at either of the banks I recall going to with him when he had to make a deposit or transaction) but he now uses money orders so its questionable.
Cant believe the way these monsters are protected. I said to the Sheriff whats the difference if he stole from me or bailed on his rent? Why does a landlord have more legal rights with a judgment than I do?? Basically I went through all the trouble to take legal action and won a piece of paper that says Judgment in your favor — best of luck collecting it!
Ugh… I was so upbeat on Monday – but the Judge didnt realize he was reading about landlord/tenant rights… the legal fee is $40/hr. I will cap it or just take the loss at $250 or be successful in garnishing his bank accounts. Whichever happens first! (Prayers ) I remember two banks he was affiliated with and am going to take my chances. Lawyer sending interrogatories to both banks…Fingers crossed..he still has an account with one of them!!
Unbelievable!
Dear Learnthelesson,
Well I guess you just learned ANOTHER lesson…..the law is not really helpful in collecting the judgments. Sorry about all that trouble you are going to. SUPPOSEDLY you can collect a judgment, but it is VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE.
One other thing you might do is to call a collection agency. They can usually collect, but I think they charge you 50% or so, but you might check it out. half of something is better than all of nothing, and frankly, I think if they wanted 99% to collect it, it would still be a) better than nothhing and b) at least HE WOULD BE OUT THE MONEY. LOL A little reven–er ah, I mean JUSTICE there. LOL